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There must be something in the water
'Cause every day, it's getting colder
And if only I could hold ya
You'd keep my head from going under
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There must be something in the water
'Cause every day, it's getting colder
And if only I could hold ya
You'd keep my head from going under
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The entirety of Kavi’s Christmas/Winter Break had been spent wallowing in his own despair. Despite how he was being poised to enjoy himself as much as he could, despite how he was going to fly to Los Angeles to be with some of his western family, plans changed. It wasn’t any of his doing, but there was a massive falling out between some of his relatives and his father. The specifics didn’t come across the dinner table, but Kavi figured out yesterday that it wasn’t going to happen. Adding insult to injury, that meant he wasn’t going anywhere for the remainder of the break. And this meant one thing: Kavi’s claims of living a better break than Ariel was, as it always was with him, all talk.
It was pretty dark out on the night before Christmas. Kavi was driving in the BMW that his grandfather gave him as an early Christmas present. It had also been something to make up for how his children were being childish. Being eighteen, Kavi’s parents couldn’t deny him the luxurious gift Nikora gave him. Still, he didn’t put it to use -- at least not in the sense that April Foster would. Instead, Kavi casually drove down every street a few times. Everyone knew that Kavi had a new car so that was why the cops weren’t called.
The sound of the BMW passed every house a few times and it got to the point where Kavi didn’t know why he kept driving, but maybe he did? Deep down the teen had an idea why but he probably didn’t want to admit it because there was a part of him that didn’t want to face the music that he, Kavi Salvador, the one who never felt regret for anything he did to anyone, was feeling just that. There was a deep regret for everything. He had a lot of time to think about his actions and there was only one thing that kept popping into every thought.
“Ariel.”
As he spoke her name, his stomach tightened up in the same way it did when he knew he fucked up. It was the same way when he and Ariel had that fight at his Halloween party. It happened at Winter Formal when he tried making her jealous of Mac. And now, as he stopped a few yards away from her house and saw her through her window, it was tightening up as he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
When he saw her, Kavi almost drove away. He should drive away. There wasn’t any possible reason that made sense to him. She made it clear that there was no reason for them to talk if they weren’t paired up in projects. Kavi understood and agreed to stay away, but here he was, not even a month later, he sat in his comfortable, leather seat, warm heat cozying his ass, and he was thinking of doing the exact opposite of what he promised. And why was he going to do this? Because Kavi couldn’t stop thinking about her. Whether it was regret and him needing to fix things to where they got everything out in the open or what, Kavi had to talk to her.
Good thing he knew her father’s schedule thanks to a friend of his who interns for Tristen. He wasn’t due back home until way late, which meant Ariel would be home alone. This also meant Kavi had plenty of time to endure any verbal assault she might have in store for him.
As he pulled up to her house, Kavi made his way to the front door and gave it three decent knocks.
Since the Halloween party, Ariel had a lot more time to do whatever she wanted. Said things included doing more live streams, dancing practices, and writing. She had her bedroom window open, letting the smell of the ocean add to the calming state of mind she was in.
Her room was caught somewhere between messy and clean. Her webcam gear was strewn across her desk, the TV turned to some random channel. The bed was a mess of blankets, various notebooks, and pens. This was what usually happened when Ariel was in the mood to write things. The cars going up and down the street didn’t help her creative process at all. Ariel had nearly given up on writing anything when she heard someone knocking at the door.
She climbed off her bed and quickly went downstairs. It couldn’t be her father. He was working late. Maybe someone had broken down? She had just got done hanging out with Marisol earlier. Maybe it was her again? All of her ponderings didn’t prepare her for the sight waiting for her behind the mahogany door.
The clicking of the door unlocking and opening greeted Kavi to the Grey residence as Ariel met his gaze. In that brief moment, she didn’t know what she felt - nor did she know what to say. The only reaction her body produced was attempting to close the door in the young man's face.
He put his hand between the door and the lock, urgently using his superior strength to prevent it from closing. As Kavi did this, he saw the desperate urge Ariel had to close the door before he had a chance to say what he needed to say, but Kavi wasn’t going to let this happen again. He wasn’t going to allow what needed to be said to be disguised as intentional silence. He had too much time to think in the past weeks about what he really wanted and Ariel needed to know this.
“Just wait!” He pleaded, propping the door open with his hand as he watched her walk away. “Please, Ariel! I promise it won't be like before.”
”So you aren’t here to rub anything in my face again? You don’t have some girl behind the door with you ready to smash your faces together? None of your friends laugh at me this time when I get angry? And please, for the love of God, let’s not try and pretend like my reactions or feelings are invalid Kavi,” she blurted out, turning around to face him.
Angry tears already threatening to come forth, she was determined to just send him away. But as the cruel fates above would have it, it started to rain outside. The last thing Ariel wanted right now was for Kavi to catch pneumonia and be able to blame her for it on his deathbed.
Ariel groaned. ”Come in, I guess.”
Dripping, Kavi’s feet squished across the foyer and he followed Ariel wherever it was that she was walking. In silence. He knew what he wanted to say and he also knew exactly how he wanted to say it, yet when they came to a stop in the kitchen and Kavi froze in front of a turned around Ariel, nothing but a gasp and an appreciation of how beautiful she was. Despite the hell he put her through and all of the shitty things he said to her, especially invalidating how she felt on the night of his party, she was just as, well hot, as she had always been.
Kavi coughed, breaking the silence. “I’m...I mean, it’s good to see you again.” Kavi said, smiling at Ariel.
”Please just spit it out,” Ariel said, rolling her eyes. She was not about to turn into a pile of mush again. ”Better yet - go to my room. I’ll bring you a towel. You’re like… dripping everywhere. It’s annoying.”
Stopping by the bathroom to grab a towel, it occurred to her that Kavi didn’t know where her bedroom was. The simple fact was reinforced when she found Kavi looking confused at the top of the stairs.
”Second door on the right,” she said, handing him the towel.
He took the towel and followed her down the hall. They entered her room and he immediately felt strange. It was always that Kavi had invited girls to his parents’ house and they immediately went to his room for some wholesome fun, but he wasn’t the sort of boy who was invited. He was a fish out of water when he entered her room and his dripping feet further cemented this comparison.
“Wow, nice room.” He said as his eyes wandered around. It was then he noticed the excessive amount of posters of various musicians and bands. “Oh wow,” he laughed, shaking his head in slight disbelief.
”What?” Ariel asked slightly confused. She followed his gaze to the left wall. ”What’s wrong with my posters?”
Kavi laughed again. “No, nothing’s wrong with them,” he said, shaking his head again. “It’s just, I didn’t expect--” He paused as he took an extra moment to consider his next words carefully. Ariel was known for her explosive temper and him being here was probably pushing it “--I guess I didn’t expect you to have so many of them. But, I guess it also fits?” it wasn’t that he wasn’t unsure but he was unprepared for a few reasons.
”I guess that’s fair,” she said, shrugging her shoulders as she plopped down on her bed. ”I’d offer you a seat, but you’re kinda… dripping. I don’t want everything in my room to be… mildew-y.” Ariel took a deep breath. ”So why are you here, exactly?”
Despite the towel helping, Kavi couldn’t help but notice a puddle had formed around him. Oh, what a lovely gift Mother Nature has given him on this eve of Christmas. “I was hoping to do this not standing up, but I guess it can’t be helped.” Kavi sighed, once more glancing around.
His stomach was producing high amounts of anxiety unlike which he hadn’t felt in a while, or maybe it was his last meal not agreeing with him. Either way, the teen took in a deep breath and spoke when he exhaled. “The last time we were alone together was in similar circumstances: you not wanting to talk to me and me dripping wet. Things haven’t really changed, but one thing did change.” Kavi paused as the realization of what he wanted to say is more difficult to tell her than it was saying it in his head finally set in. “I mean--fuck, I’m not really good at this, Ari,” he admitted, sighing. “Look, I don’t know what to really say but to just say it: I miss you, Grey. I miss us!”
How could anyone blame her for not wanting to talk in either situation? While that wasn’t what Kavi was doing, it did make her think for a moment. Ariel had a habit of shutting down and shutting people out when she felt something strongly - and now was one of those times.
”Kavi, I -” she clenched her jaw, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to get out. ”I miss you too. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t given us another thought. But I have. I’ve given us a lot of thoughts.” She sighed, situating herself so that she was sitting cross-legged. ”But… it doesn’t change anything. Not for me.”
“It can, though!” Kavi blurted out.
He made the half-attempt of stepping closer to her but he stopped himself. He knew it was one, not that easy and two, not about what he wanted right now. He could do what he wanted and by doing that, he’d go close to her, take Ariel into his arms, and kiss her -- but it wasn’t the time for that. What he wanted versus what he needed to do were two completely different things, and he would take a deep breath as he contemplated his next words carefully.
A few moments later, he looked at Ariel, a pair of brown eyes that saw clarity had met her gaze. Kavi then sat on the ground, crisscrossing his legs as though he was in kindergarten again. “Then tell me what needs to change.” He said as seriously as he could. If she needed things to change, Kavi Salvador was going to do the one thing he never did when he was with her the first time around: listen to what she wanted.
”What?” she asked incredulously. Since when did Kavi Salvador change for anyone or anything? Was this some existential crisis he was having? Did he get hit by a car? Or was there a chance that he knew and understood the words he was saying? ”Are you actually being serious, or is this another one of those times where you act serious, be a better person for like a week and then go back to being Supreme Overlord Douche bag?”
Kavi didn’t do anything but keep his eyes on her and his face as expressionless as he could. “I'm sitting on your floor, dripping like a loose faucet. I am as serious as I have ever been, Ariel. No games, no ulterior motives. I want to hear what you have to say. So, please if you wouldn’t mind..” He gestured his arms towards her before returning them to his lap.
It took every single bit of will power Ariel had to keep her from groaning. It was Christmas Eve. She wanted to relax - but no. Kavi was here. ”Step one - don’t always assume I’m overreacting, or make it out to me or anyone else like I am. I’m screwed up. Certain things make me react differently than it would other people. Just because I am crazy sometimes, doesn’t mean that I need you to tell me I’m acting crazy. Most of the time if you just let me act like a freak and get it out of my system, I’ll be fine. I know I’m a handful, and I’m sorry. Step two - try to be there for me on my bad days. It won’t be easy. I won’t want to talk. I won’t want to do things. But knowing that you care helps a little. Step three - when I say no, it means no. I know that you’ve gone through life being a pusher and no one’s ever really taught you that it’s not okay or anything. You’re used to getting your way. But when I say no, I have reasons. And you have to respect those reasons. Not go off and kiss another girl. Not text one of your friends to let them know that your ‘bitch is back on her bullshit.’” She sighed again. ”There’s a lot of little stuff that I could go on about for hours, Kavi, but the main thing I need from you is respect and patience. I know I have my faults. I’ve been trying to work on them. It’s not always easy, but…”
“I understand.” Kavi said that only so that he could start processing everything she said.
He wasn’t going to lie to himself and say that what she said didn’t hit him hard. These past couple of months -- particularly from the night of his Halloween party and right now -- Kavi had been doing a lot of soul searching. He ventured to lands of not giving a damn about anyone or anything by listening to the devil on his shoulder who took the form of Mac to ignoring all of his wrongs that he had committed -- and he knew there were a lot of them. Ariel aside, he had hurt a lot of people. Those people weren’t just the girls he dated and tossed aside but those who were victims of his tormenting abuse. Elijah was at the top of that list. He gave that guy hell and none of it was deserved. Kavi would apologize, but he heard that the Abrams moved to Virginia during Thanksgiving break.
So he couldn’t necessarily do that, now could he? Next on the list was Nadia and in time, he was able to apologize to her. Whether or not she actually believed his sincerity was genuine wasn’t clear. Kavi knew it was authentic but he couldn’t very well ask her. That would be too much for the redhead, so he never followed up on it. It wasn’t like Vic would allow him near her. Vic had only allowed Kavi to say what he needed to say provided he never speak to her sister ever again. So he was grateful for the opportunity even if he left a few things unsaid.
So, who did that leave? Ariel, of course. The best for last and the one he wronged the most. Not only that but she was the one he had felt the most guilty in how he treated her. On multiple occasions, even before they got together in the official capacity, he embarrassed her, called her names, belittled her in front of a stranger, minimized her struggles to a disparaging word or two, made her feel less than what she saw herself as , but none of that even came close to her finding out he cheated on her -- even if it only lasted for a moment -- through a fucking Instagram post.
As he sat there in silence, pondering and contemplating his next words, Kavi wasn’t exactly sure what to say. First and foremost, what could he say right now that wouldn’t be a repeat of last time? Well, he wasn’t blaming her so maybe that was an improvement. What was getting to him is he wanted to be open to change -- he was open to change -- but hearing what Ariel had to say and knowing exactly what was on her mind and what the problems were, Kavi found himself overwhelmed, but surprisingly, it was in a good way. In a direct response to what she had said, he smiled at her and clapped twice.
“Okay!” His tone was positive, though not overtly so because, again, Kavi didn’t want to make a repeat of last time. “I get it now, Ariel. Two freaking months later and I finally get it. What was happening wasn’t about me--” He paused, knowing that was the wrong way to phrase it. “--wait no, it was about me but not in the way I thought, right? You wanted me to be considerate of what you might be going through and not think you had to be the one to give-give-give. Equal footing for equal benefits.” The more he spoke, the more Kavi was starting to piece the puzzle together.
”I guess so, yeah” she said, shrugging her shoulders. ”I don’t expect you to always have to deal with my mood swings and stuff in the perfect way, and I’m not saying that you didn’t at times just…” She sighed, thinking for a moment. ”There’s a lot of stuff that I think we both could have handled better. There’s a lot of stuff that we both need to work on.”
As he stood there, he scratched his head, trying to figure out what he should say next. He had come to her with nothing left to gain and his heart open to anything and everything, but when he heard what she had to say and just everything was unloaded, even in the middle of him saying what he said, Kavi wasn’t even focused on not sounding like a total idiot. He bore it all out there for her and, from how she responded, it wasn’t terrible. She didn’t hit him, so he called that progress.
He attempted to take a step forward but stopped. “Ariel…” His voice fell flat as his brown eyes locked dead-center on hers, a rare sight of Kavi at a loss for words. “I’ve hated these two months without you. And, I know it’s a longshot and if you don’t think now’s the time, then I’ll take my wet ass out of here and we can resume things as they have been, but if you think there might be a chance,” he paused, taking one step for man and another giant step towards Ariel with his soaking mop of hair ignoring her previous orders, but he kept at least two feet away from her. “Truth is Ariel, while I’ve had dates since we broke up and tried to fill the void my idiotic actions created, none of them have been the same. They never challenged me like you did. They were all obedient nobodies who just did whatever I told them to do. I used to like that, but not anymore, not since you and I were together, I mean. It was only two weeks, I know, but you have to know -- and maybe even felt it yourself -- those two weeks were amazing.”
Kavi took just a few moments to breathe. He felt his heartbeat increase its rhythm with every word he spoke and it was made apparent to him when his whole body decided to go warm. It was a strange feeling but it was one that brought a slight smile to his face. “You said we have things we both need to work on, didn’t you? We might as well do that together.” He didn’t move but his gaze sold his point enough for him to be confident enough to say it without any underhanded comment or distracting tactic like he usually did.
”Fine. But the first time you show a red flag, I’m out, got it? I won’t stand by while you make me look like a complete idiot again.” She sighed. ”And while we’re on the subject, I’m sorry that I overreacted those few times. I know that I tend to do that a lot, so it’s kind of the first thing on my list that I’ve been trying to fix. Or at least one down.”
Kavi laughed. He knew he shouldn’t and he knew it was inappropriate, but the way she made her actions sound was funny to him because she was overselling them. At the time, it was without a doubt an overreaction because he wasn’t expecting her to react to his touch like she did, or break his nose, or break most of his belongings. The truth was Kavi never expected any of that to come from Ariel just like he never expected to feel so intensely for her. It was true they probably weren’t right for each other, but it felt so wrong being away from her that he saw no other place but beside her.