mind restructuring that sentence? can't make heads or tales of it.
I think the group of boys are meant to be other hopefuls as well - and now I really hope they fail initiation.
<Snipped quote by Crimson Raven>
1)My character Garen is fourth generation, trained his entire life whilst living in the wilderness outside the kingdom and actively fighting Grimm from the time he could use a weapon, not to mention a direct descendant of a living legend. He's a fucking prodigy and couldn't pull that shit off.
2)If it's flow versus believability, take believability. any time one of my characters expends a large amount of aura, they show signs of it, regardless of the flow of the scene.
3)Please show limits clearly and consistently.
4)teams of 4 students, all of which have been shown or stated to be of well above average skill or ability (except Jaune, but he's some sort of tactical genius waiting to happen)
5)Aura is a metered ability, like Mana. it recharges fairly quickly, but Ruby, from empty, takes about a minute to fully recharge (as can be determined by playing the Grimm Eclipse pre-alpha.)
6)Then why the hell would he climb to the top of the highest damned building on campus just to make an entrance? blatant and excessive showoff.
When I was originally examining the character, I had concerns about the semblance, as it is extremely specific and, frankly, TOO useful.
Now, I've got a couple other characters to reexamine.
I'm gonna go ahead and request you remove/ater on of the aspects of it, either remove his ability to detect metal, or the push-pull thing. alternatively, make it so he can sense iron, but only in a broad sense, such as approximate distance and vague direction
In addition, make it so he can only use it to move himself if it weighs at least as much as he does, for balancing purposes. feel free to have him railgun those coin things, though.
Flair for the dramatic is great and all, but you're going way the hell overboard.
He's 17 and attending a school where he wil be face-to-face wit monsters hellbent on wiping out his entire species, I think that's plenty reckless.