Dies Arcanum
The hours of Ipte were still giving way to Shune when Jocasta forced herself from the comfort of her bed. She compelled herself not to breathe deeply and not to think so much. She was healed of yesterday's injuries, most erased through temporal means. Nonetheless, she felt not her full self at this early hour. It was only Kinetic Magic that allowed her to silently go through her morning routines.
As quietly as she could, the young tethered rolled into the hallway, her weary muscles grateful for the lightness of this new wheelchair. Just above her head, on the second floor, slept Precious Yalen. They did not share a bed yet. Neither was ready for it, but she loved him.
Pausing at the base of the stairwell, she called gently upon the movement of things and rose over the bannister. She let herself down in front of his door and laid an unsteady hand upon it. He was an early riser and would be up soon, she knew. His habits and routines had shaped him that way.
My knight in shining armour, she thought at the man beyond the door.
Please wait for me. Please forgive me for all of the bad things that I am. Jocasta swallowed and breathed in and out. She had fought Augusto yesterday, at the behest of Father and Mother, when he had tried to use Zarina as a weapon. She had been used as a weapon too. The young woman's fists balled for a moment. She had been used all her life.
How can I be so strong but always a tool of others? Is my entire existence to be one life-or-death struggle after another? Her eyes glossed over as she gazed at the door.
Is it selfish of me to put you in that kind of danger? She forced her closed fists open.
I know you made your choice. I know that you have free will and you chose me, but was I honest? Did you really know what you were signing up for? She imagined him sleeping peacefully:
willed him to be so but, in truth, Jocasta had noticed the changes in her beloved as of late: he wore the robes of a different order now. He was more assertive, and he trained often. She loved him for it all the more: on those warm nights when they went out for walks, on those mornings when they cooked breakfast together, and in those evenings where they would play cards and drink wine with friends. He wanted to protect those things for the both of them - to ensure the future - and it should've been less burden for her to bear.
But what if you get hurt? cried something inside of her.
It was so much easier being miserable. I didn't care what happened to anyone. I didn't spread myself thin to protect them. One more long breath. She began to gather energy.
I need to trust you, Jocasta concluded as she rose.
I love you. Less than a minute later, she was gone.
She spilled her guts out to Sancho that morning. He knew everything. Zarina was another one: another whom she cared about, and Jocasta could not let her take the fall. Had the Torragonese king turned hostile, she would've killed him. They both knew it. She'd have died as well, of course, but he had listened instead.
Now, just be honest, she thought at Zaz.
Be honest and we shall both escape this relatively unharmed. Dies Arcanum was a holiday and there would soon be many about, but most were sleeping even into the hours of Oraff. She rolled along the flagstones under the late morning sun, reveling in that familiar rumble that traveled up her wheels and connected her to the ground, to something more solid so that the little skyborn wouldn't just float away from it all. She glanced up. The air was starting to smell of Rezain now in earnest: that changing of the leaves, though not all changed in such a warm place. There was a tiny incline and squirrels leapt and skittered through the trees. For a moment, Jocasta just drifted
You're delirious, she scolded herself, visibly shaking her head,
delirious with exhaustion. Yet, there was more to do.
The bottle of wine sat on the table. It was a present for her engagement and there was poison in it.
"I know you would not waver," said Mother,
"but I would like to make things clear between us, going forward.""If you are to remain a member of this fraternity," said Father,
"and under its protection, it must come first.""A priest," rumbled Grandfather.
"I do not trust him."Jocasta's eyes flashed his way. The poison was not literal. Then, she was preempted.
"I do not share Argento's pessimism," Mother assured her,
"nor Nero's absolutism, but a time may come when he is a liability or a danger. I pray it will not be so, but come it may.""And I shall be forced to choose between Ipte and Dami," the youngest of the quartet concluded.
"It has not been easy, these past six years," reminded Father,
"building up our strength so that we might finally bring about a better world, sacrificing what we have. I still remember the first time that I saw you." He smiled faintly and shook his head.
"We've tried to protect you, Certosa, but you are a woman grown now. There can be no weakness. It is time for you to protect others within the fraternity.""But not without?"Mother shook her head.
"Where possible, without," she allowed,
"but we are the spearhead. The members of this family come first.""I will not mince words like these others," said Grandfather,
"We have grave doubts about your committment. You refuse work. You arrive late and less frequently to gatherings. You have made over three thousand magi using your Temporal Gift to ferry merchants about." His eyes narrowed.
"I have always thought you smart, capable, and decent, but I worry that you have been corrupted. If you are forced to choose," he concluded,
"We need your assurance that you will choose us and not some outside interest."Volto Dorato and Volto Nero turned to face Volto Certosa as well, expectantly. She knit her hands together nervously in her lap, holding the one within the other.
"I will, of course, choose those who have abided faithfully by me for so long," she assured them, but their tripartite gaze did not waver. Quietly, she crossed her hidden fingers and held them fast.
"I will choose the Dieci Volti Nascosti," she affirmed,
"in all things," though her heart was pounding and they could surely sense it.
I am a tool! she screamed at them in her mind,
A tool in all things! A tool again! Yet, Jocasta knew that this was wrong. How Father had picked her up off of the ground: a small, fragile girl with legs that did not work. How he had held her close and comforted her. How mother had fed her and spoken with her, laughed, dreamed, and danced. How Grandfather had trained her, relentlessly but not without fondness. How those secret smiles had peered out from beneath his bristly mustache. They were to build a better world together by tearing down some of the old, painful though it would be. Even Benedetto was to be a part of it.
But you said it yourselves, she thought rebelliously, unthreading her fingers as they now welcomed her back into the fold.
I am a woman grown. I shall hold the wheel of my own life.
The bottle of wine lay in her lap and Jocasta's day was not yet finished. She waited, now, in an anteroom outside of a well-appointed office on the second floor of Balthazar Hall. It struck her as an oversight, as did so many things about the way the world was designed. She thought of Maura, how it was so much the structure of things that disabled one.
Much may be a coping mechanism, she decided,
but you are right in this instance. How are you, Isabelle, or Luisa to come up here without assistance from others?Then, the door opened and a secretary strode through.
"The Zenith will see you now," he announced, ushering her forward. Jocasta released the little tabs that acted as brakes on her wheelchair, took a moment to brush some hair from her eyes, and followed. Chemical magic and nerves were the only forces currently keeping her alert.
What that life was all just one big perfectly-formed downhill and I could drift home without lifting a finger. Alas, it was not so, and she composed herself most assiduously for the approaching audience.
Claresse Upta, Zenith of Ersand'Enise, was at her desk, dipping her quill in ink and scribbling notes on a page until Jocasta came to a stop just to the side of the two chairs that sat before her. The Zenith looked up, waved a hand, and one of the chairs disappeared. Jocasta quietly maneuvered into its place.
"Your Grace," she greeted the eminent thaumaturge, bowing shallowly at the waist.
"Biro Re," came the reply. There was a smile, but it was a professional one.
"I don't suppose you have any idea why you're here, do you?"The tethered shook her head.
"I do not, your grace."Claresse Upta glanced down at some of the many papers on her desk once more, momentarily, and then back up.
"Your test scores," she began,
"they are exemplary: some of the best in the recent history of this school." Jocasta's heart began to beat a little bit faster. She well knew Macian's rule:
Placate first before delivering the blow. The blow was coming.
"Thank you, Zenith."The Joruban looked up.
"I was told you had spirit," she grumbled,
"spunk." She tilted her head to the side.
"Well, you must be terribly bored with your classes if they're so easy. Don't be meek with me. I'll not believe it." She posted her elbows on her desk and knitted her fingers together.
An inner voice warned Jocasta to be careful. She hesitated.
"Come now," prodded Upta,
"I know what you are. There's no value in denying it: a twenty-year-old posing as a teen and a lesser member of the Dieci Volti. Don't worry. Not even they can pry into this room." she boasted.
Are you really so certain? the younger woman wondered. As if in response, the Zenith smirked. Could she... read minds?
"Oh, you've also made quite the profit with your freelance portals, haven't you?" Two-thousand-nine-hundred magi or so, is it?""I..." Instinctively, Jocasta's hands began reaching for her wheels. Her pulse quickened and she took stock of the office's energies. Zenith Upta merely arched a brow.
"Come now," she almost...
taunted,
"Had I sought to harm someone as dangerous as yourself, you'd have never seen it coming."The tethered was filled, then, with the sensation of being a small thing in the presence of some very great dragon.
Am I not stronger than you, old woman? She tried not to think it, but she did.
"I... do not wish to be dangerous, ma'am," she finally managed, and then she figuratively threw herself at Upta's feet and it all came pouring out.
"For as long as I can remember, and that is to perhaps my ninth year, I have been treated as a threat or a tool. If I have strayed in some way, I swear it was only so that I might have something of my own, so that I might not be dependent, so that I might use what scant time I have to..." She shrugged and trailed off.
"build something, I guess. I meant no transgression and I will stop and find some other way if you wish it." Everything was at the school. She could not lose it. She would have nobody but the Volti again, and she did not want to return to that.
The Zenith furrowed her brow and adjusted her glasses. She returned to writing and Jocasta's anger flared for a moment. The old woman hadn't even cared. Her cheeks reddened with shame for having said so much. Then:
"A good fifty years ago," she admitted,
"I was not so different from you as you might believe." She knitted her fingers together and looked up, meeting the younger woman's eyes.
"And I am not so unsympathetic as you might imagine. I have not, in fact, brought you here solely for a reprimand." There was a faint smile and it may have even been genuine.
"You are a prodigy, Jocasta Re, of a like not seen since the recently departed Paradigm himself first graced these halls, Eshiran bless him."Claresse Upta rose, walked over to her bookshelf, and Jocasta was uncertain on whether she was supposed to follow. She plucked a tome from it and returned.
"I do not think it prudent for you to remain a student at this academy," she declared, and Jocasta's chest threatened to implode on her.
It is merely wordplay! she told herself.
It must be!"I would like you to do three things for me," the Zenith decided, regarding her evenly, and Jocasta felt most sternly if not unsympathetically evaluated.
"I shall do them if I am able," she replied.
Claresse Upta nodded.
"I am almost entirely certain that you are," she remarked.
"The first is that your illegal teleportation racket will cease. You may keep your ill-begotten profits, but you will accept no more private contracts in this field and you will speak to nobody of your activities. Are we clear?""Very, your grace.""Very good, Biro Re. Secondly, you will continue to spy for the Dieci Volti, but you will report everything that you tell them to me first. I am not unsympathetic to all aspects of their cause. Dami knows how grossly some misuse their sacred Gifts and how poorly the harm that they cause reflects on us. However, the Volti are extremists and I refuse to believe that a smart young woman such as yourself hasn't had at least some misgivings. Am I wrong?" she prodded.
Jocasta shook her head.
"You are not, Lady Zenith.""No," Upta agreed.
"I rarely am. She clasped her hands at the small of her back and something about the entire exchange made Jocasta smile a little bit, despite herself.
"The school will have your back, Jocasta, I promise this: in all reasonable matters. You are one of us and you belong here. I know, perhaps, you have heard words along those those lines before, and they were exercised in bad faith." She shook her head and rose, making her way over to the seat beside Jocasta.
"They are not, here. You have both my word as Zenith and as a girl who was once very much like you." She sat, still holding a small book. Presently, she handed it to the tethered.
"This is the third matter. When I said I did not want you to be a student any longer, it was because I think you could be more. I am well aware of the timeline you find yourself on as a tethered. This is the Exceptional Advancement Test: Second Level. If you pass it, you will be made a Tan-Zeno: the second-youngest in this institution's history. You will have official duties: the teaching of a temporal class among them. You will take on apprentices and you will offer bespoke portal services under the academy's watchful eye." It was so much! All at once! It was a hand of Reshta! A way up and out of her life's bottomless pit!
Yet... wouldn't I just be a tool once more? A tool of this school? She swallowed and looked down at the book, opening it and thumbing numbly through its pages.
"If I pass..." She trailed off.
"I believe that you will," the Zenith pronounced, rising once more. Jocasta had to look up to meet her eyes.
"though your magnetic is weak." She scowled.
"Your arcane could use some polishing as well, and your atomic."Jocasta knew that her heart was going like hummingbird's wings. She closed the book and backed up a couple of pushes.
"And I will have my own place to live? Might I house others there?"Zenith Upta snorted and arched a brow.
"Most people ask about when the test is to be administered first, but yes, you shall and yes, you may.""Yes ma'am, sorry, ma'am! When is the test?" Upta smiled.
"You shall take it following the conclusion of this semester. You're in Magnetic and Arcane classes, are you not?""Yes, ma'am.""Good." The Zenith nodded.
"You could use the practice." She pivoted on her heel.
"We shall administer it the first week of the intracollegiate break, once your examination period has ended. You had best study up." She retrieved three books from the shelf.
"Take these. They will help." She began walking towards Jocasta and the younger woman met her partway.
"That wine on your lap, are you planning to drink it?"The question took the tethered aback. After a moment of startled expression, she shook her head.
"I am not really a fan of whites," she admitted, offering it to the head of the academy.
"Then this shall be my bribe," Claresse Upta chuckled. They exchanged bottle for books and then they were finished.
"Thank you, Zenith Upta," Jocasta mewed. Her head was still spinning, but in a good way. There was a danger, to be sure, but she had been thrown a lifeline. She could do this. She was a woman grown.
"It was my privilege, Jocasta, to start such a promising young person on her way." The tethered's blush was fierce as she twisted on the spot, already starting to wheel away.
"I-I won't let you down, Zenith. I promise."All the way home, and into the evening and the night, it was as Jocasta had dreamed that morning:
life is all just one big perfectly-formed downhill and how lovely it is to drift without lifting a finger.