Added a short scene to introduce Loghain and Kayla so that people know how to describe them in their posts. If you need an NPC that I haven't introduced yet, just introduce them yourself. If you want to do a remix on them, though, ask me first especially if its an important NPC like Wynne.

I'm still deciding if I want to bring in Alistair or not. I was really hoping a PC would play him, but the person who wanted him bailed.

@All I have decided to post another interest check but only for canon characters. I want at least some of them but it's a big burden on the GM.

Awesome! I'm looking forward to reading more and writing myself. :D On that note should we assume our recruits are at the very least familiar with each other now? With the various places they're from they've likely been on the road together for quite a while. I read that Ferelden is about the size of England so that's a lot of time and a lot of travelling together horses or no.

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It may take me a while to get used to the third person limited thing. Writing my characters thoughts, often extensively, is a long-time and rather annoying habit of mine. You guys can call me out on it if you wish though, I'll edit it and hopefully it'll get me better used to the other style.

@Wired That's a good point, Wired. Yes the recruits should all know one another by this point.

I don't exactly know how to start my first post. Hmm

You're writing a Golem. You could do a post just on peoples reactions. :P

@wired Your post is very well written but it is not third person limited. The entire post is an inward view of the character's feelings about everything he sees. We don't know your character's feelings unless you show them. The problem with omniscient perspective in gaming is two fold. One it leads to needlessly longwinded posts which bog things down. One time I literally had a player write three pages all about his character's feelings and two page posts which do nothing to move the story are common when I allow omniscience. The game can't gain momentum like that. The other problem is it fosters metagaming. You're giving players (and me) knowledge about your character they don't necessarily have (unless they are telepaths) and without thinking they are going to metagame by acting on that knowledge. I don't want the knowledge either because few of the forces that I control in game from NPCs to typhoons are telepathic. Keep that ace in your sleeve and the game is more suspenseful because you never know when someone's outward appearance may belie the inward reality.

I'm not saying you can't convey character feeling, but you need to do it the hard way by showing not telling. Convey feelings and thoughts in dialogue, action and description not by outright telling us.

Remember I am giving you more power over the world than most GMs. You can godmode lesser NPCs and introduce your own. You can craft subplots and add to the scene. Use these powers to express who your character is and it will make for more engaging story than internal reflections and dialogue.

Thanks, that is some great feedback. I will definitely try my best to follow that advice in my future posts. It may take me a little while though, in three years of role-playing that's been pretty much my only way of writing. Hopefully this RP broadens my horizons a little. I'll take that on in my next post and see what I come up with. Please give me any advice you can, it's appreciated. :)

I have a tendecy to do the same thing. :x Please feel free to call me out on it too.

Zordon said
Flaw: Margot does not have a high affinity for Creation based magics. Her inability to cast any Creation spells demands that she always have a supply of health potions on hand.

...couldn't any non-magical player claim that as a flaw? I'm not trying to call anything out, I just feel that isn't that much of a flaw.
Sorry for the double post.

PerniciousIntent said
...couldn't any non-magical player claim that as a flaw? I'm not trying to call anything out, I just feel that isn't that much of a flaw.Sorry for the double post.

Well it does limit the character's options considerably owing that she's a mage and no other school can mimic Creation's essential healing spells so I'm inclined to accept it. We've given Zordon enough grief over her character, time to let the poor girl be XD

In the game(s) mages always seem to have low health. Maybe that could transfer into this somehow? They don't usually wear any armour. They're not combat trained in the way that warriors or rogues are... Just ideas, but if done right that could certainly be a flaw in that she would have to rely on others in battle so as not to get killed. More so than average I mean. I suspect we'll all by relying on each other in battle.

Automaton said
I don't exactly know how to start my first post. Hmm

Have him engaging in some kind of activity or dialogue that highlights his character. Maybe he is having a discussion with one of the Tranquil who he has allowed to study him. That could make for an entertaining scene.

Am I the only one who doesn't know who Kayla is? I'm assuming it's supposed to be the Empress of Orlais, by the conversation and, her name is Celene.

0.o

Zordon said
Am I the only one who doesn't know who Kayla is? I'm assuming it's supposed to be the Empress of Orlais, by the conversation and, her name is Celene.0.o

Kayla is King Cailan, but as a woman.

rpg101 said
Kayla is King Cailan, but as a woman.

Correct, remember this is a remix so not everything will be the same.

Too Old 4 This said
Correct, remember this is a remix so not everything will be the same.

*face palm* If I had gone back a page, I'd have seen that. Thanks guys.

Sorry I've been away, this week has been hectic, posting now

Posted,

Automaton said
Posted,

Thanks but you're in third person omniscient. Your telling us your character's internal thoughts and feelings. We have no way of knowing them. Please try to remain in the limited perspective.

Think of it this way. What's more dramatic? If we all know all the internal thoughts, desires and motivations of every character as if we are all Martian Manhunter or if the true nature of those intentions remains somewhat a mystery until pried into and divulged over the course of the story? Also consider that if you divulge all that information in passing PCs will have no reason to ask you and if they did it would be boring because they'd know the answer out of character before you ever posted in character.

When it comes to introspection less is more.