Yukitamas

Fate/Empty Providence

A bit of a slump perhaps, but I'll be posting a bit more regularly myself!

Fate/Empty Providence

@Moonlit Sonata
@Beloss
@Holy Grail
@DrowsyPangolin
@Cu Chulainn

Yeah, leaving and asking for protection, for mercy. That was normal for losers, right? He had no servant, he didn’t really have any ability to fight or continue. But, he needed to win. There was no path but the destination had to be reached. He wanted the wish, he wanted to be free, he wanted to live. There was also that he was afraid, he was afraid of that girl and that existence.

Those evils, those pains. He’d seen them before, right? But that was too much. It was too scary, it was too painful. What did it mean that something like that could exist? How could people go on when there’s so much suffering that could await and accumulate in a life? He’d seen glimpses of lives that withstood things he would have ran away from. But here he was, not running away from that.

He knew that he couldn’t beat -that- or overcome it. A human could not, a hero could not, a demon could not. Yet that girl did. She could hardly be called human, but she wasn’t a demon. A monster, she was most definitely a monstrous human. True evil, true horror, not the imaginary imitations born of people who wished to turn their eyes away from the truth that humanity must hold these things to know them and give birth to them. If humanity invented and created such stories then wasn’t it that they were all the evils?

He couldn’t win, what could win? What would he have to become to win?
It was ridiculous to think in those terms, yet he threw away the notions of not being able to attain victory and continued on in his mind. The question that bloomed as an answer that pierced through his nebulous ideas made him freeze up.

Would he be willing to become that? ...Maybe.

“I’m fighting. I’ll have to turn that offer down. I can’t give up or back away, not when I just started. There’s a reason for me to fight, or more accurately, there’s a wish I need no matter what. I meant to come here to say I was participating, and that doesn’t change. I’m officially joining the war, even if I’m late due to a detour. So, do I get a stamp, or ID Badge or something? Or is that it?”

He offered a worn grin with eyes still red and puffy, before finally taking his eyes off the supervisor to look over at his.. Competition. Well, one way or another he at least made it here. It’d have been humiliating to die before the first step, but this was where it started. So he’d have to kill these people and win somehow. That was impossible, but… Well, first he figured he’d look at them before deciding on that or not.

Servant, if the two Berserkers were any indication. A normal?... person? And… that.
Well, through his eyes it was exceptionally strange for sure, and sent a strange, sickly feeling crawling down his spine. The most sickly part of it was that it was comforting in a way, after what he’d seen.

Yeah… that guy was strong, but what was that,.. Wound? How was he still alive? A massive “scar” spread across the man The black that so stained the massive man's midsection was as pure and the memories that brushed at his mind left him in awe. He didn’t understand the context, he didn’t understand what happened. All he knew is that something that was out of his comprehension happened, something on the league of being confronted with hell. He held a hand to his own, the pain of the shot man replicated by his understanding and mind. Toshi let out a tense breath through teeth that shut together in protest. This was nothing compared to that hell, nothing compared to what he saw earlier. He still didn’t like it, mind.

“Gah!... What the hell did you go through? And how in the world did you survive that?”

He blurted it out as a response without thinking on the consequences. His other hand reached out towards the large man that was most definitely a servant before he caught himself and withdrew. He was curious, he admit, whether or not that would work on a servant… but.

Well, he could do without finding out more about that.

“Even a servant should die from something on that level, right?”

Fate/Empty Providence

Walking in through the doors, Toshi found himself confronted with an already filled space. People who were clearly not simply believers in a faith. But one of them was overwhelming. IN a way it was overwhelming with light the way the darkness of hell overwhelmed him. Both were the opposites of each other, but both were too much for a normal person to handle.

His eyes, he saw, he saw that they were special, that they weren't normal, just like Berserker... just like her.

"I'm here for.." he spoke up, before becoming silent just as swiftly as he had opened his mouth. His rush of breath came out in lieu of words as he, burning with a bit of embarrassment in his cheeks, made his way into the church proper.

Without even being invited or told as to whether his presence was welcome or not he walked in their midst.

"This is where the rules and enforcers of the war are, right? I'm a master. It's been a long day. I came as fast as I could but there's been things that kept me late."

Fate/Empty Providence

Maybe you could do a Monte Cristo thing and have the jewel be akin to a special magic crest or something?

Fate/Empty Providence

He didn't know when he got up.

...

Did it really matter?

His body felt heavy, his mind felt heavier. It wasn't that he was in a daze. No, if anything his mind was moving too fast. The events that recently transpired, his regrets, his desires, hell, the evils that man feared. His mind thought, his mind revisited them again, and again. Nonstop. His body moved on with him barely aware.

Sometimes he stopped, stomach heaving as he felt sick again, barely able to keep himself from spilling himself in the manner of a drunkard. He was clammy and feverish all at once. the sound of the blood pounding through his head deafened him, and the light of the sun did not seem a comfort at all to his eyes that squinted as though the well-meaning and bright light seemed to be darker now that he knew the depths of the dark.

He wanted to fight on.

The war was with masters and servants. No one normal could ever stand up to Berserker... either one really. No one could stand up to that. But no one said that he couldn't fight just because he lost a servant, right? It was dumb, it was incredibly dumb. What was he preserving this life for? for what purpose? for what promised day did he live?

If he didn't reach out for this, this chance that could give him a real life then he was already as good as dead.

Toshi walked with a vague destination in mind. He journeyed thinking of the church, dragging himself forward, deciding to continue on instead of just returning home, fueled by the trauma of recent events and the resolve that came with deciding that he wished to change his destiny. That obscene legend, that crazed girl. She managed to conquer that. Then these simple eyes, these accursed eyes.
He could conquer them.

Yeah.

There was no point in saying that he was alive as long as he lived bound by their cruel destiny.

How funny it was, that he saw hell and was now going to a church. It was almost like he was trying to be a convert or something. But there wasn't any time for that, even if it seemed as though the words of a convincing father, kind or cruel, would be intoxicating now. The embrace of god was nice, but what he needed was blood and glory. A wish, a wish. The others would kill and die for it. Was he really wagering something of his on their level? this shitty life of his?

Well, he'd just need to find more chips along the way. It didn't matter. He just needed to win.

Fate/Empty Providence

Streets of Shinto: Under the uncaring moon.

He could barely see it happen. So slow, slow. His words were slow, and even as the world spun and the sensation of pain blinded him he could feel the moments so small that they seemed like grains of sand slip by. The vital moments of destiny that fell before they had a chance to reach out for them.

Barely past the moment his words were said he felt the sting of a cut. He couldn’t feel that pain, not something nearly as small as that. It was the rush of wind, the force that pushed into him. The small nick wasn’t felt. There was too much going on to feel it. In comparison it would have almost been comforting. Hurt him hurt him, punish him, absolve him. All the wrongs he did, all the evils born from him must be paid for with pain. But that pain no not that pain that pain that pain that pain.

Something like mere physical pain would have been fine, even if it was the sensation of being boiled alive, or burned and melted down into a paste.

He was gone, Berserker was gone. Without even knowing things like the identity of his servant, knowing all that much of the war itself or even being able to stand a chance, he had lost. It was a half-baked participation that started with an accidental summoning. No one could blame him for the way things turned out. Yet…

He ran, ran as soon as Berserker disappeared, when the last mark faded away. He knew of defeat and knew that there was no reason to be there anymore. Turning away, hoping to flee from that hell that his mind would fall apart in, he ran.

It was like there was no sound, no life. Running through the city that seemed seeped in a complete darkness and pause, he could not hear even the steps of his feet as they struck the streets, nor hear the blood that seemed to boil in his body. It felt useless to run from that, after all it was an ultimate end, the final destination of a soul seeped in evil.

He never considered himself a good man.

He only stopped running when the ground suddenly rose to strike him. No, wait. He only just fell. That was all there was to it. The shock of the impact that suddenly struck him brought the world crashing back into his perception.

He felt the impact across his hands, his hip, his knees. But he didn't feel anything. Everything was dull, almost dead feeling. He rolled over to stare up at the moon. It looked comforting, it looked mocking, it looked judgemental. No, to begin with such perceptions and thoughts were just thoughts that he pushed into it. It was just a piece of rock in space.

What a half-assed attempt. Even if he wasn't what a master should be he still was intending to be as serious as he could be about this war. His hope at the moment of the fight was dashed away, and he felt the small niggling of hope, of the thought that perhaps he could attain a normal life swelling to make itself known before it was smothered.

Ah this ache. This ache he felt was a pain he didn't know, not even thanks to that hell. If that pain was of all the torments and curses that struck one with inevitability then this was a pain that one would never expect, even if it was realistic to know it would inevitability come.

This was what wanting something was like. His life he went for what was less bothersome, less painful. He danced around his vision, and never really stepped out towards something. Even if his vision was a thing there was more he could have done. Ah, in the end maybe he was just blaming it. No, it definitely was the fault of his eyes, but…

That didn't matter, whether he was to blame or they were to blame.

He began to feel things again. Warmth seeped through his body, but it felt like it was there only to be leached away by the voracious wind. His vision got blurry as the ache deepened.

He wanted it, that wish. He truly wanted it.

"Ah, damn it!..."

His voice came out as a croak as the first tears began to drop. Toshi stretched out his hand, no longer with the symbols of a master branded upon them, towards the distorted moon in his eyes.

It was definitely a mocking moon.

Even if it was too late, even knowing it was most pointless now of all times, he made a wish. He made a wish with his aching heart and spoke a wordless cry. He wanted the grail, he wanted to win. Then why? why did it have to be like this?

Even dying for the wish could have been more satisfying, but he couldn't find himself to want death even in this humiliation and heartbreak.

He wanted it.

Did he ever actually want anything else.

Ah. This is what real personal pain was. The ache was different, less abhorrent than the horrors of hell. Yet in a way it was just as disgusting. It was the tragedy and disgustingness of himself.

The Grail.

Why couldn't it have been his?

Feeling sorry for himself, perhaps as he had his entire life, he let out his tears and wept.

Fate/Empty Providence

Good bye command seals.

Fate/Empty Providence

youtube.com/watch?v=gdz-tAez1GY&

Pain, pain.. No not just pain. This was the source of pain, this was the source and end result of suffering. People wished to escape this, people wished to not know this at all, but they knew it because they were the ones who gave birth to it. All that humanity feared and put into hell was that which they understood, knew and disliked. This was more than just pain. Pain was just an aspect, an incarnation of all the curses. Everything that damned humanity born of humanity, every punishment and sin of humanity laid there on the other side. He felt it, he felt it all, cutting through even the pain. But the pain.. The pain was pain was p.. A.. i.. N.. .. A.. p.. A.. i.. N

People's malignance was the shadow of people's glow. It was the sin that encouraged righteousness, it was the evil that encouraged good. The shadow of the Golden Capital, the shadow of Heaven. Selfish, evil. For All the Evils in the World (humanity) there needed to be a reward, a reason for good. The reward was not being there. Anything was good, anything was fine, give any sort of burden just don’t bring that here!..

it’s not right it’s not right... Ah.. I feel.. He was melting away, turning into soup, turning into just another lost soul whose end destination was pain and a cursed eternity.

Falsehood, objectification, destruction, rape, murder, the sanctity of life is torn to shreds. Violence, Hatred, Fearful cruelty.

Atonement.

This was the atonement, this was the punishment that awaited sin. This was death this was death. He was dying, he was dying as a person, his soul being laid out for pain.

This is not enough not enough
not enough
not enough
not enough

not enough…
This doesn’t make up for anything.
This does not even bring zero.

Go away.

He could not say something like ‘I do not deserve this.” For it was the punishment that humanity flayed itself with. No one could say “I do not deserve this.” For it was the end result of all of their misdeeds, thoughts and suffering.

This was the horror born as a counterforce to the ugliness of the crimes of all people.

The most horrifying thing was that one could not escape it, could not justify escaping it.
Wasn’t this what we made to condemn ourselves for our ugliness? To deny it was to deny one’s self, to deny one’s sins.

He was fading, fading into the swirl. Losing himself in the punishments of man.

This was from the few moments he stared into this false-abyss of man.

He collapsed to his knees. He?... He didn’t know what happened for the next few moments, completely unaware of all. His awareness left his body. He threw up, bile flowing out of his convulsing body. Ah, was this blood? Was this the ichor that was like the mud his (humanity’s) actions brought to stain the world?

He couldn’t see, he barely could think. It was only when that pressure, when that gate disappeared from the command of Ruler that he could find himself coherent at all.

All he wanted was for it to go away. All he wanted was that girl to be gone so that wouldn’t appear again. He didn’t need to look at Berserker with his eyes to know he felt the same.
“Berserker..." he choked out. Emotions like he hadn't felt for a long time flooding him as he put into words what they already knew between each other.

Make her go away, kill her.

“Fly to her.”

A seal upon his hand flared to life, the crystalized energy flooding into Berserker and given shape in the form of a miracle due to the desire (wish) of Toshi.

A wish that the two shared, the seal burned as a catalyst for an absolute command that the servant gave himself to.An absolute command with one simple part. Energy flooded Berserker and so with an earthshaking roar born from the ground in protest as he leapt, Berserker flew.

“I use my second…" he trailed off for a moment, fighting to able to put the words to voice. Berserker, give the blow that kills her.”

His stomach churned, his lungs burned, his brain throbbed and his eyes were cloudy as it had been forced to witness and realize more than it was prepared. But he felt relief.

This was their only chance, if they took it and all fell apart then there wasn’t anything to regret then, right?

-=====-

youtube.com/watch?v=inAtmHHcg78&

A horror, a land where they would surely come to be consumed. Just as he imbued his blades with his curse, his bloodlust so too did humanity imbue this land with all their curses. The scale of the horror was one in which Berserker could never compete with. This was the horrors that would conquer any man born of man, while the heroic spirit that stood before him was one that would conquer demons. He was presented with that which would lay waste and ruin him, and could only feel fear.

A cry of pain behind him brought his eyes whipping to the side out of concern for his master. He opened his mouth to speak out when he heard the first command.

Ah.

Yes, the pain and state of his master wasn’t what was important right now. There was nothing more he could do than understand them and recognize them. The two of them were filled with this fear and desire in the face of this glimpse at that realm.

He was filled to the brim as he let the command resonate with his own fears, desires and wish. He let himself become its vessel, he let himself become its expression.

That monstrous crystallization of energy filled Berserker completely and burned into his body. He was rippling with energy that he could not fully hold. He flew, his limbs bringing him to flight as the command brought him to propel himself like a rocket, perhaps even matching the speed and might of one of that one's Archer arrows that reached an Extermination Rank in fearsomeness.

The command was to fly to her, that is, to arrive to Dulle Griet. The distance between the two was swallowed up to be reduced to zero. Even if she were to retreat into that other realm he would follow, the command urging Berserker to conquer that distance.

He brought his blade forth, it flooding with his own energy, with the energy of the second command. In life he had imbued his blades with his curse, with his bloodlust. Into them he moved the yoke of his burden, of his existence. But now he was carving into it a desire, his own simple wish, the wish of his master. The two blended in together, causing the blade to move for a stroke, not for the spilling of blood but the overpowering wish of defeating and slaying Dulle Gritte.

He didn't know if it would be enough with her rejection of interference born of demons, something that even he counted as, if only partially for the purpose of her abilities. But with the command bolstering him and guiding him there was no hesitation.

The cursed blade rose to strike the one who owned all such curses as a blade to engrave the wish of two souls for victory and escape.
The blade descended upon her like a shooting star, aiming for her spiritual core.

“Disappear!”

He was no real demon born from the wishes of man. But please, let him enact a wish of a man, and himself just this once.

Fate/Empty Providence

She's way more than that even in F/GO.

Man, I really wish I still had that essay analysis that I found on a blog about her still that went in deep about her view and relations with people, why she wants Cu and in turn also talks about how Cu is the way he is.

Fate/Empty Providence

<Snipped quote by Cu Chulainn>

I mean, if Medb qualifies, he should, lol.

(although as somebody who read the Tain, I can't help but hate what Fate did to her)

@ConstantlyComic

Personally Medb is in my opinion a well written character, fantastic even. She's definitely one of my favorite servants.
I can understand why some might dislike her but she's really good in F/GO, man.