*BEEEEEEEEP*
“Emily, get out of bed already. Food’s ready!”
Ian pulled open the microwave door and grabbed the bowl inside. Grabbing two bottles of water from the very nearly empty case, Ian walked up the stairs that led to the second floor. From there he carried his breakfast to the table that sat on the house’s small second floor balcony. The overhang from the roof kept the sitting are dry despite the slight rain. He put opened one bottle of water for himself and set the other on the opposite side of the little table. Canned mac and cheese was good cold, but it was even better hot. “Talk about a life of luxury,” Ian said to no one. He was completely alone.
The people who owned this house were most likely dead. There was no other reason they wouldn’t have returned that Ian could think of, especially when theirs was the only house around that still had some power. He’d gotten lucky when he’d seen the sunlight glinting off the black solar panel affixed to the building’s roof. The front door was broken and it looked like someone had looted anything of value from the home, but the door was easily barricaded, and Ian didn’t care about anything material that wasn’t actively helping him stay alive. Mac and cheese. He cared about mac and cheese right now.
Ian took a small bottle from one of his many pockets and squeezed a few drops of a dark red liquid into his bottle of water. “Mio, what would I do without you?” He chuckled but was silenced as the sound of a jingling bell rang out from somewhere close. He waited a minute, and sure enough, from a nearby side street came a familiar shape. It was Mr. Smiley, the infected that had been following Ian for the past couple of days.
Ian waved to the impotent predator, knowing full well that it could not see him. Mr. Smiley was named that because Ian had sprayed a yellow and black smiley face over its own. Ian washed down his breakfast with a gulp of cherry-flavored water. The smiling face was merely decoration; the true mask was beneath the paint. A thick loop of duct tape to keep its jaws closed, spray its face with enough spray-on rubber to keep it from seeing or smelling anything, do the same on its ears, and then wrap the entire head with duct tape to keep the mask of rubber on. He’d done the same with its hands, though he’d added handcuffs and another layer of tape beneath the spray-on rubber.
Mr. Smiley turned and started walking down the road towards where Ian was. The bell tied around the infected’s ankle jingled with each step. He wasn’t entirely sold on the bell. Sure, it did make it easier to know where the infected was, but it came with a nasty drawback. Ian dived back inside the house as a crowd of infected emerged from the road Mr. Smiley had come from. The noise from the bell seemed to attract other infected thinking it was a literal dinner bell.
Ian left the bowl and the second, untouched bottle of water and ran back downstairs to grab his things. All of those infected would pass right by this house is less than a minute. In other words, he needed to be gone fast. His machete was still at his side; Ian only took it off to cut something or to sleep. Ian kept everything else with his bag, which he’d left…
Ian burst into the bedroom and grabbed his bag from where he’d hidden it under the bed. A quick check showed him that everything was exactly as he’d left it. Ian had been late to the party that was looting every store in the city for supplies, but he’d made out with plenty of less apparently useful supplies. Ian’s pack was stuffed full of spray cans of every sort imaginable. There were cans of spray paint, hairspray, spray-on rubber, hornet spray, and even a bright red fire extinguisher, its nozzle poked through to the outside of the bag. If one bug beneath all of the cans, they would find an equally startling amount of lighters, a few of the stick type but mostly the standard convenience store variety. And that wasn’t even the most questionable contents of the pack; it also contained two pairs of handcuffs from the local sex toy store which unfortunately had unadvertised quick-release mechanisms that had to be removed before the cuffs were any use, some ball gags from the same store that fortunately required no modification to use, a multitude of sharpened metal pieces wrapped in strips of rubber, a piece of rubber tubing, rolls of duct tape, and one pair of real handcuffs from the police station. One of the cops there had still had his with him when he’d been eaten alive by the infected. He’d died too quickly to become an infected, though it probably hadn’t felt quick for him. Ian had actually scored three pairs of cuffs from that little trip downtown, but one was now holding Mr. Smiley’s wrists and another now hung uselessly from another infected’s wrist.
Ian ran to the kitchen and threw the two remaining cans of mac and cheese and three remaining bottles of water into his bag before bolting up the stairs and slipping out the bedroom window to get to the roof. He checked his watch to see how long it had taken him to be gone. “Twenty seconds give or take. Not bad.” Just as he said it, he heard an infected hit the barricaded front door. It was difficult to stay in one place too long and not leave a scent, and days without a shower were not helping that problem any. Smoke began to rise from the front of the house, the sign that an infected had made it past the barricade and had set off the fire trap. A lighter and a bucket of gasoline was too rich a gift for an infected, but it was something Ian had to do. He was laughing hysterically as he brought up his hood and mask to cover his face. Just another day in paradise.
Ian ran down the center of the road with a good chunk of the swarm that had been following the infected that had been following him now directly chasing him. “See, isn’t it so much easier without the middleman?” The infected weren’t much for conversation. Ian dodged into an alley, jumped onto a trash can, and grabbed the rail of the fire escape. The infected tried following, but Ian had purposefully jumped up on the opposite side of the escape than where the ladder pulled down from. He was already three floors up and jumping over to the next building by the time the infected finally managed to get the ladder down. Their bodies might recover over and over after dying, but their brains were another story.
Ian was sitting with his legs hanging over the edge of the top of the building where he’d stored his extra supplies when the speakers all over the city suddenly blared to life. What new development was this? Ian was only half paying attention to what the man speaking to the city was actually saying though, the other half of his attention watching the poor little girl who had found herself in the street when the speaking man had decided to speak. She was most certainly going to be dead quite soon. If she was lucky the infected would eat enough of her so that she didn’t come back. If she was unlucky… Well, then Ian would try out his next method of rendering an infected harmless on her. She was pretty enough, and to be frank he felt middle-aged men were grossly overrepresented among the infected. Apparently they enjoyed eating their wives more than their wives enjoyed eating them. Ian laughed and resumed watching the girl’s death.
The girl was quick thinking; he had to give her that. Diving into a store was her best chance of surviving. Ian felt that she made a poor choice on running to the door she did, as a boarded up place with the shutters mostly up would likely be locked tight, but to his surprise the door opened for her and she managed to keep the infected out to boot. Unfortunately for her, someone else had chosen that exact store to hide in. “A girl versus an older man, I wonder which will kill the other. If this was a fighting game I would be playing the guy and Emily would be playing the girl and she would kick my ass, so I think I’ll bet on the girl.” Ian knew how terrifying a girl could be when she needed to; after all he did have a sister at home.
That infected was still banging on the door too loudly, and there was a whole swarm around the now-silent speaker. Ian felt the sudden urge to introduce himself to this new crowd of infected. If he burned them over and over, he might be able to test if the infected were capable of learning. Ian pulled his legs back onto the rooftop and pulled his pride and joy favorite toy from the top of the pile. It was a length of PVC pipe, almost three feet long with a narrow barrel and a fat canister-like body with a red button duct taped to the top. One of the rubber-wrapped pieces of metal was already loaded into the narrow end. Ian unscrewed the back end and sprayed inside with one of his cans of WD40.
A tiny red dot appeared next to the head of the infected that was trying to get into the store, but the dot quickly moved over to sit right at the base of the infected’s neck. Ian pressed the red button and the sound of an explosion filled the air, nearly loud enough to drown out the sound of the chosen infected’s head being blown off. Ian would never call his grandfather’s tinkering or the hardware store boring ever again. “This thing fucking rocks!”
Ian whistled down at the infected, but any that hadn’t turned after the shockwave from the air cannon likely weren’t infected and were merely normal dead people standing up. Unfortunately, the air cannon was too much of a pain to reload for multiple shots, otherwise Ian would have loved nothing more to have rained down heavy artillery fire all day long. Still, it wasn’t often a crowd of infected gathered right below where he stashed the fun stuff.
Ian lugged a heavy plastic sealed bucket over to the edge of the roof. He removed the two bottles that he’d duct taped to its cover for safe keeping and set those aside. He’d probably end up tossing them into his pack. The bucket fell to the ground far below and exploded, spraying liquid and goop everywhere, covering the nearest infected completely. The trio of dropped lighters, kept lit by simple tape, was all it took to turn the street into a firestorm or gasoline and napalm.
Ian ran down the building’s fire escape five steps at a time, falling more than running down stairs, until he jumped down to street level. The infected were in chaos, or at least those not downed by the unextinguishing flames. It seemed only right to give them some sense of order back since he was the one who had caused them to be in such a state. “Hey-lo good sirs and sir-ettes. Would you like to grab a bite to eat? I know of a really good place, and it isn’t even very far.” Ian sprayed the first infected that rushed at him with wasp killer in the eyes and then brought his machete down for its arm as the blinded infected just barely missed tackling him. “Free food! Follow meeeeeeeee!” Ian sprinted away with his arms out like he was a kid pretending to be an airplane, laughing freely as the ravenous predators closed the gap between them and him with startling speed. The only infected still outside the store now would be burning for a good long while even with the light rain.