Hearing Nathaniel’s calm yet unapologetic voice, Clementine felt an odd familiarity settle over her. It reminded her of the precincts—of times she'd been hauled in for minor offences. Not violent, not enough to land her in any real trouble, but bad enough for her to feel the weight of it. Her lawyer always managed to smooth things over, cutting her free before the situation could spiral beyond her control. Back then, she'd often smirk as she walked out, the cocky grin of someone who knew how to play the game and win.
Now? There was no smirk, no cocky grin. There was just the weight of Nathaniel’s words hanging in the air like an anchor. It made sense—of course, it did. Nathaniel had a way of making things sound simple and logical, stripping away the chaos with a few blunt words. It’s not for me to decide. It’s not for you either. That part gnawed at her, though. Even if she pushed it away, buried it beneath layers of self-preservation and denial, it was still there. Some dark, twisted corner of her brain whispered back, What if it should be?
Clementine’s jaw tightened slightly as the thought surfaced, her teeth grinding together. She forced her focus elsewhere—on Nathaniel’s hand on her shoulder, the solid weight of his reassurance. “You’re not a bad person.” She wished she could believe him. She wanted to believe him. But when she closed her eyes, all she could hear was that woman’s guttural, agonizing scream. The acrid stench of scorched flesh still clung to her like an invisible brand, burning itself deeper into her memory. She had done that. She had caused that pain. Self-defence or not, the truth was uglier than she wanted to face.
Her gaze flickered up to Nathaniel again, watching him as he shifted his attention toward the tunnel where her brothers had disappeared. Could he really believe that nothing had changed? That she hadn’t changed? Clementine wasn’t so sure. She felt different—something darker, something fractured. It was like a crack running through her core, spreading just a little bit wider every time she let herself think about it.
And yet… beneath the guilt and fear, there was something else. Something she was even more ashamed of—a flicker of hope. Her fingers twitched slightly at her sides as a thought slithered its way into her mind. I killed someone. She could almost hear her father’s voice in her head, measuring, calculating. Would this be enough? Enough to prove herself to him? Maybe now—after this—he would see her differently. Maybe now he would call. Maybe now I’ve done something right. The hope was faint but stubborn, like a spark refusing to die in the cold. It almost hurt to feel it.
A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips, faint and brittle, as the possibility warmed her for just a second. But before she could hold onto it, Nathaniel’s voice pulled her back to reality, cutting through the haze of her thoughts like a knife.
“Hm?” Her head snapped up, her pale blue eyes meeting his for a moment before following his line of sight. “Oh. That?” She blinked, forcing herself to sound more grounded, more casual. “Usually, Duncan figures out a solution, and Errol…” She shrugged, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she tried to lighten her own mood. “Well, Errol either goes along with it or does the exact opposite—depends on the wind, I guess. You never really know with my brothers.”
She looked back at the fire as her voice trailed off, her expression faltering for just a second before she pulled herself together. The smirk faded, replaced by something more guarded. Clementine wrapped her arms loosely around herself, feeling the heat of the flames kiss her skin as if to remind her she was still here—still alive. Nathaniel’s concern had been a fleeting comfort, like a warm blanket she didn’t quite know how to accept. And yet, she couldn’t deny that it helped, even if she wasn’t ready to say it aloud.
For now, she settled for the fire. Its flickering light danced across her face, reflecting in her eyes like little burning secrets. And as she stared into it, she held onto Nathaniel’s words, repeating them silently in her head like a mantra she wasn’t sure she believed.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not a bad person.
Now? There was no smirk, no cocky grin. There was just the weight of Nathaniel’s words hanging in the air like an anchor. It made sense—of course, it did. Nathaniel had a way of making things sound simple and logical, stripping away the chaos with a few blunt words. It’s not for me to decide. It’s not for you either. That part gnawed at her, though. Even if she pushed it away, buried it beneath layers of self-preservation and denial, it was still there. Some dark, twisted corner of her brain whispered back, What if it should be?
Clementine’s jaw tightened slightly as the thought surfaced, her teeth grinding together. She forced her focus elsewhere—on Nathaniel’s hand on her shoulder, the solid weight of his reassurance. “You’re not a bad person.” She wished she could believe him. She wanted to believe him. But when she closed her eyes, all she could hear was that woman’s guttural, agonizing scream. The acrid stench of scorched flesh still clung to her like an invisible brand, burning itself deeper into her memory. She had done that. She had caused that pain. Self-defence or not, the truth was uglier than she wanted to face.
Her gaze flickered up to Nathaniel again, watching him as he shifted his attention toward the tunnel where her brothers had disappeared. Could he really believe that nothing had changed? That she hadn’t changed? Clementine wasn’t so sure. She felt different—something darker, something fractured. It was like a crack running through her core, spreading just a little bit wider every time she let herself think about it.
And yet… beneath the guilt and fear, there was something else. Something she was even more ashamed of—a flicker of hope. Her fingers twitched slightly at her sides as a thought slithered its way into her mind. I killed someone. She could almost hear her father’s voice in her head, measuring, calculating. Would this be enough? Enough to prove herself to him? Maybe now—after this—he would see her differently. Maybe now he would call. Maybe now I’ve done something right. The hope was faint but stubborn, like a spark refusing to die in the cold. It almost hurt to feel it.
A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips, faint and brittle, as the possibility warmed her for just a second. But before she could hold onto it, Nathaniel’s voice pulled her back to reality, cutting through the haze of her thoughts like a knife.
“Hm?” Her head snapped up, her pale blue eyes meeting his for a moment before following his line of sight. “Oh. That?” She blinked, forcing herself to sound more grounded, more casual. “Usually, Duncan figures out a solution, and Errol…” She shrugged, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she tried to lighten her own mood. “Well, Errol either goes along with it or does the exact opposite—depends on the wind, I guess. You never really know with my brothers.”
She looked back at the fire as her voice trailed off, her expression faltering for just a second before she pulled herself together. The smirk faded, replaced by something more guarded. Clementine wrapped her arms loosely around herself, feeling the heat of the flames kiss her skin as if to remind her she was still here—still alive. Nathaniel’s concern had been a fleeting comfort, like a warm blanket she didn’t quite know how to accept. And yet, she couldn’t deny that it helped, even if she wasn’t ready to say it aloud.
For now, she settled for the fire. Its flickering light danced across her face, reflecting in her eyes like little burning secrets. And as she stared into it, she held onto Nathaniel’s words, repeating them silently in her head like a mantra she wasn’t sure she believed.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not a bad person.