Avatar of Sombrero
  • Last Seen: 8 yrs ago
  • Joined: 9 yrs ago
  • Posts: 547 (0.17 / day)
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    1. Sombrero 9 yrs ago
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Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
Dammit, smell! Why do you always lie about the taste of things!? Bread is never as good as you say it is! And vanilla extract tastes like petrified ass! PETRIFIED ASS!
3 likes
8 yrs ago
Using a phone on RPG. PROS: You can zoom in! CONS: fucking everything else!
11 likes
9 yrs ago
Glorious Math Teacher: "You know protractors, right? The rules we have for protractors are simple: Freshmen use these, don't put them in your mouth."
6 likes
9 yrs ago
Punching out Nazis and wrestling a yeti, sitting at home with some festive Spaghetti, rigging my boots up with high-power springs... These are a few of my favorite things!
9 likes
9 yrs ago
Still trying to figure out whether the Crusades qualify as actual wars, or a steaming hot mess of clusterfarkery best accompanied by the Benny Hill theme...
3 likes

Bio

I'm here, and I'm stuck in the middle with you.

Most Recent Posts

Pofski huffed at the creature on the floor. Pofski, galactic ruler and now space warrior, slayer of all things evil, and his first job is cleanup. The pompous brass would rather waste his marvelous talents on this garbage than let him fight these spirally bastards head on!? What fools!

He growled something in what the vaguely scrutable latin root words would indicate to be English, but it was impossible to tell for sure. Rather than the Russian accent befitting his stereotypical appearance, his accent sounded more like some variety of Greek, vowels stretched out or blunted in vaguely Polish/Scottish tones, consonants bent and swapped a-la French/German, with the cadence and emphasis switching back and forth between Italian and Japanese. Whatever years of speaking his native language had trained his mouth and tongue to do, his voice sounded more like an exotic vintage of liquid stroke was quietly dribbling out of his mouth, since he wasn't taking the time to annunciate or collect his words in the grammatical order that English would.

But whatever he said wasn't important, it was unimportant, scornful muttering and nothing more, as he walked to what he presumed was the kitchen. He might as well get some free booze for his trouble.
"413?" The woman smiled, playfully adding "Don't tell anyone, but that's my favorite. The sunrise always seems to hit it first!"

She handed Elise a gray, gritty-looking, keycard-shaped peice of metal that someone seemed to have gone through great trouble to provide with a steampunk aesthetic. It even had indents shaped like welds and rivets!... Heaven knows how it would fit into any sort of coventional keycard reader without some adjustments...

"Top floor, up those stairs. It's facing the front, in the eastern corner."
"Lambert? 237?" The woman at the desk, in a modest, businesslike uniform, appeared to have been daydreaming for a second. Perhaps caught up in the music, or the grandeur of the enormous lobby he had walked into, the voices of incoming guests echoing off the walls.

She typed something into her computer and scanned the page briefly.

"Ah, that's on the second floor, first right along the hallway." she said, trying hard to recount where the room was "Nice view of the courtyard from the balcony." She added, cheerfully, handing him a bronze-colored card of some sort.

If one side of the card or the other was supposed to be scanned, it wasn't apparent which was which. Both sides were identical, reflective orange. She may well have handed him a peice of well-polished scrap metal.
Name(s): (King) Nikolai Pofski, High-Protector, Righteous Tyrant, Harbinger of Security, and Leader of Giants and Men.

Appearance: 7 feet tall, powerfully built, and covered in scars, were it not for his taste in clothing, tobacco, and facial hair, he would look more like a gladiator than a ruler. What sets him apart is his formalwear: A black trench coat, complete with a colorful array of shiny military badges, patches, and complete with fringey, prestigious shoulderpads, stars included. This is to say nothing of his taste in fine loafers, patriotically decorated peaked caps (Or a black slouch hat for when shit gets especially real) and jet black ties.

He has extraordinarily well-kempt hair, combed back, with a touch of gray on either temple, and a glorious, thick mustache that runs down around his mouth like a horseshoe mustache and then along his chin up into sideburns. There's also the aviator shades, the pipe, and the slight discoloration on his stern, big-boned, heavy-browed face where burns and bullet wounds used to be just in case he didn't strike enough of a horrendously imposing figure. He dresses formally at all times unless he has literally no other options. He is the face of Masvodska to a judgemental outside world, and he must represent diligently.

Faction: The Lost Worlds Alliance

Abilities:

Masvodskan: It has been known since the medieval ages when the kingdom of Masvodska, (Then a small, up-and-coming kingdom along the coast of the Odskas) headed out to conquer lands off-continent, that the Masvodskans weren't human. This was apparent not only on the battlefield, but after, when Masvodskan settlers were found to be incapable of producing offspring with natives. Fossil evidence was later found supporting the theory that Masvodskans are the dwarfed form of Homo Gigantus (the common mountain giant) which evolved to reduce the need for food during the ice age... Which has yet to end in Masvodska to this very day. They certainly share many traits with their enormous cousins, such as thick, sturdy bones, an incredible stamina, a quick healing factor, (Big wounds take days to heal, not seconds. Papercuts visibly disappear, though.) and the ability to digest most organic matter, cooked or otherwise... Basically, Masvodskans are naturally tough to kill, and 6-7 feet tall is the norm.

Super Serum: Having taken this bio-enhancement serum for years longer than (and several doses over) the suggested exposure time, scientists are still trying to figure out the extent of the effects on his body and why Pofski's heart hasn't ruptured (they believe it may have something to do with his heart being made of naturally occurring, metallic fibers) Pofski has incredible strength, (bench presses up to 11.5 tons) realtime perception and a reaction speed to match. He is capable of physically digesting harmful poisons, diseases, and energies as well. This has been demonstrated during his battles ghostly historical figures, his astounding lack of death from the multitude of poisonous animals left in his bedroom by assassins, his long history of "foreign aid" during zombie virus outbreaks, and his ongoing war with the purple creatures on his moon colony. As an example of his spectacular durability and resilience, he once charged through 3 or 4 shotgun blasts like a bear. With immediate and extensive medical attention, he made a full recovery 6 months later. In tall tales he is often described as a man who rattles like a maraca from the amount of bullets he's taken.

Psychic Diodes: Ever a paranoid man, (and rightly so, since he had many personal and international enemies in his home world) he had gone so far as to take experimental, cybernetic brain enhancements to enhance his perception. He can listen in to conversations from long distances and through walls, detect the presence of organisms, and, much to his delight, perform the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. He is prone to tics and spasms at inopportune times, and his short-term memory is even worse than it used to be. He smokes to keep his nerves cool and keep this from happening, but at the rate his body combats poisons, it's unlikely that this does anything other than make him look like a cold-war-era dictator... Which he kind of is.

Skills: The King is King for a reason. He won his title in a long, bloody rebellion against a corrupt leader that spanned the entire continent. He is an efficient survivalist, and absolutely deadly with most weapons, from kitchen utensiles to swords, to guns, and even his bare hands, to a degree that rivals even highly trained individuals of his own strength or greater. He is bilingual, well-read in Masvodskan literature and the scientific journals of his homeworld, (always looking for new weapons...) a fair painter, blower of smoke rings, and polo-player. (Though, if the subject of sport is brought up, he won't hesitate to mention that he is a natural-born rugby player.) He fancies himself a modern renaissance man.

Equipment:


He usually carries a standard assault rifle (Or a goddamn LMG, to someone of more human strength and proportions) with him, which serves him well enough. For ceremonial reasons (as well as specialized purposes) he also carries an enormous hunk of gun (enormous as in even he could barely hold onto it with two hands before he started taking the serum) called the Royal Revolver, made after the Royal Sword was destroyed in the last battle of the Masvodskan civil war. It has a few interchangeable settings for explosive, incendiary, and armor-piercing rounds. Since he is on the warpath, he's brought a sharp, balanced Fighting Entrencher(tm Masvodsco), two big, aggressive-looking combat/survival knives, and his calling card: Masvodskan standards and flags. The man means business!

Personality: Pofski is blunt, aggressive, brutal, and an ardent perfectionist. He often flies into a rage whenever he makes a mistake, and... Well, isn't exactly stable up there. He values the long life and the physical, financial, and mental safety of Masvodska above all else, and having witnessed the death of so many of his people and his family members, he has paid incredible prices, including his mind and body, to some extent. He is ten times as idealistic and protective as he was before the enhancements, and one hundred times as much as he was before the war.

Short Bio: King Pofski's journey into the multiverse(s) started when he commissioned a team of top scientists to further experiment with subspace technology, an anomalous, and fairly dubious construct capable of imploding entire towns, which was used during the days when Masvodska declared total war on Maxtopia... Which inadvertantly imploded most of the country and replaced it with another nation that had been folded in from another paralell universe. After years and years of negotiations, Pofski finally agreed to find a way to perform a "controlled detonation" in order to send the strange new country back home... Unfortunately, during one of the experiments he came to watch, one of the quantum computers they were using miscalculated, and tore a hole in reality.

In short, Pofski met with aliens, learned about a terrible force that threatened to consume his people, and then gathered up what weapons and equipment he could before charging in. However, reality has an amazing propensity for healing at the most story-convenient times, and the portal closed before his massive army could follow him in... Perhaps it is for the best: The last thing the omniverse needs at this stage is more than one Masvodskan.

Universe of Origin: Nationstates
Oh, it's something quite different. You see, there's a tiger shark somewhere around here that lurks in the sea and makes videos of... I don't know, all I know is that he almost killed Aquaman and he thinks that the land is gross and horrible. (He especially hates when you can't see all the way up through the sky.)
Woo!
Welcome!

Careful not to mess with the Sharkiplier!
Am i allowed to bitch about my experiences on a different site? Fuck it am going to do it anyway. Okay so here the thing i joined a different RP site and the first thing i did was make introduction post where i mentioned that i could also be found on this site and with said post i learned a pretty fucked up thing. i found out that Mods could EDIT and DELETE my POSTS. Thats just fucked up


Oh, yeah, that's par for the course in most places I've been to. If they're doing it for petty reasons like that, though, that is really shit.

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