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- Last Seen: 7 mos ago
- Joined: 6 yrs ago
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- DELETED 7283 6 mos ago
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6 yrs ago
Welp here's a status update. I still have the soup
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Bio
Why are you here? There's nothing to see. So just go. Go I tell you! Leave these hallowed grounds now! Get out of here and do something more interesting then reading some stranger on the internet's bio on a roleplay website.
Most Recent Posts
@Hokum
While Magnus is trying his best to cause as much damage as possible with a hatchet, he takes a quick glance at the peasant girl, thinking that she is definitely not normal. He should probably look into it later, but now he has a more important task. After the years of being abandoned Sandra's programming had deteriorated, leaving only basic functions in order to survive, such as how a human that hasn't eaten in a long time becomes extremely thin. Ever since being rebooted she's been unconsciously searching for missing programming. As a Jam was launching one of it's wretched limbs at her, she was able to uncover a program labeled SELFDEFENCE.protocal. Suddenly, her robotic hand disassembled into a crude spiky point, followed by the rest of her mechanical form devolving into a horrifying mess of sharp metals and exposed wires. She flew at the Jam with such speed and attacking malice, Magnus swallowed in fear that she had this power this entire time, and could have killed him easily.
"Man I really have to work on my self defense." He silently said to himself as he was trying to attack a Jam. "Or maybe get an actual ax or something like that." At that moment he heard what could undeniably be that planet thing. Naffy? Something like that. He was horrible with names. Especially when in a panic inducing situation like now.
"Seriously?" He said to himself. He thought that with the girl and Sandra fighting those things, he might be able to get into the ship and try and talk to her or maybe even develop an escape plan. He waited for the Jam to turn their attention towards the ladies, he was able to sneak into the ship. Even with the ship shaking due to the battle going on around it, he was able to make it into the Captain's Room.
He sighed into the microphone. "What do you want, Fammy?"
While Magnus is trying his best to cause as much damage as possible with a hatchet, he takes a quick glance at the peasant girl, thinking that she is definitely not normal. He should probably look into it later, but now he has a more important task. After the years of being abandoned Sandra's programming had deteriorated, leaving only basic functions in order to survive, such as how a human that hasn't eaten in a long time becomes extremely thin. Ever since being rebooted she's been unconsciously searching for missing programming. As a Jam was launching one of it's wretched limbs at her, she was able to uncover a program labeled SELFDEFENCE.protocal. Suddenly, her robotic hand disassembled into a crude spiky point, followed by the rest of her mechanical form devolving into a horrifying mess of sharp metals and exposed wires. She flew at the Jam with such speed and attacking malice, Magnus swallowed in fear that she had this power this entire time, and could have killed him easily.
"Man I really have to work on my self defense." He silently said to himself as he was trying to attack a Jam. "Or maybe get an actual ax or something like that." At that moment he heard what could undeniably be that planet thing. Naffy? Something like that. He was horrible with names. Especially when in a panic inducing situation like now.
"Seriously?" He said to himself. He thought that with the girl and Sandra fighting those things, he might be able to get into the ship and try and talk to her or maybe even develop an escape plan. He waited for the Jam to turn their attention towards the ladies, he was able to sneak into the ship. Even with the ship shaking due to the battle going on around it, he was able to make it into the Captain's Room.
He sighed into the microphone. "What do you want, Fammy?"
"Oh fuck space cannibals again." Magnus said exasperatingly. "Why can't we ever catch a break?" He complained while looking at Sandra. She instinctively stepped in front of the girl, as if acting as a motherly figure while leaving Magnus alone.
"I suppose you have a certain air around you that attracts danger. I'll be fine as long as my software's intact." She said while stretching her robotic arms around the girl and placed her on top the ship, even though she would probably be able to defend herself considering her knife. Magnus pulled out a shiv that was hiding in his sock and a hatchet that was hiding in his cloak.
"I wish I had a gun with me." He said. "Do you have some kind of self defense mode?" He asked Sandra.
"Well I do have a defense suit, but it's in the ship. My limbs can stretch though, so that will have to do. Are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be." Magnus said getting in a battle ready stance.
"I suppose you have a certain air around you that attracts danger. I'll be fine as long as my software's intact." She said while stretching her robotic arms around the girl and placed her on top the ship, even though she would probably be able to defend herself considering her knife. Magnus pulled out a shiv that was hiding in his sock and a hatchet that was hiding in his cloak.
"I wish I had a gun with me." He said. "Do you have some kind of self defense mode?" He asked Sandra.
"Well I do have a defense suit, but it's in the ship. My limbs can stretch though, so that will have to do. Are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be." Magnus said getting in a battle ready stance.
"Of course we'll be able to help." Magnus laughed nervously. "There's a lot of explaining to do, so its best to just go along with everything and not think too much about it. We're on a ship, going through the universe. A bigger ship is in front of us and threatening to destroy us unless we go onto the celebration they are having." Sandra finally pulled the ship into the docking bay. "Once we're finished we'll be going to your home world." Sandra transferred into her robotic exoskeleton, and the ship's doors opened. Magnus dragged the girl out while Sandra walked out and locked the door behind her.
"What is this place?" Sandra said as she looked around.
"What is this place?" Sandra said as she looked around.
Magnus quickly grabbed the robotic corpse of Sandra and was going to us it as a sort of blunt weapon, and got into a ready like stance.
"Put the knife down and we won't have any problems." he said while glancing over to the screen to gage Sandra's reaction which was a shrug. "No, I'm not trying to rape you. Just calm down and trust us. I'm Magnus and this is Sandra. She's a-" he said while trying to think of something an English medival peasnt would understand. "She's a witch! Put your knife down or else," he looked over at Sandra again who was trying to hold back a laugh. "She'll curse you! OoOoOoOoOoOoOoH!" Hopefully that was enough to get her to stop.
"Sandra pull us closer to the ship while I deal with her."
"Put the knife down and we won't have any problems." he said while glancing over to the screen to gage Sandra's reaction which was a shrug. "No, I'm not trying to rape you. Just calm down and trust us. I'm Magnus and this is Sandra. She's a-" he said while trying to think of something an English medival peasnt would understand. "She's a witch! Put your knife down or else," he looked over at Sandra again who was trying to hold back a laugh. "She'll curse you! OoOoOoOoOoOoOoH!" Hopefully that was enough to get her to stop.
"Sandra pull us closer to the ship while I deal with her."
"What the hell just happened?" Magnus shouted at the incapacitated "corpse" of Sandra.
"It seems our spacial position has changed randomly. I need time to recalibrate my SPS. My theory is a rift in spacetime has caused the position of most everything to shift suddenly, though it's just a hypothesis. But this theory explains why this plebeian is here." Sandra explained as the peasant girl acted quite offended.
"There is also a giant ship in front of us, if you haven't noticed."
"How could you miss it?" Magnus said jokingly.
"You're hilarious." Sandra said sarcastically. "Please talk to them." She said as Magnus sat in the captain's chair and turned the microphone up.
"This is Magnus E. Magisterium. Owner and..." Magnus paused as Sandra was mouthing what to say. "proprietor of a Ulysses 500 from Pineapple Incorporated. We are not the cause of this anomaly, and it would be a pleasure to be accepted to your party." Once Magnus finished he leaned back in his chair and took a nervous sigh.
"Ugh. What's that smell?" He said as he looked over to the girl.
"What's your name?"
"It seems our spacial position has changed randomly. I need time to recalibrate my SPS. My theory is a rift in spacetime has caused the position of most everything to shift suddenly, though it's just a hypothesis. But this theory explains why this plebeian is here." Sandra explained as the peasant girl acted quite offended.
"There is also a giant ship in front of us, if you haven't noticed."
"How could you miss it?" Magnus said jokingly.
"You're hilarious." Sandra said sarcastically. "Please talk to them." She said as Magnus sat in the captain's chair and turned the microphone up.
"This is Magnus E. Magisterium. Owner and..." Magnus paused as Sandra was mouthing what to say. "proprietor of a Ulysses 500 from Pineapple Incorporated. We are not the cause of this anomaly, and it would be a pleasure to be accepted to your party." Once Magnus finished he leaned back in his chair and took a nervous sigh.
"Ugh. What's that smell?" He said as he looked over to the girl.
"What's your name?"
Magnus narrowly escaped into the door of the ship. Although there were a few inches of water flowing onto the floor, he remained largely unscathed.
"Holy Shit! We gotta get out of here!" he said while entering the captain's room. He expected to see Sandra on the screen but shrugged it off.
"Computer, set a course to Hokum knows where." he commanded the computer, which did nothing. "COMPUTER! I said, send me-"
"Who the heck are you?" yelled a humanoid like robot with a modest Victorian style dress on that had tears and holes from being neglected for so long.
"Magnus Eugene Magisterium. You?" he said while wondering how many people are on this ship?
"Sandra Prudence Reed, and you are TRESPASSING on my husband and I's space vehicle!" she yelled while slamming her hand onto the console. Sandra, wasn't that the computer's name? Magnus thought.
"I'm so sorry, but weren't you the one inside the computer?" Magnus asked.
"In a way, yes. Where are we exactly?" she asked.
"Somewhere bad. We need to get out of here, NOW." Magnus answered while looking frantically at the console for some kind of GPS system.
"I have to be inside the machine in order to have it go somewhere else." She explained while pushing a button on the back of her head. The second she touched it, her face reappeared on the screen while her body slumped onto the slightly damp floor.
"Set a course for where, Magnus?"
"Anywhere but here. After we get out of this mess, I have a lot of questions to ask you."
"Why of course." She said slightly sarcastically as the ship lifted out of the flooded terrain and took off.
"Holy Shit! We gotta get out of here!" he said while entering the captain's room. He expected to see Sandra on the screen but shrugged it off.
"Computer, set a course to Hokum knows where." he commanded the computer, which did nothing. "COMPUTER! I said, send me-"
"Who the heck are you?" yelled a humanoid like robot with a modest Victorian style dress on that had tears and holes from being neglected for so long.
"Magnus Eugene Magisterium. You?" he said while wondering how many people are on this ship?
"Sandra Prudence Reed, and you are TRESPASSING on my husband and I's space vehicle!" she yelled while slamming her hand onto the console. Sandra, wasn't that the computer's name? Magnus thought.
"I'm so sorry, but weren't you the one inside the computer?" Magnus asked.
"In a way, yes. Where are we exactly?" she asked.
"Somewhere bad. We need to get out of here, NOW." Magnus answered while looking frantically at the console for some kind of GPS system.
"I have to be inside the machine in order to have it go somewhere else." She explained while pushing a button on the back of her head. The second she touched it, her face reappeared on the screen while her body slumped onto the slightly damp floor.
"Set a course for where, Magnus?"
"Anywhere but here. After we get out of this mess, I have a lot of questions to ask you."
"Why of course." She said slightly sarcastically as the ship lifted out of the flooded terrain and took off.
"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit" Magnus repeated. After eight times he stopped, but kept going over the options in his head. What in Hokem's void of the universe is going on at this moment. Almost unbelievable. So much stress and anxiety has obtained him at that moment that it all kind of cancelled out. An odd comfort washed over him. As he regained his confidence, he spoke.
"Assuming that you'll probably somehow make me deal with the person I choose for the entirety of my existence, I would first like to clear my name." He said while walking up to the father. "I had no intentions of pursuing a sexual relationship with your, uh, offspring. Our relationship was clearly platonic. Though your daughter wanted to take our relationship in a way, I politely declined. In a way, I was being sexually harassed by your daughter, therefore I should be conducting the trial." It was a bold move to flip the switch on the situation but why not? You only live once, after all. "Now you sir, must choose between these lovely women, and man, for YOUR lover. Do you understand, Mr. May?"
Meanwhile SANDRA was becoming accustomed to her new skeletal body. "I can barely remember a thing." she said to herself. "What do I remember, ok, ok, my name is Sandra Reed, my suitor is Barry Barrymore, agh damn, I was human at one point I'm pretty sure? I'm in Barry's exoskeleton? Where is he anyways? Barry? Barry?!" she said while searching for his remains. Once found, she didn't even whimper. "We need to perform a seance, at once. I was talking to someone. They were probably important. I should wait until they get back." She said while setting herself on a lounge chair outside of the Control Room.
"Assuming that you'll probably somehow make me deal with the person I choose for the entirety of my existence, I would first like to clear my name." He said while walking up to the father. "I had no intentions of pursuing a sexual relationship with your, uh, offspring. Our relationship was clearly platonic. Though your daughter wanted to take our relationship in a way, I politely declined. In a way, I was being sexually harassed by your daughter, therefore I should be conducting the trial." It was a bold move to flip the switch on the situation but why not? You only live once, after all. "Now you sir, must choose between these lovely women, and man, for YOUR lover. Do you understand, Mr. May?"
Meanwhile SANDRA was becoming accustomed to her new skeletal body. "I can barely remember a thing." she said to herself. "What do I remember, ok, ok, my name is Sandra Reed, my suitor is Barry Barrymore, agh damn, I was human at one point I'm pretty sure? I'm in Barry's exoskeleton? Where is he anyways? Barry? Barry?!" she said while searching for his remains. Once found, she didn't even whimper. "We need to perform a seance, at once. I was talking to someone. They were probably important. I should wait until they get back." She said while setting herself on a lounge chair outside of the Control Room.
"What the hell?" Magnus yelled. While being tossed around he started thinking more frantically. So much so that the world around him seemed to slow. He was partially familiar with disapproving fathers, especially with a humanoid marmot. But a Bee man? Seriously. Something about 200 times smaller than him collectively forming a man than him wants to kill him for something he didn't even do, but did think about. Meanwhile bees aggresively stung him. Forbidden love was a bit too much in his opinion. He thought it was more of a possiblity than a full on thing. But the more he thought, the more questions arose. How could a bee hive make a planet? Was it a planet? Why do they keep wanting to bother him? Why does Fanny want him? Shouldn't she be going for something her own size? And other such inqueries flew through his mind until he banged his head on a metal stationary shelf.
"OH MY GOD" yelled SANDRA as Fanny's father broke his hand through a window and was feeling around, until grabbing Magnus and pulling him outside the ship, and flipping a switch in the process. SANDRA's voice sounds more human and seems more sensible.
"Damn this flimsy existence. Barry dear, can you help- Barry? BARRY? Last time I agree to marry a lunatic with a moustache. Everything looks different. I swear to St. Scholastica if he turned me down again he's as good as dead."
"OH MY GOD" yelled SANDRA as Fanny's father broke his hand through a window and was feeling around, until grabbing Magnus and pulling him outside the ship, and flipping a switch in the process. SANDRA's voice sounds more human and seems more sensible.
"Damn this flimsy existence. Barry dear, can you help- Barry? BARRY? Last time I agree to marry a lunatic with a moustache. Everything looks different. I swear to St. Scholastica if he turned me down again he's as good as dead."
"Fuck." He said while running away to his ship. Magnus manages to get in before the larger tree starts attacking the ship.
"What the hell just happened?" he said. "Was I just sexually assualted by a tree?". While Magnus was away SANDRA managed to open herself back up, but didn't cease crying. Over in the corner Barclay is slumped down on the kitchen floor. All the while the tree is shaking the ship and Magnus is in an absolute panic. He rushes over to the terminal and finally notices the message sent to him while he was being pulled towards the planet.
"Shit, was was her name, Fanny?" he says while the ship was finally tipped over. Magnus falls onto the right side wall. Stunned, he manages to get back onto his feet before the captain's chair falls on him. SANDRA manages to stop crying for a moment.
"Are you ok?" She yells. Magnus raises his thumb up before SANDRA continues sobbing. Magnus sighs and pushes the chair aside. Apart from a lump on his forehead, he's alright. But the mystery of this planet is still to be answered.
"What the hell just happened?" he said. "Was I just sexually assualted by a tree?". While Magnus was away SANDRA managed to open herself back up, but didn't cease crying. Over in the corner Barclay is slumped down on the kitchen floor. All the while the tree is shaking the ship and Magnus is in an absolute panic. He rushes over to the terminal and finally notices the message sent to him while he was being pulled towards the planet.
"Shit, was was her name, Fanny?" he says while the ship was finally tipped over. Magnus falls onto the right side wall. Stunned, he manages to get back onto his feet before the captain's chair falls on him. SANDRA manages to stop crying for a moment.
"Are you ok?" She yells. Magnus raises his thumb up before SANDRA continues sobbing. Magnus sighs and pushes the chair aside. Apart from a lump on his forehead, he's alright. But the mystery of this planet is still to be answered.
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