He wanted to protest to Roan's stereotyping, but now was an inappropriate time to stick up for his moral character. Instead of giving into his first desire, he filtered into their quarters to find Aria sitting up on her cot, knees drawn against her body, hugging herself. Without a word, he gently placed himself next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her a bit closer to him. He didn't speak for a while, allowing the meaningful silence between them to settle before he spoke:
"I remember when I first joined a squadron of Republic troopers as a Knight. I was supposed to serve as support, following the lead of a veteran Sargent named McCoy(Don't remember this first name). McCoy and his troopers were being dropped into the middle of a contested zone on Ilum to secure some sort of generator that the Imperials had captured and was important to the war effort. You know, the usual war time schpeal to get the men motivated to dehumanize the enemy." He shifted his weight on the cot a bit as he continued:
"So we drop down on Ilum, ok? And it's freezing. I mean, to the point where I thought my blood was going to turn into ice. It's dark, quiet, no one around for miles except us and the assumed imperials a few clicks away on a sweeping plain with no cover minus some cliffs coated in ice flanking us on either side. So basically we're screwed if we get ambushed, right? But whatever, we know that the generator isn't too far off, so we plod along and get to the coordinates, which lead us right to the opening of a cave. Go inside the cave, spot the generator and wouldn't you know it, Imperial troopers drop in right behind us and ambush us, taking out nearly half the squadron in a few seconds. We find cover and I'm doing all I can to hold them off, but more keep pouring into the cave, ok? More and more of them, rifles just pouring fire over our heads. It's just three of us left now, McCoy, a private named Jensen and me. Jensen got hit pretty bad in the leg and McCoy had some scorch marks on his chestplate and we're just sitting there, letting them get closer. Probably fifteen of them now? Twenty? I don't know, I lost count." The hand not on Aria's shoulder played absent mindedly with the hem of his shirt.
"So McCoy points to the generator, which is further down into the cave and says that we can cause a cave in if we destroy it. He says he's got a flash grenade, one flash grenade left and that if I can get Jensen out when he lets off the grenade, he can do the rest. I wasn't about to leave him, no way was I about to leave him, but he didn't give me a choice. He pulled the pin and told me to..." He chortled grimly.
"Told me to 'just use the Force! You Jedi do that, right?!' as the grenade hit the ground. I pull Jensen up, throw a barrier between us and I start running, screaming my lungs out cause if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna go out loud. Grenade goes off and I'm blinded, but I'm running, I just keep running until my legs collapsed underneath me and I go skidding across the ice, Jensen not too far behind. Once I come to, I look back and the cave entrance is gone, buried by blocks of ice." He shook his head.
"I felt, no, correction, still feel guilty about leaving him behind. I feel like I killed him by leaving him there. I know that in the heat of things, his logic made sense, but I had a choice. I could've stuck by him, helped him out and maybe we all would've made it." He looked down into Aria's hazel eyes as he continued:
"I'm not gonna pretend to know exactly what you're going through and I'm not saying that my experience is nowhere near yours, but in some small way, I understand what you're feeling." In a gesture that even surprised him, he kissed her forehead softly, looking ahead, allowing silence to permeate the room for another small period of time.
"You don't have to talk to me about it...but I'm listening if you want to."