Aahhh, I think... there are many ways to slice this topic.
As a girl, I can confidently say sexism is alive and well in the geek community. The problem is most dudes seem to have the same beliefs. That it isn't really the most vital topic, or that it is "typically not all that big an issue". Being a male in a male-dominant community makes it hard for you to empathize on our part, so I can understand... sorta...
Claiming that is isn't a big deal because it can happen to guys as well is also kinda... dumb. Claiming that "anything can happen to anyone, it just happened to happen to a girl" doesn't make sense. Because it almost always happens to girls. I highly doubt many guys get "You're faking it!" before "Cool shirt, bro!". Nor will they have their interests questioned... in order to prove their legitimacy like they're some sort of super secret spy woman.
My personal experience in attempting to join a geek community have been generally very poor. We have several card/hobby shops in the city. I have attended events in the past for M:TG games and after participating in one at each card shop, I stopped going. I love Magic. I love playing it. But it was so immensely awkward, I couldn't stand to go. It felt like I was an outsider, interrupting their fun. There are either guys trying to impress me with their knowledge, guys constantly correcting me or treating me like I had never played the fucking game before. So I said screw that. I've been on Gaia Online since 2004, and have had a male avatar for the vast majority of that. People would take you and your writing more seriously if you were even guised as a male. I've been told on LoL that I wasn't a girl. Sometimes it's even the girls themselves. I tried to join a local anime/cosplay group and was essentially alienated from everyone. So I left that too.
My experience has taught me to hide my interests, or at least speak very little about them. Games have objectified and sexualized women to outrageous ends. And let's not get started on
females playing online games.Suureee, anyone can pick up a controller and play a game. It is the responsibility of other players to make a girl feel comfortable and welcome. Which is hard cause most nerds don't exactly have the most experience with girls and think being a "nice guy" makes them the cats pajamas.
Brovo said
...And your own background is totally irrelevant in this unless you bring it up.
Although there are several things you've mentioned that are silly for me to hear from a guy but I'm going to focus on this one. This is really... not a great way to look at this subject. You have now turned the blame from the sexist male community and pointed the finger at the girls who "silly enough" to mention they are girls. That's like saying, "You wanna receive not-hate online? Just pretend you're a young, healthy, rich, white male from the US! Simple as that!" This fosters a toxic community. And sure, we can say, "Well there will always be trolls online! Girls can't complain because males get hated on too!" But it's different hate. This hate makes us feel like our interests aren't justified, that we're not "legit" enough to play with the boys.
I've been pretty fortunate since I surround myself with 90% male friends and they're all A1 people. SO YES. I understand that "not all guys are jerks". We can stop reiterating that. It's the guys who are being condescending and disrespectful without even realizing they're doing it. I think the largest problem in the geek community is the disbelief that sexism is happening.
EDIT: OH RIGHT.
Brovo said
...or wielding your gender/race as part of your identity instead of just being a character trait...
Alllrriigghhhtt. I don't know about you or anyone you know, but my gender really is a part of my identity. Like
really, really. Your identity is comprised of what you are. A trait is a distinguishing quality. I really doubt many girls would say, "I think my best quality is my vagina for making me a girl." I identify as a female Canadian geek. My traits and qualities make up my personality. Just a thought...