I like it, Lennon :).
There's nothing wrong with your CS as far as I could see, but I've recently thought of something that is wrong with the template you are using. It lacks a section for skills and abilities. I'm just going to put that into the template. I'll make it a new one. Version 2 or something.
You guys don't have to use version 2 if it doesn't define your character any better, but I can imagine though that a skills and abilities section would be useful.
Anyway, consider your character approved, Lennon. You could keep refining it until the RP starts, though, if you want.
Approved characters will be put in a special section. I'll give you a few days to add in your skills and abilities section if you need to, Lennon. Do tell me if you're done though so that I could do it faster. Unofficially though, it's approved :).