@Iuniper Sounds like a bit of an overreaction...but if you think you (Edit: "should") do better, then best of luck upon you!

@Virgil
I was actually correct the first time! I'm just really tired. There are some time issues my dear friend. Basically the end of your two sections should be flipped is the easiest way of putting it. Cause in the past (the camp) Tarkus spoke in your guys heads while in the Future(Keep) Verse is going to gather you folks up. You have it the other way round. Besides that everything looks good!

Can't deal with rebels yet if the city hasn't been captured and all.

@Virgil
Nah your template is fine. It's just that.

Cause in your One Sun Post Aveless-Fall sectiom this happens. "and a sensation like rain-droplets pelting his face overcame him: Job to be done. Voice's orders. Meet at the Weeping-Gate within the Hour. Pack Light."

Tarkus talks to you lot in the before the fall section.(In the intro post the first part at the keep is in the future, the second part at the camp is in the past.)

So, just to be clear, Tarkus sent a mental message to our characters prior to Avless' fall, right? Because I just re-read the intro post and @Virgil's response, but they don't match up.

<Snipped quote by Lexicon>

How so, Lexicon?

Edit: I believe he sends it *post* Aveless-Fall; Thus, he hands Verse the papers of her squad-mates, clapping his hands to show that the telepathic commands have been sent and duly received.