[IC] Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

[EliteCommander]

For Meesei, the fate of the highwaymen was difficult to watch, not because the death was particularly gruesome, or because she held any sympathy for the thieves, but because Kaleeth was not doing so willingly. She wanted to stop her; she wished she had the strength to halt her in her tracks, and indeed, it was possible that she could, but that possibility came with a terrible risk. If she sparked a conflict with Kaleeth's beast spirit, then she could be forced to kill her.

When Kaleeth snapped her jaws down on the first Imperial, it was all but over for him. There was little caught in her powerful jaws that was not broken immediately. The highwayman's brother tried to intervene with a blade to the back of her neck, but his strike was not strong enough to make more than a shallow cut through her thick scales. In retaliation, she swiped at him with one arm, which wasn't fatal, but it easily knocked him off of his feet. Fortunately for the other Imperial, Kaleeth was too busy devouring his brother to pay her any attention. He screamed his brother's name when he saw what was happening, but he was already clearly dead. He did not have time to wonder why the two werewolves were not bothering to attack; instead, he ran as fast as his legs could carry him, not even bothering to pick up the weapon he had dropped.

Kaleeth's beast spirit was efficient in stripping the meat from her prey's bones, so the corpse did not last long. Though she had not been in control, Kaleeth was still aware, which made her all the more horrified. The plan had been for them to conduct a few exercises after the hunt, but the very moment her beast relinquished control of her body back to her, she reverted back to Argonian form. Now covered in blood and lying on the ground next to the scattered remains of what used to be a corpse, Kaleeth burst into tears. "No...this...this isn't..." She paused only for a moment to open her eyes, which allowed her gaze to meat the crushed remnants of a human skull. "Why? Why didn't I stop? I...I ate him. I am...monster!"

[Muttonhawk]

With a slow look over to Meesei, then back towards Kaleeth, Janius walked forward to where she was crying into the bloodied ground. He felt this was his fault again. He might have stopped Kaleeth, prevented her from realising what was probably one of her worst fears about being a lycanthrope. It was clear that there would be no more hunting or lessons for Kaleeth today, but Janius still needed to hunt for himself in his werewolf form. Without any words of comfort or clarification, Janius leaned down and scooped up Kaleeth in his arms, then he turned towards the camp and began to walk. He was intent on not letting her go until she was with the others.

With some time to think, Janius came to realise that it would only be a matter of time before something like this happened. He was fooling himself to think that it wouldn't. A slip of control, a set of bad circumstances. He had to admit that it was strange to find imperial highwaymen in such a dangerous land in the first place. It could have been a dangerous group equipped against great beasts of the marsh, putting Kaleeth's life in danger by attacking them. Or it could have been something that would be harder for Kaleeth to come to terms to, like peaceful travellers, a family even. Well, he supposed that was a family, by the words of the survivor. That only made him feel worse.

"I am sorry, Kaleeth." Janius said, talking with difficulty through his snout while he carried Kaleeth, "I wish your first person killed was under better circumstances, but it is what we all go through at some point." Janius wished he could transform back, but he needed to hunt. Seeing and smelling the blood only made it worse.

[EliteCommander]

Meesei was not quite as pressed to hunt as Janius, as she had killed a bit more recently, so she was able to shift back to her normal form. The more she thought about the situation, the more she regretted not expecting it. They were close enough to Gideon now that encountering travelers was more likely, especially since it was the closest Black Marsh city to Cyrodiil. Whether it was an innocent traveler, or one of the bandits that prey upon them, she should have anticipated an encounter. Now, Kaleeth was paying the price.

"I can watch over her Janius, if you need to hunt." Meesei offered, but Kaleeth did not give Janius a chance to leave before she slowly brought herself to sit up and look up to him with a mix of confusion and surprised. With tears still in her eyes, she sniffed, then tried to speak in a raspy voice.

"What do you mean...first? You...you wanted me to kill? But I tore him up, I ate him. I am a cannibal, a monster! Why would you want that?" She asked, raising her voice louder. Beyond her regret and sadness, a hint of anger started to form within her.

[Muttonhawk]

Kaleeth's tone grated against Janius' patience. His own anger started to rise inside and it was reflected in a growl preceding his answer. "Few, if any of us want to kill. That is what makes us separate from monsters!" As Janius' voice escalated, he should have made it clear that his anger was directed towards himself, but his state of mind was not the clearest. "Do not ever think I want you, or anyone, even myself, to kill without reason!"

Janius halted in his tracks, shut his eyes and took a breath. He realised he was only making things worse by shouting. Before he allowed himself to get any angrier, he carefully placed Kaleeth down onto her feet, then turned, glancing to Meesei. "I do need to hunt. Now." Janius said, poorly holding back frustration in his voice. Without so much as a farewell, Janius dropped to all fours and bolted off into the wilds alone. He needed an outlet for his frustrations as much as he needed to feed.

[EliteCommander]

Kaleeth had no more words after Janius left. The only thing she did was to sit down on her bedroll, draw her knees up to her chest, and wrap her arms around them. There she sat with her head down, sobbing profusely. For the moment, sadness and self-loathing was what dominated her mind, but the anger was still there. Her beast was sated, so it wasn't because of its influence this time. This anger came directly from her. Even if it wasn't rational, part of her wanted to blame Janius for all of this, for causing her to go and contract lycanthropy, for her becoming a cannibalistic beast against her will. Even the rest of the pack was not immune to her frustrations, though it was not focused on them. How many had they eaten, she wondered?

Meesei was cautious in her approach. For the moment, she sat nearby, waiting for the moment to seem right for her to comfort Kaleeth. There was no longer any danger of her taking on her werecrocodile form, which would make this significantly easier, but she still wanted to approach with compassion. She had a feeling that convincing Kaleeth to accept this would be more difficult than with Fendros.

[Muttonhawk]

Kaleeth and Meesei arriving back in such a state caught Sabine's attention. By her emotions, the blood, and the smell, something had gone wrong in a very particular manner. Sabine took the time to look between Meesei and Kaleeth's faces in turn while she broke down what could have happened. It was a few minutes of deduction before Sabine narrowed the possibilities, but Kaleeth's entire posture, her entire look, was something that made Sabine's heart fill with empathy. Even though it was in a cage at the time, Sabine was in Kaleeth's position years ago.

Sabine slowly stood up and stepped over to Kaleeth's bedroll. Moving deliberately, so as not to stress Kaleeth, Sabine sat down opposite her and reflected her seating position; knees drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Sabine looked at her with her beady stare, but this time the strange curiosity was backed up by questions. "Kaleeth-Rei?" Sabine started quietly, "What happened? Did you hurt someone?"

[EliteCommander]

Kaleeth was slow to react to Sabine, but after a few moment, she slowly raised up her head and made eye contact with Sabine. She bared her teeth in anger, not necessarily at Sabine, but at the situation itself. "I am a murderer." She answered. She had been aware enough to know that those humans were bandits, but it didn't really matter to her. The way she mercilessly consumed him haunted her mind, as the images were practically burned into her vision. She had gutted enough animals to be desensitized to gore, but the fact that he was human made that irrelevant. Every time she thought of his half flesh-covered, broken skull, it sent a shiver down her spine.

Meesei moved herself to sit to the side, between Kaleeth and Sabine. Her regret was understandable, but at least the fact that her prey had been a highwayman would make it a bit easier. "He was a highwayman, Kaleeth. Had we not been in our lycan forms, he might have tried to kill us, but...I know that is of little comfort. Your beast would have tried to kill him regardless. Still, you do not need to feel regret over this kill. Continue with your training and stay with us, and I promise I will not allow you to kill an innocent as long as I draw breath."

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine maintained her beady-eyed look, hiding her thoughts. The only thing that broke her stare was to glance at Meesei as she joined them. The addition of Meesei's comforting words helped turn Sabine's suspicions into a confirmed context. Kaleeth killed while in her beast form. Sabine would have found it less normal if Kaleeth didn't feel the way she did. With those last details, the anger that Kaleeth displayed was something that Sabine could see right through.

Though she tried, Sabine couldn't find any statements that would solve any of Kaleeth's woes just by saying them. Instead, Sabine thought of the questions that she asked herself in this situation once she had time to think, or at least similarly worded forms. Some of the answers might be seen as redundant or obvious, but it was to start a thought process. "Kaleeth, did you want to kill that highwayman?"

[EliteCommander]

Again, Kaleeth had a delayed response. There had not been all that much rational thought in her mind over the last few minutes, so she hadn't really thought about what she would have done normally. She supposed they would have killed the highwaymen anyway, but that hardly halted her pain. The way she did it, and the way she consumed him afterwards, was painful enough in and of itself. "I don't mind that he died, he was a bandit, but...I ate him, Sabine. I...devoured him. I am a cannibal, a wretched, vicious monster! And...and what if he was innocent? I would have killed him anyways. I am an animal that deserves to die. You...you won't be able to stop me next time, not when I become that...beast. You should kill me now." She said, once again breaking down into tears.

[Muttonhawk]

Kaleeth's answer didn't end up being as simple as Sabine suspected, but it did help to convey exactly why she was scared. Sabine rearranged the her next question as a result. "When a wolf or a crocodile eats a person, is it a cannibal?" With this, Sabine lowered her knees such that she was sitting cross-legged and leaning forward. "You don't want to be a cannibal, right? You don't have to."

A second passed, Sabine shifted along the ground to sit beside Kaleeth, then Sabine wrapped her arms around her head and shoulders and hugged her like Meesei would do for Sabine. There wasn't any risk where Kaleeth had already transformed today. Sabine held onto her while speaking quietly near her ear. "I thought your thoughts. What you said, I thought that once, a long time ago. I was scared. You are scared as well. None of us deserve to die, you don't deserve to die. We have to be brave, and do our best not to be monsters. We can, so can you. You are not an animal, you are just scared." There was sincerity enough in Sabine's words that her somewhat monotonous delivery didn't seem to matter. Sabine just hoped that she was helping Kaleeth to calm down and see what was and wasn't true about the situation. Her beast spirit was still something to be respected, but at the same time continually trained and tamed. She couldn't expect to have complete control when her training was nowhere near complete. Nor should she expect that her beast spirit's primal behaviour would define her.

[EliteCommander]

In one thing, Kaleeth could certainly agree with Sabine: she was afraid. She had not felt this much fear since she first transformed months ago. The others had told her she would get better, that she would learn to control it, but they were not like her. They knew how to train werewolves, what if she could never gain the same kind of control they had? What if she had to spend the rest of her life in fear that she would kill the people around her? What if the next person she devoured was someone she cared about? She could not stop herself from imagining the faces of the other members of the pack on the body of the Imperial she maimed.

"I am scared." Kaleeth said, slowly turning her head to look at Sabine. "But I am scared for a reason."

Meesei moved to sit on the other side of Kaleeth and put her arm around her as well. They had all been traveling together long enough that they were no longer strangers, but friends, and Kaleeth needed the comfort of her friends. "We were all scared, Kaleeth. We all had little control in the beginning, but you wouldn't be here if I did not believe with complete confidence that you can overcome it."

[Muttonhawk]

What Meesei mentioned was just about what Sabine was trying to get across. She knew how Kaleeth felt and didn't want her to be in the same situation as she was. Sabine did not let go yet. "Kaleeth, please. Let us keep helping you. You don't have to be scared."

There was a few moments where Sabine tried and failed to really think of anything else to say. Noticing the smell of the drying blood on Kaleeth again, Sabine thought it might help to wash it off. It was likely getting uncomfortable and sticky at this point. Sabine pulled away from Kaleeth, then took her hand and began to stand up. "Come," Sabine said insistently, pulling gently in the direction of the river. Both Sabine and Meesei could make quick work of cleaning Kaleeth, and perhaps being in the water might calm her nerves a little.

[EliteCommander]

Kaleeth wasn't sure what Sabine was wanting until she noticed that she was trying to pull her towards the river. "Oh...the blood." She commented in somewhat of a depressed tone. She was reluctant to move at first, but after Sabine stood, she forced herself to follow. After a short walk to the river, she unenthusiastically lowered herself into the water to wash away the last signs of her gruesome deed. Meesei followed suit and joined her in the water, if only to allow herself to relax in what was becoming a stressful situation.

Though not sobbing as before, Kaleeth was still obviously depressed. She seemed to be using the river purely to clean away the blood, as opposed to calming her nerves. Seeing Kaleeth in this state caused a feeling of regret to swell within Meesei. Even though Kaleeth had become friends with most of the pack, and she had found love with Janius, she believed that Kaleeth might have been happier staying in her village. The family and friends she grew up with, along with the relatively simple life, were what she had been accustomed to for years. Now, she was being throws around against her will into situations she neither liked nor wanted. It was a sad thought, but there was nothing that could be done about it anymore. All she could do now was to help Kaleeth make the best of her situation. "Try and relax. Just lean back and try to clear your mind." Meesei suggested.

[Muttonhawk]

Unfortunately, Kaleeth appeared as though she would be unshakable in her mood. Sabine wished that she could do more than help her clean off, but all there was consisted of being there to comfort her. Placing a hand on Kaleeth's shoulder, Sabine nodded to one side, encouraging her to do as Meesei said.

"I think you are a nice person, Kaleeth. I don't think you are a monster," Sabine said, trying her best.

Sabine looked away momentarily. Whenever it was others comforting her, it was always someone dear to her. Her sister, some of the coven witches, pack members. Sabine couldn't help but think that her words would carry more weight if Kaleeth was more familiar with her. Sabine really wanted to help, though. Even though it seemed a little clumsy asking it, Sabine did anyway, "Kaleeth, do you...have a sister? Can I be your sister?" Such a gesture was implicit among members of the pack, but by Kaleeth's nature, she didn't have that. Sabine hoped that accepting her properly might help her accept herself.

[EliteCommander]

Kaleeth's mood wasn't quite changed, by Sabine's words, but it certainly broke her depressed expression. Instead, she looked at her perplexed, wondering if she had misunderstood her Cyrodilic. "No, I never had a sister. I had an egg-brother, but he died. I...don't think I understand you. How could you just...become my sister? You can't choose to be a sibling, you have to be hatched, or, uh, born that way,"

Meesei was curious to see how Kaleeth would react to Sabine's request, especially once she explained herself. She wasn't surprised that it confused Kaleeth at first, as Sabine's suggestion really didn't transfer well between the languages. While Argonian villages were generally very close and members would often consider other members of the clan family, regardless of blood relation, the words "brother" or "sister" wouldn't quite be used in that sense. She did not wish to interrupt, so she remained quiet to allow Sabine to elaborate.

[Muttonhawk]

"No, not like sister where...not like being in blood, but still...sister as in family." Sabine licked her lips quickly, struggling to explain, "Like, Ahnasha is my sister, but she's not...my sister. It's like..." Sabine looked in random directions and exhaled unevenly, trying to find the word. "Adopted," Sabine said abruptly, "Like if parents adopt an orphan, but where it is sisters. Anyone can do that."

Sabine angled her head down and to one side, hoping the meaning was clear. "So...can I be your sister?" Sabine asked again, this time with more reluctance, but more out of anxiety of communication.

[EliteCommander]

Despite the fact that she stumbled over her words, Kaleeth caught onto Sabine's general meaning. Meesei had always described the pack as a kind of family whenever she asked, but she had a hard time feeling that way. Sure, she was friends with many of them, and, even if she was angry at him, she still loved Janius, but she didn't feel she knew them well enough to consider them family. She wasn't sure what Sabine wanted to do, or how it would make her stop hating herself, but she decided she could at least humor her with an answer.

"Um...okay, I guess. You can be my sister." Kaleeth said, still in a somber tone. She leaned back and started to float on the surface of the water, close enough to the shore that she could keep herself from floating downstream with her tail. She tried Meesei's suggestion of relaxing and trying to clear her mind, but nothing seemed to be able to get the image of that corpse out of her head. She had to find some way to distract herself. "Why do you want to be my sister?" She asked.

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine had to look aside and consider the words to answer Kaleeth. To her it seemed obvious, but as soon as she thought about it, it took some time to properly describe it. "Because...well, if we're sisters, there will always be someone nearby who doesn't think you are a monster. I have a sister like that, a blood sister. There were times where we both needed forgive one another. She isn't even a lycan." Sabine raised her look to Kaleeth's eyes again, she was just speaking from her mind, but now a proper explanation was crystalising in her mind. "So, if you did something wrong, and you didn't want to, I'll still be there and help you. Also, you will belong, no matter what happens. I accept you, so you can accept yourself, and you can have hope to keep going. Before finding the pack, I was alone and I hated myself. I found belonging in the pack, and I would have died without it. I want you to have it too."

[EliteCommander]

"I think I understand, but..." Kaleeth began, pausing momentarily as an array of memories made their way back into the forefront of her mind. The incident with the highwayman had been traumatic and painful, but the greatest way in which it hurt her was by reminding her how distant from other, non-lycans she had to be. Part of her motivation in learning how to control her beast spirit was the hope that she might one day be able to return home safely. She didn't know how well her village would accept her, but the fact that it was at least possible gave her some hope.

"...but I wasn't alone before. I had belonging, and I loved my life. I loved my family, my friends. It wasn't easy, but I was becoming a hunter. I had all of it, but lost it. I don't know if I can ever replace it." She explained, unable to make eye contact.

[Muttonhawk]

"...That's okay. You don't have to replace it. Just know that you are not alone now, either," Sabine said. Her attachment to her village was certainly strong. Sabine knew there was no way that she would simply forget, but at the same time it saddened her that she was so fixated on it. It meant that it was difficult to convince her to make the most of her situation.

It was then that Janius returned to camp in his human form. He looked slightly fatigued, had some blood on his skin, and had some small wooden splinters in his fingernails, but his anger was completely dissipated. If anything, he just looked worried. He made it his first priority to find Kaleeth. He found them in the river rather quickly and approached the three. "Kaleeth, I'm sorry that I ran off, I couldn't focus. Are you alright?"