Unexpected...
Randy Killian hated his life. Well, he didn't hate everything about his life. He hated his mother, who just so happened to be the most popular whore at the Gilded Cage. Her habit of bringing her "work" home every night certainly didn’t improve his low opinion of her. The walls in the Killians' apartment were paper thin so Randy heard all the whimpers, moans, and unspeakable sucking noises coming from her bedroom. He also hated being so poor that it would take years for him to save enough money to move out. Since when was an apartment in the Narrows, the nastiest district in the entire city, worth 550 dollars a month? Most of all Randy hated his job. Working at Hard Hats, Santa Somabra's finest home improvement warehouse, made a night of listening to his mother ride some dokkalfar like a mechanical bull seem delightful by comparison. Even the franchise's slogan was cheesy and awful. Hard Hats, we work hard so you don't have to!
Randy was a door greeter. Standing there in his bright yellow apron, the heavyset man looked like one of those people that visited local high schools to warn kids about the consequences of dropping out. Ironically, Randy had graduated at the top of his class in high school and still ended up at Hard Hats. Between the customers who didn't know a pipe wrench from a pipe cutter and the assholes who wanted all their needs met within seconds of arriving, Randy's job simply added more shit to the shitstorm that was his life.
The only upside to working at a place like Hard Hats was you got to see some truly bizarre stuff. Yesterday morning, Randy had seen Nick "The Archmage" Conti staggering through the aisles wearing nothing but a terrycloth bathrobe. Most of Randy's co-workers said he was full of it, but the door greeter knew the truth. He'd watched the legendary spellcaster waddle around the store in a drunken stupor, muttering about using acrylic sheets to amplify a nascent ley line. About two weeks ago, Randy even had the opportunity to shake hands with Winston Gardner, CEO of the Red Diamond Construction Company, though they didn't talk much. Mr. Gardner had been carrying a heavy black briefcase and claimed he needed to get to the Tool Rental and Repair Center as quickly as possible. Randy knew what that meant. The influential businessman, who was supposedly planning to run for mayor during the next election cycle, wanted to see Colette Dumont. Considering how much money Red Diamond's employees spent at Hard Hats each year, Mr. Gardner was one of the few people entitled to Colette's unique services. The tycoon had walked out of the store three hours later without his suitcase, a satisfied grin splayed across his craggy features.
Sadly, nobody interesting had stopped in today. Randy was bored as hell.
A ljosalfr woman wearing a black bomber jacket, gray t-shirt, and blue jeans walked through the store's double doors.
Two thoughts occurred to Randy with such astonishing speed they nearly collided with each other. First, what was a light elf doing in a place like Hard Hats? Although he only knew two or three ljosalfar, Randy found it hard to believe any of those snobs would be caught dead in a home improvement warehouse. Randy's mother loved telling him about a repeat customer she’d had who was in love with a light elf, but he couldn't afford her expensive tastes. Caviar with every meal, a different car for each day of the week, and cross country trips at the drop of a hat had only been a few of this woman's insane proclivities. If a light elf needed any renovations done they'd probably hire a private contractor. Or use their mystical abilities to complete whatever project they were working on. But, lo and behold, this pale-skinned and white-haired elf was stalking towards Randy, her black mid-calf boots clomping loudly on the cement floor. She was clutching a threadbare gray bag in her right hand. It looked like something out of the Victorian era.
The second thought rattling around the door greeter's head was that this elven woman was terrifying. At first glance, she didn't look like anything special. She was pretty, but not as dazzling as the ljosalfar models in the catalogs Randy's mother enjoyed so much. A second look convinced the door greeter this particular elf was more dangerous than any lingerie model. It was her eyes. There was a light in those icy gray eyes that said this encounter wasn't going to end well. Something far beyond mortal comprehension gave the ljosalfr’s gaze a heaviness that made Randy feel incredibly uncomfortable. And incredibly human. Swallowing, he silently prayed the she-elf would ask him a simple question and be on her way.
As she drew closer, Randy managed to say, "Uhhh...we-welcome to Hard Hats. Where we work hard so you don't...so you don't...erhem, how can I help you, ma'am?"
The ljosalfr paused for a moment, seeming to consider his words, and then said, "Is Colette Dumont working in your Tool Rental and Repair Center today?" Her voice was quiet and accentuated by an unusual English dialect. It was like the sound of a gun being cocked. Or the whisper of an ancient blade being pulled from its scabbard.
Randy's gaze dropped to his dirty sneakers and he said, "Uhhh...she's here, ma'am, but the managers don't want anyone bo-bo-bothering her unless you're...unless you're an important client. I'm sorry..." Sweat began to trickle down the miserable door greeter's face as he glanced at the elf. He winced when he saw those menacing eyes narrowing. The ljosalfr was looking at him as if he was an irritating bug just begging to be squashed.
And then, because this was Santa Somabra, the situation got much, much worse.
Five men, each one wearing exquisitely tailored business suits and slacks, entered the store and formed a semi-circle behind the irritated elf woman. The first one to speak was a muscular orc clad in a slate gray suit with golden cuff-links shaped like tiny war hammers.
"What are we doing here, miss?" the greenskin asked, his voice a rumbling bass that resonated in Randy's chest. "I thought we'd finished all your errands. We should be getting back to the Hotel Imperius soon." Behind the hulking brute, a skeletal Hispanic man with a shaved head brushed down the front of his suit jacket, which was a much lighter shade of gray, and nodded once. He didn't look nearly as intimidating as the orc. And then Randy noticed how empty the Latino's watery blue eyes were. It was like staring into the eyes of a life-sized doll. The door greeter let out a pitiful whimper and reluctantly turned his attention to the remaining three thugs.
A portly fellow with unruly dark green hair and a similarly colored pencil mustache said, "Now, now, Baruch. I'm sure there's a good reason we've stopped here, though this place does smell awful. Like...rotting wood and sweat. A great deal of sweat." The man primly flicked some imaginary dirt off his charcoal gray suit and noticed Randy gawking at him. The green-haired man smiled. Randy almost pissed himself. The stranger's smile was far too wide for his round face and showed off more teeth than any human could possibly have. It was only after the man looked down and began tugging at a thread dangling from his sleeve that Randy saw his pointed ears. Unlike the she-elf's ears, which had no earlobes, this creature had large, dangling earlobes. He had to be a faerie then. Towering over the rotund faerie was a human with a pained expression on his face and a body like a brick shithouse. A hilariously tiny bowler hat was shoved over his curly blonde locks, and he seemed completely oblivious to what was going on around him.
But it was the last individual that made Randy want to run screaming from the store.
This faerie had neon blue skin, a hawk-like nose, and slicked back hair the color of a freshly peeled orange. He was even skinnier than the dead-eyed man, but his pewter gray suit somehow made him look lean and dangerous. Like a steak knife in the hands of a sociopath.
Sneering at the she-elf, the taller of the two faeries said, "Yeah, I want to go back to the hotel already. I got a date with one of the concierges...hey, see something you like, fuckstick? What's the big idea?" This last bit was directed at Randy, who couldn't keep his eyes off the colorful faerie.
His mother, despite her obsession with handling strange men's junk, had taught him a little about Santa Somabra's history over the years. She knew only the most dangerous members of the Bloodbloom Syndicate were rewarded with immaculate gray suits to wear on the job. People eventually started referring to these elite killers as "graysuits." Shortly after Randy's thirtieth birthday, his mother also told him a story about a faerie serial killer that used to roam the streets before the fall of the Martovanni Family. This murderer only killed other faeries, and he inevitably decided to go after Nyxvira Bloodbloom. Obviously, the corpulent queenpin wasn't going to to go down without a fight. She'd hired the notorious bounty huntress known as Vigilance to protect her from this maniac. The rest was history. Now, the serial killer worked for the Bloodbloom Syndicate. That faerie's name was Shar Goodfellow, and he was standing in Hard Hats right now, an expression of pure malice on his face as he glowered at Randy.
The light elf cleared her throat and said, "I thought I told you idiots to wait in the car. I was only going to be in here for a few minutes." Her voice was just as quiet as before, but there was a definite edge to it now. An edge that promised a great deal of future unpleasantness.
Giggling, Shar said, "We gotta keep our eyes on you, boss, or you might run away. And what would old tons of fun say if we lost her favorite pooch? She'd be heartbroken." The lanky faerie apparently thought he'd said something witty because he broke into fresh peals of tittering laughter. A few customers stared at the cackling graysuit as they walked by, but Shar Goodfellow couldn't have cared less. He was, after all, Shar motherfucking Goodfellow.
The she-elf's pale face twitched once and she let out a barely audible sigh. Pointing to the colossal man with the small hat, she said, "Jack, stay here and watch the door. Radio me if anything unusual happens. The rest of you...come with me if you must. But do not make a scene or I will report it to milady." Without wasting another moment on Randy, the group walked away, leaving the door greeter alone with a man big enough to bench press at least four Randys. Maybe five.
The man, whose name was evidently Jack, grinned at Randy and said, a thick Cockney accent muddling his words, "Oi, lad, any chance ye give free coffee or water ter yer customers, eh? Me stomach's all higgledy piggledy from bein' in that fuckin' SUV all day." When Randy shook his head and looked away, the graysuit sighed and said, "I hate doin' errands with the goddamn Hound. It's always a miserable time fer everyone."
…Reunions
Narcissa was furious. Almost as furious as she’d been when some junkie high on Demon’s Blood broke one of her swords. If Francis Cain hadn't been at the goblin's workshop that night there wouldn't have been enough of that girl left to fill a thimble. Taking a calming breath, the she-elf shoved the image of Justice snapping in half out of her mind. She needed to focus on the task at hand, not a fight that happened almost a week ago. Unfortunately, her four escorts were making it nearly impossible to keep her temper in check. Did these morons really not trust her enough to walk through a home improvement store without supervision? Was this a sign that Nyxie knew more about Vigilance's reasons for joining the Syndicate than she was admitting? If push came to shove, could Narcissa defeat all five of her "bodyguards?" The ljosalfr wasn't sure.
The little group walked past dozens of shocked customers, paying no heed to their questioning stares, and left them muttering amongst themselves. Seeing four graysuits walking around in such a public place wasn’t common. Narcissa guided her companions around two Hard Hats’ associates trying to placate a customer who kept screaming about the state of the ladies’ restroom. In another aisle, fifteen employees listened attentively while a manager droned on about how to properly apply caulk. Narcissa frowned. Why did Colette insist on working in a dump like this? Was she that desperate? And why did the thought of seeing her again make the she-elf nervous?
Finally, the Bloodbloom Syndicate members reached a large square-shaped opening with a cheery sign hanging overhead that read ‘Tool Rental and Repair Center.' An unusually hideous ogre stepped out from behind the department's customer service desk and came to greet them.
“Hello there. My name is Sullivan or Sully, if you’d like,” the monster said as he proudly pointed to where he’d written his name on his yellow apron. Narcissa was pretty sure Sullivan didn't have a ‘q’ in it, but she decided to let it pass. The sooner this matter was resolved the better. “Can I help you with renting a tool or...ummm,” the ogre started to say, though he trailed off in confusion after a moment or two. Suddenly, he snapped his sausage-like fingers and said, “Renting a tool or repairing one. There we go. I knew I'd get it."
The light elf did her best to keep her voice level as she said, “I need to see Colette Dumont. Now.”
The ogre’s repugnant visage somehow became even harder to look at as he frowned and said, “No...no, you can’t see Miss Dumont. She’s not really-”
And that’s when Shar Goodfellow, former serial killer and all-around jackass, took something out of his suit jacket that looked very much like an uzi. He grinned viciously and pressed the barrel against the wide-eyed ogre’s head.
“Listen up, ugly” the blue-skinned faerie snarled, his piercing tenor voice reaching new heights as he forced the monster back into the tool rental department proper. “I have a beautiful concierge waiting for me to fuck her five ways to Sunday. I need this, man. Seriously. I fucking need this. So, how’s about you don’t be a whiny bitch, huh? Take the Hound to this Colette person so I can get my goddamn wick wet!” The terrified ogre nodded rapidly and pointed to a red door at the rear of the department. Several customers, noticing both the altercation and the weapon, suddenly remembered they had pressing business anywhere else. The large room emptied out faster than you could say, "Welcome to Santa Somabra."
“Nicely done, Shar. Real fucking subtle,” Baruch grumbled as he removed a pistol with a silencer attached from his right pants pocket. He aimed carefully and fired two shots, destroying a couple of security cameras hanging from the ceiling near the tool rental center. Wondering how long it would take for someone to call the SSPD, Narcissa gritted her teeth, choking back the reprimand on the tip of her tongue, and hurried towards the red door. She’d make sure these idiots were punished after her business was concluded. Meanwhile, Baruch, showing that even five years with the SSPD tended to make you more competent than most criminals, signaled to the remaining graysuits and said, “Puck, I want you to take up a defensive position on the left side of the door. You cover the right side, Allister. Watch for trouble while the Hound deals with...whatever this is.” The green-haired faerie and skeletal Latino nodded before moving to their assigned spots.
Narcissa would’ve been proud of the orc if he wasn’t so mindlessly devoted to Nyxvira. The light elf reached the door and tested the handle. It was unlocked. Clutching her bag tightly and hoping this wouldn’t be a complete waste of time, Narcissa walked into the backroom. The room was a mess, though the she-elf hadn’t expected anything less. Colette had always been a bit of a slob. Crystals in a dizzying array of colors, wooden puzzle boxes of every size imaginable, and artifacts that defied description lay scattered around the square-shaped room. Colette, her brown eyes wide behind her horn-rimmed glasses, sat at a metal worktable, a ruby the size of a quail’s egg clutched in her trembling hands. The light elf closed the door behind her and said, a slight hitch in her voice, “Hello, Colette. You look well.”
Colette set the jewel down on the cluttered worktable and got up from her stool. The Frenchwoman slowly removed the threadbare pink beret she always wore and placed it beside the gem. Without saying a word, she walked over and smacked Narcissa across the face. Hard.
“I probably deserved that,” the she-elf said as she gingerly touched her cheek. Colette had been working out.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Colette barked, her French accent somehow turning the shrill demand into something beautiful. "You cannot simply come into my place of work after not talking to me for six months. What the hell do you want and why are you dressed like a homeless person?”
Holding up one slender finger, and choosing to ignore the remark about her attire, Narcissa opened her bag and reached into it. The she-elf’s arm vanished up to her shoulder, and Colette’s mouth dropped open in surprise. The Frenchwoman was a savant, someone with a gift for repairing and strengthening mystical objects. She knew the ljosalfr's bag was a bag of holding and would've probably sold her soul for a chance to work with the spells woven into the container's fabric. Narcissa was counting on it, actually. The light elf pulled her broken sword out of the bag and said, “I know I hurt you, Colette. But I need you to fix this for me. In exchange, I’m willing to give you this bag of holding and whatever money you need to cover the cost of materials.”
Colette let out a horrified gasp and grabbed the sword from Narcissa, staring at it in mute dismay. Looking at the elf with an pitying expression on her face, the brunette asked, “Which blade is it, ma fleur? Duty or Justice?”
The light elf nearly bit her tongue in half. It felt like a lifetime had passed since Colette had last called her 'ma fleur,' though the couple had only been separated for six months. A blush, completely unexpected and unwanted, suffused Narcissa’s face as she said, “It’s Justice. Some dirty kons with an arm full of Demon’s Blood nearly killed me and then stomped on my sword. If it wasn’t for Cain I would’ve ripped her apart. I still might.” To her surprise, the bounty killer realized this was true. She intended to pay that wretched girl back for what she’d done to her uncle’s sword. It was just a matter of finding something she cared about and destroying it. A swordmistress always collected her debts.
Colette sighed and said, “You can be a real cunt sometimes, you know that, ma fleur?”
Narcissa blinked. “What?”
“You know I’d love to work on a weapon like this. But I’m no elven swordmistress. I don’t have the skill to reforge pure iron and...wait, you know that...why did you bring Justice to me?” the Frenchwoman asked, narrowing her eyes and scowling at her ex-girlfriend. Her arms were still wrapped protectively around the damaged sword, which was pressing against her chest. That deliciously ample chest.
“How was Paris?” Narcissa asked casually as she closed her bag of holding.
“It was fine,” the savant said suspiciously. “Father isn’t doing well, but he says the mine will pay for...oh my God. The mine. That’s it! You knew I went home for a month and you knew I’d come back with mithril ore for my work. You want me to use mithril to fix your precious blade. And here I was hoping you hadn’t been stalking me like one of your damned bounties. I must be a total fucking idiot.”
Narcissa knew better than to say anything to the contrary. She’d had some vicious arguments with Colette in the past, and the Frenchwoman could be unbelievably stubborn. It just so happened that she was completely right this time. The Dumont family owned one of the largest mithril mines in the world, and Colette could get high-quality ore whenever she wanted. Mithril wasn’t as durable as pure iron, but it was the closest thing to it. The white metal also had the unique ability to bond with other magical substances, including pure iron. It was the only way to repair Justice without weakening the blade's overall integrity. Holding up her hands in a gesture of surrender, the light elf said, “You’re right, Colette. I did know all of that, but I’m sure the bag of holding will more than compensate you for-”
“No,” the Frenchwoman snapped, her voice harsh and brimming with anger. “I want the bag and a favor. A favor I will discuss with you at a later date. And before you look at me with those gray eyes and say ‘I don’t do favors’ let me remind you I’m one of three savants in this city. I know you won’t go to Gazbag the Lesser because he’s a goblin. You wouldn’t let him within ten miles of your swords. And Milius Werner mainly works for the Nyctari and his prices are obscene. I’m your only option, ma fleur. Deal?” Colette smiled triumphantly and held out her hand, keeping Justice in the crook of her arm.
Narcissa paused, weighing the options in her head, and realized her ex-girlfriend was right. Again. Colette was the only person she trusted to make her sword whole again. The she-elf stepped forward and shook Colette’s hand, feeling the roughness and calluses she’d acquired in the last six months. It was a stranger’s hand. An awkward silence settled over the two women, and they quickly dropped their hands to their sides.
“I should go,” Narcissa said. “Thank you, Colette.” The elf began to walk away but stopped before she reached the door. Without turning around, the ljosalfr said, “You changed it.”
“Changed what?” Colette asked, arching one slender brown eyebrow.
“Your nose. I used to love your nose even though you always said it was too big. You got it shaved down. When?” the elf asked, feeling something cold settling into the pit of her stomach. God, she was getting old.
“I went to Drekmishrev’s about a week after we broke up,” Colette said as she touched her adorable button nose with her free hand. “I knew how much you loved my nose and...well, I was feeling petty. It was a quick fix.” Frowning, the Frenchwoman turned away and walked back to her worktable. “I thought you were leaving. I’ll call you when Justice is ready. I still have your number."
Narcissa inclined her head and left, the bag of holding bumping gently against her leg. Silently, she strode past her security detail and they followed her through the store's double doors. Jack joined them as the group ventured out into the parking lot. They all piled into the black SUV waiting at the curb. Nobody said anything for a few minutes as Baruch started the car and smoothly accelerated onto Santa Somabra’s main road.
The ljosalfr, sitting in the backseat between Puck and Allister, couldn’t quite articulate the thoughts running through her head. Seeing Colette again had been so-
“So, are you going to tell us why we went to go see a Frenchie at a hardware store, boss? Or are you just going to sit there and-” Shar started to say, but Narcissa’s glare shut him up immediately. She was one of the few people in Santa Somabra capable of keeping the talkative killer quiet.
“Open a line to Nyxvira, Baruch,” the light elf snapped, deciding the best thing to do was refocus on her work. She could puzzle through her feelings for Colette another time. “I know she’s been having us do surveillance on the Nyctari since the incident at Gish’s workshop, but I want to know why. If we’re supposed to be looking for something than it’s time we found out what it is.” The orc grunted and used the car’s Bluetooth along with his iPhone to dial the queenpin. “Milady,” Narcissa said, once the phone picked up, “I know something is going on. You’ve been having me do reconnaissance on major Nyctari businesses for almost a week now. An explanation might help me know what it is you want me to find.”