Chicken

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken also, may we apply for another character or should we stick to one?

@Irisity

Only one. Will look over sheet after work.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken

Gotcha, will make changes when I get some time later today. And yep, glad I could get the basic theme down pat. Trying to go a bildungsroman -esque theme for him. Course, I don't 100% expect things to end well for him, but it's still a foundation that I thought would give a bit of breathing room to develop him more, for better or for worse. Hell he might not even come "of age".

@Heyitsjiwon

For better or worse are key words there. Let me know when you have made changes.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken would you consider good horse riding a proficiency or trait? nvm i really see it more of a proficiency myself because one must learn it

@Irisity

Proficiency for sure.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Alright, here are some thoughts in the hider below @Irisity. Please take a look at them when you get a chance!

Kyra Ortella (Critique)

I want to say that overall I am pretty happy with the direction you took this character. The way her Flaws were written gave me the sense that she was going to be an abuse victim without much agency, but you QUICKLY banished that notion and produced a character who has proactively chosen to abandon her lot in life and murder her own dad. Vicious. I love it!

That doesn't mean that I don't have any critiques to offer, and the parentheses hinted at that. So, let's begin!

Firstly, I know I said this already, but you can make your own flaws, traits, and proficiencies. I don't know if you just liked the ones that already existed or if you were afraid of creating your own. Just wanted to remind you of that.

Secondly, while there is definitely a Germanic touch to Abagon, it also has a distinctly Spanish/North African touch as well. I only note this because of the naming conventions you used in your background. But this is a minor quibble.

Also, just to be clear: the settlements on the map aren't precisely small. There aren't a ton of huge cities in this region, but townships (like Sutter) are nevertheless a lot bigger than villages, for instance. There are a bunch of unlisted villages and small castles on the map. Everything shown is a more important location.

One last, important thought... Your character's family was one of farmers, right? But she has no farming-related proficiencies, and it's not clear where she learned fletchery and archery from. I'd see about making your history suit that a little better. Perhaps her first father became a poacher to feed his family? Did your character learn archery from a retired soldier? Etc.

But besides that, I really don't have many actual complaints. Your sheet is succinct and it conveys very clear messages about your character. The backstory gives her a touch of ruthlessness, or at least dangerous anger, and she definitely looks out for #1. Yet she's not a sociopath, and she sincerely wants to see her homeland repaired. Being no-nonsense makes that all even cooler. I really do like this character overall.

Give yourself one more trait (not required, but you can because you took an extra flaw) and consider the things I said. Don't feel bad about taking an extra trait, either - your character has WAY less skill points than an Old Timer or Middle Aged warrior, and being a peasant makes things rough. Kyra is a good character, and while I still need to see what other characters get produced, she will be given due consideration when the time to select the members of the party comes along.

@Heyitsjiwon Now onto Lothair! I as I said to Irisity, please take a look at the hider below!

Lothair Wollf (Critique)

Ah, the young noble incensed by forbidden love. It's a tried and true trope, and definitely one that makes a good character. It's not a bad place to start making a character, and by your writing you seem to have a solid grasp of how you want to roleplay your character, what his place in the world is, what he wants... Yeah. Good start!

With that said, let's start with his name. Lothair is fine; Wollf I'm not sure I believe works. See, the Aldonian Empire definitely took a lot of inspiration in design from both Ancient Rome and certain periods of Russia. So, it may be a minor quibble, but I think your character's last name should feel like it belongs to one of those languages more.

Also, if you can just mention what your character's hair and eye color are in the physical description, that'd be a nice touch. Doesn't need to be a elaborate; a quick mention's enough.

Your proficiencies all make sense for the character, and you made up a couple of your own that perfectly suit the setting. Good stuff! Your traits are generally all solid. However, I think you've slightly misinterpreted Traumatized. Traumatized is effectively for characters with PTSD or similar conditions. Fight or flight is right, and if you consider your character to have a condition like that, then more power to you!

On the note of your traits again: I think Traumatized (Badly injured Caernling girls) is way too narrow. I know, this is just a bonus flaw you took. However, I don't want people to get the impression that flaws are minor problems. Broaden the scope of your Traumatized flaw and give yourself an extra trait, as per extra flaw rules; elsewise, consider taking another flaw/trait combo or removing it.

No complaints on your character's equipment. Thumbs up.

Your character's history all makes good sense and fits the setting. Coupled with his backstory, it gives the impression that he is a lost character, more reactionary to his surroundings than proactively doing much. This is an interesting twist on the young noble in love story arc, and I actually think it works well for him. He was the scion of his house, and now he's wandering aimlessly in the open world, trying to find his lost love, and he's questioning his old beliefs at the same time. It puts him in a state of flux, and that is pretty cool.

I find it very interesting, too, the way you described him working with other mercenary companies. It certainly paints an image of how disgruntled he may be with being used as a symbol. Interesting.

Take note of the things I said; give your sheet a once-over and after you've made any changes you feel are necessary, let me know. Lothair definitely has the right vibe for the setting.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

As a youth and peasant, Kyra has 4 positive traits and I didn't feel right with just having 1 flaw so I added another. Is that alright?

Every character has one flaw baseline. Different backgrounds and age categories may add flaws.

If a character wishes, they may take a Fatal Flaw in place of one of their regular flaws so they may get one extra trait. You may only have one Fatal Flaw. Fatal Flaws are particularly damning, and will be highly scrutinized by the GM.

On Flaws

So, yes. You're free to take up to one (1) extra flaw. Doing so gives you one extra trait, however.

I am reading your sheet now!

And don't forget, you can make up your own flaws and traits. I stress it in the document a few times. Make up your own if what I listed doesn't include what you want!

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Really like the look of this, and would love to join. Problem is I'm on holiday till the weekend so won't be able to start on a CS till then. Does that still give me time?

Plenty. As I said in an above post, I don't plan to close things until sometime next week at the earliest.

I'd also like to throw my hat into this ring, unless it's considered bad form to have missed the initial interest check.

It's not bad form at all. Feel free to throw your hat in! You'll receive the same scrutiny and the same chance that everyone else will.

how many different languages are spoken across the kingdoms? I'm curious how useful linguistics could be. Also, do the mountains have names? Particularly the mountain within Abagon

Linguistics was just an example skill. Remember, you're free to make up your own. But essentially, while there are technically several languages throughout the realm, the Common language is essentially a bastardization of the Aldonian tongue with a mish-mash of everything else included. Will Linguistics be useful in this story? I'd rather not reveal that.

As far as mountain names go, thus far I've left them unnamed. As I said in the first post, however: "Players are free to further define elements already on the map, such as the cities and castles, and to invent their own places as well. Players are encouraged to make up other details such as noble houses, guilds, mercenary companies, monasteries, etc. as befits their character's background." If you want to name a mountain - or potentially even a mountain range - I'm fine with that, though I may vet the name.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken do slaves exist in this universe?

@Irisity

No. Slavery is not condoned in this region.

Serfdom, however, is alive and well.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Can I go ahead and PM my CS to you? I know it's an odd question, it's mostly cause I also had an idea in the event of something potentially happening at some point.

@Darcness

You certainly may, but I won't be able to reply via PM properly at work, so expect an answer around 5-6 p.m. Central.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Impromptu, but I accidentally left off one thing from the original Character Application: Homeland. I'm adding that to the sheet. That's all.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Hey I'm still very interested! However, I won't be able to get a character sheet up until tomorrow night (GMT) earliest, possibly Friday as I won't be by my computer. Hope that's alright with you, and sorry!

@The Scotsman

That's not a problem at all. I haven't established a deadline yet, and I'd be a hypocrite if I demanded immediate attendance from all interested parties given that I was 1 day late in cleaning up my material for posting. Take your time.

With that said, the deadline for completed characters will probably be some time next week. Wednesday gives everyone one week to set their character up. Let's roll with that tentatively for now.