The tension in the bathroom was thick enough that the air felt almost physically heavy with each breath Caspian took. Standing with his back against the door and his arms folded uncomfortably over his chest, he chewed the inside of his cheek as his mind turned, trying to come up with some way to explain himself. He didn’t want to lie to Raine. He was done with that now. However, the true story was long, complicated, and definitely not acceptable to someone of the princess’s pedigree. After all, he’d pretty much just dumped her for a commoner—and a rebel, at that. As understanding as he knew her to be, he expected no leniency once he admitted who Iris was. He just needed to tell her and get it over with before—
“Someone needs to change that bulb.”
The mumbled complaint jarred Cas abruptly out of his thoughts. With a blink, he focused his gaze on her, then on the flickering, orange light in the sconce above the sink. Caught up in his head, he hadn’t noticed the way Raine had been glaring at it, her eyes slightly squinted against its irregular winking. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat with a wince, turning to her again. It wasn’t the segue he’d been looking for, but now that she’d broken the silence between them, he supposed he might as well take the plunge. “Raine… I—”
“I’m not blaming you, Caspian.” Before he could finish the sentence, the princess cut him off with a frown. Leaning against the side of the vanity, her own arms folded stiffly, she pursed her lips, then sighed. “I saw everything. Heard everything you said. I may not know who that girl is or what your history is with her, but I understand where this is going.”
Cas shrank at the dejection in her voice. This was going to be painful. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, glancing down at the tile floor. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to lead you on or waste your time. I really had no idea she was still alive, but now that I do… I can’t let her go again.”
“Even though she’s a commoner?” Raine asked, judgement lacking even though he could hear the skepticism behind her question. “You told me you’re the last surviving member of Aspiria’s royal line. I know you can’t control who your heart wants, but are you certain this is what’s best for your country?”
“No,” Cas smiled haplessly, his dark eyes flitting up to meet hers again. “But I know I’ve made up my mind.”
“Fine,” Raine intoned softly. “Then I wish you both all the best.”
The king took a shuddered breath. Somehow, her acceptance almost stung worse than it would have to hear her rant and rage at him for choosing Iris. “For what it’s worth, I enjoyed your company while we were together, even if it was short,” he ventured, taking a small step away from the door. “You’re going to be a great queen someday, and whoever marries you will be a lucky guy.”
The princess breathed an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. “I just couldn’t be that for you?” This time, her cool facade splintered with the question, and he caught a flicker of hurt behind her eyes that took him by surprise. When he just stared at her in response, she turned away again. “At least tell me this,” she went on lowly. “If Iris hadn’t come back, do you think you could have loved me?”
Cas’s eyes widened. He and Raine had been friends since they were children, and they’d gotten along well the few times they’d run into each other as adults, but he’d never thought she saw him as anything more than that. He shifted his weight. Honestly, he hadn’t let himself go there either, even when he’d thought Iris was dead. He liked Raine. He knew he did, and their compatibility as individuals was what had led him to give her a chance when he’d believed marrying a princess was his only option. Things were different now, but…
“I think so,” he answered after a pause, studying her thoughtfully. “I don’t right now, and I am sorry for that, but if we’d gone through with everything… I think you would’ve been the only other person I’d want to be with. You really are special, Raine. I mean that.”
This time, it was the princess’s turn to stare at him. Her eyes lingered on his, glistening with emotion in the low light, before she slowly stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. When they parted, she flashed a half-smile at him. “What could have been,” she murmured with a small shake of her head. “I hope she makes you happy.”
“She does,” he nodded, returning the expression in kind.
Letting her hands fall away from his shirt, Raine smoothed down her own dress and distanced herself from him again, inclining her head at the door. “You should get back to her then. She’s probably nervous, alone around all those capital guards.”
“Are you staying here?” Cas frowned.
Raine nodded. “I need some more time to myself… to think. I’ll be fine, though. I promise.”
The king hesitated for a moment, but the sincerity in her eyes convinced him to reach for the handle. Obliging her wish to be alone, he turned the knob and stepped back out, closing the door quietly behind him.
“Someone needs to change that bulb.”
The mumbled complaint jarred Cas abruptly out of his thoughts. With a blink, he focused his gaze on her, then on the flickering, orange light in the sconce above the sink. Caught up in his head, he hadn’t noticed the way Raine had been glaring at it, her eyes slightly squinted against its irregular winking. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat with a wince, turning to her again. It wasn’t the segue he’d been looking for, but now that she’d broken the silence between them, he supposed he might as well take the plunge. “Raine… I—”
“I’m not blaming you, Caspian.” Before he could finish the sentence, the princess cut him off with a frown. Leaning against the side of the vanity, her own arms folded stiffly, she pursed her lips, then sighed. “I saw everything. Heard everything you said. I may not know who that girl is or what your history is with her, but I understand where this is going.”
Cas shrank at the dejection in her voice. This was going to be painful. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, glancing down at the tile floor. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to lead you on or waste your time. I really had no idea she was still alive, but now that I do… I can’t let her go again.”
“Even though she’s a commoner?” Raine asked, judgement lacking even though he could hear the skepticism behind her question. “You told me you’re the last surviving member of Aspiria’s royal line. I know you can’t control who your heart wants, but are you certain this is what’s best for your country?”
“No,” Cas smiled haplessly, his dark eyes flitting up to meet hers again. “But I know I’ve made up my mind.”
“Fine,” Raine intoned softly. “Then I wish you both all the best.”
The king took a shuddered breath. Somehow, her acceptance almost stung worse than it would have to hear her rant and rage at him for choosing Iris. “For what it’s worth, I enjoyed your company while we were together, even if it was short,” he ventured, taking a small step away from the door. “You’re going to be a great queen someday, and whoever marries you will be a lucky guy.”
The princess breathed an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. “I just couldn’t be that for you?” This time, her cool facade splintered with the question, and he caught a flicker of hurt behind her eyes that took him by surprise. When he just stared at her in response, she turned away again. “At least tell me this,” she went on lowly. “If Iris hadn’t come back, do you think you could have loved me?”
Cas’s eyes widened. He and Raine had been friends since they were children, and they’d gotten along well the few times they’d run into each other as adults, but he’d never thought she saw him as anything more than that. He shifted his weight. Honestly, he hadn’t let himself go there either, even when he’d thought Iris was dead. He liked Raine. He knew he did, and their compatibility as individuals was what had led him to give her a chance when he’d believed marrying a princess was his only option. Things were different now, but…
“I think so,” he answered after a pause, studying her thoughtfully. “I don’t right now, and I am sorry for that, but if we’d gone through with everything… I think you would’ve been the only other person I’d want to be with. You really are special, Raine. I mean that.”
This time, it was the princess’s turn to stare at him. Her eyes lingered on his, glistening with emotion in the low light, before she slowly stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. When they parted, she flashed a half-smile at him. “What could have been,” she murmured with a small shake of her head. “I hope she makes you happy.”
“She does,” he nodded, returning the expression in kind.
Letting her hands fall away from his shirt, Raine smoothed down her own dress and distanced herself from him again, inclining her head at the door. “You should get back to her then. She’s probably nervous, alone around all those capital guards.”
“Are you staying here?” Cas frowned.
Raine nodded. “I need some more time to myself… to think. I’ll be fine, though. I promise.”
The king hesitated for a moment, but the sincerity in her eyes convinced him to reach for the handle. Obliging her wish to be alone, he turned the knob and stepped back out, closing the door quietly behind him.