Mountain Dew Quickscope
Mountain’s Home, Montage City, Steam, Mlgolia
March 18, Meme Year 2017It was another beautiful day in the mystical land of Mlgolia. Birds were chirping and flowers were blooming, not to mention the faint symphony of airhorns playing Darude - Sandstorm. The Giant Dorito Sun was shining its little rays of cancer on anyone outside. Montage City was the great jewel of the land of Steam, mostly because it housed Valve’s HQ, the greatest company ever and land of the PC Master Race. The city itself looked like a mismatched but beautiful blend of Los Angeles, New York, and Washington DC. Cars raced through the city streets as bland, one-sided NPCs milled around the place in a preset walk pattern with no personality whatsoever. It was a perfect day indeed.
“I FUUUUUUUCKED YOUR MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”And there it is. Not this shit again.
“Hey, what’s your problem? You know it’s tradition to insult the audience at the start of every new adventure.” Yeah, yeah. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
“We went through this like three times already. Get used to it, buddy.”I know. Jeez, stop being so pushy.
“Whatever, man.”Thank you. Down below, in the sprawling suburbs of Montage shaded by trees and vegetation, sat a completely normal two-storey house. Normal in every way if one were to ignore the blue and red Lamborghini Centenario parked in the garage, the garden growing nothing by weed, the flamethrowers mounted to the entrance, and the bullet-riddled target dummies outside, some of which appeared to be completely incinerated, while others had been blown to bits.
Ah, who am I kidding? It wasn't normal at all. Also, it wasn't normal because of one thing: it was the home of Mountain Dew Quickscope, the latest Quickscope Master and Gaben's Chosen, not to mention champion of hundreds of MLG tournaments.
Inside, on a comfy leather sofa in front of a Samsung 4K UHD curved TV, sat Mountain Quickscope, an Xbox 360 controller in his hands. The nineteen year-old sat in almost complete darkness as all the windows in his home were closed, and the crystal clear sound of noob harvesting could be heard all through the building, blasting out of massive speakers in the living room. The quickscoper looked relatively average, with messy black hair he obviously didn't bother to comb. He was out of his usual attire, wearing a simple
Half-Life tee and light blue jeans with Doritos fragments on them. The only unusual thing about him would probably be his eyes, which faintly glowed orange with pure MLG energy. He, of course, got them after obtaining badass powers after becoming the latest Quickscope Master, a line of legendary heroes and technical demigods.
Right now, he was performing his daily ritual of hardscoping noobs in
Black Ops II, the game perfectly suited for quickscoping. Every single game he played in lead to his team delivering a curb stomp with him
always landing some completely over-the-top across-the-map 1080 noscope trickshot. His K/D ratio was simply unfathomable; he killed far more people in each game that what would be physically possible. Twice, he was accused of hacking by some six year-old squeaker, and twice he had killed the accusers by quickscoping them from his living room (he simply opened up a voice channel with them and shot his speakers. The bullet came out through the accusers' speakers and headshotted them).
After another victory with the enemy team somehow scoring negative one, Mountain got hungry and quit the lobby. He put down his controller and went to go get something to eat. He pondered what to eat for a while, before he made up his mind. He got up from the piece of furniture and walked over to his kitchen counter and retrieved a slice of Wonder Bread. Then, he walked out his house to his garden that grew nothing but marijuana, and sliced off a leaf from the nearest plant. He rolled up the leaf in his bread like a breaddy joint, and lit it on fire using a flamethrower mounted to his wall. He then proceeded to swallow the flaming yeasty joint in one go. He could feel the healthy vegetables entering his body. Satisfied, he walked back in, when he suddenly felt a burning pain in his throat. The floury joint was still burning down there. Rushing over to his refrigerator, he grabbed a carton of apple juice and poured its contents into a glass. Tossing the carton back into the fridge and slamming the door shut, he picked up the cup and drank the glass, tossing the juice out the window, which covered a random bird with the acidic liquid, causing it to melt into the ground. Mountain gave a satisfied sigh, before making his way back to his rig to play some
Modern Warfare 2, the best CoD in his opinion.
Then, all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Groaning, Mountain brushed the Doritos off his clothes and trudged towards the door.
"It better not be that Vault-Tec sales representative again." He muttered, before proceeding to literally rip the door off its hinges. The two strangers outside yelped and jumped backwards, obviously not expecting such a hostile response. Mountain let the door lean against the wall next to it, before examining the two.
They were both wearing overly decorated grey cloaks with weird insignias and symbols. One was a man, the other was a woman. They looked somewhat alike with matching ginger hair and green eyes. Everything from the way they dressed to the way they stood was almost identical, except for gender, of course. Then again, Mountain stopped arguing with those idiots who claimed that there were seventy-six genders. Mountain was still pretty sure that there were only three genders: male, female, and attack helicopter. As he continued to stare at the strangers, he started getting
BioShock: Infinite flashbacks.
"Please don't tell me you're gonna say something like 'bring us the girl and wipe away the debt'.""What?" The man asked in an accent that thankfully wasn't British. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, good. You're not the Lutece Twins." Mountain breathed a sigh of relief, before a scowl overtook his features.
"Goddammit. Are you Jehovah's Witnesses or something? Why do you keep interrupting my MLG playthroughs? Come on, the first time you interrupted me was when I was trying to beat Round 2151 on Nazi Zombies while streaming on Twitch. You assholes made me lose." The cloaked strangers glanced at each other for a second, before straightening up. "We are not these 'Jehovah's Witnesses' you speak of. Allow us to introduce ourselves" The man said in a surprisingly professional tone. "My name is Davian Thule, and this is my sister, Aralynn Thule. We're representatives of the Inquisitional College." The woman nodded. Mountain folded his arms and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"The Inquisitional College? Never heard of it. Are you some new game developer or something?" He asked.
"No, we are not." The woman said, holding out a small brown box. "Mountain Dew Quickscope. You have been recognised as Gaben's Chosen and the latest Quickscope Master. You saved this realm more than once, and gained immensely powerful weapons and powers along the way. Therefore, we saw fit to offer you a place in the Crucible, a tournament that offers the champion whatever they want as a reward."
"Whoaaaaaa. Is that some badass new MLG tournament or something? And anything I want?" Mountain smiled.
"Sweet! Then I want to become the greatest quickscoper to ever exist.""We can grant you that, should you accept and win. Be wary as there are many powerful challengers you shall be facing."
"Meh, I can take them. I've fought literal gods before, you know." "Very well. Your name will be on the roster. However, before we do that, there are some... restrictions on your powers."
Mountain frowned.
"Okay, like what kind of restrictions?"Davian rummaged through his pockets and took out a parchment. "First of all, you are too powerful." That made Mountain beam with pride. Someone was jealous of his badass powers. "So, your teleportation ability will be reduced heavily." Davian continued to read the paper. "You will no longer be allowed to freely teleport. You can now teleport a maximum of two metres, with a short cooldown in between jumps."
Mountain visibly inflated at that.
"What?! That's some cheese right there. Just because my powers are that badass doesn't mean they should be nerfed! Whoever decided on that is a gigantic asshole!" He cried, turning away to glare at some unseen being.
Davian gave a questioning look. "Second of all, your Dew Shield will be removed, along with your super speed."
"Seriously?""Yes. That is all. Do you still want to accept?"
Mountain considered this. His powers would be nerfed, making him have less defence and mobility, but his weapons still packed a punch. He still kept his pocket dimension, so he could still drink Mountain Dew whenever he wanted. Mountain continued to think, not noticing that it had begun raining. Then, as lightning struck, he gave a wordless nod before snapping the broken door back into place and disappearing into the darkness of his home.
Roughly two seconds later, the door opened in the way doors are supposed to. When he reappeared, his looked completely different. His hair was still a mess, but it didn't look like he had just woken up. He had changed out of his casual attire, and was now wearing his Professional Trickshotting gear. His
Half-Life tee had been replaced by a FaZe Clan T-shirt, under a grey MLG hoodie. Hanging around his neck was a glowing red and black EACH G4000 Noise Cancelling Headset. His dirty worn blue jeans were now brand-new dark blue ones, secured by a black belt. On his feet were a pair of black and green sports shoes, and a pair of black armoured tactical fingerless gloves fitted snugly on his hands. Strapped on his back was the legendary AWP in its final form: Dragon Lore. The weapon had been blessed by Lord Gaben himself, and its standard .338 Lapua chamber had been replaced with one that took the much more powerful .50 caliber round. The gun itself had a disembodied dragon spirit residing in it. The spirit gave the gun additional stopping power, and made it nigh indestructible. It also bestowed the gift of infinite range and no bullet drop, essentially turning it into a infinite range death laser. Mountain named it the Dewrito for obvious reasons. A KAP-40 Automatic Pistol was holstered to his right thigh, a weapon of pure destructiveness at close range, though it was practically useless and longer ranges.
Mountain cocked his head.
"I'm ready to roll, baby!" He said, the Holy Light of Gaben shining through the clouds and illuminating him and him alone in a ray of golden light.
Davian and Aralynn nodded in unison. "Very well. Follow us, please." They said as they stepped into the rain which had grown so heavy it made a white screen of water. Mountain idly noted that he hadn't noticed the rain before. He hastily shrugged the thought and pulled out an umbrella. He opened it and ran towards them.
"Wait for me! I'M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!" Then, as soon as it started, the storm abruptly stopped, and Mountain suddenly found himself standing in the middle of a paved courtyard in front of a massive building. There was the faint silhouette of a city down below.
"Huh," Mountain muttered, tossing the umbrella away, which promptly exploded as soon as it hit the ground.
"That's new." He smirked.
"'Bout time we got a new map." With that, he shook off the last bits of rain and jovially followed the Thule Twins into the foyer of the Inquisitional College.
Achievement Unlocked!
Call to Adventure: Accept the invite to join the Crucible