Avatar of Hans von Lek
  • Last Seen: 6 yrs ago
  • Joined: 9 yrs ago
  • Posts: 145 (0.05 / day)
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    1. Hans von Lek 9 yrs ago

Status

Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
Current drugs, germs and steel. wait. no. that's not it.
1 like
8 yrs ago
When you want to join an RP of a particular theme, but no threads for it exist, and you doubt it'd be all that popular if you were to make your own thread for said theme.
3 likes
8 yrs ago
well at least you're quite free to follow - or even participate in - my riveting discussions on which varieties of paint dry the fastest.
8 yrs ago
post regarding pokemon go
2 likes
8 yrs ago
Cuckold Joe is my rap name.
4 likes

Bio

Some fucking idiot who probably isn't worth thinking about all that seriously. He is a 23 24 year old doofus situated somewhere on the planet and studying International Relations at some university. He is fond of history, militaria, fiction, vidya, tabletop wargaming, comic books, and writing in third person. Oh, and he seemingly likes talky-walky animal people as well. We have no idea what the hell is up with that nonsense. He has diagnosed mental problems, so maybe that's got something to do with it.

He probably isn't a robot or a German IRL. However, we cannot be certain.

He likes a variety of different RPs, and is thus liable to show up anywhere, anytime. As a general rule, he isn't particularly keen on fandom RPs, but you never know; there may be some day be an exception.

I could be wrong. I could be right.

Most Recent Posts

It had been a dizzying past few hours for Germany. Hitler was dead, along with quite a portion of the armed forces. In his place now loomed the mysterious Dr. Rolf Finkle. On the 2nd of September he declared himself to the Reich as their new leader, as "Führer-Kaiser." And with such awesome firepower at his disposal, who could disagree?

In his first speech, Führer-Kaiser Rolf Finkle declared that the war against Poland would not only continue, but would in fact intensify. The Polish, in his mind, were not being scoured from the Earth as quickly and as completely as they had ought to be. The Luftwaffe found itself outfitted with vast quantities of incendiary and chemical weapons to this end. The international community, although aghast, could only sit back and watch the body-count rise.

Furthermore, he regaled them with not only his contact with the nomadic reptilian space race, but their subsequent genocide at his hands. He made clear to his increasingly baffled audience that efforts must be mounted to recover whatever can be salvaged of the downed reptilian wreckages and bring them back to Germany for study.

Additionally, he announced increased priority and funding to just about every weapons project. Coupled with this was as well as a full war-time mobilization of Germany's industry; something Hitler had himself neglected. Finally, reconstruction of the destruction left in his wake would also be given priority.

Führer-Kaiser Rolf Finkle concluded his speech as follows: "Through your efforts, I promise you, the Aryans of the world, a new life. For those foolish enough to oppose us, I also have in store for them a new life - The Life of Fear!!!"
Hitler had been cowering under his desk for the past few hours. Although Fall Weiss was proceeding ahead as planned, that obviously was not the problem. What did trouble him was reports of some sort of machine on a seemingly inexorable warpath across Germany. Reports stated it first emerged from the waters around Warnemunde, scaled the shore --

"They say it resembled a Type VII, but Type VIIs don't do that! They can't!" Hitler shouted to no one in particular, smashing his fists against the fine rug that covered the floor.

Once it had made its way onto land, it had begun its massacre. It was outfitted with some sort of super-weapon that rendered all opposition thrown in its path absolutely ineffectual. Further counterattacks and defenses had been declared futile. The defenders of Germany had only one order now: Run. The losses could not be allowed to reach any greater heights than their present staggering totals. But the machine, unstoppable as it was, kept coming, leaving ruin and slaughter in its path. It was heading directly south - to Berlin.

Hitler was started up into the underside of his desk as an ear-splitting crash echoed through the room. As he rubbed his head, he crawled out from underneath his desk. When he glanced up he saw the source of this commotion.

He saw the underside of the nose of a Type VII lingering in the air above him. He glanced down to see it was suspended upon a set of six robotic legs. A mechanical tentacle shot out of one of its ports and wrapped around Hitler, yanking him into the air.

As Hitler was raised upwards, he witnessed not only the state of complete, roofless, wall-less destruction his office had been left in, but Dr. Rolf Finkle, who was pointing the barrel of some weapon he could not recognize right at him.

"Mr. Schicklgruber, we at last meet again. It has been a long time since you sold your body to me during your poverty-addled years on the streets of Vienna. Do not fret, I am not here to satiate any carnal lusts, and not here to spear my purebred bratwurst into your mongrel half-Jew derriere." Dr. Rolf Finkle said through his teeth gritted into a broad, madman's grin.

"P-put me down! Right now! I am the Fuhrer!" Hitler demanded. When Rolf did not budge, he launched into pleading instead. He offered Rolf wealth, power, sexual favours, coupons. Rolf simply shook his head.

"You are actively denying the world the one thing I would want from you: a future for the Aryan race. I perceive a better world, and it is a world that must be built upon your grave." Rolf squeezed the trigger-pedals of the hyper-maser. As the barrel glowed with eldritch power, he gave Hitler a brief salute. "Auf wiedersehn." He uttered.

In a flash, the mad dictator was gone. With Hitler reduced to nothingness, Dr. Rolf Finkle stepped out from behind the gun and scaled the conning tower of the u-boat. He placed his gloved hands upon his hips as he gazed out across the ruins of Berlin, regarding his handiwork with glee. "HEIL ROLF FINKLE," He cried triumphantly, "HEIL TO ME!"
Very well.
The Type VII sped ahead across the rolling, wild sea. A lone figure, clad in a raincoat, stood upon its grey hull. Dr. Rolf Finkle fired bolt after bolt of destructive energy from its deck mounted hyper-maser at his pursuers, a mass of reptilian flying saucers.

Dr. Rolf Finkle was quite fortunate. The reptilians were unaccustomed to using these war craft of theirs within planetary atmosphere. Furthermore, the hyper-maser, a prototype weapon of enormous power by even their standards, was too valuable to risk destroying. The reptilians, hanging from the bottoms of their saucers upon rope ladders with lizard cutlasses in hand, were hoping on a boarding operation - a boarding operation that Dr. Rolf Finkle would not allow them. He cut a destructive swathe across the flying machines with the hyper-maser, sending saucer after saucer plummeting into the frolicking waves below.

He did so with a grin of supreme glee. He knew that within his hands he held the future of the Aryan race. He gave the ergonomic grips of the maser a lustful caress. "Hitler is of a small, limited mind," Rolf thought to himself, "He seeks only the Earth for the Aryan race. I will deliver to our glorious people the entire universe!"

With his fleet gone and himself in a panic, the Lizard Emperor ordered his mothership - a Reptilian Xixax-Flek, a truly colossal hab-ship vessel which housed their very race - to decloak and descend upon the U-boat. He chewed the fingertips of his glove with consternation as he peered out from the bridge at this Dr. Rolf Finkle that had brought fiery genocide to his finest. His eyes widened to be saucer-like. "How has this mere human caused such destruction to our kind?!" The Lizard Emperor shouted.

"No mere human, mein freund. The finest specimen of the Aryan race ever born to this Earth!" Dr. Rolf retorted with his psionic powers, then gave the Lizard Emperor a migraine.

As the Emperor clutched his head, he suddenly felt his legs parting. He looked down. To his horror and amazement, the hyper-maser had cleaved the very ship in two. Beneath him was the open air and the shimmering sea. As the ship drifted apart, he fell between the two halves of burning wreckage and into the raging waters below.

Dr. Rolf Finkle smiled to himself and tore open his vest. Upon his chest was tattooed "No. of Races Genocided." He produced a Hitlerjugend knife and carved a single strike beneath this header - he knew it would not be the last.
As the Type VII U-boat rode the crest of the wave, Lars Ulrich snapped the briefcase shut to shield its contents from the incoming water and held it out to his reptilian co-conspirator.

"I guess this concludes our meeting," Lars said, "I am glad that the Aryan and Intergalactic Lizard community have once again seen eye to eye on this matter."

The lizard man hissed. Dr. Rolf Finkle's assistant - a hunchbacked, beady eyed, hooked nosed rodent of a man - hastily translated.

"He says that Hitler must wipe out Poland first, for they are the greatest threat to the Intergalactic Lizard cause at this time." Dinkleham Durshawitz explained.

Dr. Rolf Finkle cracked a grin, then cracked a shot at the lizard man. He fellated the still smoking barrel of his Luger and turned away from its mewling, screaming pre-corpse.

"Why have you done this?!" Dinkleham screamed.

"Lizards, intergalactic or no, will never be Aryans," said Dr. Rolf Ulrich coolly, "never."

He rolled the lizard's body off of the side of the surfing Type VII and snatched the suitcase up from the deck.

"But think of the ramifications!" Dinkleham said, knocking his knees together like a distressed anime girl.

Rolf twirled the Luger on his finger then blasted Dinkleham's face away. "Think of the Judaifications, Mr. Jew. Ain't no Jews gonna be on my U-boat crew." Lars said; the studio audience cheered and hollered.

The U-boat was quite a special one indeed: it was outfitted with a reptilian hyper-maser delivered to Rolf's hands for the price of six million reichsmarks and a toffee apple. But now with the briefcase back in his hands, he had retained this six million reichsmarks and the toffee apple. Consequently he had attained this reptilian hyper-mazer for the low, low price of zilch. Zilch, it occurred to Rolf, was a nice, Aryan sounding word.

Dinkleham wasn't even Jewish, but it was too late, and his life had already been snuffed out by the snapping maws of the sharks in the waters below.
Name: Dr. Rolf Finkle
(Also known in some circles as Lars Ulrich)
Age: 28
Height: 6'2
Unit: The G-Unit, better known as the "Genocide-SS"
Birth place: Dusseldorf
Political Belives: Pan-Galactic German Nationalism

History: While some can be said to have grown up with a silverspoon in mouth, Dr. Rolf Finkle grew up with a stethoscope in his. It is this very same stethoscope he wears around his neck today, still flecked with the ancient saliva of this individual. In addition to this stethoscope he now also wears a Knight's Cross awarded to him for his efforts, having valiantly euthanized thirty-three cripples in the line of duty. His pioneering, forward thinking policy of "killing in the name of" has proven influential, and may or may not have been a core inspiration in the soon coming "Aktion T4."

Dr. Finkle had three children, but one of them had to be suffocated with a pillow when he realized that, on this child's 15th birthday, he had actually been wheelchair bound all along. The remaining two successfully escaped his clutches when they realized they were not actually his biological children and there was simply some clerical mistake.
Well, I hate to say it, but I'm pretty sure this thread is dead. Unless if this is going to become a 1x1 between Zapdos and I, hah.

However, I'll give it some time and probably reboot the thread. Thank you all for showing interest and participating, even if you're among those that have disappeared. Next time I'll try to get the IC up much quicker.
@Haru Nyan no it's furrypile
we're in the secret thread on our private furry rp forum with shard
I AM SITTING ON THE RICHES OF CROESUS
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