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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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Posting my CS here, it's got a few things left to edit but I'm welcome to critiques especially from Stein haha.



Now I know you always beef them, but you've got to cut a good bit of fat off of this one. He traipses over into Miles' and Andrews category a bit much for my liking and technically Ram (but that's not your fault because I haven't explicitly given his powers and he's acting as an almost kind of placeholder).

I'd challenge you to focus on putting him in a niche. He shouldn't be able to fill all the roles of a team. If most of these applications are end goal applications, then I'd like something that indicates so.

The pictures and quotes are nice (shirtless yaaay), but they're fluff for me tbh. I care about character content.

So he's accepted cuz you're you and based on the strength of that backstory/character, but those powers gotta be cleaned up

I enjoy the power and idea, so I hope there is a way to aptly use the powers while toning it down.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Tyler
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<Snipped quote by Tyler>

So, I never gave this official work-up and I suppose I should do that, huh.

So anywhore, still accepted. Duh.

Now that I've read the CS again, I like and a lot of the potential she has.

On the note of her powers: with her last ability, I'd feel more comfortable if she developed that a little later. You're giving her a lot to work against and this ability doesn't seem to enhance her much at this stage. Would you consider making this something she gets a little later down the line (still early on, but not right now)? If you'll do that, I can even work it into a plot aspect.....the wheels are already turning.

(Also, she and Miles will get along so well. Well....Miles gets along with almost anyone really)

I like the backstory but it does leave her a lot to deal with? Are you comfortable with all you've kinda put into place?


I'm kind-of cool about holding off on the telekinesis. But I also low-key feel like combat scenarios are gonna be pretty lame for me as a writer until she develops it.

Regarding her backstory, I don't particularly have any plans for her to actually reconnect with her adoptive mother any time soon. It's a part of her backstory purely because Eve is shaped mainly by her history, and it's the drive to find her mom that gives a worthless street rat like her a sense of purpose. It might be all she dreams about, but not all dreams come true.

I'm unsure as to whether Del will crop up, either. Evelyn is in a position where she finds herself running away from one part of her past, whilst trying to track down another. I'm just gonna let her narrative evolve naturally and can't predict where the road will take her. I ain't some kind of psychic.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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<Snipped quote by Stein>

I'm kind-of cool about holding off on the telekinesis. But I also low-key feel like combat scenarios are gonna be pretty lame for me as a writer until she develops it.

Regarding her backstory, I don't particularly have any plans for her to actually reconnect with her adoptive mother any time soon. It's a part of her backstory purely because Eve is shaped mainly by her history, and it's the drive to find her mom that gives a worthless street rat like her a sense of purpose. It might be all she dreams about, but not all dreams come true.

I'm unsure as to whether Del will crop up, either. Evelyn is in a position where she finds herself running away from one part of her past, whilst trying to track down another. I'm just gonna let her narrative evolve naturally and can't predict where the road will take her. I ain't some kind of psychic.


Lol I actually meant the "scrying" ability where she can sense and locate people.

But okay, the rest of that sounds fine!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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@Stein When you day he overlaps with Miles I assume you mean the aura being able to extend? And I assume when you refer to overlapping with Andrew you mean the aura acting as durability?

Definitely can trim the powers, was aiming to rewrite then either way. Was hoping to narrow him I to the brawler niche so I'd like to focus on the durability and physical enhancements. Can definitely axe some of the energy absorption and the ability to spread his shield.

Also will note what he can presently do and what he can't. Meant to lay my sheet out like that in the first place but decided to opt for something different. Obviously it wasn't the best choice haha.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Tyler
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<Snipped quote by Tyler>

Lol I actually meant the "scrying" ability where she can sense and locate people.

But okay, the rest of that sounds fine!


Oh, sure, no problem. I can work with that.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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@Stein Did you want me to remove the note staying the RP is full from the top of the OP's? Not sure if you want more players or not, but I can remove it in the case that you do.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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Nah you can keep it. I like what we have. And tbh, I should probably move the thread like I said I was before. But I think I'll do that after we finish this intro arc
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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@Stein and on a separate note, here is the updated CS with our discussed abilities.



Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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@Stein and on a separate note, here is the updated CS with our discussed abilities.

<Snipped quote by Lord Wraith>


I like him! One thing I would say though is I would totally allow it if you wanted to have be able to eventually progress to being able to enhance himself (I.E. Peak Human Conditioning, slightly accelerated healing factor, etc)
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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<Snipped quote by Lord Wraith>

I like him! One thing I would say though is I would totally allow it if you wanted to have be able to eventually progress to being able to enhance himself (I.E. Peak Human Conditioning, slightly accelerated healing factor, etc)


Hmm, I'll have to think about it. I kind of like the idea that his entire fighting style relies on him bringing his foes down to his level. But for practical purposes he might need to be able to enhance himself down the road.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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<Snipped quote by Stein>

Hmm, I'll have to think about it. I kind of like the idea that his entire fighting style relies on him bringing his foes down to his level. But for practical purposes he might need to be able to enhance himself down the road.


Yeah, I was thinking of it more down the road as well

Wait a minute......I wonder if he would negate Evelyn's future detecting abilities somewhat? At least when she's touching him.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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<Snipped quote by Lord Wraith>

Yeah, I was thinking of it more down the road as well

Wait a minute......I wonder if he would negate Evelyn's future detecting abilities somewhat? At least when she's touching him.


If he's not actively trying to enhance them, then yes.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Tyler
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<Snipped quote by Stein>

If he's not actively trying to enhance them, then yes.


This is going to get real interesting, real quick.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Tyler
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Stein
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Okie loves, loving the activity. I get off work in a few hours so after some errands I should be sitting down to Fuck up characters even more
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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Okie loves, loving the activity. I get off work in a few hours so after some errands I should be sitting down to Fuck up characters even more


Excellent, almost everyone is on scene now.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Nemaisare
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Should have a post for you lot by the end of today. :)
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
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Should have a post for you lot by the end of today. :)


Looking forward to it!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Nemaisare
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POSTED!

In which Andrew fails at superheroing... I don't think he has any idea what is going on, but he'd like a 'Too tired for this shit' sign. :P
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