“Фокус. (Focus.)”
Stasya sat cross-legged on the floor, her eyes closed as she took slow, deep breaths through her nose and released them from her mouth.
“Расслабьтесь. Пусть ваш ум будет пустым. (Relax. Let your mind be empty.)”
In, and out. In, and out. Every thought that threatened to intrude was accepted and dismissed. She was an island amidst a lake.
“Сконцентрируйтесь на вашем теле. Исследуйте каждый дюйм со своими мыслями, от концов ваши волосы на ногти пальцев ног. (Concentrate on your body. Explore every inch of it with your thoughts, from the ends of your hair down to the nails of your toes.)”
Picturing herself in her mind’s eye, Stasya travelled through herself, starting up in her head and flowing down into her torso, her arms, her legs. No part was missed or left out, all was explored. She remembered the fear of her first days at the facility, then anger of when she learned that Lyra had been taken away, because of “complications” with her condition. She remembered the itching sensation that those feelings brought, when her body would shift on its own.
“Представьте себе изменения вы хотите сделать. Смотрите это произошло, от начала до конца. Прими это. (Picture the change you want to make. See it happen, from start to finish. Embrace it.)”
She travelled back up to her head, focusing on her eyes. She thought about their colour, like the sky on a clear winter’s day. Fixating on that image, she made the sun set, watching the sky turn a flaming yellow, orange and red, then dim to a deep, dark purple. She pictured her eyes being that same color, changing her mental image of herself to match, her brow furrowing slightly. The itching sensation she remembered returned, making her eyes water beneath her eyelids.
“Теперь откройте глаза. Смотрите изменения становятся реальностью. (Now, open your eyes. See the change become reality.)”
Stasya opened her eyes. In the mirror before her, a naked teenage girl stared back at her, identical in every respect, right down to the dark purple, almost black irises, and she smiled.
In the chair behind her, Kara clapped her hands, smiling proudly at her. “Вы сделали это снова! Поздравляю, Стася! (You’ve done it again! Congratulations, Stasya!)” She glanced at her tablet, tapping once at the screen before making a note. “На этот раз вы взяли пятнадцать минут, улучшение по сравнению с предыдущей восемнадцать. Ваша практика начинает приносить свои плоды. (This time you took fifteen minutes, an improvement over your previous eighteen. Your practice is starting to pay off.)”
Giving herself a shy but still proud smile, Stasya reached for the small pile of neatly folded clothing beside her as she wiped the tears from her eyes. After the first few attempts at trying to see if she could consciously shift herself, Kara had suggested that she try being naked during their private sessions, as a way to make her be more aware of her body, and avoid any damage to her clothing in case she changed uncontrollably. At first, Stasya had been extremely resistant to the idea, and it had taken Kara three entire sessions to convince her to try it. Even after, she’d been very uncomfortable exposing herself in that way, and not at all convinced that it would help.
Now, she still wasn’t sure if it was helping, but she was used to it enough that she was somewhat comfortable. And she admitted that Kara was probably right about one thing: if and when they moved on to trying bigger changes, taking clothing out of the equation would just simplify things. Of course, she still remained clothed during the group sessions, and Kara hadn’t ever brought up the idea, but the possibility still lingered at the back of Stasya’s mind. She wasn’t sure if it was something that she would be able to do or not, especially knowing that the boys would all probably look at her. Just the thought made her scales come back.
Finishing dressing herself, Stasya stood up and dipped her head towards her coach. “Thank you,” she answered slowly, the words thick on her tongue. That was the other change that they had made during the last couple of sessions: to help speed up her learning and comprehension of English, Stasya was not allowed to use Russian at all when she was with Kara, and when she was with the other teens she was to use English as much as possible. It was a rule that Stasya was finding almost as difficult to follow as the no-clothing rule, but one that she was much more willing to stick to. The sooner she could communicate without the translator in her ear, the better.
Smiling in appreciation, Kara closed the notes on her tablet. “Похоже, это все на сегодня. Почему бы тебе не пойти и получить некоторый завтрак, и я буду видеть вас завтра. Я уверен, что Ирина и Авель ждут вас. (Looks like that's it for today. Why don't you go and get some breakfast, and I'll see you tomorrow. I'm sure Irina and Abel are waiting for you.)”
The comment reminded Stasya that she was indeed hungry. After the first couple of days, Kara had changed the schedule of their individual sessions so that they were the first thing that Stasya did in the “morning”, or at least what the researchers chose to define as morning. She hadn’t had a chance to eat anything yet. “Good bye,” she said as she let the session room.
Making her way down the hall to the cafeteria, she grabbed herself some cereal, taking note of who appeared to be awake and who was still waking up as she sat down next to Irina. “Hel-lo, Irina. Abel. Sleep, good?” Her brow furrowed again, sure that she hadn’t gotten that sentence correct.