[OOC] Warhammer 40K: Beyond the Law - A Mercenary Adventure [MATURE] (Open for business, apply within.)

[Hank]

I'll echo the point on the writing style. The abuse of commas hurts my eyes, frankly. An easier way to get the point across that she's an alien space-elf is to use very formal language and syntax. Avoid words like "stuff" and "thing" and don't use contractions (you are vs you're).

"The Path of the Fallen comes with a psychic mark that warns all of my kin not to approach and to slay me, should I come too close. There is no hiding from my crime among my own kind. I was forced to seek company with... lesser creatures."

For example.

[NecroKnight]

English ain't my first language, si apology in advance.

Yet overall?

[BCTheEntity]

@NecroKnight I personally like the idea on its own, and in theory the syntax could work to cover the way she processes and speaks Low Gothic... but speaking the language doesn't seem to be that difficult for the Eldar in canon. So, I'd say go with Hank's idea of having her speak very formally, rather than with broken SPAG.

[NecroKnight]

That was one thing being difficult. I was thinking on how to write an Eldar - whom got the boot, out of her Craftworld. Aka literally her home, and afterlife place.

Should he retain her so-called 'I am better, than you' mentality - when those same people, kicked her out; there is some hidden dislike for her fellow Eldar. But not enough to go murder-fuck them. So I thought of maybe combining, some parts of her above-mentality with that of having lived away from her Craftworld, amongst Xenos.

[NecroKnight]

Using a Imperial Recorder - was one way, of combing to explain herself and her trying to adapt to living outside her home.

[Hank]

That was one thing being difficult. I was thinking on how to write an Eldar - whom got the boot, out of her Craftworld. Aka literally her home, and afterlife place.

Should he retain her so-called 'I am better, than you' mentality - when those same people, kicked her out; there is some hidden dislike for her fellow Eldar. But not enough to go murder-fuck them. So I thought of maybe combining, some parts of her above-mentality with that of having lived away from her Craftworld, amongst Xenos.

@NecroKnight

So the commas aren't a stylistic choice? This is how you write English in general?

[NecroKnight]

Yeah. My only weakness, is writing commas - since they are fuck-ton in my native language.

And its difficult for me to write, extremly long technical terms.

[Hank]

If it helps, both of the commas you just used are unnecessary and incorrectly placed. English generally doesn't require a comma to bisect a sentence until you either start listing things, or (example right now) you use a conjunction (or, but, etc).

[Jb]

Just waiting on you guys, @POOHEAD189, @Wernher and @Austronaut, and I'll probably get this going quote soon...so chop chop!

[POOHEAD189]

@JbcoolLol you tagged us yesterday, we know. I had my weekly star wars RPG last night, and I believe @Austronaut is busy with work/school atm so just give us a sec.

[Jb]

@POOHEAD189 NEVAH! The Emprah demands it be done.

[Austronaut]

I'm in the process of moving to America I'll hopefully have a post up later today but I'll be on plane's and such for the next week

[POOHEAD189]

@AustronautI'll put you on hold for my RP as well (until you are able to post). Have a safe trip!

I'll be working on my bounty hunter tonight, JB.

[Quinntessential]

I'm in the process of moving to America I'll hopefully have a post up later today but I'll be on plane's and such for the next week

@Austronaut

Welcome to America!

I'm moving soon too. Last two weeks of this month are gonna be nuts for me, but I SHOULD still be able to make posts. We'll see!

[Jb]

Optimism, Captain!



It's cool, there's not really going to be a point where you can't enter the RP - we're mercs, after all.

So take it easy @Austronaut, and don't rush @POOHEAD189, it's aaaaaaall gravy.

[Austronaut]

Thanks guys, looking at a weeks solid travel starting tomorrow :(

[Hank]

Good luck, @Austronaut.

In that case, I suggest we get underway and the others can join up later?

[Jb]

Good luck, @Austronaut.

In that case, I suggest we get underway and the others can join up later?

@Hank

Already ahead of you, meus amico!

E voila, let battle commence.

Feel free to ask any questions/queries, feel free to shoot a few pirates as well. I deliberatly didn't designate a 'leader' for the mercs, because their isn't one, so you can pretty much do as you will - for the moment. If you wish to create a new Xenos species to slay, we are on the Eastern Fringe, so have at it.

Apart from that, enjoy.

Oh, just one more thing...

The mercs probably don't know one another, although maybe by reputation, but that's really up to players. If you want to know some NPCs, or other players, then just ask but - for most intents and purposes - they've just assembled for this op quite recently I.E. are pretty clueless about one another...yet.

[Hank]

Is the colony some kind of prefab system that's entirely covered from the elements outside, or is it more like a series of scattered buildings sitting out in the open?

[Quinntessential]

From @Jbcool's description, I see it as a single Prefab Building. That's how I imagined it in my post at least. I may be wrong.