:ò Animalia :ò DISCORD
New York Times Headlines
HUMAN VIRUS RESPONSIBLE FOR GENETIC CONTAMINATION
Scientists have discovered that a virus, found in an estimated 93% of all living things, is responsible for most animal species' increasing similarity to humans. The virus, which is estimated to have been around for at least one thousand years, is capable of slicing foreign DNA fragments into its host's own DNA, which are then passed on to the next generation.
It is speculated that the purpose of the virus may be to construct its ideal host: homo sapiens. Studies show that humans share a minimum of 94% of their DNA with all land-based animals and at least 60% with intelligent aquatic life. Of all animals, humans have the highest interspecies reproduction success rate at 75%. According to a peer-reviewed study, most animals have been increasing in genetic similarity to humans in particular and humans have largely unchanged to a 50-year long study.
It is believed that the virus may be of extraterrestrial origin. Some scientists have theorized that humans, or a similar species, may have originated from another planet and may have assisted in the building and development of ancient civilizations such as the Aztecs and Egyptian empires. Skeptics...
EUKARY UNIVERSITY HOSTING ANNUAL WINTER CARNIVAL!
The time has come for Eukary University's famous Annual Winter Carnival! It will be hosted by students, teachers, and local volunteers with money raised by the school and community. Many students will be involved in preparations as part of their classes or club. As a reminder, anybody can attend the daytime carnival events--it is not just for students. The carnival is fun for animals of all sizes and ages!
Daytime outdoor festivities include ice skating, ice sculpture contest, sled and snowmobile racing, and team dodgeball-style snow fight competitions all with prizes available. There will be food carts, craft and gift vendors, live music and dancing, festive lighting all around, and a carousel. Please purchase raffle tickets to support the festivities and earn chances toward great prizes!
Nighttime festivities include the semi-formal Winter Carnival Dance, just for Eukary students. There will be snacks and refreshments, a live DJ, and photo opportunities. One lucky couple will be crowned Winter King and Queen.
Festivities will be concluded with a fireworks show, easily visible from Eukary University lawns, Central Park, and many skyscrapers across the city.
Eukary University would like to thank all of New York for your donations, and wish you a happy New Year!