A young man stands in his bedroom. Due to the number of electrical appliances, jumbled wiring, and fire hazards littered about the place it would not be unreasonable to surmise that his demise by means of an electrical fire is imminent. Never has youth been more clearly wasted on the young than in this instance. Fittingly, although the young man has a name, it has yet to be committed to memory. Although his importance is likely to be fleeting and trivial, we shall determine his name for posterity.



Now, what was his name again?


> Enter Name. said Workshaft Whippingboy


The young man implicates via a crude verbal retort that you are an ass. He looks none too pleased. Let's try that again.



> Enter Name. said Egil Husch


Well the name is right, but Egil still looks pretty miffed. You guess he's just particularly irritable.


> Examine Room; Abruptly Shift Narration to the Second Person.



Your name is EGIL HUSCH, You are fourteen years old, and as fourteen year olds are like to have, you possess a variety of INTERESTS. First and foremost, you deliberately go out of your way to surround yourself with as many ELECTROCUTION HAZARDS as possible, largely because of how much you get a kick out of receiving electrical shocks. Due to the numerous electrical appliances and haphazard arrangement of power cords, surge protectors, AC nodes, backup generators, and power strips lying around, your house is basically a SUPER-COMBUSTIBLE DEATHTRAP. You are a fairly handy TINKERER due to having to operate and maintain so many appliances, and you also have a knack for HARDWARE CRAFTING. You have interest and knowledge, if no real skill, in BLACKSMITHING. You are the proud owner of a collection of LIGHTNING RODS, many of which you made yourself, and you often bring them with you on your STORM-CHASING outings when you try to be STRUCK BY LIGHTNING (again). Although you hardly consider yourself a connoisseur, you also enjoy reading SCIENCE FICTION, and you have a pretty robust knowledge of PHYSICS.


> Snort like a bull and work the shaft of a lightning rod.

That is the best idea you have had all day. Aside from the bit about snorting. Serendiptiously, there is a big storm brewing outside, but the angry gray clouds refuse to unleash their burden. Even if they were, there is a large, infuriatingly positioned gap in the clouds DIRECTLY ABOVE your home! You would have to drive away from the house in order to reach a decent catching point. Although patience is not characteristic for you, you have nonetheless decided to allow the storm to come to you - because today is a special day - the release of the highly touted SBurb beta - and you intend to do nothing but play it for the rest of the day, once it arrives. There will be other stormfronts you can chase in the future, especially ones that don't piss you off by forming a hole directly over your head.

The primitive electric-alarm you have rigged to the mailbox hasn't gone off though, so it appears you have some time to kill.


> Captchalogue Lightning Rod.

You do so, and sort it to a random card using your ELECTRON MODUS. Retrieving the rod will be like winning the lottery because of all the clutter of items in your sylladex also randomly sorted. Its safer than having it sorted to an observable card though, since upon retrieval it would have a random exit velocity. You have no pressing need (yet) to start throwing lightning rods around like spears.


> Retrieve Random Item.



This...This is completely revolting. No death would be too cruel an escape at this moment. These must belong to your FATHER, and for the life of you, you cannot remember why you sorted it into a random card. There is no circumstance where you would ever want to hold these writhing, slimy things.

You go ahead and sort them into an observed card. Next time you see your GUARDIAN, you will serve him a return to sender.

You have wasted enough of your time humoring these strange and upsetting urges. You hop onto your computer to do some browsing.



Adad is a browser for people who do not value their material possessions. It has processing power to spare, but it suffers from a number of bugs that shortens the battery life of whatever device its on, and in rare instances can actually cause motherboards to short circuit, causing electrical fires due to an infinite, looping system error in the code. You find that you don't mind terribly, since your computers dying in a glorious conflagration every six months gives you an excuse to replace them with something new. Now that you think about it though, you don't think you'll be doing any browsing today - no sense in poisoning your hardware right before using it to go on a gaming binge. Perhaps you'll check pesterchum and see if any of your friends are online.