sakurasan — Roleplayer Guild

@foxygen I'll probably be going back to fix grammar mistakes but I think it's good for now. Anyways, here's my bb~ 

    ╔═.♛. ═════════════════════════╗

    ✘ I don’t want to be awake again, 

                      I spend my days with my head in my hands. 

  If I go outside I’ll fall apart. 
                      
                I am mostly scared of passing time,
 
             the world it seems gets more unkind. 

               Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine. ✘

    ╚══════.♛. ════════════════════╝

Barbra Streisand - Being Good Isn't Good Enough • Acid Ghost - There's No Use in Trying Anymore • Crywank - It's OK, I Wouldn't Remember Me Either

NAME ➸Ethan 'Devin' Taylor
NICKNAME ➸Devin - This is the name that Ethan is often called. The reason he tells people to call him this is because he despises his first name since it means strength. Something that he doesn't believe he has since he can't even dismiss the urges that cause this trip to the psychiatric hospital one that he'll never be able to conclude.
AGE ➸Seventeen
DIAGNOSIS ➸Part of the treewit community for around 1 month. Ethan was diagnosed with OCD on July 8th, 2010. He has an anxiety disorder which ties close to the OCD. His depression is something that can cause his OCD and anxiety to worsen.

{{ Organized • Impulsive • Perfectionist • Depreciator • Independent }}

PERSONALITY ➸
Proper, polite, and striving to become perfect. You'll see those three words down in the bio as well. Said by his father and interpretted as something much more for Ethan. When you first meet him, you can already see that he is quite obviously a proper and polite man. The way he greets others as if he was reading straight out of an english introduction book for a foreigner. Though his expression rarely ever changes, he has a lot of emotions on the inside. Far too much going on in that mind of his.  

Ethan will not be touching you. A common symptom of OCD, he obsesses over cleanliness, contamination, and germs. However, that is simply one of his obsessions. Ethan has many thoughts running through his mind every second. A brief moment of peace from his thoughts may occur once or twice nowadays. The obsessions and compulsions honestly just make him feel even more stressed. Every single day he tries to stop himself from doing whatever he feels the need to do but is still struggling. The fact of the matter is that he believes that he is broken and truly wants to change.

The fact that he is pessimistic probably started after he began to believe that he caused his mother's death. Well, perhaps it had started much before that but it truly began to stand out after that casualty. Ethan was never a confident boy. Always insecure about what he did and how he looked. He grew up getting told that he had to be perfect but never that he was. Due to this fact, even if someone compliments him on something, he'll just believe that he could have done something better or that they're just being nice. Of course, he'll force a painfully fake smile on his face and say his thanks.

Worrying over things has become second nature for him. What he customarily worries about is what others think of him. Even at Treewit, these thoughts come to mind. At home, it was if his father was proud of him and here it is whether the others believe that he is just as broken as he assumes. That is one of the reasons that Ethan tries his best to be as magnanimous as possible. He is a truly kind kid at heart. He tries his best to at least make people feel welcome to speak to him though he mostly fails horrendously at this. Ethan was never great at being kind. Not to mention that his humor is more of cringe humor. A result of having been homeschooled after he was 8 years of age and never speaking to many kids in the first place. What Ethan wants is reassurance that he can still become normal. 

STRENGTHS ➸ Memory - Ethan's memory has always been something admirable. The fact that he can remember what color his father's suit was 5 weeks ago on a specific day and how he'll be able to recall a whole chapter from a book that he loved. Ethan has a habit of quoting poems and more specifically book lines that he grew to love.
Observant - When you see Ethan, you'll notice that his eyes almost constantly wander. Not too fast but they go from right to left and up and back down. Ethan has a particular way that he observes his surroundings, his eyes making sure to catch a glimpse of everyone in the room just to that he can recall who was there later. It's a precaution measure of his due to the fact that he worries if someone goes missing, no one will remember if they were ever in a certain place. And this way, Ethan will know who was where.
Diligent - He has always been a hardworking boy. Never giving up and just wanting to flourish. If Ethan is to commit to doing something, he'll put his whole heart into it. The idea of failing terrifies him which is why his disorder makes him feel as if he has failed at being perfect or even normal.

WEAKNESSES ➸ Short temper - Despite his attempts to be someone calm, cool, collected, and always kind, Ethan is easily vexed. His breathing will become more rugged and his palms will begin to sweat. Especially if anyone says that he is wrong, he will most likely lash out at them but it will barely show on his face that he is truly angry. It'll be more like watching someone panic over something. Ethan always tries to stop himself from feeling the need to cross someone. 
Impulsive - Comes with his OCD but even before that, Ethan was the type of boy to do whatever he wanted without realizing that he wasn't allowed to. Though after awhile, the disobeying stopped. Ethan has a habit of forgetting his surroundings if he gets a certain urge to do something. Though some could say it's just his disability, it's also his own character trait that he would likely have even without OCD.
Concealing - For 3 years, Ethan had managed to hide his disability. Ethan wants to hurry up and get better so that he can be released into the world. That often means that he will lie to the therapists and tell them that he is getting much better. Though he is bad at lying, he is also good at persisting something to the point that they give up on the matter.

HISTORY ➸
Nolan Taylor proposed to Abigail Mirabelle on July 6th, 1979. There was a deluge on that day. The couple had been eating dinner rather silently in Nolan's home. A mansion with castle chic decor. Nolan never actually smiled on that day. Occasionally, the right side of his lip curled up, showing a slight smile that wasn't a hundred percent genuine. Abigail, the woman that would soon become his new wife, agreed to the arrangement. However, rather than a marriage arrangement it was more like they had entered into a new business partnership. 

Abigail and Nolan were both on the well off of the economic food chain. Nolan's family line had a custom tailor company by the name of 'The Taylor' that had been run by his family for more than 100 years. It was a company that they poured their sweat and tears into for so many years. Nolan Taylor had a duty to fulfill all of his life and that was simply to run the company and pass it onto his child. Abigail Mirabelle, on the other hand, was a small business owner. A small but fairly successful business. She had the concept down for making money with her clothing boutique but not a large enough market to sell it to. That was what Nolan was drawn to. Her skill around money. The way she spent it, the way she invested. When they had married, she sold her shop to a woman in her 20's and that was the last that she has thought of it. Once they were to be bound to each other, loyalty and all by a piece and paper as well as a diamond ring, Abigail was more of the accountant/financial manager. But going into this marriage the two of them already knew each other's intent. That they were hardly doing it out of something so uninvolved as love. That the two of them were there to support each other and prove useful to the other.

Their marriage was a dull and loveless one for years. But nonetheless, they had tried for a child after the 1st year of their marriage. Nolan encouraged having a son or daughter to pass the company onto. After all, the both of them were in their 30's already. So, soon Nolan was born. On May 8, 1999. The only child that the couple would have. It was a day where the sun was hiding behind the clouds and everything just seemed still. Just for a moment, of course. Everything just lasts a moment before the clouds begin to move and the wind begins to blow.

Nolan was destined to be a perfectionist. With his father telling him "Proper, polite, and perfection. Perfection, especially. Strive for perfection." Daily, he attempted to do just that. And ever since he was young, he was obsessive over everything. How after he ate, nothing was to be out of place. The silverware was on his right side with the glass of water on the left and his plates must be stacked neatly. All that Nolan ever wanted to be was perfect. But after his mother passed, it got worse. She had died in an unfortunate car crash on the way to pick him up from his private school. He was 8 years old and when he got the news, Nolan fell into a pit of self-flagellation and anxiety. His father allowed him to be homeschooled after this and the tiny little "quirks" got worse afterward. The way that he always knocked on her mother's door twice when he woke up or how he needed to say goodnight to the entrance of the door every night. But never touching the doorknob. However, these were just qualities that the people around him could say were normal for a child his age that was traumatized by the death of their mother. These were just qualities that they could call "ordinary."

It wasn't until he was 11 years old that his therapist had told his father that he had OCD. The simple ticks had gotten worse over the years but Nolan had managed to pass it off as just trauma from his mother dying. The depression that he had been diagnosed with at the age of 8 was something that caused his OCD and anxiety to become worse of a monster than it was without it. Nolan was mortified by the fact that he was abnormal. Abnormal wasn't a synonym for perfect. Neither was normal but the word disorder just made his skin crawl. His father, now a man of guilt for he believed that he was the reason he was the way he was. He was never a particularly bad father. Never laid a hand on Nolan violently. The only punishment that wasn't something that most fathers did was locking Nolan inside of a small room overnight and letting him out the next morning. The words "You're alright now. I'm here. It's ok." ringing in Nolan's ears. 

Nolan's father honestly couldn't handle the fact that his son was - in his eyes- broken. The child that he had groomed all his life to take over the company was the same man before him. But the boy in front of him never looked him straight in the eye and even if he barely said much, he knew that he was actually struggling with something much greater than him. At one point, his father was done. Just watching him made his own heart hurt and at the same time, he felt anger. Frustrated. Nolan was sent to Treewit just last month and has been there ever since. Struggling, still, to be perfect.

OTHER ➸Matthew Bell
sakurasan Member

you don't know how to wash your shoes

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