and
Kyle sat in the back of the silver impala, taling apart and putting back together his nine millimeter. He heard what Nikki said, and told his driver to pass in front of the others, They drove a ways longer, not seeing any place decent to call home. They were in Texas by now, and Kyle was getting bored. Nikki was with matt, and everyone else was doing their own thing while driving.
Kyle watched out his window when he noticed not too far away up ahead there was a crowd of walkers following a women, who barely seemed to care. She stayed out of their reach and killed any that got too close, but over all just seemed..........indifferent.
"Guys we have a survivor up ahead, I will stop and help them out real quick then we can keep moving. You guys can stay back, no point in everyone getting worked up."Kyle and his crew stopped a little bit away from the crowd of walkers, and when they got out of the car they had their melee weapons out.
Sasha wondered if the walkers following her were ones that were insulted that she had survived the destruction of the community. Certainly some of them were from there. She just trudged along, continuing to avoid getting bitten, but not really caring. She heard the approaching sound of a car, but didn't particularly car. She didn't look up, just kept putting one foot in front of the other, killing a walker as it drew too close. But at the sound of car doors opening, Sasha had to look up.
She seemed surprised that the people had stopped and even more surprised that they were helping her. They had
weapons. And more then the hand gun she held. She blinked, realised she had stopped, and turned around to kill two walkers that had seen her stop.
Sasha was already battered and bruised, and would soon only have her knife as a weapon. She stumbled back, away from the crowd of walkers.
Kyle and his group of three ran forward, charging the walkers in a formation. They hacked and slashed, and killed multiple walkers before bad things started to happen. One of Kyles men got bit from behind, startling them all. This gave the walkers all the opportunity they needed. They were able to pounce on Kyles men one by one, Kyle killing the last walker as it bit his third friend. As his friend stood there, expressionless, Kyle took out his hand gun and shot him in the head, As the dead man crumpled to the ground Kyle turned to Sasha.
He waved at her, and motioned to her to come over to him.
"Hey! We should be clear for the moment! Come on over!"Sasha stood there, dazed. Three men had just died. For her. And she wasn't worth it. She blinked blearily as the last man yelled at her to go over. She stood there a moment, wondering if she'd just be doing the world a favour if she just died right there.
But she looked at the dead, and she knew she couldn't, not when three strangers had just given their lives for her. She heaved a sigh, going over to the last man.
"I...Thank you" Her voice was raw, her throat dry.
Kyle could see she was in a bad place, and he sighed. He grabbed her hand and walked her to his car. He rummaged through the back and found a water bottle and bag of crackers in one of his deceased friends bags. He offered them to Sasha.
"Here eat and drink this, it will help. My name is Kyle Hishamie, and me and my friends are looking for a new place to set up shop. Are you ok?"Sasha watched as the man gathered some things, giving them to her. On reflex, she took them, staring down at them. She looked back up as he as if she was okay.
"No. No I'm not. But I haven't been bit, if thats what you mean. I'm...I'm Sasha. I wouldn't go that way. There's a large herd. And the only safe place was overrun" She opened the bottle of water, drinking from it, slowly even though she wanted to guzzle it. She handed the crackers back, knowing she had her own food, and not wanting to take anymore then what Kyle had already given her.
Kyle smiled. He took back the food and tossed them in his vehicle.
"Ok so if you dont mind I have a few questions. How many walkers have you killed? It is.....quite obvious you arent in the best of states, and from your knowledge of where the walkers are..........I am sorry for what im thinking happened, happened."Sasha gave a sigh, looking away. She could say it didn't matter. She could say she hadn't lost anyone, but she knew she'd be lying, and she knew she must look a horror.
"Until two days ago, I'd killed seven. Now? You can follow the bodies if you really want to know" She said softly, looking back to Kyle. She knew he was being kind. But it was...hard.
"We had a community...we lost people making it, but it was safe...and then the herd came. I...everyone's gone. Why would I survive, when they all didn't?" It was a question no one could answer, and she looked down, at the water in her hands.
Kyle nodded sympathetically and put put his hand on her arm.
[color=004b80]"I get it, our group just faced its fair share of tragedies. Long story short, the school we were staying at exploded. My next question is this and I need you to be one hundred percent honest ok. Have you killed anyone? I dont mean walkers I mean actual real people."
Kyle immitated a gun shot at his head.
"My last question is if you have killed anyone, how many people have you killed?"Sasha flinched, as if she had been slapped. She closed her eyes, and whispered
"Yes" She swallowed around a lump that had formed in her throat,
"One. I didn't have the tools to save them...a...a bite doesn't always have to be fatal, if its on the hands, arms, legs and feet...You can...you can chop it off...but my supplies were all gone...I couldn't save them. I didn't have a big enough knife...I shot them. I killed them, because how could I leave them like that? And now I let three more die for me. Why are you being kind to me? Your friends are dead because of me"Kyle looked over at the bodies of his three friends and realized she was somewhat correct. They all died, and he felt nothing. Hell his last friend was bit and he just straight up shot him in the head without hesitation. Kyle looked back at Sasha and put his hands behind his head.
"Hmph......Dont flatter yourself Sasha. We are all dying left and right and I guess I am just numb to it right now. But it isnt your fault. They were my friends and I will miss them but we werent that close. And I am sure if your friends were alive they would say dont blame yourself."Kyle looked back at Nikki's vehicle and for a moment his gaze softened. He then looked back at Sasha.
"Ok so how about this. You should come with us. We need to stick together, us surviviors."Sasha didn't even want to think as death as just something that happened. As being numb to it. She didn't want to turn cold.
"You can't be numb to death, Kyle. Being so...it makes surviving not worth it. I lost a whole community. Some of them are right then, dead. They deserve more then i can give them. They deserve to be buried. They deserve to have lived.
Death ...death is not something that shouldn't affect you. No matter if its the tenth death you have suffered in ten days.
Otherwise...you're already the walking dead." She followed his gaze to the other vehicles. How many people were in there? Not many, unless they were packed in like sardines. Perhaps across all of them...15 maybe. She looked back to Kyle.
"As a specieis, we do have to have hope. But...I can't stop blaming myself. You didn't have to stop. They could be alive. One person for three? Even with me, you still are two less then you were..". She gave a soft sigh, but nodded. How could she not go with them?
"I'll come"Kyle sighed as she spoke, hoping that she wouldnt be down like this the entire time. He radioed Nikki.
"Babe, we have a new person joining us. Her name is Sasha. And.....we lost the three guys I was with. We can have a ceremony later."Kyle motioned for Sasha to get in, and as she got in the passenger side, he got into the drivers seat. He started up his impala and continued to drive, with the rest of his group following behind him.
It was a few miutes before he spoke again.
"Sasha,,, I recently lost my unborn child, and my wife is pregnant again. I wasnt able to kill the man responcible for her being kidnapping and losing the baby, and I killed the man who killed someone who was very dear to all of us. She was great, always smiling and full of life. And I killed her killer.......brutually. Then my school got hit by an earthquake and ended up going up in flames and over run with walkers, who killed even more of my friends. And before all this," Kyle said waving a hand around,
"I was a soldier in the army. Ive seen plenty of death and let me tell you, being numb to it is the way to go. Dont let yourself get caught in an emotional uproar."Sasha listened as Kyle spoke, looking out the window. He seemed to be trying to justify not letting it all get to him. She waited until he had finished speaking, before she spoke.
"It's been two Days, Kyle. Two days since I lost fifty people. Two days since I lost my parents, my-for all intense and purposes, fiance. Before that? It must have been months before we lost any.
I've seen death. I was a nurse, before all this, and training to be a doctor. Death is natural. But each and everytime I watched someone die...you can't not feel it, or you aren't...you aren't human. There's a reason why we have emotions.
You may have lost people. And you may think you are protecting yourself by not feeling their deaths. But you aren't. Eventually, you will crack. You will lose it. ANd where will that leave your wife and unborn child? Where would that leave all the people in the vehicles?.
In this world, it can't just be about surviving. Or how are we any different then the dead? Feelings...they remind us what we are fighting for. We are fighting for anger, happiness, joy, fear, pain,, and most of all for love. You have so much, to be human for. A wife. A child on the way. People who look to you. Don't lose them by not feeling grief. By not being thankful you are still here, they are still here.
I can wish I died with my people. I can wonder why I survived. I can think its some cruel joke, but I'm still here. And their deaths will way on me. Because that's what grief does. It lets you know you are still alive. And that you have lost people. It helps keep them...immortal, by remembering them, by being saddened by their death. Otherwise what are you? Something that eats, that survives. No different to the walking dead"Her gaze never left the view the window gave her, and she let out a breath as she finished talking, knowing it wasn't her job to try and convince him. Knowing that she hadn't had it as bad as others, until now.
Kyle scoffed at Sasha.
"Hate to break it to you sister but its a walking dead world we are living in. The dead dont care who or what they eat, they dont have feelings, they dont even think. Maybe they are winning because of this. So yea maybe its only been two days for you, but you dont get to be sad and mopey. We have a guy in the truck, brother to my wife in fact, who lost his wife with the school leaving him a single father now. He is being all mopey and sad, and something bad will happen to him because of it unless I stop it or he pulls himself together."Kyle shifted in his seat.
"When my wife lost our first son, I was devastated and I blamed myself, but I didnt fall apart. I took action, I got my revenge as much as I could, and I took charge. I have all my screws and marbles in a lead freakin box, and it wont crack. Not untill I die, or if im lucky enough to grow. But at either of those times it will be too late for me to affect anything. So im not worried."Kyle swirved slightly, dodging a few walkers.
"And so what if I died sooner than later? That group of people behind us, they survived long enough without me and they will either survive or die based on the merits they have. But I do have a question, why do you wanna immortalize the people you lost? That is just torturing yourself and in my opinion it is what will get you killed."Kyle paused and smiled slightly at what he saw. He radioed Nikki and everyone else.
"Breaker breaker this is Sexy Man.....ummm 46? Whatever my new call sign is now Angel Lover. Love you baby," Kyle said making a kissing noise
, "Anyways serious time, I spot a farm up ahead. I am taking us to there now. Looks like there are a few walkers in the fields but not at the actual farm building itself."Kyle drove up and parked in front of the farm house.
Sasha shook her head, giving a sigh.
"You're wrong. I'm allowed to be "Mopey and sad" and you have no right to say I can't. It didn't stop be living,now did it? I may have thought several times that it might be better to let that group run me down and tear me apart, but I didn't.
Do you seriously want your child to think its okay to have people die and not care? That's the makings of a psychopath there. If you don't care about yourself, care about them. Because a kid learns alot from their parents. And if they don't learn that death is something that is sad, were going to have a whole world of people that will kill without a moments hesitation.
You think the walkers are winning? They only win when people stop trying. You may think hardening yourself is good. You may think that it will keep you alive. But it won't.
As for the guy in the one of the other cars? How would you feel if you lost your wife? You said you were devesated when she was kidnapped. He's allowed to feel like that, but I bet when he held his child, he acted and kept them safe. I bet if one of those walkers somehow got into that vehicle, he'd do what needs to be done. Because thats how humans are. Our feelings give us the strength to do what needs to be done, and making yourself hard? That makes you brittle. One day Kyle, if you don't let yourself feel, one day you'll break. Do you want that to be when you are protecting your child?
Think about that"As they parked, Sasha got out, effectively putting an end to any further discussion on that, and she started towards the walkers, leaving Kyle to check out the farm house or whoever else wanted to have that task. She tucked her gun into her pants, and took out her knife, walking towards the closest. She might want to simply lay down and cry, but there were things that had to be done. She could cry when the walkers were dealt with.
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