Avatar of RainDash
  • Last Seen: 6 yrs ago
  • Joined: 11 yrs ago
  • Posts: 1501 (0.38 / day)
  • VMs: 0
  • Username history
    1. RainDash 11 yrs ago

Status

Recent Statuses

9 yrs ago
Current dyin from work. Gonna be brain dead for a while until I readjust
9 yrs ago
School. Hell. I'm almost certain there's school in Hell.
9 yrs ago
I wanna be a crystal gem, ma
1 like
9 yrs ago
It's been a bad week and it's only wednesday
2 likes
9 yrs ago
EY YO SENPAI NOTICE ME
1 like

Bio

User has no bio, yet

Most Recent Posts

@edgeout Sorry about the confusion, to clarify this is a High-Casual RP, not quite advanced but not really casual either. And that sounds fair enough, if you need a reference you can use mine. We just have high expectations, and also a lot of high hopes for the RP itself so we're not trying to be harsh we're just weeding out the weak I guess.

I learned it was a resume, because typically what you write and put in reflects your grammar and so on. I try to do it for all my sheets, no matter the level of the RP. It doesn't have to be long, but it just need more meat on its bones.
@edgeout I've been asked by Ambra to go over your sheet! Please remember that I'm not doing this to be a jerk, I just want the best character for you to come out of these comments. Please make sure your reply to these comments is also reflected as changes in your sheet. You can just edit it you don't have to post it again.

Okay! First off, please remember that a sheet is like a resume for playing in the RP. So uh, putting Missst doesn't make us confident in your sheet and thus we get off on the wrong foot.

Next is your mention of Eye Trick. What is that? Maybe just add a tab for abilities because saying Eye Trick makes me wary for a Mukuro copycat. I'm not saying you can't draw inspiration from them, but just copy pasting in similar traits from Mukuro is kinda... boring? Also I want to make sure this Eye Trick isn't as OP as it might appear to be.

Then the personality. It feels like a teaser for the character as opposed to an actual personality for him. I get that he smiles indifferently, and that people view him as dangerous. Does he do stuff that can be pegged as dangerous? Is his smile creepy? After this section I want to know about him and what he's like, and not like I just read a preview for this character.

History, just give us his history. Don't do another preview for it. Putting down the history gives you notes for later, and you get the bonus of being able to go back and fiddle with small details. You can say it's shrouded in mystery and all that, but give us the truth of the matter so that we as players can get your character history so when you refer to it we get it.

Genso understands. He can understand more quickly than anyone. He is like a chess master, that can think 5 steps ahead. However he usually keeps that to himself. Also he is not the most physically strong. His brain is his quirks.
edgeout

Read it. Out loud. It's hard to read and choppy. Also, that's not a quirk, that my friend is a personality trait.

quirk, kwərk
noun
a peculiar behavioral habit.
The Dictionary

Use this if you need help with ideas: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/a-book-comes-to-life/articles/201094/title/characterization-50-random-character-quirk-ideas

Overview. This... gives us more information about him than in the sheet. :I
Put an abilities tab and put the information about the Fixed Eye on that place.

Try reading it out loud. There are a few grammar mistakes and it's generally hard to read. Make your sentences varied and take your time explaining things. This sheet is not only your resume but your notes for the character going forward.
Think of it like how would you simply describe your character? A summary for all that you've written in. Hang on I think I have an old example...

Jak is a fifteen year old girl obsessed with softball and trying to help everyone. She's always smiling and offering ice cream to people. She tries to fight in close, protecting as many people as she can. She was born and raised in Venice, and her father has passed away recently.
RainDash

You get the gist of character without having to read the whole sheet!

Also, @edgeout, I'll get to critiquing your character in a bit.
@Ambra Wow you change your signature a lot LOL XD


It automatically cycles through various images. She doesn't manually change it. :P
England
It's up in the first post

"I will be stronger and join the Vongola! I won't let anyone else near me get hurt for my sake!"
Username:
RainDash

Name:
Aiden Rose

Age:
16

Gender:
Male

Country of Origin:
Italy

Role:
Student -> Boss-In-Training -> Vongola Boss

Flame:
Sky

Weapon/Fighting Style:
Staff with 2 blades on each end -> Lance/Nunchuk thing

Appearance:
Current:

Aiden isn't very tall, standing at about five foot six. He looks tired and 'washed out'. A lot of people often even go as far as calling him 'sickly'. His hair has grown out to a point where it looks shaggy but not quite unkept yet. He's thin, but underneath that is muscle. It's fair to say that he often has marks on his face from sleeping in uncomfortable places, such as his keyboard or desk. His purple eyes often look unfocused and glazed over, due to lack of sleep.

Ten Years From Now:

He looks healthier and his hair is kept neat, but somehow it still sticks out everywhere. He's gained some color to his skin and his gaze pierces even the most difficult of lies. He is known for smiling while fighting, and often has ink on his face or hands from various papers or projects. He gained some weight and now has even more muscle than before, but his loose clothing disguises it. His clothing is often strange and seems to be gifts from various people. The one he wears most is a knitted scarf.

Personality:
He's actually pretty nice and sweet, under all those layers of isolation and anger. Aiden goes to extremes to protect those he's close to, and sometimes to him that means keeping them all at arm's length. He's very smart and intuitive, when he's not half-asleep or daydreaming. He's also cynical and tries to be unempathetic. However, he's also a terrible, terrible liar. Saying that he doesn't care will reveal that he does and doesn't want to be involved in it because he himself is hurting too much to allow anyone else to get close. A lot of people think that he's a thug because he's often bruised from training, but the truth is that he'd lose in a fight no matter what. He just doesn't want to harm anyone unless there's an actual reason to fight that's meaningful to him.

History:
A normal kid, born in Italy to a Japanese mother and an Italian father. He was very kind and people were naturally drawn to him growing up. His parents were both around and cared deeply for him. Things were going well until he turned fourteen years old. Walking home with a friend they got caught in the crossfire between the Vongola and a rival group. When it appeared that the rival group was trying to target Aiden his friend protected Aiden from the attack.

Aiden was able to escape and told his parents what had happened. The next few months became a blur of packing, school, and finally the funeral. The shellshocked Aiden made a promise to his friend to never let his sacrifice be in vain and to never let anyone get close to him again. Aiden thought that if anyone was close to him they would be targets and only get hurt.

The move to England left Aiden's father in Italy, and Aiden quickly went to work studying the Vongola and learning about their tactics. There wasn't much to go on, but Aiden used every bit of information he had to try and join the Vongola to become a part of the biggest and toughest mafia group. He pushed every one of classmates away, but was reliable enough to do various tasks for them. He rationalized that it was strength training. After a while he had one particular person start to ask for his help more often than most and a friendship developed despite Aiden's recalcitrance. Things started to look up and Aiden started to forget about his training to join the Vongola. He figured he would just join as a underling and work his way up the ladder.

His friend committed suicide about a few weeks after Aiden and he started to hang out. Aiden, now driven by grief and heartbreak renewed his vow and decided that anyone near him would get killed. He trained in various weapons to no avail, often going to school bruised and battered and earning him the reputation of a thug. He's made no comment against it, but continues to help teachers and students from time to time, if they're brave enough to ask.

Quirk:
Sits on arms of couches. Typically sits in a certain way so as to be ready to get up at any time.

Theme:


Other:
Speaks Italian, Japanese, and English. Some Spanish since Italian is related, but not that much.
Has a phobia of thunder.

Overview:
A kid who saw his friend be killed by a rival mafia at fourteen, he moved to england not long after and vowed to join the Vongola. He made a friend in England but they soon committed suicide and Aiden was left alone again. He's since thought that he's a death sentence for his friends and tries not to make any. Despite his tough guy appearance and outward attitude, he's a big softie.
And plus you get to shape our characters going forward! my last RP like this everyone hung upside down on monkey bars for an hour. it was great
Same, here, but we still need a mentor to torture us all. I'd do it but I'm Sky so that'd be just rude
I'm trying, Ambra! But he asked me and I gave a vague answer....
<Snipped quote by RainDash> What is this little ragtag group? And who/ what are this evil group?


The ragtag group is set to be the next vongola generation. So I'm playing the character to become the boss of the Vongola. 11th generation, hope you're ready to party!

The other group? Well, I don't know exactly what they're going to be, to be honest! I don't know a whole lot since the plot's been changed, sadly.
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet