Her fingers touch the Adapa with little hesitantion. Funny, how it always comes back to overcoming this moment. It was the reason her parents moved her from Seer's Loft. It was the reason she came to this school. It was the reason she didn't turn tail as soon as the going got touch, as all her instincts told her to.
Good thing she's had practice.
---
Winter. To some, the hardest season of the hunt. Many an amateur hunter are intimidated by the bitter cold and the decreased amount of game. To the Nachtnebel family, however, Winter was a blessing. Clear sightlines. Few pests. Easy trails. Little competition. And, of course, lots of hungry families to feed. It wasn't just prime hunting time, but prime trading as well, with various family gatherings, tourists, and the like on account of the many festivities held around this time of year.
The world is cold and crystalline and quiet, freshly blanketed in snow. Two sets of footprints break apart the picturesque scene. The first set belongs her Hildegunde, a young teen who would turn 15 in two days. The second set belongs to her brother, Gunther, whom Hildegunde shared a party with each year. He had turned 19 today.
The two of them crouch by the brambles, having tailed a deer. Hildegunde's frozen breath hangs in the air. She inhales sharply, finger on the trigger.
Deer. Brainstem.
"Freikugeln."
The sound of a singular gunshot followed by dozens of flapping wings fill the air. Then after, a sigh follows.
"You forgot to silence your gun again?" Gunther scolds, and Hildegunde scoffs.
"I hit it, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but what if you hadn't? And you should know better than to aim for the head. If you miss the brain-"
"-Which I obviously didn't-"
"Then you'd have caused a lot of unnecessary suffering. Plus, it's just harder to hit. You're giving yourself more trouble for no reason."
A grin spreads on Hildegunde's face. "Harder for you, maybe," she taunts, approaching the fallen deer. "Maybe you're just jealous 'cause I'm a better shot than you."
Now Gunther smiles. "Right. In your dreams." Hildegunde rolls her eyes, beginning to bag the carcass.
"Have I missed a single shot these past six days? Face it. You've finally been outclassed~" Gunther snorts.
"You just got lucky."
Hildegunde stares at Gunther, eye twitching. Even now! Even now he acts high and mighty! She's finally got something she's good at - even than him better at - and he refuses to acknowledge it! She inhales sharply again.
"I can literally aim with my eyes closed," she brags childishly, to Gunther's amusement. His laughter is soft, but to a younger Hildegunde, it is sandpaper to her eardrums.
"Do you even know what literally means?" Hildegunde crosses her arms.
"Shut up, yes I do." Gunther smirks and raises an eyebrow. He stops his bagging of the deer to cross his arms.
"Alright Hilde, let's see it then." Indignation boils in Hildegunde, going to grab her rifle. There's no living being around besides herself and her brother, so she sets her sight on an icicle off a treebranch.
"That icicle. There," she points, looking at her brother before closing her eyes and turning away from him.
Icicle. Base.
Another gunshot rings through the air, and a snow-softened thud follows.
One far too big for an icicle.
Hildegunde opens her eyes, confused. She turns around, and her blood runs colder than the winter air.
He was behind her. He is behind her. The gun was pointed in the opposite direction of him. It shouldn't. It couldn't.
And yet, here he was.
Red seeps into white. All of her indigination, her jealousy, her vitriol, evaporates.
"Gunther?"
No response. Why would there be one?
"Gunther!?" Hildegunde calls out again, dropping her rifle to shake the boy.
There is no third cry. Just quiet realization.
He does not wake.
He never will.
And no one can know the truth.
A thousand familiar thoughts she has grappled with flood her.
This is all still just your childishness. Even now, all you care to do is prove your own worth. He is just a cover to your ugly inferiority.
It wasn't true. She knew what she felt in those moments. And besides, so what if it were true? It wouldn't change a thing. This gift, first a poison, needed to become a blessing. Or his death would never be more than a shameful accident.
You'd never had surpassed him. He should be here, not you.
Maybe that was true too. Maybe she'd never have made it out of his shadow without his ethos. Maybe he should've sat where she did. But again, what did it matter? What was done is done. Besides, he was four years older. It was only natural.
You wanted this to happen.
Never. No matter the childish thoughts she would have, she never truly wanted him gone. She knew that she'd give up just about anything to have him back.
This scene has become so familiar to Hildegunde that it is almost banal, almost numbing in nature. Each thought has a rebuttal, each one almost practiced.
But then, something changes.
"Aren't you happy? I've done just as I promised."
A shadow, one not from this memory, passes over Hildegunde and Gunther.
"You knew the stories. If you really didn't want him dead, you'd have known better than to keep firing."
The girl looks up at the looming figure it belongs to, and a sudden spike of fear floods over her. While he had been depicted many a way over the millenia, a towering figure made of black flames was the image that had stuck with Hildegunde the closest.
"How far can your spite go, before regret finally consumes you?"
And here he was, before her.
"When despair wears down the mind and drains one's will to go forward. When one feels there's nothing left to go for, their soul falls down to Hell. That day draws nearer, my dear lady. That day draws nearer, and I look forward to it."
She wants to scream at him to leave. That he's full of shit. That she does know better, that he isn't real. She's had enough nightmares about this memory, to let it fuck up her chances here. No hallucination of the devil from her stories will make her hesitate in her resolve. She wants it over with already so she can get on with the day.
"Whatever you want to say, it need not be said. It's all the same in the end. Death makes all equal, after all."
A low chuckle, a mockery of Gunther's voice, echoes through the frozen forest.
"Until then, do as you wish. These bullet with pierce as you please."
---
Hildegunde's eyes snap open. There's a strange tremor to her body, but her eyes burn with resolve, her expression darker than before.
Whether he was right or wrong about her motives, there was one thing she would take to heart.
She would do as she wishes. And right now, she wished to be here. And so she would remain.
Hildegunde makes brief eye contact with Chunji, before looking back at Raja.