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Recent Statuses

6 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
6 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
7 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
7 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
7 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

HP WILL NEVER DIE

Even if JK Rowling keeps trying her damnedest to fuck it all up.

I have Opinions™️ about her take on Wizarding America. one school for the whole country are you goddamn crazy we literally can't agree on the word for soda what in the actual fuck

Also APRIL IS TEN THOUSAND PERCENT WORTH IT. She comes with sick leather jackets, an adorable dog, a cool Uncle with a shitty Bon Jovi cover band, and hilarious misadventures to boot!
April is a walking dumpster fire of a human being and I love her.

The obvious solution is to consume all Harry Potter content at once and then join me in fanon hell.

Bump!
@TheDookieNut
Sending you my love, boo. If you need to talk about brain things, I got you. ❤️
In Please Stay 7 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
Katie and Ryan misadventures yasssssssss 🙌🙌🙌
Bumperoo.
In Please Stay 7 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
<3 Figured I'd just time skip and give Katie and Ryan some time to bro out! I'll probably hold off on an Olly post until we get to the Leaky Cauldron misadventures, which Katie is probs going to bully Ryan into joining her at.
In Please Stay 7 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
St. Mungos was like a second home to Katie. She'd spent almost half of her seventh year here, and while she'd only been conscious for about half of that, she had grown fond of the place. Her friends all called her mad for it, but Katie simply pointed out that the Healers here had saved her life. They'd taught her how to walk again, always kind and never letting her give up, even when every nerve screamed in agony. They'd managed to dull the scar of the necklace to a pink welt that stood stark against her summer tan. Considering the skin had been rotting when she was first brought in, Katie figured they'd done a fucking brilliant job patching her up.

Her hair was still wet from her shower when she apparated to the lobby. Lisbet, the Welcome Witch, greeted her with a beaming smile and a tight hug. Katie grinned and shared the news with the elderly woman, who clapped in delight. First string, with the Falcons! Oh, Merlin's beard, I'll let everyone know. Congratulations, Miss Bell. They laughed and joked before a thin mediwizard approached them, guiding her to a through the hospital to her destination.

Healer Spinnet's office was cramped, but brightly lit and filled with cheerful plants. Katie busied herself at the window, watching the sky with a contented smile. Alicia didn't keep her waiting long, and Katie rushed to hug her friend tightly.

"You're happy," Alicia said cautiously. "Did you--"

"I'm on the team!" Katie laughed brightly. Alicia shrieked in delight and they hugged fiercely, enthusing together over the first bit of truly good news either of them had had in weeks.

"You did it! Oh god, I'm so relieved. You worked so hard, Kates! Congratulations!"

They gossiped for perhaps too long, sat at Alicia's cramped desk, Katie giving her friend the detailed blow by blow of the match with vicious commentary. It felt good to make Alicia laugh again--the woman looked so tired these days, worn from her time in hiding and the wreckage of the war she'd come home to.

Their talk turned to the less pleasant conversation of Katie's treatment. Alicia's magic investigated the leg, the sharp welt of the necklace, taking notes of Katie's reluctant descriptions. The pain potions weren't quite doing their job well enough. The leg acted up more than it had in months, and sometimes she felt electricity arcing through her body once more. It was always quick, never lasting for more than a breath, but it frightened her.

Katie's good mood was somewhat deflated by the time she left Alicia's office, a new prescription for pain potion (the first dose of which she had quaffed as soon as she left the hospital), a cream to help suppress the sting of the scar, and a list of charms meant to help relax her leg. They sat, carefully tucked away in her Falcon's bag, and Katie pushed through it with a determined grin. She was not going to mope at Charlie's, not when her fortune had finally turned for the better. She'd only have an hour or two before she had to get to the Cauldron to join the team, but it was something she'd been looking forward to for weeks.

It was easy enough to apparate to streets of Diagon Alley. Her own flat was a few alleys over, in a decidedly less appealing neighborhood--but, she conceded, not quite as shit as Knockturn. The street was as busy as ever, and Katie wound through the crowds, following the familiar path. She took the steps two at a time, ducking past a thin woman with a cheery hello, bounding up towards the familiar door of Charlie's flat. Her knuckles rapped sharply, a shit-eating grin plastered across her face.
George looked as scared as Brennan had, but where Brennan's temper had flared, George just seemed to shrink into himself. It hurt, seeing her best friend like this. After a moment, she realized it was the first time she'd thought of George like that, but it rang true. George and Seine were the closest friends she had here. She missed her girlfriends from home, but they didn't know about this part of her, and it was difficult to feel close to them with such an enormous secret in her heart. But George and Seine always waited for her, always had a joke and a story, and she looked forward to every day they had together.

Still, best friends or not, Sadie couldn't understand why they seemed so bored by their homework.

"Um, yeah," Sadie laughed a little nervously. "It's not like it was a lot?"

One of the things that had struck her was just how more relaxed Hogwarts was. She hadn't gone to the world's most prestigious school, but her workload had been ramping up as she had been getting older, and her muggle teachers had assigned far more work than this. Sadie usually found herself going comparatively overboard with her work, but she was used to a far more aggressive pace.

"Ugh," Seine grumbled intelligently.

"I must once again remind you that you are always welcome to join me in the library after class. We can do our work together," Sadie offered, but Seine pulled a face at her.

"You spend hours there," He complained. Sadie rolled her eyes.

"We are literally learning magic, breaking the laws of physics and doing impossible things. That should make you want to study nonstop," Sadie reminded Seine. They'd had this argument half a dozen times, and she suspected they would have it until they graduated.

They'd reached the Transfiguration classroom during their bickering. Seine pushed open the door and they filed in, taking their usual spots. The atmosphere in the classroom was like a coiled spring, ready to explode with energy. Other students were shooting George dark looks, whispering, and Sadie simply held her head high. She and Seine sat on either side of George in a show of solidarity.

The whispers were silenced upon the arrival of Professor Thirmin, and Sadie sank into the rhythm of the lesson.
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