Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Almalthia
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Almalthia Friendly neighborhood redhead

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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Jackdaw
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Jackdaw

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A few things that I’ll need prior to approval.

First, please please change the font color. This shade of blue against the RPG color scheme was a lil difficult to read. It can stay blue, but like a lighter shade at least if you could because my eyes hurt.

First, and this one's optional, Star Wars names are usually derived from real world names, but they aren’t usually direct transplants.

Her name is, well, it’s Japanese. Not inspired by Japanese, which I have no problem with and rather like as a naming convention for the Amarans if you’re going for that, but just, actually Japanese. Add to that the name “Tsunade” is a relatively well-known Naruto character, and I just feel like it’s a little too straining for the immersion. This extends to all the names Amarans in the profile.

If you feel strongly on this one, though, I’m not going to withhold approval, but I would recommend you consider switching the names up a lil bit to make them Japanese-adjacent, rather than Japanese.

Third, I was happy to see you bumped up the age of your character to 35. I read further and discovered that you probably did that because you have her down as being a 12 year veteran as a Senator, which means she won her first election at age 23. This is the only real issue with the sheet, and I can’t approve this, unfortunately.

The youngest sitting U.S. Senator is 39 years old. The youngest sitting House Rep is 28. The youngest U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. in history was 42.

Winning an election for the Senate, whether it’s the U.S. Senate in the real world or the Galactic Senate here, requires the candidate to show that they can do the job. Further, a nation/planet’s Galactic Senator is the only voting representative at the federal level. It’s not like there’s 20 other house representatives and you killed it campaigning in your tiny district. You’re the one person a nation of people voted for to represent them all. It’s kind of a huge deal.

With that in mind, the position of Galactic Senator should be wildly difficult to attain and should require a strong resume. Your character spent a few months transporting refugees and seems to have just fallen into the job by accident.

“Before I knew it I was a Senator” is not sufficient. Reduce her time on the Senate to four years at most (can be more if you age her up) and choose one of these backgrounds to color the time before her Senatorial career: business, politics, military service. These are the three broad background categories capturing nearly every U.S. Senator’s pre-Senatorial experience, though this is not an exhaustive list, and should serve as touchstone ideas.

Maybe she was the founder and president of a hugely successful nonprofit that had a major impact on resettling the Amaran people before running for Senator. That or something similar would be all I’d really need to see, but as it stands it does need to change to include something like that.
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Almalthia
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Almalthia Friendly neighborhood redhead

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Will do. Thank you for the review.

Updated @Jackdaw
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Jackdaw
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Jackdaw

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Approved!
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Sini
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Sini

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Go for me!
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