Internet Relationships

[Turtlicious]

So I was talking to a friend online via Skype, (I'm taking a short break from the Spam Skype Chat,) and the conversation landed on internet relationships. And what is needed to maintain friendships and have like internet girlfriends. So I wrote / cleaned up a bit, what I said about it, and was wondering your Spammy opinion.

Personally, I think you have to have the personality to support an internet relationship, I don't believe everyone can pull it off.

I don't think someone who is outgoing and extroverted could support an internet relationship. they'd never feel a connection, and it'd be like trying to sculpt clay while wearing thick leather gloves, but if the only "relationship" you know is the inter-personal connections from sharing thoughts, and feelings then an E-Spouse would work out, because it's the maximum of what you know. Especially in our modern "plugged-in" world, they make sex toys that change based on how you fuck them via the internet, Hell you could have internet sex with people

There's a higher expectation for communication, because you won't see each other, what would be acceptable in an off-line relationship (maybe calling 2x a week and that's it,) wouldn't be enough in an internet relationship

It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply.

There's an implicit level of trust once you start dating in an internet relationship

That neither of you will lie, because that seed of doubt and mistrust is so much more damaging.

Thoughts?

[natsumehack]

can one be internet friend zoned?

[Dervish]

natsumehack said
can one be internet friend zoned?

The friend zone is a term for people who fail to realize the subject of their affections probably don't reciprocate it because there's something overtly unappealing about them that makes them unsuitable for dating that particular person. Someone doesn't see you in a romantic light even though your intentions are more obvious than the sky's colour, there's probably a reason for it. It's bullshit to blame somebody for to falling for you because you think they should. Life isn't a movie where the guy always gets the girl because he's "owed" it, according to popular culture.

Anyways, I do think online relationships can be pretty legitimate in the sense where you can really emotionally bond with somebody, although maintaining something like that is kind of difficult, especially if meeting is far too difficult to be feasible. Also, tying yourself to a person online is in a way a bit unfair to both parties because you're so focused on what's behind a screen, you're kind of ignoring the life that may be passing you by out in the real world.

[Turtlicious]

In what sense?

E: Wasn't PF Internet "friendzoned"

[Jorick]

Agreed on the general idea, that it's not for everyone and only those of particular personalities and inclinations will really be happy with an internet relationship, but some of your specifics are things I disagree with. For instance, I'm an introverted person who rarely interacts with people other than my family face to face, but I'm wholly against the idea of internet relationships for myself because of them being internet things rather than real life things. The way you said it made it sound like all introverted internet nerds would be cool with that kind of relationship, but that's not the case.

Oh, and that part about greater trust and lack of lies? Bullshit. There's a (shitty) movie and a (horrible) TV series called Catfish that deals with people in internet relationships that find out the other person was a lying fuck the whole time; I know there have been things on there worse than someone saying they're hot and actually being an ogre, such as a woman pretending to be a guy to fuck with some lady she was pissed off at. The internet relationship thing actually allows for greater lying potential, it does not inherently have any trust bonuses over real life relationships in that area.

[Dervish]

Turtlicious said
In what sense?

E: Wasn't PF Internet "friendzoned"

In what sense is it unfair for both parties, or...? Elaboration, if you would.

Also, gotta agree with Jorick saying that it's easier to lie in an internet relationship because there's pretty much no consequences. Not saying it's bound to happen or some people would, but it's not like there's any real way to you can prove somebody's not e-dating somebody else at the same time, or has a real life boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever. You may feel easier telling this person your deepest darkest secrets you never told your best friend, but that's because the internet is still anonymous to a degree. It's easier to put your trust in someone if you know that it back fires that the only thing that gets torpedoed is your relationship with that person and any online community you may be a part of. In real life, if something you confided gets out to your social circle or workplace or school, that can have some lasting consequences.

[Awson]

Wait, we're allowed to lie on the internet?

[Dervish]

Awson said
Wait, we're allowed to lie on the internet?

Of course not.

I would know, I am the president of North America.

[Awson]

Dervish said
Of course not.I would know, I am the president of North America.

So are there aliens or what?

[Turtlicious]

Jorick said
Agreed on the general idea, that it's not for everyone and only those of particular personalities and inclinations will really be happy with an internet relationship, but some of your specifics are things I disagree with. For instance, I'm an introverted person who rarely interacts with people other than my family face to face, but I'm wholly against the idea of internet relationships for myself because of them being internet things rather than real life things. The way you said it made it sound like all introverted internet nerds would be cool with that kind of relationship, but that's not the case.

Oh, and that part about greater trust and lack of lies? Bullshit. There's a (shitty) movie and a (horrible) TV series called Catfish that deals with people in internet relationships that find out the other person was a lying fuck the whole time; I know there have been things on there worse than someone saying they're hot and actually being an ogre, such as a woman pretending to be a guy to fuck with some lady she was pissed off at. The internet relationship thing actually allows for greater lying potential, it does not inherently have any trust bonuses over real life relationships in that area.

Alright, I need to rephrase what I said then, what I meant to say is that more trust is needed to make it more, because even a sliver of doubt makes people think of the catfish scenario.

And I was only saying more likely, not like every nerd ever.

[Dervish]

Awson said
So are there aliens or what?

The Illuminati and Free Masons are in disagreement. Stay tuned, it's going to the polls.

[Chai]

Turtlicious said
There's a higher expectation for communication, because you won't see each other, what would be acceptable in an off-line relationship (maybe calling 2x a week and that's it,) wouldn't be enough in an internet relationship

It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply.

There's an implicit level of trust once you start dating in an internet relationship

That neither of you will lie, because that seed of doubt and mistrust is so much more damaging.

I honestly think offline relationships require more communication, and it's often deeper communication. Just because you don't talk on Skype or on the phone that often doesn't mean you don't communicate just as much as a couple in an online relationship. Plus, when you see that other person, there's a lot more communication channels to analyze. Verbal words, verbal tone, gestures, body language, eye movement, etc. In fact, I think the expectation for communication is the same, because we would all like to see relationships work out no matter the way in which they are conducted.

"It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply."
Wouldn't you say that's what offline couples do as well? This is an expectation in a relationship, a norm if you will. And I find that when you start an online relationship, you almost never run out of things to talk about because people are just more comfortable communicating online rather than face-to-face. This mentality extends (at least, it did for me) when you start having Skype/phone calls and whatnot with that person. You already feel like you can tell them anything, so why stop?

And I'm honestly curious- because I've never considered it before- but how is the seed of doubt and mistrust more damaging to an online relationship versus an offline relationship?

[TP]

I can't do 'em. I've done a lot of them, and was in one for almost a year. But, that ended due to lies and "cheating". Hell, no matter how much I liked the person, I couldn't ever do another internet relationship. Though as a person with self destructive tendencies, it's nice to completely hide something that would worry the other to death, which you can't really do in an offline relationship.

But I agree you have to be an introvert to make 'em work.

[Chai]

TP said
But I agree you have to be an introvert to make 'em work.

I think I'm just stupid because it's so late at night, but I don't understand why you'd have to be an introvert to make it work.

[TP]

Ariamella said
I think I'm just stupid because it's so late at night, but I don't understand why you'd have to be an introvert to make it work.

I kidna did word it terribly wrong. I blame alcohol for that mistake.

[Turtlicious]

Ariamella said
And I'm honestly curious- because I've never considered it before- but how is the seed of doubt and mistrust more damaging to an online relationship versus an offline relationship?

Do you ever wonder if your girlfriend is actually a 700lb man from wisconsin?

You do when you're on the internet and you start not to trust them. As for the rest, I'll have to respectfully disagree being in both relationships. Most of my time in actual physical relationships were just that.

Physical.

We wouldn't talk as much, (only an hour or two a day at most,) and when we were together we were more interested in boning and talking about boning then actually building a relationship. A relationship in which you stare at someone and talk can be very draining and a lot of it tends to be superficial, there's only so much time you can spend talking with someone IRL before you both want to kill yourselves., (this again plays into the introvert thing, introverts are content to sit in silence next to a person and call it bonding,) it's a lot easier to pussy foot around issues when you show your physically uncomfortable with the subject matter.

Inversely, online relationships tend to cover every object under the sun and require at least 6-7 hours a day of conversation. I just got off the phone with my girlfriend, (we date both online and IRL,) and...



We spoke for 7 hours, 41 minutes, and 31 seconds. (BlueRose was re-named Iris for a shadowrun game and I never chagned her name back ^_^;;)

If you're in an actual relationship with someone, you're not going to find 8 hours a day to talk with them, and if you actually asked for that people would call you nuts, clingy, and probably worse.

E: You have to be an introvert to make them work because an Extrovert wouldn't be the kind of person to sit on skype for 8 hours a day, they'd be out mingling and being an extrovert.

[TP]

So i was right. Damn you person for making me second guess myself.

And turt, straight up I'm jelly of your relationship. Like mane, you got lucky af.

[andromedene]

Who on Earth just has seven hours free lying around? Like I mean, I'm at school for eight minimum, sometimes ten. There's most of my day, right there.

[Wreck]

I've had long distant/internet relationships before and they didn't work because I need affection.
It's really hard being in a relationship and not even being able to touch the person you're supposedly in a relationship with.

Also, it got boring because we couldn't do anything. We were both broke and couldn't afford to go to where the other was.

[Darog the Badger God]

I've been in four physical relationships and we would talk hours and hours on random things.

And honestly, I sort of agree you, only I would say relationships in general. Not just online or offline.