15. π΅πππππ. Heterosexual. ππππππ. π·ππππ’ππππ π»πππ ππππππππ.
βI know a secret, and secrets breed paranoia.β
A Charming Sophomore
Isabel isn't a follower. If there is one thing that could be said about her with absolute confidence, it is that the girl has her own agenda, and it basically involves doing whatever she wants. On the surface, Isabel is a very well-mannered, kind, and agreeable girl who listens to authority and
does not do bad things. However, on her own, or with trusted friends and acquaintances, it becomes very clear that she has no desire to fit neatly into any sort of societal mold. Her rebelliousness only extends so far to the point that she feels like she's "just being a teenager," and not "ruining her life." She will sneak out with her friends, go to a party,
maybe participate in underage drinking, and then come right back to being a responsible teenager who receives excellent grades. Some would say is reckless, Isabel would like to think that it's a fantastic demonstration of her ability to multitask.
When she's not studying and sneaking behind her parents backs, Isabel is writing. Whether it's a daily entry for her journal, or for a story on her laptop, she's writing something. It is the only way that she has ever been able to express herself in a whole in truthful way. You could call it a hobby or a form of therapy. Isabel doesn't like to share with the world what she writes, or even that she
does write, and so it is a secret that she shares with herself and a select few that she believes she can trust.
Truthfully, Isabel is an intelligent, charming creature. She has excellent skill in the realm of communication, always knowing the right thing to say at the right time. Though she doesn't prefer to bite her tongue, she understands that there is a time and a place for everything. There isn't a conflict she can't solve without a simple conversation, and this quality of calmness has gained her a lot of respect and admiration from those around her. It's safe to say that she is relatively popular amongst her peers and authority figures, but it is all a front to her. Isabel learned at a young age that you had to act a certain way to remain unseen. Her exterior presents a personality that is friendly and welcoming, although deep down Isabel doesn't really like many of the people she associates with. As a matter of fact, there are few people that she truly cares for and a majority of them are in her family. It's not that she has no compassion, it's just that she has no interest in opening up to people who won't care about her in five years. So the mask goes on and Isabel keeps herself to herself, and the rest of the world is happy. It all works out, don't you see?
Dishonesty and Paranoia
Isabel would like to believe that her sneaking around while her parents think she is somewhere else is just a white lie. She would also like to believe that the people that she calls her "friends" wouldn't even blink an eye if they knew how she really felt about them. No one would be shocked to know Isabel's secrets which include but are not limited to hating everyone around her, stealing from others, writing about all the secrets she knows, etc. Isabel would really like to think that these are just white lies and not a big deal at all.
And by believing that, Isabel not only lies to the world but she lies to herself. When you are someone who lives their daily lives with a mask on like Isabel, you tend to become far too good at being dishonest. Although her "little lies" wouldn't seem to cause all that much damage, they would certainly ruin the image that she has created for herself. Fear of being outed has brought on anxiety to always keep her guard up, to never trust anyone. And this itself has led to the intense paranoia she experiences when she is on her own. Isabel isn't sure when the thoughts that someone was watching her started, but any time she is alone, she doesn't feel safe at all. Sleeping with all the curtains in her room closed is the only way to get a good night's rest, and nightly rituals always include checking the darkest corners of her space to ensure no one is hiding out until she turns off the lights. Just like most things in her life, no one has any idea that Isabel feels like this most of the time. Wouldn't they think she was crazy if they did?
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