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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SeaFoamDaisies
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@SeaFoamDaisies As long as it isn't too exotic and they know how to speak English well, then yes. Last time someone wanted to insert a savage person from the wilds.


I was thinking someone with African roots?
There are plenty of African people who can speak English well and I hope it isn't too exotic.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Marlowe
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Eh... Sure. Why not.

And before anyone says anything, yes, there are white Africans. XD
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by edgeout
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@Ambra Wow you change your signature a lot LOL XD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RainDash
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@Ambra Wow you change your signature a lot LOL XD


It automatically cycles through various images. She doesn't manually change it. :P
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by edgeout
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<Snipped quote by edgeout>

It automatically cycles through various images. She doesn't manually change it. :P


Oh that explains it~ XP
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by SeaFoamDaisies
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Another question

What really goes in a synopsis overview?
After having decribed different aspects of the character in the rest of the CS fields, I really don't know what to put down for synopsis.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Solace
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Just a short summary of everything. Kind of like a TL;DR.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RainDash
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Think of it like how would you simply describe your character? A summary for all that you've written in. Hang on I think I have an old example...

Jak is a fifteen year old girl obsessed with softball and trying to help everyone. She's always smiling and offering ice cream to people. She tries to fight in close, protecting as many people as she can. She was born and raised in Venice, and her father has passed away recently.
RainDash

You get the gist of character without having to read the whole sheet!

Also, @edgeout, I'll get to critiquing your character in a bit.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RainDash
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@edgeout I've been asked by Ambra to go over your sheet! Please remember that I'm not doing this to be a jerk, I just want the best character for you to come out of these comments. Please make sure your reply to these comments is also reflected as changes in your sheet. You can just edit it you don't have to post it again.

Okay! First off, please remember that a sheet is like a resume for playing in the RP. So uh, putting Missst doesn't make us confident in your sheet and thus we get off on the wrong foot.

Next is your mention of Eye Trick. What is that? Maybe just add a tab for abilities because saying Eye Trick makes me wary for a Mukuro copycat. I'm not saying you can't draw inspiration from them, but just copy pasting in similar traits from Mukuro is kinda... boring? Also I want to make sure this Eye Trick isn't as OP as it might appear to be.

Then the personality. It feels like a teaser for the character as opposed to an actual personality for him. I get that he smiles indifferently, and that people view him as dangerous. Does he do stuff that can be pegged as dangerous? Is his smile creepy? After this section I want to know about him and what he's like, and not like I just read a preview for this character.

History, just give us his history. Don't do another preview for it. Putting down the history gives you notes for later, and you get the bonus of being able to go back and fiddle with small details. You can say it's shrouded in mystery and all that, but give us the truth of the matter so that we as players can get your character history so when you refer to it we get it.

Genso understands. He can understand more quickly than anyone. He is like a chess master, that can think 5 steps ahead. However he usually keeps that to himself. Also he is not the most physically strong. His brain is his quirks.
edgeout

Read it. Out loud. It's hard to read and choppy. Also, that's not a quirk, that my friend is a personality trait.

quirk, kwərk
noun
a peculiar behavioral habit.
The Dictionary

Use this if you need help with ideas: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/a-book-comes-to-life/articles/201094/title/characterization-50-random-character-quirk-ideas

Overview. This... gives us more information about him than in the sheet. :I
Put an abilities tab and put the information about the Fixed Eye on that place.

Try reading it out loud. There are a few grammar mistakes and it's generally hard to read. Make your sentences varied and take your time explaining things. This sheet is not only your resume but your notes for the character going forward.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by SeaFoamDaisies
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Username:
SeaFoamDaisies

Name:
Lamiya
"That's Miya to you"

Age:
18

Gender:
Female

Country of Origin:
Egypt

Role:
Storm guardian in training/Full time waitress

Flame:
Storm

Weapon/Fighting Style:
Miya has a pair of brass knuckles that she got as a gift from her uncle. She uses them occasionally.

Appearance:
Present


Ten years from now


Personality:

Miya remains devoted to the people she becomes close with. Although some may find her dutiful commitment forced, it comes as second nature to Miya. She finds it unthinkable to turn her back on those dear to her and will go as far as possible to be of use to them. Although she is self-preserving when it comes to strangers and the like, she becomes quite selfless for those she really cares about. Miya is determined and will not change her mind once she takes a decision. Her headstrong nature allows her to pursue tasks to completion despite all obstacles.However, it also means that she can be foolishly stubborn at times, not agreeing to things simply because she has made up her mind not to do so. When she is being stubborn, there are few who can coax her to listen to the voice of reason. Miya is a go-getter. She knows how to influence people and their opinions to get what she wants.Her assertive nature allows her to lead in several situations or remain within her comfort zone in others. Miya takes decisions right off the bat. New hobbies are adopted in a blink of an eye only to be disowned days later. Her rash nature has gotten her into trouble several times.Despite the consequences, Miya is unwilling to part with her impulsiveness. She prefers to go with her gut and take chances wherever and whenever she feels like it. Miya cycles between different moods faster than you can blink. She can be completely calm one second and absolutely frustrated the next.She is rather hot-headed as well. She is know for not taking offensive gestures or comments by others lightly.What starts with a heated argument with Miya can quickly aggregate into a fist fight - or worse.There is little Miya believes in. She rolls her eyes at practically everything: the news on the t.v, the rumors exchanged by her parents and the gossip between her friends. She questions everything. Usually however, her skepticisms are internal. History has taught her more than once to keep her cynical opinions to herself.

History:

Miya was born in her own country where her father worked as a simple businessman. She belonged to a small family of three, with no siblings. There she lived a rather lukewarm life, one that left her with not much besides a few foggy memories of loving daycare workers and warm weekends spent on the beach. When Miya was 12, her father moved to England when promised with better job opportunities abroad. Business flourished; and Miya soon found herself shifting homes, as well as continents. Given her outspoken personality, she found no trouble making friends and soon she found herself used to the way of life in Goldcrest. With the expanding family business came expanding expectations for Miya. She was often pressurized to excel in her studies, at sports and whatever else her father deemed a necessary prerequisite for being the heir to his business. Her mother, being a meek woman, could not do much to lighten Miya's burden. Miya did not mind these expectations at first- good grades came to her naturally and she loved sports. However, running her father's business was not what she wanted to do with her life. After finishing 12th grade, she decided to pause her studies temporarily. Although this infuriated her father, he could do little to change her mind.The two came to an understanding eventually: Miya was to take no more than a year off, after which she had to join a university of her choosing.
Her aunt, Sara, was transiently married, till her husband passed away in a strange accident. Miya's uncle was a social butterfly; and his vast number of dear friends spelled out support for his wife after his death. Sara lived alone in her mansion while Miya was constantly bothered at home. Since both needed an escape from their living conditions,everyone agreed to them living together. Miya works as a waitress at a nearby bistro to make some money. She plans on getting a ride of her own soon.Although she lives with her widowed aunt, she often visits her parents on fortnights. Her current interests include IT and toxicology.

Quirk:
Has a pressed flowers collection for which she regularly searches for new flowers. Also collects marbles.

Overview:

What, you looking for a fight?

Miya is a headstrong athletic girl who is not afraid to speak her mind when the need arises. Her hot-headed nature makes her appear rather belligerent and a fight or two every week is not uncommon for her.She remains loyal to those important to her indefinitely.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by edgeout
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@RainDash No, thank you for your constructive criticism. I thought this was a casual RP, not an advanced one. I understand if you see CS as a resume for a job per say. However I considered it more like a friend showing off to a friend their made up hero. I can totally understand why Ambra would rather have you talk to me than herself.

That being said, I was looking for a casual RP, not an advanced one. Furthermore it a Fandom. I didn't think I needed to try as hard. A part of me doesn't want to RP here anymore. However I can see that you are experienced with RPing, and (if you and RP as well as you critique) are a good writer. I admit, that I didn't give my best to my character sheet.

So here's what I want to do. I will edit my character sheet one more time. This time I will put more effort into bits that I feel can be filled in. I will give the history of my character completely, and change my character's quirks. Personality, I might add a bit more. This will be the last edit I do, and if you still can't accept it, then I will withdraw from the RP.

The final edit will represent the amount of effort that I would like to put into this RP. I think it wouldn't be fair for either of us to have to read/write with more effort than wanted. I will post an update when I finish my editing.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RainDash
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@edgeout Sorry about the confusion, to clarify this is a High-Casual RP, not quite advanced but not really casual either. And that sounds fair enough, if you need a reference you can use mine. We just have high expectations, and also a lot of high hopes for the RP itself so we're not trying to be harsh we're just weeding out the weak I guess.

I learned it was a resume, because typically what you write and put in reflects your grammar and so on. I try to do it for all my sheets, no matter the level of the RP. It doesn't have to be long, but it just need more meat on its bones.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Solace
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This is a casual roleplay. I don't see why wanting quality is a bad thing. It's just criticism.
We put work into roleplays and hope they even last long enough so our work would pay off. I don't think it's wrong to analyze a character sheet and say something is out of place. It helps others see what they should not do for their own characters, as well.
It's time worth spent editing if you really want to be in the roleplay.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Marlowe
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@edgeout We don't need a novel for your character sheet. What we need is for you to explain things more thoroughly. Like... I would like to know more about his eye power! :) The way you explained it doesn't really, well, describe it, so it's a little confusing. We can't tell if it's OP or not. This is not an advanced RP-- it is casual, but we would like for you to make a character sheet that properly explains everything rather than leaving somethings vague. ^^

@SeaFoamDaisies I like the effort you put into your sheet. I can tell you put a lot of time into it, and for that, I smile. I simply can't make my form that in depth. ^^

Okay, time for the critiquing part. As Rain said, I hope that I do not offend you or seem like a jerk when I critique your sheet.

First of all, I would like to say that not every character has to start out knowing combat skills or knowing someone who is part of the Vongola or is part of the Vongola themselves. We'd like some variety in our characters! ^^

Second of all, the format is a bit strange. The headers and all are nice, but for some reason so many spaces and the centering makes it a little hard on the eyes. While it really isn't that noticeable in the personality section, it's more prominent in the history section. Maybe it would be better if you just formatted it without the headers.

Third of all, the history part is a little confusing. Especially the Aunt Sara part, which is a little too condensed and is a little all over the place. Miya really shouldn't have an understanding of her abilities-- Gokudera did not start out with Storm flames in the beginning of the anime even though he was part of the Vongola.

That;s about it!

Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by TheUltimatum
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Username: @TheUltimatum

Name: Giovannici

Age: Possibly 32

Gender: Male

Country of Origin: Firenze, Italia (?)

Role: Vongola Tutor

Flame: Storm and Rain

Weapon/Figting Style: Gio uses a gun and a scythe into which he channels the Will of Storm and Rain. The scythe's blade is detachable as well. Gio has also mastered most assasination techniques and he uses his own fighting style.

Appearance:


10 Years


Personality
Giovanni is a pretty calm and collected man. He likes to make his students go through challenges and intense training sesions, of course in his own way. Not much is known about him and his childhood. He never had any memories until a man found him and raised him in Firenze. He's a pretty renown hitman as well. If any of his students are hurt purposefully and not through one of his challenges.
Whenever Gio gets mad, he starts radiating a purplish flame. He dosen't necessarily go into a frenzy because he can keep his straight head but not for long. Whenever Gio gets angry it's best to leave him alone.

History:
Not much is known about Giovanni. He was raised in Firenze along with the person he calls father. Gio was found at age 13, around the same time that Tsunayoshi was receiving lessons From Reborn so he heard alot about them. Gio was raised to be a hitman from young as well. He was home tutored everything he currently knows. Soon enough, Gio had reached a high class in his Hitman job. Gaining respect from most Mafia families.
It is unkown as to how Gio acquired his Second Dying Will Flame as well. He was quickly hired by Vongola Decimo to tutor the new generation into the new generation of Vongola.

Quirks:
Giovanni has an extremely high IQ of 185. He can move pretty quick and is really good at spying and stealth.

Overview:
Gio is 32 (?) Years of age. He is a renown Hitman and Spy. His Dying Will flames are the Rain and Storm flames along with his Gun and Scythe. He has a pretty happy and simple personality. Even though he likes to torment his students. He was "born" in Firenze and trained to become a Hitman and Spy. At some time in his life he attained his Second Dying Will Flame but it is unkown as to how. Yet.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SeaFoamDaisies
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@SeaFoamDaisies I like the effort you put into your sheet. I can tell you put a lot of time into it, and for that, I smile. I simply can't make my form that in depth. ^^

Okay, time for the critiquing part. As Rain said, I hope that I do not offend you or seem like a jerk when I critique your sheet.

First of all, I would like to say that not every character has to start out knowing combat skills or knowing someone who is part of the Vongola or is part of the Vongola themselves. We'd like some variety in our characters! ^^

Second of all, the format is a bit strange. The headers and all are nice, but for some reason so many spaces and the centering makes it a little hard on the eyes. While it really isn't that noticeable in the personality section, it's more prominent in the history section. Maybe it would be better if you just formatted it without the headers.

Third of all, the history part is a little confusing. Especially the Aunt Sara part, which is a little too condensed and is a little all over the place. Miya really shouldn't have an understanding of her abilities-- Gokudera did not start out with Storm flames in the beginning of the anime even though he was part of the Vongola.

That;s about it!


I don't mind criticism so knock yourself out!

I do use a lot of spaces and centre alligning coz it just looks aesthetically more appealing to me that way.
But no matter, I'll try to get rid of unnecessary spaces and the centre-ing~

I was in two minds regarding Miya's skills so this actually makes it easier for me.
I'll remove the part where it says she's already training and knows her abilities and stuff.

I arranged the history in a chronological order
Like it begins when she was a kid, goes on to her high school years and then talks about how she reached where she is now.
I'll remove the part about her aunt being affiliated with the Vongola, but you'll need to elaborate further on what history parts are confusing :s

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Marlowe
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@TheUltimatum Now that is a good sheet. Short and simple, but high quality and unique. Accepted!

@SeaFoamDaisies Thank you for your cooperation and understanding~

I see that two out of the three issues has been pointed out and understood. But about the history... by removing her aunt's affiliation with the Vongola themselves, I believe that the issue is settled. I just thought that her aunt was affiliated with the family, but did not give any details on to how she was affilated. So accepted!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SeaFoamDaisies
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Awesome,will make the needed changes right away~
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by TheUltimatum
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TheUltimatum Six Paths of Pain

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@Ambra

Thanks! \(^.^)/
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Marlowe
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@SeaFoamDaisies Oops! One more thing:

Storm Guardians don't really use upright swords. Those are usally reserved for Rain Guardians (think of Yamamoto, Squalo, and the first generation Rain Guardian). Storm Guardians use projectile weapons, or weapons you can throw. Gokudera used explosives, Bel used wires and knives. A sword on a Storm Guardian doesn't make sense. ^^
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