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    1. nitka 11 yrs ago
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You seem rushed for some reason. I think it's that you keep apologizing lol

You DO know that if you need to back off writing for a while it's cool, right? You have a lot going on, and I'd rather you be doing this because you enjoy it than out of obligation. Plus I know our rp responses are a little longer than some of your others, which means it takes more time and thought...I"m just saying no worries. That's all :) And I hope you still like the rp, I know it's been pretty chill.
It was a comfortable silence, and when the coffee was gone I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sounds of the night. I hated that he thought that, that it was nothing more than a children’s story. I felt a strong desire to prove him wrong, but I wasn’t sure how.

“Bora Bora,” I finally spoke up, letting a yawn slip. Who knew what time it was by then. “Sounds pretty interesting to me. I’ll have to watch your blog for pictures of that one,” I smirked. I remember wanting to mention mailing actual pictures, but I thought it would seem silly. In ten days or so he would be off to another destination and another tour guide. It wasn’t worth even the postage.

Finally I sat up with a small groan, arching my back in a stretch. My muscles were stiff from sitting still on a wooden bench for so long. “We should get going. I still need to stop by the pub to drop you at your car,” I said with a soft smile, reaching my free hand out to help him up. “Why don’t you go around the house to the truck and I’ll put these away,” I said, taking his coffee cup. I planned on leaving Sammy there, since he enjoyed it and I still wasn’t sure if animals annoyed Peter or not.

I went through the screen door and through the kitchen, meeting him out front a minute later. If anyone was still up by then, they did a good job of hiding from me. Either that or I was lost in thought. “So what are you doing for the rest of the week here? I figure you’re not staying in the immediate area, are you?” I asked, sounding a bit too hopeful. “I thought it if you’re not sick of me I could call in ill one day. A little white lie wouldn’t hurt anybody,” I said, stepping off the front porch toward the truck, hands behind my back. “I could help with your work, ya know.” I had no idea how, and was hoping I would think of something clever on the spot. I didn’t. “I’ve always heard it’s safer to travel in pairs,” I decided on with a laugh, glancing up at the glistening moon above to avoid eye contact, in case he said no. “I know I can talk an awful lot, but I swear I won’t bother you.”
“So here we are,” I agreed, sighing contently when I felt his arm behind me. I knew he wasn’t making a ‘pass’ at me, just…doing what felt right to him. It felt right to me too. We were quickly becoming close friends, probably because I knew he was leaving soon. It was easier for me to get close to someone and speak freely when I saw no possible consequences. “I don’t think it’s sad, though. As long as we’re doing what makes us happy. Besides, I don’t think determined is quite how you feel. Being determined means you’d fight it even if a lovely opportunity came along.” I smirked, my fearless and naive personality shining through once more.

“You just haven’t had someone make you happier than you are out taking pictures. But one day someone might.” Perhaps someone just needed to show him what he was missing out on. Not everyone needed a lover to be happy, but I have always been big on family. Blood related or not, you need it close.

“Picture this.” With one slow movement I slid down in the bench just enough to lay my head on his shoulder, fitting there comfortably with his arm out like it was. I then tucked my feet up to the side on the bench, leaving the swinging to him and held my mug with one hand rested on my thigh. It was so quiet both outside and inside I was sure everyone had gone to bed by now, leaving no prying eyes to get the wrong idea. “Sitting out on your porch every night finding shapes in the stars above. No matter how crappy or great the day was…you’ll always have somebody to tell it to. A woman that very much wants to listen.” Were men into that sort of thing like women were? I wasn’t sure, but hopefully it sounded somewhat appealing. “You go on your trips with little more than your camera bag always knowing somebody is patiently waiting to see you again, taking care of things at home. She’s loyal, of course, and knows you are as well. Never a doubt. If she knows where you’ll be she sends letters every day. And one day you come home a week early to surprise her…she’s so happy she jumps into your arms before you’re even though the door.”

It was a wonderful imaginary story, and even I was lost in it by then. “You can’t tell me that, if it existed, wouldn’t change your mind even a little,” I added with a smile, tilting my head up just enough to speak softly into his ear. I was oblivious of his ‘personal space’, just doing what felt right. Being close to him like that didn’t bother me a bit, as it didn’t with most. If he didn’t know I was eccentric and unafraid by then, he was certainly going to figure it out quickly. I was the type to say and do things that could seem like flirting without meaning to since I had little experience with how men thought, especially those different from Peter. It was a pretend story about someone else afterall, that’s it.
No worries, I was at my mom's this weekend and we had a big storm yesterday so I've been out of power until recently.
Oh. My. Gosh.

Thats incredible. Im so so happy for you guys...
Yeah I love it :)
Sigh...im so so sorry. Dont feel obligated post until/if ever youre ready, but u know that.
I caught him looking at my feet, and all I could think was how glad I was that I hadn’t been running around barefoot with the kids like I usually did, making them dirty. “Hey now, I’m almost twenty three in a couple months! And a bachelor until you retire…sounds like a plan, if that’s what makes you happy. You’ll definitely have stories to tell,” I smiled, though it sounded very lonely to me. “I don’t think I could do what you do, not forever. I’m a big fan of the quite outdoors, you know that, but…I don’t know.” I did know, I just didn’t want to say it out loud. I needed human touch and contact, something you didn’t get much of if strangers were your only company all the time. It wasn’t even conversation that was so important. Just…a hand on the shoulder, a hug at the end of the day. Peter has done a splendid job of filling this need of mine, which is good since it has only grown stronger since we got together.

I smirked when he mentioned that I should not be single, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear and looking down as we continued swinging. What was I looking for? “I’m not looking, that’s kind of the idea,” I answered, finally looking back up at him. “I hope I don’t sound melodramatic here, but I really have no desire to…to give someone that kind of power.” I paused, trying to figure out how to explain. This too was something new for me to open up about. “I saw the pain in my mother’s eyes for years after my father left. She had given him her heart, and for what?” I shook my head, frowning now. “I love a lot of people and a lot of things on this island, but that kind of love is not worth the risk to me.”

But the question…it intrigued me, and I simply had to think about it. “But if I was looking,” I smiled, hating to bring the conversation to such a low point before, “I suppose he would need to appreciate nature. And be able to enjoy pancakes on Saturday mornings with me. That’s simply a deal breaker,” I joked, unable to think of any real traits I would want in a man. I really had pushed the entire idea of a boyfriend, much less a husband, away. There was more bitterness toward my father and most men than I wanted to admit.
Really? That's helpful to hear, I feel a bit silly but it's been needed for years, just couldn't afford it. And frankly, I didn't think the situation was 'dire' enough for it. But where is that line, where it becomes "dire enough"? There isn't one. So I stopped looking at it like I needed "special help" and that I just need advice. Thankfully my husband finally agreed when I said "I don't know how to handle this. like literally, no idea". I guess that's when it clicked with him too that it's just somebody helping you. No big deal.
Yeah, moments like this deserve shorter posts. No worries.

Wow...that's crazy... So I started seeing a therapist for some troublesome things going on right now, and she said I need to find when I live 'in the moment'. Its stuff like this that reminds me to do this, you never know what'll happen tomorrow. So glad he's okay!
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