Copied from page 35.
Lord Tyget Crakehall wants to be King, claiming ancestry through a Targaryen marriage of past and proclaiming it, Lord Garland Tyrell is Hand of the King (who is dead, by the way, prior to IC, alongside a box with his wife's head sent to Garland) and almost getting his fucking throat slit by the batshit mentalist Daenys Targaryen, the rejected Targaryen heir (twin of Aegon), who is suspected of murdering just about half the fucking royal household, and nearly Garland. He's kinda opposed, and this factionalism means that there's an allusion to a war brewing, that could mean all manners of shit raises before winter, because oh yeah, Winter is Coming! The Riverlands are like "Nope" to all of this talk of war that the Tyrells and Crakehalls are speaking about, as are the Vale, though they're kinda awesome anyway because of falcons, scented candles and Ellion Arryn just saying "Cool, whatever". Tyget, Gerald, Tywin (so two brothers and Tyget's son) AND the whole fucking populace of Dorne have an interest in the Red God, while Garland has an interest in kissing Targaryen ass, getting fucked on Arbor Gold and then fucking women, while Ellion is busy flying birds of prey and being the world's greatest...wingman ( :P the puns never end, you see), all while Princess Eliana of Dorne is basically at a crazy combination of a waterpark and a sandy and exotic environment (kinda like Vegas, but with more tits, young boys and people armed to the fucking teeth with spears), ALL WHILE there's a couple of marriages between the North and Westerlands, and some intrigue between Jehrilla, the chubby Yunkish woman, and Alerie Tyrell.
So for Garland, this has meant he has fucked a gluttonous and huge Yunkish woman who is selling mercenaries and other mischievous services, and two young Targaryen Princesses are riding their dragons to King's Landing to meet a Tyrell Retinue inside the city. Oh, and Daenys Targaryen is basically killing a few people, but is now sitting in a prison cell in Highgarden, while that big Yunkish woman is basically being in the right place at the right time to sell services to the Lords who might actually start fucking each other over. Not all is well however, as the Tyrells have been fed Maester as their pork dish, something something Faceless Men had something to do with it something something. There's been border squabbles, the Commander of the Goldcloaks was "Removed Forcibly" alongside about a sixth of his forces from King's Landing, predominantly by being impaled or stabbed, and now, the Reach is sliding it's sweaty hand up the skirt of the Targaryens that HAVE emerged as an alternative to the Crakehalls version of self-declared "Kingship", which people are either "Fuck you" or "Meh, whatever, I can roll with that" about it.
All in the while, the North and Iron Islands are kicking seven shades of shit out each others' throats in the highest escalation yet, with a shitload of Mormonts getting murdered, followed by Iron Islanders up rivers getting murdered. It's basically red as fuck, people are getting murdered to all shit with constant bloodshed, and the North is extremely paranoid and wily of shit down south. They don't like us, we don't like them, Ned Stark etc. etc. .
MEANWHILE at Castle Black, Tyron Lannister is trying to unfuck shit from Wildlings to other players in the Houses. Because as usual, nobody gives a fuck that there's Wights coming and the Kingdoms are once again, completely screwed when Winter comes, because everyone is only going to realize at the last minute that we're all going to starve to death, freeze to death, or worse still, get fucked by White Walkers.
After this, Dorne has sunk deeper hooks with the Crakehall's as far as religion and peer at the Stormlands. Tyget and Garland/Willas are on a collison course and the real heir Aery's is on his way to King's Landing. =p
Lord Tyget Crakehall wants to be King, claiming ancestry through a Targaryen marriage of past and proclaiming it, Lord Garland Tyrell is Hand of the King (who is dead, by the way, prior to IC, alongside a box with his wife's head sent to Garland) and almost getting his fucking throat slit by the batshit mentalist Daenys Targaryen, the rejected Targaryen heir (twin of Aegon), who is suspected of murdering just about half the fucking royal household, and nearly Garland. He's kinda opposed, and this factionalism means that there's an allusion to a war brewing, that could mean all manners of shit raises before winter, because oh yeah, Winter is Coming! The Riverlands are like "Nope" to all of this talk of war that the Tyrells and Crakehalls are speaking about, as are the Vale, though they're kinda awesome anyway because of falcons, scented candles and Ellion Arryn just saying "Cool, whatever". Tyget, Gerald, Tywin (so two brothers and Tyget's son) AND the whole fucking populace of Dorne have an interest in the Red God, while Garland has an interest in kissing Targaryen ass, getting fucked on Arbor Gold and then fucking women, while Ellion is busy flying birds of prey and being the world's greatest...wingman ( :P the puns never end, you see), all while Princess Eliana of Dorne is basically at a crazy combination of a waterpark and a sandy and exotic environment (kinda like Vegas, but with more tits, young boys and people armed to the fucking teeth with spears), ALL WHILE there's a couple of marriages between the North and Westerlands, and some intrigue between Jehrilla, the chubby Yunkish woman, and Alerie Tyrell.
So for Garland, this has meant he has fucked a gluttonous and huge Yunkish woman who is selling mercenaries and other mischievous services, and two young Targaryen Princesses are riding their dragons to King's Landing to meet a Tyrell Retinue inside the city. Oh, and Daenys Targaryen is basically killing a few people, but is now sitting in a prison cell in Highgarden, while that big Yunkish woman is basically being in the right place at the right time to sell services to the Lords who might actually start fucking each other over. Not all is well however, as the Tyrells have been fed Maester as their pork dish, something something Faceless Men had something to do with it something something. There's been border squabbles, the Commander of the Goldcloaks was "Removed Forcibly" alongside about a sixth of his forces from King's Landing, predominantly by being impaled or stabbed, and now, the Reach is sliding it's sweaty hand up the skirt of the Targaryens that HAVE emerged as an alternative to the Crakehalls version of self-declared "Kingship", which people are either "Fuck you" or "Meh, whatever, I can roll with that" about it.
All in the while, the North and Iron Islands are kicking seven shades of shit out each others' throats in the highest escalation yet, with a shitload of Mormonts getting murdered, followed by Iron Islanders up rivers getting murdered. It's basically red as fuck, people are getting murdered to all shit with constant bloodshed, and the North is extremely paranoid and wily of shit down south. They don't like us, we don't like them, Ned Stark etc. etc. .
MEANWHILE at Castle Black, Tyron Lannister is trying to unfuck shit from Wildlings to other players in the Houses. Because as usual, nobody gives a fuck that there's Wights coming and the Kingdoms are once again, completely screwed when Winter comes, because everyone is only going to realize at the last minute that we're all going to starve to death, freeze to death, or worse still, get fucked by White Walkers.
After this, Dorne has sunk deeper hooks with the Crakehall's as far as religion and peer at the Stormlands. Tyget and Garland/Willas are on a collison course and the real heir Aery's is on his way to King's Landing. =p
