>1812...///
Ava opened the front door of the house and was greeted with the spicy, sweet and now familiar scent of Laine’s clove cigarettes. She smiled at Laine lounging in the folding chair as she stepped out into the warm summer evening. “Hey.” She said as she stepped out and shut the door behind her. “Is it okay if I join you?”
Laine glanced over her shoulder when the door opened, smiling as Ava stepped out, “Sure, if you don’t mind the smoke.”
She shifted the chair around, so it faced the low step, “We should have more chairs.”
“Get a complete set.” Ava chuckled as she sat herself down on the concrete step. “Dinner was good by the way, thank you for making it.” She said, placing her hands over her bent up knees.
“No problem, I like cooking,” she replied, crossing her legs. “Donnelley prepped, he’s handy with a knife. Looks like they’re gearing up...boys night out.”
Laine took a drag, hiding her concern as she turned her head and blew the smoke away from Ava. “We’ll just sit around and give each other manicures and try to break this damn case open.”
“Yeah.” Ava frowned, glancing back at the door for a moment. “I’m worried about them, I hope things go well and no one gets hurt.” Especially over a vital piece of information she hadn’t been able to uncover. “I’ve got some ideas about the case though. I’m not an investigator like you and Pari but, I don’t know, maybe an outside the box perspective might help?”
“Me too, but they know what they’re doing,” Laine said, glancing over at her, “And of course, I welcome your participation, you’re a smart cookie. Plus you have found those emails and maps, that’s really going to help. Trust me, the ‘experts’ are spinning our wheels, we can use the help.”
“I’ll try to provide it.” Ava smiled, her feet lightly tapping on the steps for a moment. “But, um, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.” She said, the smile fading to a confused frown, her brows knitting together to add to her bewildered expression.
Laine flicked the ashes, sitting up to give Ava her attention. Her gaze met with Ava's, the soft light of the late summer evening giving her red curls a fuzzy halo. "Anything, of course. What's on your mind?"
“Just, something you said earlier I can’t really wrap my head around and I can’t tell if it’s the concept itself or I’m just weird.” She said, reaching up to rub the back of her neck. “The stuff about only feeling sexual gratification through violence? I just...Can’t get my head around it.” She shook her head. “How does that happen?”
Laine smiled slightly, giving Ava an amused glance. "Because you don't understand why someone gets sexual gratification by extreme violence doesn't make you weird. It makes you normal."
She took a drag, the clove cigarette crackling softly as the embers flared, "If you're asking how paraphilic disorders occur, it can vary depending on possible other psychological disorders and early childhood experiences. Sex and violence become fused and that's where the danger starts."
Laine huffed a soft dry sigh, not quite a laugh. "I don't suppose that answers your question?'
“I guess not.” Ava frowned, looking down at her knees. “I just don’t get it, is sexual gratification really that important?”
"It's worth killing for some," Laine said with a sigh, "Sexual gratification is a powerful motivating force. Haven't you ever done something risky because you're aroused by it?"
“Uuh, not really, no.” Ava said, clearing her throat as she looked back down at her knees, her fingers drumming on her legs. “I don’t really, um, have that?”
Laine glanced over at her, taking a moment for the silence to hang between them on the chance Ava might add anything else. When the quiet stretched too long, Laine asked, "Sexual arousal?"
Ava flushed and nodded, still looking down. “Yeah, I’m a little...asexual.” She said hesitantly, chancing a nervous look back up at Laine to see her reaction.
Laine tilted her head a bit, eyeing Ava's expression, "Just a little? Do you mean on the scale of asexuality?"
“Yes.” She said, straightening up slightly and lifting her head higher when Laine didn’t immediately reject the notion. “You know about it?” She asked, curiosity mixed with relief sparking across her eyes.
Laine nodded, tapping the growing ash from her cigarette, "I have, though it's not a subject that comes up often in my line of work. Human sexuality is fascinating to me so I've read about it on my own. It's not exactly codified in psychological texts but I believe it to be valid. What brought you to this conclusion that you're asexual?"
She paused then added, "If you don't mind me asking?"
“I don’t mind.” Ava smiled. “It’s actually nice to be able to talk about this, outside of the Internet anyway.” She brushed some of her hair behind her ear. “And I don’t feel sexual attraction when I look at people, so that’s how I came to that conclusion.” She answered with a slight shrug. “Well, no, sorry,” She frowned at herself. “I’ve felt it one time but haven’t again since so I think I’m on the Gray Asexual or Demisexual side of the spectrum.”
Laine shifted in her chair, propping her elbow on the arm of the chair, as she looked at Ava, "Tell me about the first time that you felt it, what happened?"
“Oh, um,” Ava rubbed her hands together as she frowned in thought. “I was in college and I was about 13 years old, just started going through puberty. There was this guy I had a lot of classes with and he was basically my best friend. He looked out for me, hung out with me and we were close.” She looked down at her hands and shrugged again. “It felt like one day a switch or something got flipped on and for weeks all I could think about was him and me doing…” She trailed off and rolled her hand in a vague gesture. “You know.”
"Having sex," Laine filled in, "Did you ever do more with him other than fantasizing? Tell him about your feelings?"
“Absolutely not.” Ava shook her head with a grimace. “He saw me as like his little sister and he was 25 at the time, it would have freaked him out. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings though and I kind of...sabotaged our friendship over it.” She sighed and hung her head, pushing up her glasses to put her face in her hands. “Thinking back on it, I feel like such an asshole.”
"It's certainly a confusing time," Laine said, quiet for a moment as her gaze drifted past Ava, before she snapped out of her drifting thoughts, then looked at her intently, "What happened that you feel that way, like an asshole?"
“I avoided him.” She said, her voice muffled slightly by her hands. “I got myself transferred out of the classes we shared, didn’t take his calls and tried to avoid him on campus. He ended up confronting me about it and I had a meltdown and yelled at him I just didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Ava lowered her hands and folded her arms on her knees, her eyes on a crack in the concrete with a little yellow weed trying to grow out of it. “And we never spoke again.”
Laine bit the inside of her lip, knowing it must have been terrible. How lonely to not be among kids her own age at that time. "Did you talk to anyone about your feelings for him? Obviously, you would have been too young to pursue him but it's confusing when sexual feelings get mixed with previously platonic affection. Especially the first time."
“...No.” Ava admitted, glancing over at her, brushing some of her hair behind her ear so she could see her better. “I was afraid people would think I was weirder than they already did or they might think he was preying on me or something. I just wanted to forget the feelings and move on.”
Laine smoked in silence, letting her settle on those internal observations. Finally, she said, "Those were valid fears, and being as intelligent as you are it might have been frustrating not to understand why you felt these passions towards your friend, someone perhaps you even looked up to as a brother or at least a mentor? So, you pushed him, the source of this trouble as you saw it, away. And then the feelings ended?"
“Eventually, they went away, yeah,” Ava answered with a frown. “Then I never felt sexual attraction again, I finally looked into it when I was about 20 and discovered the asexuality spectrum.”
Laine thought for a moment, examining Ava then the last glowing embers of the black cigarette. "So you have never felt anything for anyone since then? Not even another friend or co-worker?"
“Not really, I actually don’t have a lot of friends,” Ava admitted slowly. “I have one friend, my neighbor. With coworkers I usually only discussed work with them, I didn’t socialize much outside of that.” She nodded her head back to the door. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but UMBRA is the closest I’ve felt to people outside my family in a long time. Especially Donnelley, Dave and, um, you.” She said with a small smile.
Laine returned her smile, her thoughts turning to Dave and Donnelley and how very different her own relationship with them was. She cleared her throat, "Bonds forged under fire are often very strong. Especially in our situation where we can't tell anyone outside the Program about what we experience. I certainly consider you a friend, Ava. I'm glad you see me the same way."
The dark-haired woman looked at her, perched on the porch step and said, "Just a word of advice, don't be ashamed of feelings. Even the troublesome ones, they have merit and are valid. If you want to, you can always talk to me and it stays between us. I can't offer therapy or anything but I can be a friend."
“Thanks Laine,” Ava said, her smile brightening. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” She suddenly gave her a mischievous look. “I don’t know if you remember, but last night you said I could call you Heather.”
Laine chuckled then rubbed her finger along her jaw, "Vaguely, I recall. You can if you want, I am not fond of my first name but it is mine."
“I won’t,” Ava said with a chuckle. “I like Laine better, Heather sounds like...the antagonist in a 90s teenager movie. Like you’re the bitchy cheer captain or something.”
"Watch Heather's, it's where my mom got the idea," Laine said, rubbing out the cigarette butt in the ashtray on the ground beside the chair. "Popular antagonists, for sure. Luckily my dad has a cool last name."
She flashed a grin, then glanced thoughtfully at the front door. It wouldn't be long before most of the men left to go after Jay and Laine said quietly, "I almost wish I was going."
Ava glanced back at the door as well. “You do?” She asked with a frown, turning her eyes back to Laine. “Any reason why?”
She ran her fingers through her short dark hair, "To question him, of course. It's hard for me to let go of that need. To be part of the interrogation but...it's not an FBI investigation."
“No,” Ava frowned. “It’s not.” She glanced back at the house, where the Operators were getting ready to go out on a hunt. “There’s still plenty for us to figure out though.” She said, turning back to Laine with a small, encouraging smile. “Things that need investigating. Did you want to hear the theory Queen and I came up with?”
"Jumping right in with the new guys?" Laine said, "Impressive. What did you come up with?"
“Well, Donnelley asked that we work together on finding Renko.” Ava explained. “So I filled him in and he thinks that the reason this Renko guy is still alive despite being trouble for Jay and the Russians is because he must have someone of affluence protecting him. Someone the Russians and AB don’t want to piss off. And we theorized the same thing about the killer during the briefing because he’s bringing attention to Blackriver people don’t want. So, maybe Renko is the name of the killer?” She suggested with a slight frown. “I’m not an investigator like you, does it sound completely out there?”
Laine nodded slowly, "That does sound promising, it hits a lot of points on the profile as well. I'll be sure to remind Donnelley about asking after Renko. I'm glad you picked that out of the emails, very astute."
“Thanks.” She smiled. “Once Donnelley picks up Jay, I’m sure we’ll get our answers.”
Laine stayed quiet then fished out another cigarette, contemplating it rather than lighting. "I'm sure we will, they're professionals at this right? I just have to let them do their thing."
She stood up, "I think I'm going to take a little walk around the block. Don't worry, I'm packing."
Laine flashed her Glock in the holster in her open hoodie. "If anyone asks, I'll be back in a few minutes. I just need to...walk."
“Oh, okay,” Ava said, giving her a mildly concerned look as she glanced back out at the neighborhood. “Do you want to be alone? Maybe one of the guys can keep you company?”
"I'd rather be alone," Laine admitted, then shrugged, "The guys are busy anyway. I won't be long, literally just around the block. Besides, I grew up wandering around LA, I can take care of myself."
She put the cigarette back into the box and started walking briskly down the driveway.
“Aright, be safe!” Ava called out after her as she watched her walk away. The idea of staying on the front steps until Laine came back, to make sure she was okay, tickled her mind but thought better of it. Laine probably wouldn’t appreciate her sitting out on the stoop like a lonely puppy waiting for her.
She sighed and stood up, dusting off the back of her pants before walking back into the house.
Ava opened the front door of the house and was greeted with the spicy, sweet and now familiar scent of Laine’s clove cigarettes. She smiled at Laine lounging in the folding chair as she stepped out into the warm summer evening. “Hey.” She said as she stepped out and shut the door behind her. “Is it okay if I join you?”
Laine glanced over her shoulder when the door opened, smiling as Ava stepped out, “Sure, if you don’t mind the smoke.”
She shifted the chair around, so it faced the low step, “We should have more chairs.”
“Get a complete set.” Ava chuckled as she sat herself down on the concrete step. “Dinner was good by the way, thank you for making it.” She said, placing her hands over her bent up knees.
“No problem, I like cooking,” she replied, crossing her legs. “Donnelley prepped, he’s handy with a knife. Looks like they’re gearing up...boys night out.”
Laine took a drag, hiding her concern as she turned her head and blew the smoke away from Ava. “We’ll just sit around and give each other manicures and try to break this damn case open.”
“Yeah.” Ava frowned, glancing back at the door for a moment. “I’m worried about them, I hope things go well and no one gets hurt.” Especially over a vital piece of information she hadn’t been able to uncover. “I’ve got some ideas about the case though. I’m not an investigator like you and Pari but, I don’t know, maybe an outside the box perspective might help?”
“Me too, but they know what they’re doing,” Laine said, glancing over at her, “And of course, I welcome your participation, you’re a smart cookie. Plus you have found those emails and maps, that’s really going to help. Trust me, the ‘experts’ are spinning our wheels, we can use the help.”
“I’ll try to provide it.” Ava smiled, her feet lightly tapping on the steps for a moment. “But, um, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.” She said, the smile fading to a confused frown, her brows knitting together to add to her bewildered expression.
Laine flicked the ashes, sitting up to give Ava her attention. Her gaze met with Ava's, the soft light of the late summer evening giving her red curls a fuzzy halo. "Anything, of course. What's on your mind?"
“Just, something you said earlier I can’t really wrap my head around and I can’t tell if it’s the concept itself or I’m just weird.” She said, reaching up to rub the back of her neck. “The stuff about only feeling sexual gratification through violence? I just...Can’t get my head around it.” She shook her head. “How does that happen?”
Laine smiled slightly, giving Ava an amused glance. "Because you don't understand why someone gets sexual gratification by extreme violence doesn't make you weird. It makes you normal."
She took a drag, the clove cigarette crackling softly as the embers flared, "If you're asking how paraphilic disorders occur, it can vary depending on possible other psychological disorders and early childhood experiences. Sex and violence become fused and that's where the danger starts."
Laine huffed a soft dry sigh, not quite a laugh. "I don't suppose that answers your question?'
“I guess not.” Ava frowned, looking down at her knees. “I just don’t get it, is sexual gratification really that important?”
"It's worth killing for some," Laine said with a sigh, "Sexual gratification is a powerful motivating force. Haven't you ever done something risky because you're aroused by it?"
“Uuh, not really, no.” Ava said, clearing her throat as she looked back down at her knees, her fingers drumming on her legs. “I don’t really, um, have that?”
Laine glanced over at her, taking a moment for the silence to hang between them on the chance Ava might add anything else. When the quiet stretched too long, Laine asked, "Sexual arousal?"
Ava flushed and nodded, still looking down. “Yeah, I’m a little...asexual.” She said hesitantly, chancing a nervous look back up at Laine to see her reaction.
Laine tilted her head a bit, eyeing Ava's expression, "Just a little? Do you mean on the scale of asexuality?"
“Yes.” She said, straightening up slightly and lifting her head higher when Laine didn’t immediately reject the notion. “You know about it?” She asked, curiosity mixed with relief sparking across her eyes.
Laine nodded, tapping the growing ash from her cigarette, "I have, though it's not a subject that comes up often in my line of work. Human sexuality is fascinating to me so I've read about it on my own. It's not exactly codified in psychological texts but I believe it to be valid. What brought you to this conclusion that you're asexual?"
She paused then added, "If you don't mind me asking?"
“I don’t mind.” Ava smiled. “It’s actually nice to be able to talk about this, outside of the Internet anyway.” She brushed some of her hair behind her ear. “And I don’t feel sexual attraction when I look at people, so that’s how I came to that conclusion.” She answered with a slight shrug. “Well, no, sorry,” She frowned at herself. “I’ve felt it one time but haven’t again since so I think I’m on the Gray Asexual or Demisexual side of the spectrum.”
Laine shifted in her chair, propping her elbow on the arm of the chair, as she looked at Ava, "Tell me about the first time that you felt it, what happened?"
“Oh, um,” Ava rubbed her hands together as she frowned in thought. “I was in college and I was about 13 years old, just started going through puberty. There was this guy I had a lot of classes with and he was basically my best friend. He looked out for me, hung out with me and we were close.” She looked down at her hands and shrugged again. “It felt like one day a switch or something got flipped on and for weeks all I could think about was him and me doing…” She trailed off and rolled her hand in a vague gesture. “You know.”
"Having sex," Laine filled in, "Did you ever do more with him other than fantasizing? Tell him about your feelings?"
“Absolutely not.” Ava shook her head with a grimace. “He saw me as like his little sister and he was 25 at the time, it would have freaked him out. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings though and I kind of...sabotaged our friendship over it.” She sighed and hung her head, pushing up her glasses to put her face in her hands. “Thinking back on it, I feel like such an asshole.”
"It's certainly a confusing time," Laine said, quiet for a moment as her gaze drifted past Ava, before she snapped out of her drifting thoughts, then looked at her intently, "What happened that you feel that way, like an asshole?"
“I avoided him.” She said, her voice muffled slightly by her hands. “I got myself transferred out of the classes we shared, didn’t take his calls and tried to avoid him on campus. He ended up confronting me about it and I had a meltdown and yelled at him I just didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Ava lowered her hands and folded her arms on her knees, her eyes on a crack in the concrete with a little yellow weed trying to grow out of it. “And we never spoke again.”
Laine bit the inside of her lip, knowing it must have been terrible. How lonely to not be among kids her own age at that time. "Did you talk to anyone about your feelings for him? Obviously, you would have been too young to pursue him but it's confusing when sexual feelings get mixed with previously platonic affection. Especially the first time."
“...No.” Ava admitted, glancing over at her, brushing some of her hair behind her ear so she could see her better. “I was afraid people would think I was weirder than they already did or they might think he was preying on me or something. I just wanted to forget the feelings and move on.”
Laine smoked in silence, letting her settle on those internal observations. Finally, she said, "Those were valid fears, and being as intelligent as you are it might have been frustrating not to understand why you felt these passions towards your friend, someone perhaps you even looked up to as a brother or at least a mentor? So, you pushed him, the source of this trouble as you saw it, away. And then the feelings ended?"
“Eventually, they went away, yeah,” Ava answered with a frown. “Then I never felt sexual attraction again, I finally looked into it when I was about 20 and discovered the asexuality spectrum.”
Laine thought for a moment, examining Ava then the last glowing embers of the black cigarette. "So you have never felt anything for anyone since then? Not even another friend or co-worker?"
“Not really, I actually don’t have a lot of friends,” Ava admitted slowly. “I have one friend, my neighbor. With coworkers I usually only discussed work with them, I didn’t socialize much outside of that.” She nodded her head back to the door. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but UMBRA is the closest I’ve felt to people outside my family in a long time. Especially Donnelley, Dave and, um, you.” She said with a small smile.
Laine returned her smile, her thoughts turning to Dave and Donnelley and how very different her own relationship with them was. She cleared her throat, "Bonds forged under fire are often very strong. Especially in our situation where we can't tell anyone outside the Program about what we experience. I certainly consider you a friend, Ava. I'm glad you see me the same way."
The dark-haired woman looked at her, perched on the porch step and said, "Just a word of advice, don't be ashamed of feelings. Even the troublesome ones, they have merit and are valid. If you want to, you can always talk to me and it stays between us. I can't offer therapy or anything but I can be a friend."
“Thanks Laine,” Ava said, her smile brightening. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” She suddenly gave her a mischievous look. “I don’t know if you remember, but last night you said I could call you Heather.”
Laine chuckled then rubbed her finger along her jaw, "Vaguely, I recall. You can if you want, I am not fond of my first name but it is mine."
“I won’t,” Ava said with a chuckle. “I like Laine better, Heather sounds like...the antagonist in a 90s teenager movie. Like you’re the bitchy cheer captain or something.”
"Watch Heather's, it's where my mom got the idea," Laine said, rubbing out the cigarette butt in the ashtray on the ground beside the chair. "Popular antagonists, for sure. Luckily my dad has a cool last name."
She flashed a grin, then glanced thoughtfully at the front door. It wouldn't be long before most of the men left to go after Jay and Laine said quietly, "I almost wish I was going."
Ava glanced back at the door as well. “You do?” She asked with a frown, turning her eyes back to Laine. “Any reason why?”
She ran her fingers through her short dark hair, "To question him, of course. It's hard for me to let go of that need. To be part of the interrogation but...it's not an FBI investigation."
“No,” Ava frowned. “It’s not.” She glanced back at the house, where the Operators were getting ready to go out on a hunt. “There’s still plenty for us to figure out though.” She said, turning back to Laine with a small, encouraging smile. “Things that need investigating. Did you want to hear the theory Queen and I came up with?”
"Jumping right in with the new guys?" Laine said, "Impressive. What did you come up with?"
“Well, Donnelley asked that we work together on finding Renko.” Ava explained. “So I filled him in and he thinks that the reason this Renko guy is still alive despite being trouble for Jay and the Russians is because he must have someone of affluence protecting him. Someone the Russians and AB don’t want to piss off. And we theorized the same thing about the killer during the briefing because he’s bringing attention to Blackriver people don’t want. So, maybe Renko is the name of the killer?” She suggested with a slight frown. “I’m not an investigator like you, does it sound completely out there?”
Laine nodded slowly, "That does sound promising, it hits a lot of points on the profile as well. I'll be sure to remind Donnelley about asking after Renko. I'm glad you picked that out of the emails, very astute."
“Thanks.” She smiled. “Once Donnelley picks up Jay, I’m sure we’ll get our answers.”
Laine stayed quiet then fished out another cigarette, contemplating it rather than lighting. "I'm sure we will, they're professionals at this right? I just have to let them do their thing."
She stood up, "I think I'm going to take a little walk around the block. Don't worry, I'm packing."
Laine flashed her Glock in the holster in her open hoodie. "If anyone asks, I'll be back in a few minutes. I just need to...walk."
“Oh, okay,” Ava said, giving her a mildly concerned look as she glanced back out at the neighborhood. “Do you want to be alone? Maybe one of the guys can keep you company?”
"I'd rather be alone," Laine admitted, then shrugged, "The guys are busy anyway. I won't be long, literally just around the block. Besides, I grew up wandering around LA, I can take care of myself."
She put the cigarette back into the box and started walking briskly down the driveway.
“Aright, be safe!” Ava called out after her as she watched her walk away. The idea of staying on the front steps until Laine came back, to make sure she was okay, tickled her mind but thought better of it. Laine probably wouldn’t appreciate her sitting out on the stoop like a lonely puppy waiting for her.
She sighed and stood up, dusting off the back of her pants before walking back into the house.