@Lord Wraith I love your analysis of Jiao. Me next. Me next! :P
I'm not nearly as experienced here as the other writers, but I'd like feedback as well. Especially considering my initial power had complications during the review process.
Cheers!
I'll take some time to do Benjamin later today (maybe :P), if only because I'm working on the IC opener, Noah's first IC post and a post for another RP I'm fairly involved in.
But Benjamin's sheet is pretty fresh in my head as I was just looking over it to figure out where he would stand with Noah. The outcome of said reading is that the two probably haven't interacted as Benjamin is new to the school and has no listed extracurriculars or particular interests at this time so they'd probably be neutral or just not have a relationship currently.
Well if u can. No worries if you can't get around to it.
I keep having to remind myself that Ben is new to the school and wouldn't really know anyone. Which contradicts the bio I created for him, which already has him somewhat established. I'll just say that he had to take some summer classes to catch up since classes don't always transfer when u move to another country. That could explain while he is relatively familiar with the place, but still doesn't know anyone really since most kids aren't in school during the summer.
The first thing that attracted me to your sheet personally is the amount of detail presented in your abilities section. As that is a very key component of the RP and due to the effort that I myself put into designing Hyperhumans and how their abilities work, I love seeing someone else put that same effort into explaining their character's abilities. The ability section covers not only how Jiao's gifts work but also discusses them and lends itself to explaining development and applications. The limitations and weaknesses are also equally thought out and everything is well said, no leaps in logic required to follow your thought process.
His skills stand out, like his abilities they are well detailed and lend themselves to helping explain the character and your characterization of him. This is particularly noteworthy with his final skill of dissimulation. The appearance description isn't long or wordy, not that it has to be. You've clearly and concisely described Jiao's appearance in a way that doesn't repeat the other information on the sheet but rather enhances it to give a fuller picture.
Jiao's backstory is sweet and concise, it doesn't waste details nor does it lack them. There's still plenty about Jiao that can be discovered in the IC but nothing that's apparently lacking or would make the reader wonder about the character. His personality sets him apart from other characters in the RP and I fully expect him to cause nothing but friction but that's a reason why he was accepted because he does have a three-dimensional personality and it only further enhances the cast which for the most part is made up of less abrasive people.
thamk u boss
I've knocked down one essay and have 2 more to go, so I'm still out of the running for a week or so (maybe?) but I'll try and keep track of what's going on OOC wise.
@Aeolian, alright here's what I cam up with for your review:
Firstly, let me start with your great attitude in the iCheck and subsequently, the OOC made it really easy to consider you for acceptance so even when Roman and I asked for some edits to be made, you remained positive and didn't make a fuss about it. I can not stress how much more enjoyable that makes GMing, so for that, I want to thank you.
Moving on, Benjamin's abilities caught our eye and while it might not be as detailed as some of the other sheets it was also an ability that stood out. Whether as Astral Projection or the revised Intangibility, Benjamin's skills bring a nice niché to the RP that isn't displayed in the other characters. As I said, the ability section isn't the longest but that's okay because it doesn't need to be, the powers are straightforward and easy to understand and you have beefed it up with some 'science talk' of your own. The limitations and weaknesses check the power and keep it balanced plus much like his abilities, you gave him a neat little niché skill that could be a topic of conversation later one.
Benjamin's appearance section rounds out his physical details and begins giving an insight to the sheet's personality section. His backstory captures him even further and you can start to really see how the character is going to take shape in the IC. Taking influence from his parents perhaps, Benjamin comes across to me as having the most potential to be the cast's 'only sane man.' He's disciplined and responsible, level-headed and caring. Which brings us to the portion of the sheet that stuck out to Roman and I the most, the personality section.
The personality section is what made Roman and I want to ensure you had a chance to rectify and clarify your ability section. The writing and insight shown in the personality section made us feel like Benjamin was the first fully formed character in the RP. He personality comes across as very alive, it's three dimensional and could just as easily be your next door neighbour as it could be a fictional character.
The Miscellaneous section is used well without adding too many details, giving us just a bit more insight into Benjamin and his family.
Overall, it's a very solid sheet and I am looking forward to seeing him in the IC.
◼ W E E K 0 0 2:With the IC right around the corner, what are your hopes for the plot? What sort of conflicts are you hoping to face, whether external, internal or otherwise? Do you have any plans for your characters, any particular path you want to grow and develop on?
@Aeolian, alright here's what I cam up with for your review:
Firstly, let me start with your great attitude in the iCheck and subsequently, the OOC made it really easy to consider you for acceptance so even when Roman and I asked for some edits to be made, you remained positive and didn't make a fuss about it. I can not stress how much more enjoyable that makes GMing, so for that, I want to thank you.
Moving on, Benjamin's abilities caught our eye and while it might not be as detailed as some of the other sheets it was also an ability that stood out. Whether as Astral Projection or the revised Intangibility, Benjamin's skills bring a nice niché to the RP that isn't displayed in the other characters. As I said, the ability section isn't the longest but that's okay because it doesn't need to be, the powers are straightforward and easy to understand and you have beefed it up with some 'science talk' of your own. The limitations and weaknesses check the power and keep it balanced plus much like his abilities, you gave him a neat little niché skill that could be a topic of conversation later one.
Benjamin's appearance section rounds out his physical details and begins giving an insight to the sheet's personality section. His backstory captures him even further and you can start to really see how the character is going to take shape in the IC. Taking influence from his parents perhaps, Benjamin comes across to me as having the most potential to be the cast's 'only sane man.' He's disciplined and responsible, level-headed and caring. Which brings us to the portion of the sheet that stuck out to Roman and I the most, the personality section.
The personality section is what made Roman and I want to ensure you had a chance to rectify and clarify your ability section. The writing and insight shown in the personality section made us feel like Benjamin was the first fully formed character in the RP. He personality comes across as very alive, it's three dimensional and could just as easily be your next door neighbour as it could be a fictional character.
The Miscellaneous section is used well without adding too many details, giving us just a bit more insight into Benjamin and his family.
Overall, it's a very solid sheet and I am looking forward to seeing him in the IC.
You have no idea how much I love this! Thank you very much! :)
It makes me want to be a better writer.
I'm definitely lacking, but I'm glad I did good on some parts, and now I know what I didn't do so good on. :P
I can't wait to see where this story goes!
ALSO, I will respond to the second weekly discussion later.
@Lord Wraith Would it be too much to ask for you to do one more constructive criticism? I definitely love that you're very critical with your players, and I would love to see what it is that got me accepted! BUT -- if you don't have time then I totally understand too <3
◼ W E E K 0 0 2: With the IC right around the corner, what are your hopes for the plot? What sort of conflicts are you hoping to face, whether external, internal or otherwise? Do you have any plans for your characters, any particular path you want to grow and develop on?
I absolutely love that this roleplay can be totally character-driven! There's a lot of controversy that mirror current events of today, ranging from the characters trying to fit in within a time of oppression to the power that the youth have to influence society and world issues. There's so much color in the roleplay already even though there is no established moving plot, aside from the world that they live in being a plot in itself. Moving forward, I'm definitely hoping to see all the angles of this world emphasized -- the oppression, the bonding of characters, a possible rise and rebellion of hyperhumans, the unification between communities, the characters discovering themselves as new identities, etc.
Felix is definitely going to face a lot of internal conflict, questioning a lot of his past decisions. Coming out from a strict childhood and now living more carefree, Felix feels lost and misguided. During the RP, he's going to indulge more in the movements against oppression for the hyperhumans -- after he accepts this as his identity, of course. With given plans to become someone that uses his powers for lawful reasons, he'll find his niche within the world and understand other reasons to achieve greatness that contrast his past motivators. The need for acceptance and the avoidance of disappointment are both embedded in Felix's brain, but he learns to break free of these anchors to create a clean slate for a new and improved personality. Felix will probably break down and become reshaped into a better person in this RP.
Just a question @Lord Wraith I get that you probably don't want to list a teacher for every subject under the sun but seeing as there is physics, could we also get bio and chem classes? Or should we just be making up teachers that aren't on the faculty list?
Just a question @Lord Wraith I get that you probably don't want to list a teacher for every subject under the sun but seeing as there is physics, could we also get bio and chem classes? Or should we just be making up teachers that aren't on the faculty list?
I have been meaning to finish the faculty list but I got sidetracked.
That said, if you want to create teachers in the IC for subjects not yet listed in the character tab, I'll follow your lead and use that teacher moving forward.
Just to let everyone know, I've added 3HA to the NPC info post and began updating the teachers some more. I will be adding more teachers at a later time, probably once I finish the ones I already have.
Abilities, Skills and Resources ___________________________________
//Abiliites: • Photokinesis | Rory can absorb, bend, and manipulate visible light. The outcome is varied and dependent upon which properties of light she is affecting: intensity, wavelength, or propagation direction. Intensity relates to the degree of brightness being emitted; wavelength to the refraction and reflection of light; and propagation to the process of emission and absorption.
By far the most instinctive and straightforward use of her abilities is through emission. If undirected, bright white light will radiate from her whole body from all directions. This can be unintentionally set off by emotional triggers and stressful situations in particular. With focus and control, Rory can localize emission to a single body part, like a hand or even a fingertip, and guide its direction. With more practice, she will be able to change color and intensity instantaneously.
Invisibility is another practical use. For an object to become invisible, it has to bend light around itself so that it casts no shadow and it must produce no reflection. It's a concept Rory still has difficulty grasping in theory, but as in most cases when it comes to her ability, she finds a more intuitive way to explain it to herself. In this case, Rory imagines she is up on a pitch-black stage with a single spotlight on her. When she points the spotlight away from herself, she becomes invisible.
As Rory attains better understanding of how light interacts with the world and relies less on blind conjectures or semi-accurate metaphors, she will be able to manipulate more properties at once and with more finesse. She will be able to solidify light through use of photons, creating temporary weapons or projectiles, generate blasts of concussive solid light, or even generate holograms.
• Limitation(s) | Rory can only dispense as much light as she has absorbed throughout the day. She thinks of it as her phone when she visited Disneyworld; throughout the day, her phone was connected to this neat solar charger backpack her pop gave her on her birthday. Her phone was at 100% the whole day, and only started losing charge after sunset. After that, the more snaps or Instagram videos she took, the quicker her phone lost charge.
Although sunlight is not the only source, it is obviously the most effective and sustainable. Rory could theoretically use other light sources, but it would take draining the whole city to give her the same effect as standing out in the sun for a minute.
Another big drawback comes from Rory's lack of technical understanding. To effectively manipulate the properties of light, she needs to not only understand the changes she's making but anticipate the outcome as well.
Lastly, using her abilities saps her own energy as well, and prolonged or extensive use will cause exhaustion.
• Weakness(es) | As mentioned, having no access to sunlight will be pretty much render Rory powerless. That means trips to Alaska or Iceland or anywhere with winter darkness generally won't bode well for her. Any sort of containment unit will diminish her light's range and can even negate it completely. Her light is also still subject to gravitational changes.
As a teenager, she's ironically not the brightest bulb. Highly impressionable, oftentimes scatterbrained, and spontaneous, she has a habit of rushing headlong into situations without an ounce of foresight. She also has a difficult relationship with spatial awareness.
//Skills: • Art | Rory has a great creative eye and excels at whimsical art styles. She can draw and paint, preferring a digital medium for exhaustive work but her trusty notebook for doodles. Rory offers her services to any clubs or teams that need any sort of banner or flyer made, and consults for the Yearbook if needed.
//Paraphenalia: • Backpack | A white backpack designed to look like a panda, with dark circle patches for eyes sown in front and ears at the top. • Sketchbook | Moleskine Art Plus Sketchbook. It is filled halfway through with assorted sketches and doodles. Pages have been torn and inserted back in. • Tablet | iPad Pro in a pastel pink case and the pencil magnetically clipped to the side. • Cellphone | iPhone X with small cracks on the edge of the screen. • Snacks | An assortment of candies and chocolate in a ziplock bag.
Appearance Details ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Rory is bright smiles and star-filled eyes, nose crinkled by laughter and hair tousled by expressive hands. She is fun-sized and light and made for climbing trees and squeezing through tight spaces. Her mood can be read entirely from the curve of her lips: upwards is good, happy, her default; a pout is not getting her way; curled up is mad and prepare for retaliation; downwards is bad, rare, and a precursor to tears. There is always a spring in her step and despite a proclivity to trip over nothing and for spatial miscalculations, she has somehow kept her skin smooth and free from blemishes.
The clothes she wears only need to fit two criteria: cute and comfortable. If it's one or the other, she'll wear it. If it's both, she'll wear it repeatedly. Oversized sweaters and pastel blouses are her go-to, as are plain white sneakers that go with everything. She has reading glasses she's supposed to wear but is often forgotten in the deepest recesses of her backpack, and her hair is kept short because it is easier to manage.
Character Synopsis ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Rory was born in Boston, Massachusetts. Her mother, Avery, was working as an editor for a publishing company specializing on children's literature around the same time her father Xian got his first big break. He'd sent in numerous manuscripts that never saw the light of day, but his most recent one had publishers fighting for him. His trilogy was destined to be a hit, and it was Avery that was to guide him there.
Working so closely together, it seemed almost inevitable that they got together. Both finding out that the other was a Hyperhuman only solidified this. They got married within a year, had Rory the year after, then separated the year after that. Turns out that no matter how compatible they were, it wouldn't change her father's sexuality.
Her parents parted in amicable terms, with her mom helping her dad sort things out. They both eventually found the right person for each other—Hyperhuman activists (although not powered themselves) they met at a Hype Equality Rally—and that's the family Rory has always known. She has a dad, a pop, a mom, and a pa. It's both a blessing and curse when you have two sets of parents, and she loves every bit of it.
Rory moved to Crestwood Hollow with her two dads when she was ten. Her dad had one book left to write and needed a change of scenery for inspiration, and Rory was never one to pass up new adventures. They bought a house in the block adjacent to Mather Park, within view of that haunting Hanging Tree. She visits her mom and pa at least once a week, although recently they have been swamped with work.
Her power manifested right after middle school; Rory was over the moon. The world she knew growing up was a very pro-Hyperhuman one. Her parents were very involved with the community: staging rallies, sheltering displaced Hyperhumans, raising money to help those unable to find jobs because of their abilities. Even her dad's best-selling trilogy was rife with thinly-veiled pro-Hype sentiments.
When word of the program in Mather Memorial reached her, she volunteered immediately.
Personality ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Sprightly and good-natured, Rory is a natural people person with a genuine sense of wonder. There is no shortage of laughter or amusement in her wake. Her friends will say she's a goofball, but Rory prefers to think she's just keen on spreading (literal and figurative) sunshine wherever she goes. She is the first to make light of stressful situations and the first to point out the silver lining when things are bleak.
Rory is sincere to a fault, heart on her sleeves and everything. She will cry her heart out, will be petulant and vindictive, will confess her love openly and unabashedly. Any and all endeavors she finds compelling will be attended to wholeheartedly, doubly so if it is for a friend in need. It is only when she is shaken to her core, unable to release the grip of fear, that Rory is less than true to herself. She will cower behind her brand of silliness, between forced laughter and exaggerated cluelessness, before ever admitting that she is afraid.
Growing up essentially coddled by two sets of parents has perhaps skewed Rory's perception of the world and may have made her unprepared for the harsh realities in store for her.
Miscellaneous ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
☀ Schoolwork isn't filed under things she finds compelling, and so Rory's grades are middling at best and barely passing at worst.
☀ She is an honorary cheerleader; the squad was rooting for her to pass tryouts, but while she had more than enough spirit, she was lacking in coordination.
☀ She's part of the Art Club. One of her goals in life is to do the illustrations for her dad's books.
☀ People are often surprised to find out that she is an avid reader.
@Eleven ay bro just wanna let you know the image is throwing up 404's and gang signs so it's probably behind a sign-up wall on a website that disallows hotlinking
try saving the image and reuploading it to imgur
EDIT: wait it's ezgif, you can't directly hotlink from ezgif
@Eleven It is my pleasure to let you know your sheet has been accepted. Please move it to the Character Tab at your earliest convenience and feel free to post in the IC as well.
