There are a couple of things I want to point out as a reader, let's start with grammar.
I think the dialogue runs as so:
"I guess it's about time to get on with today," he groans. Picking up his...
versus
“I guess its about time to get on with today.” He groans, picking up his
The punctuation flows easier because it connects what he said to the action. I'm sure there's more to it than just that.
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I think your detail is great but it might be too passive in immersing the reader into your world. Are you familiar with active and passive voices? The tone I get from reading is like reading a text book that's describing factual information. I think I'd get more of a kick to understand your character's preference as in the how he perceives the world around him.
Does that make sense? I can explain more if needed.
There's also a passivity to your writing that needs to be balanced out by an active voice. This is more apparent during the setting explanation, the character's actions, and the encounters with other characters.
There are also some run-on sentences in your role play. Consider adding periods to end a phrase before starting a new one. Comma usage is tricky and it befuddles me sometimes as well.
A lot of rules I think I know intuitively but I break some of them too. I think it's okay to break some rules as long as the decision is made by choice. I hope this helps.
Name: Samuel or Sammy Age: 40 years old Appearance: Sam was heavily augmented with military grade augmentations. All his limbs were made of a special metal that prevented corrosion. They are not indestructible. Besides the visible augmentations, Sam kept his head shaved. There are minor augmentations on his face connected to his eyes and brain. They appear to be visible pieces of metal grafted onto his temples.
Height/Weight: 6' 280 - 300 lbs (because of augmentations)
Skills/Powers: Sam's augment enables him to do more than an average person without augmentations. He can run for a longer period of time, he could jump higher than normal, and he can move heavier objects than a average person. Aside from his augmentations, Sam's neural implants and eye implants enable him to receive tactical data depending on the environment he's in. He often uses these to gain tactical favor over the enemy.
Weapon(s)/item(s): Sam is well versed in handguns, shotguns, rifles, sniper rifles, RPGs, grenade launchers, grenades, knife use and setting up claymores. These are items that need to be picked up and accounted for before a mission. Otherwise, the only weapon Sam really has is his augmentations and his knife.
Sam's wields a custom combat knife crafted after the Bowie knife using today's technology. It is custom fitted for his augmented hands and movement. He opts to keep it in its sheathe stored at either his thigh, belt, or shoulder. Sam changes the position of the knife as needed for better concealment. This is typically done through a custom setup with his augmentation where he would normally store other items such as ammunition or first aid equipment.
Sam understands basic CQC techniques for take downs, engaging hand-to-hand combat, disarming, and can be paired with a knife that he keeps somewhere on him.
Personality: Sam's personality in the field and relaxed personality are night and day. When in the field Sam prefers professionalism as lives are on the line. He approaches situations with a no non-sense approach and tries to find the easiest way to do something. However, non-field related work or certain jobs that require little focus Sam likes to joke around and try to build camaraderie with the people he works for.
Bio: Sam was part of Squad A, one of the fire teams sent out to clear and patrol a certain sector in hostile territory. His squad leader was a one of a kind person - female and of African descent. She was calm, calculated, and equally skilled in armed combat as any of the top soldiers in the platoon. Like everyone else, she kept her black curly hair short, but not to the point where she was bald. She had large eyes with brown pupils, and full lips. Her physique was lean and tight - if she wasn't fighting along side the rest of the lowlifes she could have been in a fitness magazine.
There was Watson who was assigned to perform radio communications when the squad was out. Often times, the three of them would be together with two other random soldiers. Except today, they were assigned with two other members, another man named Castro who was built like an ox, and Becker who was a tall and lanky fellow. Castro went to boot camp with Sam and the two of them met Becker in the advanced portion of their training.
Castro had the blood of an ancient civilization in him - the blood of the Aztecs as he would say often. His speech often peppered with certain inflections that made him stand out more than the rest. Castro was also nicknamed "The Tank" for his bulky physique and love for natural human enhancements such as protein or supplements. He was a rarity in terms of preserving old school ways of maintaining fitness and strength.
Becker had a certain drawl to his speech - in a certain time or place he would have been known as a Southerner. His hand-to-eye coordination was top notch, his tactics unparalleled, and his demeanor came off as a very friendly individual. Sam has rarely seen Becker lose his cool but the moments he did were enough for Sam to steer clear of Becker's bad side.
Then there was Watson - from his accent he must have came from the great islands near old time Europe. He was probably the newest to the group and often was caught being hazed by the company. His distinctive feature would be his style. He sported a gentlemenly moustache, wore his hair in a split that combed neatly down the sides, and enjoyed smoking from a pipe. It was an archaic look but for some reason it fit him.
Sam, Adebowale, Castro, Becker, and Watson were part of the Fire Team as Squad Charlie. They were assigned to patrol a perimeter of a newly covered ground. Their mission objectives were simply to spot anything out of the ordinary and report back.
They all suited up and left the base. It must have been thirty minutes from the mission start that a loud explosion rocked their vehicle to its side. There were more explosions and chaos ensued: Sam crawled out of the vehicle and found that he had lost his weapon. He frantically looked around but the ringing in his ears dazed him. Clouds of smoke made it very hard to see and the sceams and yelling that pierced the ringing made him a bit nauseous.
Someone grabbed him and pulled him down towards a ditch. Sam looked and saw Castro's body blown to pieces and what appeared to be shock frozen on his head. Sam looked to his right and saw Watson trying to get on the radio and to his left he saw Adebowale trying to stabilize him. He looked down and saw his legs were blown clean off. He tried to move his arms but he couldn't - there was nothing there.
Becker was nowhere to be seen. The ringing wouldn't stop. Then everything faded to black.
It's been twenty years since that incident but Sam Lee kept dreaming about it. In a way, Sam had to thank the government was enrolling him into a program that gave him arms and legs. With his new gear, he was put to work, and the training, and the things he has seen has led him to believe that the people should have the power. Not government agencies, not gangs, but ordinary people who were willing to put in for the common good.
Sam remembered Adebowale and what she said about people of power and the people who fight their wars.
"Lee, we are on the same side now, but one day we won't be. You need to figure out what you're fighting for. Don't let me regret the day I saved your sorry ass for you to become a puppet of the government. Look around you and you'll see that people like us are needed," she waited a bit but took Sam's silence as his response. "I know a man you should see."
I left that part at the end where Abebowale mentions she knows a person. I didn't want to include him automatically without your consent but I wanted that person to be Blaque. Sammy would go to Blaque looking for work and if its the start of Vendetta Inc. then he would "try out" so to speak but if they've been doing it for years together then he would most likely be working alongside Blaque.
He would be part of the UN as a retired veteran. Being a veteran, he has worked with the UN Government for quite some time, but holds no allegiance to them. Through Adebowale's mentorship, he understands his place as a pawn, and what the job entails. His joining Vendetta Inc. would mark the day he decided to fight for what he believes in.
Being a high profile agent for the UN Government, he's enabled a Deadman's Switch should any of the UN Government officials deem him dangerous. Sammy never tells them what entails if he were to die but assures them that it would cripple them in the public's eye and give reason for other entities to attack them causing them to be put in an unfavorable position. Unless he does something directed towards the UN Government, he is of no consequence to them. They felt it would be better to leave him alive, and monitor his actions closely until the day he decides to strike against them.
I'll let you decide whether or not the UN Government goes after Sammy depending on how you want to direct the campaign. They'd have a list of contingencies to counter Sammy.
Any particular setting you like in D&D? I'm in a local game and I'm building an Sword Art Online RP from a D20 system for fun. I also lurk the Tabletop RP section quite a bit as well.