Trinais

Divine Hijinks

"You... brute!" The Queen was not pleased that someone who wasn't as powerful as she was had come into her court, threatened her with destruction, and demanded something without offering anything in exchange.

But facts were facts.

The Queen could hold Parry as her plaything according to the bargain she had struck. And her knights might be able to destroy Rikive.

But one fairy court would never survive the full wrath of Asgard unleashed upon it. She could hold Parry and Rikive hostage within the Hedge for eternity, but Heimdall would find his way through the tangled web of thorns.

She gives me nothing with which to save face, though. I will face a revolt if I give in now! A revolt, or certain death later.

The Queen grit her teeth and extended one arm.

"Give the mewling babe here, and I'll lift the curse on him. Before it becomes permanent..."

Divine Hijinks

The Faerie Queen bit her lip as Rikive listed her heritage, her father, grandfather, and not least of all the giver of her weapon. The fairy knights paused and while they didn't step back or forward, there was a general unease about them as they sized up this woman, sword in one hand, pudgy baby in the other, and the calm cool of a champion gambler.

The Queen sat back upon her throne, twirled a lock of red hair in her finger, and said "Asgardian? And the daughter of Heimdall the all-watcher?" The Queen clapped her hands twice, summoning a pair of servants. Between the two they carried a crude crib made of wood with a bed of leaves for a mattress. "The humble abode of Parael for the next 10,000 years," she said, admiring the handiwork. "A bit crude, and I'll admit it was built as a cage rather than a true sleeping pen. To show off my rare and exquisite catch to my guests. And who knows, it might still hold him for me?"

The Queen grinned, waving a finger at the two.

Parry felt a rumbling in his stomach, a rising pressure he fought with every muscle in his body to contain. Feet kicking in the air and eyes tearing up further, he wanted to cry knowing what it meant. Knowing he would be powerless to hold it at bay for much longer. But opening his mouth for a moment would doom him.

"So here I have in my court a Goddess and a Celestial. I was paid handsomely in blood and promises to neutralize Parry Magnus and leave de Lacy vulnerable. But to have a Goddess in my debt would be just as great a boon as all those promises. Swear a single service to me- whether I ask it tomorrow or 10,000 years from now- and I will release the curse from Parry Magnus. Else, you will be free to take him- as a babbling infant..."

Divine Hijinks

The Queen noticed the arrival of the newcomers when the rest of her court did. And like the rest of her court, she paid them no mind at all. A human page, a boy, presented the queen a clay goblet full of wine. She patted the lad's head, sent him on his way, and drank deep without spilling a drop. The sprites went about their day playing in the fields. It seemed only the Queen's knights paid any mind to Rikive.

As she stood and walked toward the festivities, a dozen knights slowly shifted, hands resting on their blades while casually approaching their Lady to stand in the way.

Parry gave up fidgeting as Rikive picked him up, instead planting both hands on his mouth as if that would stop the next hiccup, whenever it came. He could feel something stirring in his gut, straining for release, and fought it with all his might to keep from shrinking any smaller It was a fool's hope, but he was out of options and ideas.

The Queen smiled as the two approached, passed her goblet to the nearby Page, and stood from her seat.

"Nefrate, my First-"

One of the knights, a tall, elfen eared female wearing a cloak of rose petals, saluted the Queen but said nothing.

"You told me that Parry wouldn't find his way here in time. Yet it appears he stands before me- or rather, is held before me- humbled." She licked her lips, a lioness looking at a gazelle away from its herd. "de Lacy's golden goose. A true Celestial."

Then, for the first time, she looked at Rikive. Where Rikive was martial power and honor, the Queen stood tall as the picture of femininity and cunning. She had no weapons at her hip, wore no armor, but being in her presence one could tell she commanded powers other than the sword and shield. And there was something else... off, about her. Parry couldn't place it. It was eluding him. Not something that was there, but something that wasn't.

Parry dropped his hands when it finally came to him.

"Bitch! You're not actually pregnant! I threw you a baby shower and you're- HICCUP!"

Parry held on to Rikive's arm for dear life, his whole body thrown by the force of that last one. When his brain could finally see straight again, his hands and legs were pudgier while absolutely swimming in their sleeves. Parry's eyes teared up as he immediately felt another hiccup building in his stomach.

"Time is of the essence, Parry Magnus. I think two, maybe three more? And then you're stuck that way for a good 10,000 years. And greetings to you, my lady. I saw and heard through the Hedge. I know why you're here. You want me to release Parry from this curse. But what is he to you?"

Divine Hijinks

Parry was toddling ahead of Rikive, on the alert for fairies, nixies and pixies with every step. He was not about to argue with the big lady wielding the sword, but he kept close to her every step of the way, always within arm's reach.

The hedge was a magical and dangerous place, but the lack of any up front attackers or guards, with not even a "Hello, how do you do?" for them had Parry doubly on edge and afraid of his own shadow. Which was probably bad, considering his current potty skills.

"It's not like I go out of my way to antagonize her," Parry said, moving a thorn branch out of Rikive's way so her hair wouldn't get tangled. "We have a... rivalry. I'm the best dressed and she throws the best parties. We keep trying to beat the other in the social scenes."

In Parry's opinion the fairy queen was the most pompous, posturing and vain individual to ever walk the face of the earth, and no one could tell him otherwise.

Pot, meet kettle.

"I just threw that one party last night for- HIC!" Parry's fell back again on his diapered butt, the thorn branch swinging into Rikive's hair. He shook himself off again, stood up on wobbly legs and reached for the branch- only to feel his arms not quite reach as high. His overall sleeves extended further up his arms and he could feel his diaper starting to droop a little bit.

Potion's wearing off!

Fingers moving delicately, he untangled Rikive's hair from the branch and let her pass.

After Rikive's hair was well away of the thorn branch, Parry let the branch go and toddled back ahead of Rikive as fast as he could.

On and on they went, deeper into the hedge. Parry could swear they'd made a few twists and turns, and he was getting more and more nervous with every passing minute. He was absolutely terrified that another hiccup would leave him too small to walk, or too dumb to talk. Time passed differently in the Hedge, but not completely out of walk.

Hell, if we were a few minutes later getting to the park, I might already be sucking on my thumb!

He paused in his walk when the tunnel ahead seemed to grow wider and brighter. At first Parry couldn't believe his eyes, thinking it was a mirage or a trick. But as he toddled closer he could see more clearly the outlines of the Queen's Hall.

It wasn't a building in the traditional sense. Even from a distance Parry could see the raised tree, its roots and trunk not sunk directly into the ground but raised up, providing a kind of open-air court. The Queen favored Springtime, so aside from the occasional rainfall it was suitable to have an open air court. At any time a hundred fairy knights were in attendance, with fauns, nixies, pixies and others entertaining the Queen herself at the dais of her throne.

Red-Haired, clad in white silk and with a pair of her own colorful wings, she presided over an eternal party in her honor.

"We're almost there Riki! HIC!"

Parry landed square on his backside again. When he tried to stand back up, Parry's legs wobbled like jello and he nearly fell over again until he found his balance.

"Hurry up!"

Divine Hijinks

Parry was silent and sulking for most of the ride to the park. Going from an almighty Celestial living the high life in an inner city to a piddling little child had taken the wind out of his sails, but he also had to wonder if his constant fits were the result of his mind being altered by the charm, regressing him to a more childlike state, or if he was always that selfish. He wasn't sure if he could ask Rikive for her input, as they'd known each other less than a day and she was already pushing him around in a stroller.

I'll ask her later, Parry thought. If I remember. If I'm normal.

The hedgerow in the park was a quaint thing, if out of the way. It was nestled beside a duck pond, a round circle of neglected rose bushes ringing a single tall oak in the center with a single entrance.

The lone entrance was a deception for mortals though. The true entrance to the Fae realm was on the opposite side from the opening.

As Parry and Rikive looked at the entrance that wasn't opening and Rikive suggested burning the whole thing down, Parry had to admit he liked the idea.

"On Midgard, there's a tradition of leaving a burning bag of dog poop on the front porch of someone you hate. We don't have a dog, but I can cook something up real quick." He snickered, but wouldn't willingly go that far. Not unless he was permanently transformed at least.

"But burning down the hedge wouldn't serve a purpose. It'd just lock us out and then. We'd have to ask-"

The rose hedges shifted, rustling a little bit as the leaves, thorns and twigs at the base of the hedgerow lifted up in a small arch. In the darkness beneath the hedges, high pitched laughter drifted out- menacing or playful, it was too hard to tell. Parry unbuckled himself from the stroller, plopped onto the ground, and peered inside.

The archway was big enough for Parry to walk through and for Rikive to crawl through. Through it, an unending tunnel of thorns and low hanging branches covered the dirt path, letting in just the barest hint of sunlight.

"Well," Parry said. "Small opening. Playful-and-or-murderous faeries inside- HIC!"

Parry's body shook with the force of the hiccup, sending him tumbling onto his back on the grass. When he stood up, he noticed how the clothes on his body fit a little looser. Just by a hair. But that was also extremely very not good.

"And we're on the clock. You wanna go first or me?"

Divine Hijinks

Carolyn was ready to say "Sure, we can stick around," not one to ever refuse a friend in need, especially when a curse from a fairy queen was at stake. But when Rikive returned with a sack of gold coins stamped with the symbol of the World Tree, she and Fiona were both too stunned for words. They expected a couple 20s and that'd be that.

Fiona was initially suspicious of the gold but taking them in her hands showed they were certainly heavy enough to be real.

"If this is fake," she said, "I'm turning you into a weasel for an hour. Deal?"

Carolyn, meanwhile, had set up a stroller in the play room for Parry and was getting him changed into a diaper and clothes that would fit much better.

"You look cute like this," she said, snapping him into a pair of jean overalls. "Toddler clothes are your thing. You should think about wearing a onesie to your next party."

"Easy for you to say," Parry grumbled as Carolyn set him down from the change table. He took a second to admire himself in a full size mirror, preening this way and that. "You don't poop yourself if you try to lift something too heavy. Do the Huggies make my ass look big?"

"You always had a big ass, Parry."

Parry's face went paper white before turning a furious red. His fists balled up and he stamped one sneaker-clad foot. "I do NOT have a big ass! I go to the gym three times a week to make sure!"

The Hidden People

Rikive for President!

Divine Hijinks

"You don't," Carolyn said, gnawing on her bottom lip. "She invites you."

"Naw always!" Parry pointed to the kitchen door. "If you bring something she wants, she'll let you in. And if she wanted to do this to me, she might want something."

It was a long and dangerous shot. Going into Faerie was always dangerous- they'd be like flies zipping into a spiderweb. The queen could keep the two of them from leaving if she wanted, to say nothing of eating, drinking, or giving thanks to anyone. The other option was to petition the queen and hope she would break the spell without anything in return. But there wasn't much of any choice.

The queen was willing to go to these lengths to embarrass Parry. She wouldn't lift the spell unless Parry went before her and begged to be released from her curse- the baby lisp and wet diaper was just icing on the cake.

"We gotta go Riki," Parry said. "There's a door to faiwy under the city park pond!"

The Hidden People

Understood. Leaving for work soon but I'll make the necessary edits as soon as I can!

The Hidden People

What now indeed.

Parry had an unpleasant evening after getting back to the Bunker, not least of all because everyone took the time to berate him for bungling the plan and putting them all in danger. There were more than a few questioning glanes about the wings and the sword that decapitated vampires when it didn't look sharp enough to cut through a tomato.

To the city at large, from a street wizard to the highest circles of vampire power, Parael was considered an eccentric and flirtatious wizard.

de Lacy and Rikive were the only ones who knew what he was. That cat was out of that bag, but there were only looks- nothing asked out loud.

And Parry had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Nothing like eating a bad tuna sandwich, but his hands felt absolutely filthy. Like they were covered in slime and grease. Holding Cym's sword negated the feeling every now and then, but whenever it came back, he would catch a brief flash of something- a metal hatchet burying itself in the skull of a woman.

A bearded man screaming "FIRE!" to a line of blue-clothed soldiers.

A grey sky over an ash covered field, scalped bodies.

Well... this is new.

"Good news: We have a prisoner, and the chief coven on the East Side is blown to hell," Parry winced, holding his broken nose in proper position- he would be damned if it healed crooked. He had slunk low enough to pull a set of old green scrubs out of his enchanted bag to wear. Leftovers from a one-night-stand he'd enjoyed with a male witch. He'd never had binding hexes used on him in that way, and he wanted a memento. "I had a thought- and it's a long shot- but... what about the fairy court? de Lacy had loose control of the court to begin with. I wouldn't be surprised if the Spring Queen has just closed up the hall and decided to wait this whole thing out. Not that I get a say in this..."