Snowden is definitely this game's guilty, conflicted Lincoln. Here's to his inevitably anticlimactic death

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! Today will be a very special episode of the Hunger games, where we will observe...

...cue music...





THE WAR BETWEEN THE STATES! For those who are foreign or don't know a lot, there was a war between the states in which the part of the country where people pronounce their words won. This'll be a rough facsimile of that war.



Lafayette, leading a flying detachment of men and women afraid of the feeling the horses underneath their groins inspire, kills some random fuck. the peperony and chease will rise again

Snowden overlooks the ensuing combat and contemplates his roll in the great game. on the front a first charge is sent against the part of his flank with a bridge. Cornwallis and Lebron die heroically beneath the guns of the mustachioed brigade. Kebab and Jeff Goldblum make a second charge, but are killed my the remnants of Broby's Communist-Nudist threesome. That night while Grant patrols the outside of the camp, an unknown enemy shoots him.

The next day see an attempt for the heights. Joe Medicine Crow, the Eagle, Arnold, and Guy die at the foot of the ridgeline. Another attempt at the bridge is taken, bringing down Camacho, Jesus, Will Smith an Kissinger. Meanwhile another excursion against the heights leads to the death of Michael Jordan and the legendary Florida man. And finally, cold and alone in the humid summer heat, Jefferson succumbs to his natural talent for not understanding military matters and he dies cold and alone in a cell.

In retrospect, remind me not to use such specifics events when designing an event. This one came out as the battle over one bridge.



peperony and chease. lots and lots of peperony and cheese. We are well beyond halfway.

That will probably be it until tomorrow. The battle of the bridge cost many lives, and we will find ourselves celebrating their memory in the conflict and the bridge that nearly tore a peoples apart.

Snowden; named for the ice in his veins.

Welcome to some more Fourth of July Hunger Games! The War between the States has came to an end and the bridge remains solidly in the defenders hands. Bodies have fallen, and we have whittled down the men from the dead men. The conclusion is not far away, but we still have time, so lets see what happens.



Ron Swanson isn't handling the war well. It has had its effects and now he wanders aimlessly from stereotypically redneck bar to stereotypically redneck bar, gettin' fucked up and picking fights with guys named 'Cletus'. Pocahontas receives literature revealing that the best way to experience the colors of the wind is to deregulate industrial pollution and hold your breath when the colors moan past you. The WBC shares one beer amongst the church, knowing that too many beers can lead to stickin' it in each other's poopers and god doesn't like that. Hogan, his bowels still grey with confederacy, is happy that he lives in a world where one man can swallow whole a war-leader without the law mingling in their business.

Lafayette and Betty White spend a quiet moment wondering how evolution can explain talking hotwings or communist burgers, and considers this evidence of a higher power. The Hot Wings themselves strip off their deep-fried skins and lay bare their juicy flesh and join Nic Cage as part of the Battle-Snowden's harem. MLK had a dream, but the dream is dead, and he experiences America in the 21st way.



Stuff appears! Many of our patriotic tributes eschew checking out the feast. The WBC is selected by an alien race for some hyper-ironic probing and we never have to deal with them again. MLK comes over the mountain and fucks up a young native girl for some rare bison steaks. Snowden gets his murder on and drives a bullet right into the hungry gullet of Hulk Hogan. peperony and chease. Snowden gains the belt! Also, Nic Cage dies in the way most typically experienced in the US. peperony and chease

So that'll be that for now. We don't have many of these left so it is a good time to start placing bets on who will win.

Grant, Sherman, Lee, and Cornwall are dead.



Now there is only Lafeyette to carry my submissions.

The WBC jokes were on point here. My money is on Ms White, if she can survive the treacherous Snowden.

I believe in you Snowden & sexy plate of hot buffalo wings! You can do it! Make mama proud! o7

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! peperony and chease.



Roosevelt goes out with a whimper. peperony and chease. Snowden dies from the carbonized fallout of his own violent career. peperony and chease. Hot Wings prepares a primitive weapon while Ron Swanson, hungover, goes hunting for a cheeseburger-like facsimile. Betty White dreams about the moment when everybody else is dead and she can finally walk free.

We start of strong here, with the death of two powerful men by rather weak ways. That's the way these things always seem to go. Never a great violence, just a lot of stupid accidents until the least accident prone survives.



There they go. We find ourselves saying goodbye now to those who fought bravely on the red white and blue field of patriotism. They like so many brave Americans might find themselves buried in Mrs. Lee's rose garden, which would mean that R.E. Lee himself will be returned to the soil of his home.



Lafayette and Betty White don't seem to be romantic in this scenario, but they do share bunks. This means something in a world where most people are dead and their beds empty. A friendship perhaps, that might very well last until the end. Meanwhile, Pocahontas shows us that she really is an undervalued participant.



Pocahontas and Betty White get in a scooter chase. This is a bad move on Pokey's part. By choosing to play an old woman's game, she threatens her own ability to compete and therefore by ip-so-fact-o she risks catastrophe. Ron Swanson brings the electoral sway back to the Dems. We get a surprise call in from the Bernie Sanders campaign, no doubt telling MLK about a variety of percentages that exist in the world. Lafayette does the blasphemous thing and begins to wonder if he might very well just be French or something like that.

But now Hot Wings dies. From the Sugars no less. It is no wonder, besides being an unhealthy meal itself, the Hot Wings has spent much of the game collecting food. As we lower his disfigured body into a funerary vat of Blue Cheese sauce, we must take time to reflect on the obesity epidemic and how we have let this finger-lickin' disease expand as deliciously across the country as it has. peperony and chease.



One shot, of the heavy sort, can be heard. The mournful cry of callioping trumpets joins in a low wishy-washy song. RIP wings.

Rest in peace Hot Wings. You were that most rare and tender of things, a true American patriot. You were the wings of a chicken with the spirit of an eagle. Your heart was large, your only crime loving too much, loving grease too much, tragically made your pancreas too large also. The manner of your death wil forever testify to the American character. We shall think fondly of you, perhaps when nibbling on a substandard McDonald's nugget dipped in weaksauce hot sauce, and we'll know they don't make chicken like you anymore. You were too hot for this world Wings. Now it's time to fly.

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! We've seen the blood of patriots water the tree of liberty, and now it is time for the conclusion. Who will win the title of "Most Alive Tribute" and go home with nothing but scars? Let's find out!



Ron has recently been kicked out of a bar, ate at McDonalds, and now he is drenching his food in hot sauce. He is living one of the most American lives we have seen yet. Their spirits up, our three most aggressive survivors sing about bombs together. Meanwhile, MLK makes exactly the face you make when you receive underwear as a gift.



Pokey, like so many Native Americans of her generation, fails to get her vaccinations and dies of some strange western disease. peperony and chease. Ron sobers up and goes hunting for immigrants. Betty White is fucking vicious, and she destroys MLK with shock and awe from above. peperony and chease. A little frightened by Betty's killing move, Lafayette flees to the west.



Now America's only surviving tributes are the whitest of the original group. Somewhere, a KKK grand wizard is smiling a toothless smile.



Ron is going through some things right now, it might be best to just let him alone. Lafayette, who has used the Cuck word before in our games, gets some comeuppance while he hides from Betty White. Betty, meanwhile, fails to launch another murderous explosion, to the thankful sighs of the other two.

So here it is. The final moment. Who will win, who will not win? Drum roll in your brains now.

Oh yes!

also, Ron Swanson was brutal eating hot sauce straight after Hot Wings died. Fuck that guy

God dammit Lafeyette, you were the Frog we were supposed to have! Oh well, it was a wonderful sacrifice to Liberté.



But clearly in the end, the true victory is The Directorate and the French Consulate.

Oh yes!

also, Ron Swanson was brutal eating hot sauce straight after Hot Wings died. Fuck that guy

Hot wings shall be remembered eternally through the collective burning of a million taste buds daily as jackass try the "super spicy" kind without nay forethought or milk

<Snipped quote by KnightShade>

Hot wings shall be remembered eternally through the collective burning of a million taste buds daily as jackass try the "super spicy" kind without nay forethought or milk

Our tongues shall be his funerary pyre