Mint crisp and clear, almost like disinfectant. The taste of the little candy he had grabbed in the waiting room as it slowly dissolved in his mouth. As a reward,to calm nerves, or as a last meal ? Ueda didn't really know and didn't really care when he took one from the little glass jar. But he was grateful to have taken it when he did. It did wonders to block out the droning of the psychologist that sat across to him. A man that was “trying to reach out to him” to “find what plagued him”. In short it was somebody who went to a fancy university to be able to say that he knew more about what was going inside Ueda’s head then Ueda himself, or exactly the kind of person Ueda hates most in the world.
It had been the same routine, the same questions, the same response ever since the accident. They told him it was for his own good, that under the circumstances that it would be best if somebody was able to monitor his mental health to make sure he was recovering. And for some reason Ueda came every weekend and even still he give the same answers or more correctly lack of them. His brain had walls within walls, within a maze that would make Daedalus look up in envy and that was the way he liked it. He just needed to be left alone, nobody had to worry about him, as long as his heart was beating he wouldn't just gave up. That would be cheating. Sure he didn't have a lot of friends and the ones he did have barely even talked to him, sure he was a bit more grumpy, sure he was probably the most cynical ass to grace the planet Earth, but he was alive and he was
fine.
“Now Mr. Nobuyuki if you don’t talk to me we can’t make any progress? So I’m going to try and ask my question again. Can you tell about the accident?” He was an older man, his hair was more grey then it was black and he had seen many cases such as Mr. Nobuyuki’s but none as stubborn as he.The boy was obviously in deep pain over the events that transpired, anyone would be. But instead of letting the pain out he was bottling it deep inside himself, he is not letting any others bare the weight of what he perceived to be his fault. He instead hosted it above his own head, no matter how much it pushed down at him he had become his own Atlas holding up all the things he bottled deep inside up with the plug and he refused to let them out. Was it because he was scared? Probably not, angry? Maybe. But whatever it was he would get the boy to talk, eventually.
“Now I hope you take offense when I say this Doctor, but if you could kindly fuck off I think we would all be in a much happier position. Don’t you think?” Ueda asked with a smile on his face that could shatter mirrors and cut paper, as he tightened the grip on his cane and watched the doctor. It would be a game, and Ueda liked games, but who’s resolve would break first?
“You know I can’t do that Ueda. All I can do is ask you the questions and hope for a... pleasant response. Now why won’t you let me help you if you don’t let me in, then I can’t help you.” He pleaded with the boy, though somewhere deep in his gut he knew that it was a lost cause already. The boy had shut him out a long time ago, and one of the few things he did know was that he was not the type to let someone back in.
“Why do you need me to explain what happened. The news covered it, the police probably still have the file somewhere and I bet the hospital does as well. If I remember correctly it was a slow news week, so it was pretty much all they covered. I think you can get whatever information you need about what happened from there.” Ueda declared he had not lost his cool yet and was instead in his default defensive state of sarcasm. The Doctors words could not phase him, he had forgotten about it, he had forced himself to. He was not about to start remembering then.
“But that does not help me Ueda. I don’t about statistics and the opinions of anchormen and police. Those do not correlate with your story, they do not tell how the events affected you.” The Doctor declared with earnest, he was doing his best to at least keep the conversation going. Anything was better than himself rambling in silence as the boy watched on uninterested.
“Well I can answer that question for you Doctor.
It didn't people died, I did not so life goes on. End of story.” Ueda declared as he tapped his foot against the floor, a tic that he developed it helped him stay calm and focused on the events at hand. Though one could start to feel a hint of bitter cold in his tone, an anger all of its own.
“I thought we agreed not to lie to one another, the first day you met me Mr. Nobuyuki, so why would you lie about this. One of the victims was a girl that went to Yamaku with you right up the mountain from here. And according to some, you and her were more than just friends. What was her name again -” The Doctor was cut off before he was able to finish his own thought process as Ueda got up with a startling show of speed.
“
Doctor, no offense to you or what you do. But I’m going to advise you to shut up now. I’m going to leave now, our appointment is over.” Ueda explained his smile gone and replaced with a dead expression of tranquil fury. The Doctor had succeeded in one thing, he got the boy to show emotion, to just sit by and be a passive observer. He managed to make something click.
“Mr. Nobuyuki, I advise you to please sit down. We are just talking. Talking about her, won’t hurt you.” The Doctor got up and walked over to Ueda as he was turning to go out the door, and to stop him put a hand lightly on his shoulder.
This was of course a mistake to do at that current moment. Before he could react an elbow went back into his chest and sent him stumbling backwards into his own desk. The desk shook as papers and trinkets fell off and pictures toppled over. The Doctor was shocked and surprised. how dare he! It was his office and nobody could just go and push him around. He was about to let the boy have it, but then closed his mouth rather rapidly at what he saw. Ueda standing statuesque, his face calm though eyes seemed to burn with a fire as he looked at him.
“Doctor, I’m going to leave now. I’m never going to return to your stupid therapy ever again. I will do you the good grace of paying out the month for you as I leave. If you try and stop me, then you will have to be the one to explain to the authorities how a crippled, dying teenager beat the crap out of you. Farewell.” Ueda left the office after that, doing as he said paying for the rest of the months sessions. Nobody stopped him and The Doctor did not report him afterwards. Though Needless to say he never did return to the man’s office.
~~~~
”Hey Ueda.”
”....Yeah”
”Do you ever think God gets lonely?”
”What?”
”You Know with us being all terrible people and stuff down here, and he being up wherever being all omnipotent and shit. I think it must be terribly lonely up there.”Ueda was dragged out of the past and thrown back into the present. Shaking his head and grumbling to himself mad that he let his mind wander like that. He had just finished his ascent back up the mountain, and was standing at the entrance of Yamaku. He looked around, half expecting kids to be rushing down the slope, towards the wide open world. But of course it was the weekend the students were already gone down, or they were crashing somewhere on the grounds. Everybody seemed to move at their own lackadaisical pace and Ueda did the same as he entered the school grounds with a sigh as he thought to himself.
Why do you choose to bother me? Why can’t you just leave me alone. I’ve said I’m sorry.. is’nt that enough? Ueda thought to himself to no response which was what he expected but he half wished for something else, a reprieve maybe. But he got none of course, your own guilt isn't too big on forgiving you that easily. No matter how much you try and try to deny it. So he kept on walking with no purpose, or direction in mind. He was just moving, moving it what ever direction the wind seemed to take him lost in his own thoughts.
It was around then that his phone buzzed in his pocket. Ueda took the phone out of his pocket and looked down puzzled. No one texted him, sure people had his number, but nobody texted him. They knew they were better off tracking him down then for him to actual respond. Hell it was even lucky that he forgot to turn his phone to silent. But as he looked down he saw he had one message from Rika, another student that was artistically inclined, mute but that did’nt stop her from being the voice in every conversation. Ueda let out a sigh as he decied that he had nothing better to do so he might as well text her back.
Rika: Where are you?
Ueda: I was running a few errands down in town. What’s Up?
Rika: The Mural?
Ueda: Huh?
Rika: The Mural in the Cafeteria! The one that you promised Nomiya you would paint.
Ueda: Yeah what about it?
Rika: You said you would start it today! You Idioit!
Ueda: Oh crap, I forgot all about that.
Rika: Yeah, lucky you have people that care you absent minded dope! Hideo and I were able to get all your supplies down there, so if you get there quick enough you can at least make some progress today!
Ueda: Thanks....
Ueda closed his phone with a heavy sigh. He did indeed promise Nomiya earlier in the week, that he would start this mural administration had commissioned the art department to do. Something about making the cafeteria more lively and less void sterile walls and floors, with an odd assortment of tables. It was at least something so keeping his slow gait he turned himself towards the cafeteria.
~~~
Eventually he made it and entered the building. He moved around the perimeter trying his best to stay out of peoples way. It wasn't as crowded as it would be on the weekdays, with most of the kids being out and about. But there still was a decent amount. More than he could just count with his hands, or even his feet. He directed himself towards the empty white wall, where he was instructed to just start painting and to see what happened. As he approached it he saw that Rika had indeed left his supplies laid out on a small tarp. Cans, brushes, stirring sticks and anything else that he really needed, turkey baster etc. What caught his eye was a small box laying there as well, leaning down slowly to not put too much stress on his frame he picked the box up and examined it. It was a Bento Box with a small note on it from Rika encouraging him, but also reminding him to not push himself too hard.
That girl has to stop treating me like I’m her child. Ueda thought to himself with a small smile.
Soon he went to work, taking from his jacket a small music player and putting in his earbuds. Turning on some
music and putting it up as high as it could go, effectively isolating himself in his own little bubble as he began to go to work. As he did, a small crowd of those eating their meals gathered around the tables around him, intrigued at the small live art display going on right in front of them. Though by that time Ueda was already lost in his own little world.