Esper

Spam

Halo said
I don't think you need a list of criteria to know whether you feel comfortable around someone you meet. Either you do, or don't. Hazing people out before you've even given them a chance because they don't seem to fit your criteria wouldn't be very... productive, to talk about it in more detached/scientific terms. Talk to people - if you feel comfortable, accept it, let that be, you don't need to check it against a list of criteria.To be honest though, if you're unpredictable cold and brusque to people, and don't say sorry when you hurt people, and expect them not to be bothered by that... you're going to struggle to make friends, or to get close to people. A core part of that is caring about them, and them caring about you - so of course if you treat them like shit, that's not gonna happen. Your idea of someone being easy to relax around seems to mean neither you or them caring enough to get hurt or to argue or to ever have any responsibility/commitment to the relationship between the two of you. That's fine - everyone has mates like that, who you're friendly with but aren't exactly super-close to - but be aware that you'll struggle to find really good, lifelong friends who'll stick by you if you act like that and actively look for people who don't care enough about you to ever get bothered or hurt or whatever by you.Well, general conversation shouldn't piss people off. If you are pissing people off, you need to look at what you're doing that's consistently angering people. Just be polite, and try not to be abrasive. As for small talk stuff, well, lots of people are shite at it. I am, too. Talk about yourself; your interests; and ask about them about their lives. Show an interest in people and their experiences and their thoughts.

Why does one apologize for misunderstanding and simply not clarify. Misunderstandings do happen and have no malicious intention on my part. Why then would I be sorry for an act that was a result of different thought processes. It isn't that I never say sorry. It is that I apologize when I am sorry. Not when I am not.

Spam

BrobyDDark said
This...Might take more than just some advice. Do you know anyone from Spam in real life? Or do you live around anyone that you've had conversations with before that you enjoyed?

Not so much. I can be charming when I want things IRL but otherwise I don't pay others much mind aside from my bff and that is because we grew up together mostly. Even if she emotional and it annoys me she knows I will tear someone a new hole or ten for her if I must. So with her it works.
The question however: why is being honest not socially acceptable, but lying is. With me what you see is what you get and my word is my honor. It is simply no one really asks directly mostly. It has occurred to me that perhaps I should be more assertive without prompting but I figure others would ask if they cared. This leads me to believe they don't care on a level more than shallow. Is this correct or incorrect?

Spam

Halo said
People aren't gonna fill out an application for the role of "friend", Espy xD You're not gonna be able to haze them for things you don't like and cherry-pick the perfect mate. Okay, sure, there are certain types of people we all get on with, but I wouldn't have a list of categories like that. You meet someone, either you like them and can have a nice conversation or you don't, and you get to know them if the former applies. Your friends will have traits that piss you the hell off, but you love them anyway for their good qualities. Imo, you can't go out there looking for people who'll perfectly fit some set of criteria you have - it's not searching for someone to fill a role or do a job, it's searching for a friend. That's something a little more organic, natural, messy, and unpredictable. Just talk to people. If you like them, carry on talking to them. See where it goes, what trusts and feelings develop. And maybe they will be someone who gets upset when you get icy cold, even if that frustrates you, and you'll need to compromise on that behaviour to maintain your friendship because you care about them.

So making friends isn't science then. Only saying I have certain traits like that where I do things and it isn't personal and I don't do sorry very well either because that would also involve lying. Basically I want someone I can relax around and those traits seem to allow that.

So how do I speak to someone on a personal level without pissing them off. I also am rather terrible with small talk. No ability to keep the conversation going.

Spam

BrobyDDark said
Actually, it's still possible to make friends if you have different reasons for liking something. Just ignore the stuff they say that you think is stupid about the reasons they like something (a character they think is cooler than the rest) and hope that they can ignore what THEY think is the stupid stuff you say about why you like something (plot and character development) or vice versa. Work around that and find the things you do agree on. I don't guarantee a best friend, but I do agree that there will be conversations you will be super fond of if you follow this advice.

Common ground. Wonderful. Now to do some field science.

Spam

Halo said
Depends what you mean by "friend", midear. Someone to have a laugh with, or someone you can really trust, rely on, and care for. People can advise you on how to get the first, but the latter... they're harder to come by and the relationships tend to grow organically. You can be told how to meet people, to get the opportunity for friendship - but not how to make a true friend. That's something there isn't really a "guide" for - it's down to you to form that relationship. Not using and manipulating them would be a good starting point, though, yo.

Someone that gives me fuzzy warm feelings inside and to hang out with. Possibly get drunk with and have inappropriate adventures. A few qualities I might like are:

Not get emotional when I turn icy cold.
Doesn't take things personally too often.
Likes a happy mix of serious and joking with a touch of innuendo.
Isn't ignorant in terms of learning.
Knows when to shut up.

G

Let us go discover fuzzy trapdoor spiders together. ~.0

Spam

Tempest said
*thinks* ........ People + alcohol = friends?People + common interests = friends?People + complaining at work together = friends?*shrugs* just gotta throw yourself out there and try to interact with people, hang out, get to know them and them you? o.o

Usually if I share a common interest it is not for the same reason and it gets awkward. That seems like it would be the best way to get the ball rolling at any rate. That or alcohol and laps. I am not much for complaining unless I want to solve the problem.

Give me an S! give me a T! give me an U! give me a P! give me an I! give me a D!

Darog the Badger God said
Thank ye! I'm....actually more adjusted to the idea than I was last year. I'm just sort taking it one step at a time.Chloe is very excited though, and that makes me happier in the thought.

Awww. I bet you'll be a great daddy.

Spam

Tempest said
*looks around* A-are we not friends, Esp? Am I just a pawn? q.q

I meant for IRL friends I can have adventures with. I am running low.

G

Wiki told me about them. They sound like lovely creatures.