Lynn
Archie flinched back, and Lynn felt her features turn to steel. She wasn't about to let herself look like a pussy. Not in front of all these people. Then he turned and scampered off, his puppy tail tucked between his puppy legs, limping with a paw off the ground. There was a quick hurt, the deep hurt, the sort of Clarita and Megan hurt Lynn did not feel often but had thrown in her face every single day on this ship. It melted into anger quickly enough, and Lynn's hair and eyes began dancing again.
You stupid boy, Lynn thought, thinking Archie had to be even dumber than she was. No, she supposed - someone who trusts a fool is even more foolish. She turned and stormed away, losing herself in the crowd. Lynn was headed back to her dorm, which wasn't ideal - that's where anyone tailing her would expect her to go - but there was too much commotion and heat for her to feel safe with the doll in her backpack. Her feet carried her as her mind raced, her thoughts flickering as her eyes looked for tails in the mirrors of stores as she passed, tried to see if the faces around her appeared more than once. Mostly, Lynn was processing what she'd known from the first day.
Archie was going to die. He was a lost cause.
Either for the power he had, or for having the wool so far over his eyes it kept his fucking toes warm. Why would you grab me from behind? Lynn wanted to scream. Why would you make me hurt you? She threw open the mall doors and kept walking, smoke trailing off her ever so faintly. Archie was out. If he didn't have the smarts to handle this he was going to stumble across something big, bigger than he could realize, and run his mouth about it. Lynn didn't know what or when, but she was confident it would happen now. There are people here who kill children, she wanted to tell him. She had wanted to shout a dozen different things at him but her tongue had withered away inside her mouth. You fucking idiot // Let me get you cold water // Why would you grab me? // You have to get your shit under control, they'll give you the needle if you turn again // The burn isn't bad, I've...I've burned people worse // Archie, I can't sleep // You can't let them see you hurt, they'll only hurt you worse, you can't ever let them see // Archie did you see, at the restaurant, did you see -
Lynn was at her dorm. She fumbled with her key, wanting for one moment just to kick the door down, to kick something, to feel fucking anything. She slammed it shut behind her and locked it, then did her usual protocol of jamming her dorm-issued chair underneath the knob. Lynn leaned back against the wall, her body shaking for a moment. She was fairly confident, at least in this moment, Black and White weren't in here with her. They were back in the cafeteria. It wasn't a sure-fire bet, but it was a safe one. It was a better bet than any you'd get in Vegas. Lynn flipped her mattress over and drew out the kitchen knife she'd taken from the cafeteria. It was hard for Lynn not to take things. In her room were several stashes of of food and water bottles, silverware, extra clothes, cigarettes. Maybe tomorrow there wouldn't be any more food again.
Lynn held the blade in her hand for about thirty seconds, getting the metal red-hot. She blinked up at the smoke detector before remembering they'd disabled it on the third or foruth day after twice as many false alarms. Lynn sliced open the bottom of her cot, peeling back a hole near the foot of the bed. Not like she was tall enough for this to discomfort her, anyhow. Lynn placed the doll inside, holding it in her hand for just a moment before she did. Then she ran her hand across the synthetic material, fusing it back. You'd see it if you looked close, but it was as good to secure as she could get, and Lynn was sure if they searched her room, they'd bring along a Keaton-type who could figure it out even faster. It was all she could do.
Lynn sat on her mattress and stared at the wall, trying to puzzle out her next move. She still felt like a live-wire, from what Archie and B and W and all those other fuckers had done. Hopefully Keaton got something useful out of them, Lynn thought. She was too angry to sit still. What she needed was - Christ, she needed...Lynn picked up her phone and flipped it open, wheeling to her dealer's number.
CAN YOU GET ME -
Lynn stopped, hesitating. It was a bad idea. It was a really bad idea. She was in enough hot water with the fucking doll and B and W and God knows what else. If they got her on stuff like this it all came crumbling down. Even the Xan is too risky, Lynn told herself. It didn't change what she wanted. What -
Lynn was in the backseat of the car, no seat belt on, knees pulled up to her chin. Her feet couldn't have touched the floorboard even if she wanted them to. Beside her was her backpack, her reading assignments untouched. Lynn always felt guilty for not doing them, everyone else seemed to be able to do them, but it always seemed like she couldn't. The back door opened.
"It's time."
Lynn shook her head. "I don't...there's...can't we just go back?"
Che's face hardened. "C'mon. You said you'd do this. Are you a liar, Lynn?"
She didn't like his face going hard. He was handsome and he knew what to do. He was smart. He was safe. So if he was mad at her, that meant all of those things weren't true any more. Lynn wiped at her nose, sniffing. "Che, Che I don't..."
"Are you going to be weak your whole life?"
"No, I'm not weak, I just - he's huge, Che, he's even taller than you - "
Che stared at her for a minute longer, his dark eyes hard and cold. Lynn could never look at them for long. They reminded her too much of Lucy's parents, the Gardeners, the way they'd looked when they'd gotten hom from their anniversary dinner, and Lynn had turned the house's Christmas candles into one, singular candle. "It was a bad dream," Lynn had tried to say. "I got everyone out," she tried to say, but she couldn't. They had just stared.
She stared at her feet, buried under empty cans and used rigs and worn jackets. "Slide over," Che said. Lynn squirmed to the middle seat obediently, chewing at the worn bracelet on her arm. It'd been two years ago that she and Lucy and the others had gone to camp together, Lynn loving the campfires and figuring she could burn the marshmellows to get extra for herself. It had been the first time Lynn saw a sky full of stars. She heard the Gardeners were divorcing now. Lynn didn't really understand what it meant but she knew it was her fault.
"My...my parents will wonder where I am," Lynn said. "I should get back soon."
Che closed the door. "They won't wonder where you are. They're piss drunk by now. You'll be fine until sunrise. And they're not your fucking parents. Now listen - you're right. He's bigger. He's a lot bigger. He could hurt you. Bad." Che grabbed her hand and Lynn didn't flinch, eyes wide. He reached into his pocket and flipped out his knife. Lynn's eyes widened, a flicker of light starting to glow in her pale blue eyes. Her auburn hair, messy and unkempt, stayed its natural color, bangs drooping down almost to Lynn's eyes. It made Che grin. He pressed the knife to her forearm. "Do you trust me?"
Lynn nodded, wincing and looking away.
There was a sharp pain and Lynn yelped but Che grasped her arm tighter. "No. No screaming. Look."
Lynn looked back. The cut was already cauterized, and the skin stitching itself back together.
"He can't really hurt you. I," he said, his fingers like iron in her arm, "Won't let anybody really hurt you."
Lynn nodded. "I have to?"
"If you don't, Clarita goes hungry. She goes to bed with her stomach hurting and her hands shaking." Che looked up at her. "You have to. Because he's bigger. He's almost seven feet tall, for fuck's sake. The odds are insane. If you do this, I'll buy you all the food you can eat. I'll buy you any clothes you want. Because your entire fucking life, everyone is going to be bigger than you. And you have to fight them. Or else they'll toy you around. Are you their bitch, Lynn?"
Lynn shook her head, trying to force the tears back in her eyes. "No, no, I - "
"What was the video I showed you? You remember."
"...the boxer. He could beat anybody."
"And he was a half a foot shorter than all the heavyweights." Lynn hadn't liked watching it. He'd been so angry, so brutal. But there was something about it she could not turn away from, the way he could bring grown men to the ground in one hit, the way everyone cheered his name, the money - he'd made a million dollars in thirty seconds with one good punch.
Lynn looked back out the car. "...okay. Will - " she stopped herself. Che didn't like if she asked for things.
"What?"
"If I do it," she said quietly, "Will you teach me how to punch like him?" She waited, her heart hammering in her chest, somehow harder to ask the words than to think of stepping out of the car and into that room, where she could hear them cheering and shouting, drunkenly yelling. She'd be just like him. She'd be small but she would put them down.
Che grinned. "Yes. Here. I have something for you. It'll make you brave. It'll make it so it won't even hurt." He reached into his pocket and drew out his keyring, reaching into his jacket with the other. The cut on Lynn's arm was gone. Che was right. She couldn't get hurt. And if she didn't go in there, maybe somebody else had to. Che was gonna teach her. She would do this and he would take her back and then she would go to sleep and none of it would be real.
"Okay." Lynn said, pushing confidence into her voice. She wanted to be brave. Che drew out -
Lynn snapped the phone shut. She sat in silence for her room for a moment. For one vague moment, she considered doing schoolwork. "Oh, fuck that," Lynn said. She buried her Xanax deep in her backpack and changed into workout clothes. She was going to burn a hole through her bed if she sat on it any longer, angry as she was. Lynn had already racked up a fairly sizable maintenance debt, she was sure. If nothing else, punching something always cleared her mind. Lynn threw her phone and her gym clothes into a bag and slung it over her shoulder, her heart still hammering in her chest.
Yeah. Working out. That was good. That was...that was good.
Archie flinched back, and Lynn felt her features turn to steel. She wasn't about to let herself look like a pussy. Not in front of all these people. Then he turned and scampered off, his puppy tail tucked between his puppy legs, limping with a paw off the ground. There was a quick hurt, the deep hurt, the sort of Clarita and Megan hurt Lynn did not feel often but had thrown in her face every single day on this ship. It melted into anger quickly enough, and Lynn's hair and eyes began dancing again.
You stupid boy, Lynn thought, thinking Archie had to be even dumber than she was. No, she supposed - someone who trusts a fool is even more foolish. She turned and stormed away, losing herself in the crowd. Lynn was headed back to her dorm, which wasn't ideal - that's where anyone tailing her would expect her to go - but there was too much commotion and heat for her to feel safe with the doll in her backpack. Her feet carried her as her mind raced, her thoughts flickering as her eyes looked for tails in the mirrors of stores as she passed, tried to see if the faces around her appeared more than once. Mostly, Lynn was processing what she'd known from the first day.
Archie was going to die. He was a lost cause.
Either for the power he had, or for having the wool so far over his eyes it kept his fucking toes warm. Why would you grab me from behind? Lynn wanted to scream. Why would you make me hurt you? She threw open the mall doors and kept walking, smoke trailing off her ever so faintly. Archie was out. If he didn't have the smarts to handle this he was going to stumble across something big, bigger than he could realize, and run his mouth about it. Lynn didn't know what or when, but she was confident it would happen now. There are people here who kill children, she wanted to tell him. She had wanted to shout a dozen different things at him but her tongue had withered away inside her mouth. You fucking idiot // Let me get you cold water // Why would you grab me? // You have to get your shit under control, they'll give you the needle if you turn again // The burn isn't bad, I've...I've burned people worse // Archie, I can't sleep // You can't let them see you hurt, they'll only hurt you worse, you can't ever let them see // Archie did you see, at the restaurant, did you see -
Lynn was at her dorm. She fumbled with her key, wanting for one moment just to kick the door down, to kick something, to feel fucking anything. She slammed it shut behind her and locked it, then did her usual protocol of jamming her dorm-issued chair underneath the knob. Lynn leaned back against the wall, her body shaking for a moment. She was fairly confident, at least in this moment, Black and White weren't in here with her. They were back in the cafeteria. It wasn't a sure-fire bet, but it was a safe one. It was a better bet than any you'd get in Vegas. Lynn flipped her mattress over and drew out the kitchen knife she'd taken from the cafeteria. It was hard for Lynn not to take things. In her room were several stashes of of food and water bottles, silverware, extra clothes, cigarettes. Maybe tomorrow there wouldn't be any more food again.
Lynn held the blade in her hand for about thirty seconds, getting the metal red-hot. She blinked up at the smoke detector before remembering they'd disabled it on the third or foruth day after twice as many false alarms. Lynn sliced open the bottom of her cot, peeling back a hole near the foot of the bed. Not like she was tall enough for this to discomfort her, anyhow. Lynn placed the doll inside, holding it in her hand for just a moment before she did. Then she ran her hand across the synthetic material, fusing it back. You'd see it if you looked close, but it was as good to secure as she could get, and Lynn was sure if they searched her room, they'd bring along a Keaton-type who could figure it out even faster. It was all she could do.
Lynn sat on her mattress and stared at the wall, trying to puzzle out her next move. She still felt like a live-wire, from what Archie and B and W and all those other fuckers had done. Hopefully Keaton got something useful out of them, Lynn thought. She was too angry to sit still. What she needed was - Christ, she needed...Lynn picked up her phone and flipped it open, wheeling to her dealer's number.
CAN YOU GET ME -
Lynn stopped, hesitating. It was a bad idea. It was a really bad idea. She was in enough hot water with the fucking doll and B and W and God knows what else. If they got her on stuff like this it all came crumbling down. Even the Xan is too risky, Lynn told herself. It didn't change what she wanted. What -
Lynn was in the backseat of the car, no seat belt on, knees pulled up to her chin. Her feet couldn't have touched the floorboard even if she wanted them to. Beside her was her backpack, her reading assignments untouched. Lynn always felt guilty for not doing them, everyone else seemed to be able to do them, but it always seemed like she couldn't. The back door opened.
"It's time."
Lynn shook her head. "I don't...there's...can't we just go back?"
Che's face hardened. "C'mon. You said you'd do this. Are you a liar, Lynn?"
She didn't like his face going hard. He was handsome and he knew what to do. He was smart. He was safe. So if he was mad at her, that meant all of those things weren't true any more. Lynn wiped at her nose, sniffing. "Che, Che I don't..."
"Are you going to be weak your whole life?"
"No, I'm not weak, I just - he's huge, Che, he's even taller than you - "
Che stared at her for a minute longer, his dark eyes hard and cold. Lynn could never look at them for long. They reminded her too much of Lucy's parents, the Gardeners, the way they'd looked when they'd gotten hom from their anniversary dinner, and Lynn had turned the house's Christmas candles into one, singular candle. "It was a bad dream," Lynn had tried to say. "I got everyone out," she tried to say, but she couldn't. They had just stared.
She stared at her feet, buried under empty cans and used rigs and worn jackets. "Slide over," Che said. Lynn squirmed to the middle seat obediently, chewing at the worn bracelet on her arm. It'd been two years ago that she and Lucy and the others had gone to camp together, Lynn loving the campfires and figuring she could burn the marshmellows to get extra for herself. It had been the first time Lynn saw a sky full of stars. She heard the Gardeners were divorcing now. Lynn didn't really understand what it meant but she knew it was her fault.
"My...my parents will wonder where I am," Lynn said. "I should get back soon."
Che closed the door. "They won't wonder where you are. They're piss drunk by now. You'll be fine until sunrise. And they're not your fucking parents. Now listen - you're right. He's bigger. He's a lot bigger. He could hurt you. Bad." Che grabbed her hand and Lynn didn't flinch, eyes wide. He reached into his pocket and flipped out his knife. Lynn's eyes widened, a flicker of light starting to glow in her pale blue eyes. Her auburn hair, messy and unkempt, stayed its natural color, bangs drooping down almost to Lynn's eyes. It made Che grin. He pressed the knife to her forearm. "Do you trust me?"
Lynn nodded, wincing and looking away.
There was a sharp pain and Lynn yelped but Che grasped her arm tighter. "No. No screaming. Look."
Lynn looked back. The cut was already cauterized, and the skin stitching itself back together.
"He can't really hurt you. I," he said, his fingers like iron in her arm, "Won't let anybody really hurt you."
Lynn nodded. "I have to?"
"If you don't, Clarita goes hungry. She goes to bed with her stomach hurting and her hands shaking." Che looked up at her. "You have to. Because he's bigger. He's almost seven feet tall, for fuck's sake. The odds are insane. If you do this, I'll buy you all the food you can eat. I'll buy you any clothes you want. Because your entire fucking life, everyone is going to be bigger than you. And you have to fight them. Or else they'll toy you around. Are you their bitch, Lynn?"
Lynn shook her head, trying to force the tears back in her eyes. "No, no, I - "
"What was the video I showed you? You remember."
"...the boxer. He could beat anybody."
"And he was a half a foot shorter than all the heavyweights." Lynn hadn't liked watching it. He'd been so angry, so brutal. But there was something about it she could not turn away from, the way he could bring grown men to the ground in one hit, the way everyone cheered his name, the money - he'd made a million dollars in thirty seconds with one good punch.
Lynn looked back out the car. "...okay. Will - " she stopped herself. Che didn't like if she asked for things.
"What?"
"If I do it," she said quietly, "Will you teach me how to punch like him?" She waited, her heart hammering in her chest, somehow harder to ask the words than to think of stepping out of the car and into that room, where she could hear them cheering and shouting, drunkenly yelling. She'd be just like him. She'd be small but she would put them down.
Che grinned. "Yes. Here. I have something for you. It'll make you brave. It'll make it so it won't even hurt." He reached into his pocket and drew out his keyring, reaching into his jacket with the other. The cut on Lynn's arm was gone. Che was right. She couldn't get hurt. And if she didn't go in there, maybe somebody else had to. Che was gonna teach her. She would do this and he would take her back and then she would go to sleep and none of it would be real.
"Okay." Lynn said, pushing confidence into her voice. She wanted to be brave. Che drew out -
Lynn snapped the phone shut. She sat in silence for her room for a moment. For one vague moment, she considered doing schoolwork. "Oh, fuck that," Lynn said. She buried her Xanax deep in her backpack and changed into workout clothes. She was going to burn a hole through her bed if she sat on it any longer, angry as she was. Lynn had already racked up a fairly sizable maintenance debt, she was sure. If nothing else, punching something always cleared her mind. Lynn threw her phone and her gym clothes into a bag and slung it over her shoulder, her heart still hammering in her chest.
Yeah. Working out. That was good. That was...that was good.