Note to any random readers: This is likely to be a semi-short roleplay, and is a sort of prequel to a future small group roleplay, intended to better establish the relationship between two particular characters. Because we're awesome like that.
(Still woring on finding something that really fits. But for now, you've got this.)
Tragedy. Pain. Death. Despair.
Each a part of life. Each passing through the world, showing a blind eye to none. Human. Hunter. Supernatural. In their eyes, each are equal, each as worthy as the last to their subjection. But they do not always willingly choose their victims.
Sometimes, they are brought before their time by others. Others lusting for blood for the sake of blood. Others rushing in without thinking, bringing about their own suffering. Others exacting their revenge. People and monsters searching and seeking their own glory.
Even on modern day Earth, there are no exceptions.
A creature of darkness has been wronged, his family slaughtered. It has taken him years, but, at long last, he has stumbled upon a lead. A lead he is willing to follow to the end. A lead he has on good authority to be true. But trust is so easily misplaced.
For a young hunter residing in a hunter community with her parents, his revenge could tear apart the lives of those she loves. If, of course, she cannot stop him. If she cannot locate someone who can help her. If she cannot find the courage to face her worst fears. But fear is a powerful, overwhelming emotion.
Sacrifices must be made. Sacrifices with consequences that the young duo could never hope to imagine. Consequences that could one day very well prove deadly.
If, of course, they both live that long. And with conspiracies and fowl plots twisting in the bowels of their societies, who they call their allies could prove just as deadly as facing each other.
Any hunter worth even a grain of salt has heard of the Lion's Ridge Society. Though they have ultimately stepped up as something as close to leadership as supernatural hunters come, originally, they began as a group of hunters dedicated to seeing to it that their own live comfortably outside the job. After all, with the dirty work they do, they deserve to live a happy life outside of hunting. Though only the most elite hunters of the era are offered a seat somewhere within their ranks, the various gated communities they have built and oversee allow any hunter to reside within their walls. A surefire way for a hunter to know that they are in the presence of one of the Society or within one of their communities is the presence of their crest. It is a rather simple crest with a tattoo-style lion’s head, its face and main created from flowing segments, and surrounded by a feathery circle. Though typically black outlined with gold, its color changes to denote rank and other standings. The members always wear some form of the crest, be it jewelry or embroidered on clothing, some even having it displayed somewhere on a house. Their communities all have the symbol somewhere near their gates, usually in all black for its cheaper print design.
For a member of Lion’s Ridge to advance in rank, they must prove themselves worthy in multiple skills, from combat in multiple forms to knowledge on various topics. While the organization originally only had a few members, as it grew to expand beyond providing comforts to hunters and into a leadership position, they saw the need to accept more members and create ranks to better delegate workload, oversee the communities, and even keep an eye on other hunters not apart of their Society. However, not all colors denote rank, but also certain commodities or services.
White— Lowest rank. Typically footmen who often get used to deliver messages too important or classified to risk other means of communication, or hunt requests. Also given to some of those who do not usually go on hunts and are more of tactical support. Because yes, they even have those in their payroll.
Orange— Given to higher workmen/women who are often paid for hunting jobs. These are your typical hunters who are held in high regard, but they are still not the highest ranking hunters apart of the society.
Brown Outlined in Gold— Worn by the highest-ranking common hunters. These hunters are the ones who can really get the job done. They have the greatest track record and know how to get a hunt done quickly and quietly. They get the greatest pay for their successes and are called upon for some of the most difficult jobs the Society gets wind of. Note: There are hunters out there who are not members of the Society, but could easily have this ranking, or even surpass the skills of those with it. It is also not uncommon for members of the Society to reach out to them in times of need.
Dark Blue—An overseer of a community. Typically at least two per acre of land within one of their communities. They tend to be some of the more trusted of hunters in the Society. Their job is to attend to the needs and listen to the people of the community they are in charge of and take necessary action. They are also in charge of inspecting the barriers and wards placed around the communities, and maintaining the safety of the hunters inside. It is not uncommon for someone bearing a blue crest to one day end up with a red. They also have the ability to go to a Society hunter in the community and send them on a hunt if they hear of some trouble somewhere.
Light Blue—Messengers between the community overseers and right-hands of the leaders. It’s their job to report anything and everything exceptionally odd, as well as information on the number of hunters living in the communities to the right-hand(s) over their area. In a way, it is both a step up and step down from being a community leader.
Red—Essentially the right-hand members to the leaders. They are the most trusted of the leaders of the Society, and are in charge of making sure that their rules and orders are upheld. There are more of their numbers than the leaders themselves. They also report to the leaders of anything they find significant enough to bring to a leader’s attention.
Gold Outlined in Black—The actual leaders. They are the only ones who have inherited their color, being descendants from the society’s founders from 1902. Despite it being inherited, they still have to prove themselves worthy to bare this crest. Only the best of the best can bear the standing of being a leader of the Society, making them formidable foes to the monsters they hunt. As according to their rules, only the descendants—even if distant—can become a leader within Lion’s Ridge. There are roughly ten true leaders per country with one of their communities, so it is often considered a rare honor to meet someone brandishing their crest in glittering gold.
Silver with Outline—For one reason or another, like with any job, a hunter can retire. But they will never not be a hunter. With retirement occurring often due to old age or injury, a retired member of Lion’s Ridge Society is still held in high regards and is allowed to wear the crest in silver outlined by the color of their rank or other standing when they retired. Leaders’ are outlined in either gold or black, and higher-ranking hunters in brown.
Green—Often displayed on a business or residence, a green crest denotes a devoted herbalist. As with any hunter who instead provides services instead of doing hunting jobs, to gain the honor of bearing this color crest, one must be the best of the best, or come from a line of employed herbalists.
Purple—Often called Wisdom Keepers or Peace Bearers, those who bear purple play an important part in their communities. It is up to the Wisdom Keepers to maintain the many barriers placed around their communities. This group consists of those knowledgeable in protective symbols, and even a few hunters who came into possession of various protective or even psychic abilities somewhere within their lifetime. There are often quite a few of these living in each community, their numbers somewhere between ten and forty depending on the size of the community. This is another one often displayed on a business or home.
Pale Green—Hunters are, to say the least, extremely paranoid. Some places even have their own grocers who check and triple check that the food they sell is not poisoned. Some communities even have a small market situated inside its borders, insuring that no one could possibly tamper their food. Displayed on a business or even a home-turned-business to avoid the potential legalities of having an official, state-registered business. If you get your food from somewhere with this color symbol, you know it’s safe.
While they have over eighty communities located worldwide, their pride and joy resides within one with their name sake. Located in the mid-western United States, many of the retired members of Lion’s Ridge Society reside here, among some of the other active top hunter families outside the Society. Their first gated community, Lion’s Ridge Community is the grandest and largest to sport their crest. Needless to say, Lion’s Ridge Community has had the most effort put into it and is by far their most luxurious creation. Designed for the most paranoid of hunters, this vast community is difficult to get into. Normally, only the most prestigious, well-known hunters can get in. Unless, of course, you know a guy who know a Society member who owes you a favor. So, without further ado…
Let me know if you want/need me to change anything! Or have any better suggestions for a more fitting song. Heh.
If you want, whenever you start your post, you're welcome to start later on Saturday. Also, what would you say to Lydia kind of being capable of sensing Kyair? Since they're both supposed to be, well, 'chosen ones.' Figure maybe they can kind of sense that in each other if they were close enough, but would have no idea what it was, let alone meant.
... I was going to say something else here, but now I can't remember what. Dang it.
*spits out water* This. Is. EPIC. That first post...sheesh. That was TOO GOOD. I got chills. Mind = blown. Again. I absolutely /loved/ how you played this all out, and the way you had Kyair interact with someone else gave a great feel of his character already. He's amazing.
Much like ALoWaN, this is gorgeously put together. You've outdone yourself once again, my friend.
Don't change a thing. The song's downright awesome and I even saved it to my phone. I'm honestly blown away by all of this.
Ooh, yes. I like the idea of her being able to sense him. It'll be a nice addition to their chaotic relationship. I'll be working on my post. If questions pop up, do you prefer that I ask them here or text them to you?
One more time, this is epic. Just...everything. I can't get over it. You never cease to amaze. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for putting all of this together!
I'm happy you enjoyed it all. Though, that first half of "Two Weeks Ago" did not have Kyair. Would have used his name if it was. ;-) It was kind of a "prologue" to the whole thing.
Told you. I like making first posts pretty. xD
Are you okay with me naming the community? Lion's Ridge. If you had something else in mind for that, let me know! And I was thinking it would be a fairly large community, as those things go.
Either way works for questions. Here may make it easier to keep track of them and their answers. Instead of having to search through a bunch of older messages if the information ends up being needed again. Messenger could be quicker, though. So, it's up to you!
Holy smokes. I automatically assumed it was him. My apologies! I just re-read it. Now it's a mystery! I love mysteries. Irregardless, I still love 'em. And you played all the roles brilliantly. Loved the dialog too.
Yes indeed. And you excelled at it again. It's very aesthetic.
Lion's Ridge is a wonderful name, I'm totally alright with that. Fairly large is good, too.
Sounds good. May just ask them here so I can refer back if I need to remember something. Depending on my intro, I may or may not have Jason be Lydia's boyfriend. I was thinking she'd have a crush on him or something, but it's nothing official. Maybe they know each other through their parents and went on some hunting missions before. Not a huge change, but I wanted to run it by you to see what you thought. She likes him enough so she'd want to save him, though. (He's not worth it).
'Kay, 'kay! Also, if there ends up being important information or anything else, I that's what I put that "reserved" space for. Because OCD. And I'll add secondary characters that I throw in there to the Character tab as we go. Others not even worth going in there might end up in a section in the reserved tab.
"He's not worth it." I feel sorry for him already. But he probably deserves it. I like that, her knowing him through parental friendships. And them going on hunts together. Works in with Kyair's vendetta.
Sweet! Worked on my intro a bit last night. I have a few questions.
Was there any setting in particular I should end my intro in? Did you need/want her somewhere by the time I end it? (That goes for her parents and Jason too). I wasn't sure if there was anything special I needed to cover or hint at. And how/when she would sense Kyair. Does he have to be close by?
We probably discussed most of this already, but we've covered a lot, both in verbal communication and text. I want to make sure I don't have another 'fae' moment. *laughs*
I do not believe any of that was covered, actually. But I could be wrong. There is nowhere in particular either of them is needed at the moment. Start her wherever you seem fit, and end it the same way! I can work around just about anything in this case. ;-)
For sensing Kyair... Maybe they could sense something unusual from a block or two away, with it strengthening the closer they get. That sound good? He would be skulking about. Being almost powerless during the day, he would not leave the shadows in the middle of a hunter community until dusk, but would use the opportunity to stake out those in his list. So, you are welcome to make a passing mention if the mood so strikes you!
Hey, everyone has those moments! Me more than most. Stop beating yourself up over it!
Thanks again for your help with my many questions, and for the wonderful suggestion that Lydia meet up with Ava. Made it so much easier to end my reply. If you need me to have Lydia arrive at Ava's so it's easier for your reply, I can edit it. I just want to make sure I left it open enough for your response. ^^
...My brain hurts from rereading my post so many times. I've probably overlooked something, so if you notice any mistakes, let me know and I shall fix them. :D
Of course! We’re delving into a character set that’s new or semi-new to you, so questions are expected and quite encouraged. And you’re welcome, though you did the hard part of actually ending it. ;-)
Sounds about how I feel while editing SDC. Or any of my writings, really. xD No worries about mistakes! Though, going back to your first IC post here, this is a wonderful, rare opportunity for me to read and comment on something longer that you wrote with just your own characters interacting! So, I do have some comments and suggestions to make, if you’re okay with that!
Comments:
> I know I've said it in our chat, but I want to compliment again how you added Lydia’s parents in there. It makes sense and gives a taster of what kind of people they are!
> Dreams are so much fun to play with. xD Yep, that’d be a nightmare in my book. But dang. Figures she would only have a break-out free face in a nightmare.
> I feel for Lydia with Allison’s enjoyment of watching medical shows. And yelling at the TV in the meantime.
> “Grimacing at the fridge packed with odd-smelling leftovers, she weeded through a collection of beer and snatched her soda.” The number of things just the contents of a fridge can tell someone about a family is shocking! Excellent! Your small, life-giving details never cease to amaze me.
> Tee hee! He called her “Squirt.” I love her interactions with Mr. Prescott. Again, you show so much about the characters in such a short span of time! He’s such a guy. xD
> Your dialogue is wonderful and realistic, as usual!
> “Today was going to be a good, stress-free day.” Good luck with that, Lydia. >:-D
Suggestions:
> Section breaks. Normally, when there’s some sort of break like that, one can expect a fairly decent time skip, significant scene change, or a character switch. The last one feels appropriate to me because of how you begin the following section, going from her house to somewhere else in Lion’s Ridge, but the others have a less distinctive change; it’s still Lydia, and she basically goes from one room/area of the house to another with little, if any, time shift. A quick sentence about once she was ready, she headed through the house could replace that first one, then there is enough of a link between, “She was already gone,” and, “Outdoors, Lydia took a deep breath” for it to be one event after the other, no extra sentence (or section break) needed.
> This is probably more of a personal preference, but I figured I would add it in, anyway. In transitioning from dream to reality, something a bit sharper, if you will, can help add the same bit of shock that the character feels. Basically, in place of a transition sentence, maybe use an extra space or some other kind of lesser spacer between the end of the dream and when the character wakes up, and then throw the reader directly into a new mindset by waking the character up. Another method I favor for giving that distinction between a dream and reality is using italics for the dream, but even that has its drawbacks. It’s been a while since I read anything involving dreams. The double return are the most common methods I can recall, but I'm sure there are others out there. Like I said, in the end, this topic is more preference based, I'd say, and changes from one writer/reader to the next, but that’s my two cents on the matter.
> Keep an eye out for the unnecessary passive voice. If a passive phrase can be changed without losing the sentence meaning, then change it if you can. The active voice is often a better option. While the passive voice has its place in many cases, the more you can avoid it, the better! Words to check are mostly forms of “to be,” such as “be,” “been,” “were,” “is,” “are,” “was,” and “had.” There's more to the passive voice than certain, specific words, but that's a good place to start. Dialogue is an exclusion. People use the passive voice often when they talk, so trying to always use the active voice there could make for some forced/unrealistic dialogue. A Couple Examples: “The linoleum was cold against her feet, earning another shiver from the brunette.” Personally, I find “was” (and “had”) is one of the most difficult to eliminate, and easiest to use. It’s one that I need to work on weeding out a bit more, I think, as well. But here’s one possible difference between using that passive “was” vs. something more active: “The cold of the linoleum floor against her feet earned another shiver from the brunette.” --“Beads of sweat were on his brow…” vs. “Beads of sweat glistened on/gathered on/rolled down/[pick your poison] his brow” or even simply, “Sweat beaded on his brow…” --“The screams in her nightmare sounded in her mind. They hadn't been human.” vs. “The screams from her nightmare sounded in her mind. Inhuman screams.”
See/feel the difference between that passive and active voice?
> Unnecessary “that.” It’s easy to do. I know. But “that” can create wordiness, and be borderline passive depending on usage. If it can be removed from a sentence without affecting clarity, then nix it. Again, dialogue can be an exception, especially if the character in question has a thing for overusing “that,” and definitely has its place in writing. It's just a matter of figuring out where, exactly, that place is.
Writing is hard. But in my opinion, that’s one of the things that makes it so beautiful! Keep up the great work!
Of course I'm okay with that, I welcome it! It helps me be aware of my mistakes, therefore giving me the information I need to correct/improve things.
For the comments: thank you! I wanted to do a better job of that this time around, since I didn't give much of a view into what Ghent's adoptive parents are like. I'm glad you like Mr. Prescott! I like him too. And, yeah. Stress-free day? I don't think so. :P
For the suggestions: Wow, this has opened my eyes. I never knew when it was appropriate to add a break, I just figured I would do it as an easy way to end a scene. I'm awful, I know. xD Thank you so much for explaining that, and adding examples too. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when I do long posts that require breaks.
For the transition from dream to reality, that's awesome! I can see how that would make the scene stronger, and easier to read. I'll keep that in mind, too. I haven't written for dreams in ages either, so this will help me for when I do that again.
Ah, my old nemesis...the passive voice. I catch myself doing that ALL the time, and I'm not sure why. Thank you, one hundred times, for explaining and giving me examples of other options. I do see the difference, for sure. Now I can't wait to put your advice into practice!
And..."that". Guilty as charged! "That" and "Then"...I don't know why I use those so much. I'm going to try to improve on all of this, thank you so much for taking the time to give me constructive criticism, and writing tips/examples. It makes the challenge of writing a little easier. As always, if you catch me doing any of this, or making other mistakes, let me know! I can't tell you how much I've learned from you. :D
Okay, so, I ended up starting on writing up a detailed info bit about the Lion's Ridge Community, and linking it with the "hunter's society" thing we talked about. It's not done, but I put what I have so far in that reserved post. Wanted to get what I had up since it would be something Lydia would be in the know of, and make sure you're okay with the whole, "only the best hunters or hunters who know someone can get in" thing. Let me know what you think? I kinda got carried away, so I apologize. It's all mostly just ideas and totally open to change if you have any ideas or don't like any of it! I added the colored insignias because I thought it would be a fun little touch for them to be spattered around the community, like displayed on houses or mailboxes and whatnot to denote what rank lives where, if they have any kind of standing in the LRS.
For a fair warning, I haven't read back through it yet to make sure that it all makes perfect sense, so if you have questions, let me know, and expect typos as of yet. Heh.
Oh, and I could use some advice on the header. I was indecisive and put together multiple text colors to the insignia (put "crest," but "insignia" is more accurate, I think, so will switch that later). Putting them in a hider below, including the one I used. Let me know which one you like best, or if you'd rather any colors changed!
Hey, about the reason for the section breaks, some forms of writing require a definitive, "Next Scene" statement! Like screenwriting. Each scene has to be marked. If they go from one room to another, you mark it as a new scene. Was yet another reason I'm never writing another screenplay. Anyway, just not usually as useful for the same purpose in typical prose writing. xD
Well, "then" shows order. I don't think I've noticed you over-using "then." I'll keep an eye open, too, if you'd like, all the same. And because now I'm curious.
2 months later...a reply! Wow. That took wayy too long. Now, another long overdo response:
The information on Lion's Ridge is wonderful. Everything is so useful, creative, and organized. I'm reading over everything again for a refresher. The insignias are awesome too, and beautifully designed! So far, everything has made sense to me so I don't see anything that needs fixing.
For Lydia's parents, I believe we decided they will be the highest rank or close to it. I originally intended for Jason to be one of the highest ranked ones, but then I thought it might make more sense if he was lower than Lydia's parents. That would give him the incentive to mislead Lydia into thinking he likes her, so he can get in good with her parents (in the hopes that they would pull some strings to boost his rank). :P Let me know what you think about that approach.
I think we talked about it before, but did we ever decide on what rank our girls would be? (Apologies for me taking me so long to decide on ranks for everyone. I just want to make sure they would make sense. Both for their characters, and the story).
I feel like you stepped up your descriptions in that post! Fantastic!! Just remember to put descriptions of people as well as the environment! I know you have a profile for Jason, but to keep in practice, I would recommend pretending we don’t have those to go off of. In your typical, printed story, the reader doesn’t normally have the luxury of a character profile or reference picture. And when they do have an index of characters, having to go to that every time a name comes up can take away from the story. Personally, because of that, I like to keep in practice of adding descriptions and occasional reminders even in a roleplay. Just a suggestion! With that said, I hope you don’t mind me adding that description. I did my best to go off his profile, but let me know if I got anything wrong! And bear in mind it’s described from Ava’s POV.
Pardon all the mistakes. xD The info is a rough draft. Just thought I should get that up there as soon as possible. Thanks, and glad it all made sense, nonetheless!
That we did about her parents. To get into the Community, they would have had to be either a brown/gold rank, have known a high-ranking Society member who owed them a big favor, or come from a famous family who inherited their home there. So while there would be very few orange and white ranking members living in Lion's Ridge, there would still be a few of them. I LOVE the idea for Jason! If we’ve talked about it, remind me: how new to the community are Lydia and her parents? That could potentially play a decent roll in things for her as well. Relationship and reputation wise, as well as how much she actually knows about everyone!
So, for the kids of hunters, I’m thinking that they do not technically have a rank, but often get associated with whatever rank/occupation(s) their parents are. They cannot officially join the Society until they have graduated high school or, in other countries, when they turn somewhere between 18-20. What rank they go into right off—if they choose to join the Society—depends on two things: any current reputation they have as a youth hunter (the more known they are as being a good hunter, the higher they can start out), and any recommendations from higher-ranking hunters. Though, lineage can also play a factor; if their family has been apart of the Society for multiple generations and all have been high ranking, there’s the possibility they will start out a little higher on the food chain depending on their overall abilities.
As a side, a reason there are hunters out there NOT apart of the actual Society is because the Society implements rules and keeps track of everything. Hunts embarked upon without the direct request have to be reported to a community overseer (and proof brought back if the hunter(s) is not held in the highest standing and honesty in the eyes of the overseer), even if the hunter is not apart of a community. That’s how they get their pay. That overseer gives these reports to one of the light blue ranks of their community. One of the jobs of the light blue’s is to keep track of monster sightings within the general area to watch for patterns and fluctuations of different types of monsters. Hunts done outside their direct area get sent to a community closer to where the hunt took place, a task usually delegated to one of the white-ranking hunters. Basically, the non-Society hunters hate having someone above them breathing down their necks, telling them what to do, and having to do other jobs on top of hunting. Pretty much all but the brown/gold hunters have other parts to play besides just hunting. All are hunters, their rank demonstrating exactly how good they are at that, but the brown/gold are those who are good enough to be deemed full-time hunters. Even those who are mostly supports to the official hunters go on the occasional hunt.
Not sure if any of that will even matter in the long-run, but… sound good?
I’m going to put Ava’s associations on her profile, but thought I would also mention it here for convenience's sake. Depending on how new Lydia is to the community, she would likely know this, too. Her mother is a brown/gold rank and her father a dark blue (thinking one of four in Lion’s Ridge because of the community’s size). Her grandfather was a red before he died during a particularly nasty hunt a couple years after she was born, and grandmother a once renowned purple. That Ava doesn’t have the desire to continue that legacy—instead wanting to play one of the more supportive roles—has gotten her plenty of crap from other Society hunters, kids and adults alike. Especially when they make the connection between her surname and a few other historical reds.
I know we kind of covered this in Hangouts, but thanks so much again for the praise and helpful advice! I'm trying to be mindful of it, as descriptions have been a weakness for me in the past. It's something I will try to practice more often! Especially in opening posts. You did brilliantly with adding in descriptions, and it was fun to play off of. I hope it is alright I assumed Ava followed them inside. If not, I can easily change that.
Awesome! I'm delighted you like the idea for Jason, I will go with that then. As for how new they are...maybe two or three years? I'm open to adjusting that part, depending on what would work best story-wise.
Better than good! (Slipped in a little Prompto quote for ya). I love all of that, and I really like the age system in regards to how the ranking works. It makes sense that way -- I was wondering how it would work for the younger hunters. I'll figure out what Lydia's rank will be tomorrow, when I'm not functioning on 2% of my brainpower. Also, I really like the idea of hunters not being in the actual Society. This is gonna be excellent. Not that it isn't already a blast. :D
Perfect about Ava's rank and the ranks of her family! Despite what the others may say, I love her independent way of thinking and it suits her character too. You go girl! Follow your dreams. >D
HA! Yes. xD Wonderful GIFs! The contrast between this at the moment and ALoWaN is kind of funny, if you think about it.
It was perfectly fine you assumed that! There wasn't anywhere else Ava would go. Besides, she would want to stick around to see how things panned out. She's the type of girl who will see her evil best friend plots to the end. Thanks for checking!
I'd say you definitely paid closer attention to detail your last post! Wonderful! You even utilized description in action. Really, absolutely fantastic! I grinned when you played off of Ava's pondering about the mailbox. And like how you led into the cat by using the calendar. I'll always approve of a cat. And I must compliment you, as always, on your realistic dialogue!
Two-three years works just fine, I think!
Tee hee! ^.^ Great, about being on board with all that! No rush in figuring all that out. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! I'm happy you're enjoying it so far! I am as well. For not having written for a female MC for a while, you're doing great! I already love the relationship between the characters so far.
