College Stress and Advice

[Beelz129]

I am oing to community college for about two years and have not had very good greades. Due mostly because the stuff is hard to understand and my dad's stress on me has made me lack my motivation to finish work on time. I have been really stressed out and depressed and I have missed some classes whichbhas already cause me to fail that one particalar class. I have not told my dad yet about this and it stresses me out to think about the future and working long hours. Anyone help me out or give me some for of comfort since no one seems to do that around my house. My mom and dad are devoirced, and my mom lives 3,00 miles away from me.

[BrokenPromise]

I never went to collage, and from what I've been told by people who have, that was actually a pretty good choice.

[Vilageidiotx]

Get a job and chill for a while. If you are not in a good place to be going to college, don't force it, that'll just waste your time and money. If your parents don't understand what you need to go forward, shoot for independence first and college next.

[Beelz129]

I don't even know what I want to do or what job I would be good at. I'm only 21 and my parets so much to do things their way and not my way. I already knew college was going to be a struggle but with my struggling depression and everything its becoem harder and harder to keep myself motivated. Thats why I often roleplay to get away grom the reality of falure.

[Beelz129]

Like I love animals but I love writing as well.

[Vilageidiotx]

I don't even know what I want to do or what job I would be good at. I'm only 21 and my parets so much to do things their way and not my way. I already knew college was going to be a struggle but with my struggling depression and everything its becoem harder and harder to keep myself motivated. Thats why I often roleplay to get away grom the reality of falure.

@Beelz129

Start with a job first. Move from there.

Like I love animals but I love writing as well.

@Beelz129

Volunteer at an animal shelter. It's low pressure and will help you feel used to responsibility.

[Beelz129]

well what kind of job that could include animals or wirting that doesn't need a digree ?

[Vilageidiotx]

well what kind of job that could include animals or wirting that doesn't need a digree ?

@Beelz129

Whoop, I edited in earlier. Volunteer at an animal shelter. It's low pressure and might be a good way to ease you into these sorts of real world responsibilities.

Writing isn't really a career goal such much as a lottery ticket. Journalism is getting streamlined as newspapers fall to aggregators and low-effort articles increasingly become written by bots. You can get a job there, but you can't really bet on a career. Fiction writing is totally a lottery ticket, in that most people who try to get published only ever make a tiny bit of money, but there is also a small chance you might win the pot and become very successful. Just, you know, you cannot hope to bet on that small chance.

Animals are a different matter. You can make a career out of 'em, albeit the good jobs are behind a paywall. Animal shelter or a pet store seems like a good starting place.

And for long term goals, here you go. Links

[Beelz129]

I might take that advise or a vet assitant

[Shoryu Magami]

I'd agree that you're not in a good place to be at college given all of the circumstances (stress, depression, parent putting pressure on you, etc). Honestly, like @BrokenPromise hinted at with their comment, having a college education is really not the end of the world either. A lot of people find that after they've gone through college it doesn't even help them move forward that much in their life. So all you're really going to do is put yourself through a lot of pain when you could be spending that time moving in a better direction.

@Vilageidiotx is on the right track with suggesting you get independence first, since being tied down to a parent's rules will definitely have a negative effect on your mind in general. It's not surprising, or something to be bothered by, that you don't know what you want to do for a job yet. Many people go through a large portion of their lives never finding anything resembling a "calling". I'd say look around at the options available to you in your location (I'm aware some places are more difficult to find work than others), and then have an honest think to yourself about what you think would work for you.

Also, try not to be so caught up on concerns about failure. Honestly, even if you make a few mistakes, or don't immediately succeed at what you're trying to do, it isn't going to be the end of the world. You'll have more opportunities, so don't let little disappointments ruin you. It really does sound like your dad's giving you a lot of pressure. My parents divorced when I was 7, and I'm almost 33 now, so I know how difficult a divorce can make things for the children, especially since the parent I was closer to (but got to spend less time with) actually died shortly after I turned 17.

If you're really insistent on continuing college, you definitely need to get your dad to stop stressing you out. If your mother doesn't stress you out as badly, try speaking to them over the phone more often. Otherwise, yeah, a job involving animals sounds like it could work for you. Writing can lead people to success, but it's far more risky and takes a lot more effort/work/stress than college would be giving you, so it's not what you need right now outside of using RPing to help you relax.

[Vilageidiotx]

I might take that advise or a vet assitant

@Beelz129

And if you need to placate your parents, sell it as experience. Because it seriously is. I remember when I was looking for my first real job and talking to a career councilor, when they asked me what experience I had to put on a resume I told them... you know, none. They told me that most people have experience and don't realize it because they don't know how to spin it. Volunteering for an animal shelter tells a future councilor or employer that you aren't just looking for the paycheck, but that you really care about animals. Like, a while back my mother was freaking out that she couldn't get a job because she hadn't worked since the eighties, I told her to put on her resume about how she had taken care of her father and was taking care of her mother. A few weeks later, bam, she got a gig as a personal assistant for the elderly.

[Beelz129]

Really wow, huh that could be intersting for me to do.

@Shoryu Magami

Thank you for that long read XD No but I appericate it greatly. Thank you for the post and It help a lot. Kind of stuclk at my dads house because I have no real money at all and do not have a car.

[A Man Is No One]

@Beelz129

Do you want some real advice? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and buck the fuck up.

I've got an AA, duel-BA, and a JD. A fiancee, two kids and another on the way. I come from meager means. So it is do-able. You can survive community college. Especially, if you are not working in the mean time. All you need to do is build yoursel a scedule. You know what you have to do - stop crying about it and do it. Otherwise you need to drop out of college because all you are doing is wasting money.

As for life at this point. Go find an actual job. Most likely a factory of sorts or something you can actually make a liveable wage on, maintain health benefits and possible start saving for retirement.

Is it easy, hell no. But thousands of people do it every day. Millions of people have done it before you. We survive. We may be grumpy and miserable but we survive. And you will too. Biggest thing is you just have to stop whining about it and do it.

[Vilageidiotx]

I've got an AA, duel-BA, and a JD. A fiancee, two kids and another on the way. I come from meager means. So it is do-able. You can survive community college. Especially, if you are not working in the mean time. All you need to do is build yoursel a scedule. You know what you have to do - stop crying about it and do it. Otherwise you need to drop out of college because all you are doing is wasting money.

@ELGainsborough

listen to this man. he has, like, three different types of batteries.

[Beelz129]

@Vilageidiotx

But words of wisdom as well come for the person as well. But its not as easy as to just buck up.

[Vilageidiotx]

@Vilageidiotx

But words of wisdom as well come for the person as well. But its not as easy as to just buck up.

@Beelz129

I understand depression complicates the bucking up situation. The important thing for that is to start moving in a direction, even if that direction isn't college quite yet.

[Shoryu Magami]

But words of wisdom as well come for the person as well. But its not as easy as to just buck up.

@Beelz129

This line is precisely why I chose to focus on suggesting that you overcome your personal depression and stress first, instead of telling you to "buck up and get out there". Yes, you definitely will need to get up and do something with yourself if you want to get out of the situation you're in, but the priority is definitely to help your mind state before any of that, and this is why I focused on that. Once you've taken that personal step, you'll get up and do the things you need to do without any of us needing to tell you anything. Realizing that the pressure you're feeling is only an illusion is important. As long as you're alive, more opportunities can be found, so your current session at college turning out perfectly, or even being completed, is not the end of the world. The only real advice you need right now is to believe in yourself, because once that happens you won't even need any inspirational words from other people.

Stress and depression are very real problems, and a lot of people who don't experience them on a daily basis will never really be able to understand what holds back the people who do suffer from them. That's obviously no excuse for the people who are suffering from these problems to not do anything about it, but healing their mind state is the first step to taking more direction actions forward. It's not simply a matter of being told to stop being depressed and then it magically happens. You need to actually really overcome all the thoughts going on in your mind that make you worry about failing or not getting anywhere.

I think, in terms of college, the best idea is to ignore your father as best you can and not let his perspective impact you, but more than that you need to really think about whether or not it's actually going to benefit you in the long run, because if it isn't then finding work is the better move since you'll be making money instead of wasting it. The important thing is you take the time to work out your mind state towards all of this before doing that, and then take the actions. Just being told to get up and do it by a bunch of people online like us is only going to help so much. In the end, you're the one who needs to convince yourself things will work if you believe in yourself.

That is the most genuine wisdom anyone here will be able to give you; believe in yourself first, then act on it after that's achieved. The reality is people only get somewhere once they personally believe they can, so that's frankly the only thing I care about you taking in from everything being said here. You'll be able to "buck the fuck up" only once that's done, but not before. I could've given you the more blunt "just do it" approach, especially since I'm very forthright in general, but you clearly need to deal with the depression before anything else will help you, and I think this stress and pressure is the main cause of it, so that's why I honestly think this needs to be the focus. No, overcoming depression isn't easy and it sure as hell isn't something that happens by people just telling you to get your chin up and move forward, but you can do it if you get the personal confidence. The important thing is you realize your doubts and worries are not as absolute as they seem.

[Vor]

The most important thing is to have some goals to work towards to, that's my way of battling depression and keeping life on track. Don't just wait for life to sort itself out, because it won't. I once heard a motivational speech (after failing to get my dream job and feeling like a complete loser) that basically said that you've got two kinds of people: sprinters and long-distance runners. Some people are sprinters, they work extra-hard and keep pushing all the time, they achieve things fast and ride the wave of success. The other group, the long-distance runners, aren't as fast. They keep running and running, often times without even seeing the "finish-line", but the point is that they eventually get there, if they endure.

Ok, moral of the story, what do these people have in common? They both have goals. And that's my advise to you: choose a goal and go for it. It doesn't matter how fast it takes you to achieve it, because the only person you're racing with in life is yourself. It doesn't have to be anything major, as others have said - get a job. That's a good first goal and will help you get on your feet. Money is one of the most important things in life, because it gives you independence, which opens up millions of opportunities. When you're getting money you don't have to rely on your parents and you don't have to abide by their rules.

And yeah, most people have this weird idea about "going to college". It's bullshit. Getting a degree doesn't automatically give you any skills or knowledge about a job. Also, not graduating college right away doesn't mean you've failed at life. Myself, I was in a pretty similar situation to you a couple of years ago, I had failed a lot of exams and things weren't looking up for me. I couldn't sleep at nights, I was really irritable and I even stopped RP'ing. So I thought "fuck it" and skipped 2 years in college (dunno if you can do that in the States), got a job, got an apartment, etc. Now I'm in college again and about to graduate and I feel fucking great.

Get a job and stop stressing out. Stress and self-pitying are your number one enemy at this point. They sap any desire to work/improve yourself and just waste your energy. I know it's not easy, but you have to stop doing it.

Also, do you do any sports? If not, start working out! That's a surefire way of battling stress.

[Shoryu Magami]

I believe having a goal and obtaining the self-confidence I just mentioned in my previous post are fundamentally the same thing. Most people who struggle with depression, by the very nature of what that condition does to people, will not be able to believe in themselves enough to believe they can achieve a goal (which includes getting a job or moving out of home), so they generally won't set one in the first place.

This is why I suggested they believe in themselves and prioritize removing these doubts and stresses they have about life that keep pressuring them into thinking that any one mistake will be the end of the world when it simply won't be. Once you have self-confidence, the next step is to set a goal for yourself (which people do without needing to be told to once they have confidence), even if it isn't one with an occupation in mind. I know this from personal experience, and my life circumstances are far less ideal than most people you're going to encounter here.

A real problem that people often overlook is that it isn't as simple to get a job as several of the posters in this topic are making it sound, even the ones who acknowledge it isn't easy. I don't know how different it is where @Beelz129 comes from, but where I come from it sure as hell takes a lot more than just getting up one day and saying "you know what, I'm gonna get a fucking job". This is further made a problem for people who don't already have a history in the workforce, which many people in college won't. Most jobs in this day and age expect you to have years of work experience, even simple jobs. How do people who've never worked obtain work experience when every job expects you to have it?

That's one reason why many people who finish college quickly realize the only thing it's qualified them to do is get a job at McDonalds or some similar job that largely only hires young people so it can give them minimum wage or worse (one of many reasons why treating education like it's the end of the world is a bad idea). It's the sort of problem that people who've managed to be fortunate enough to find a stable job and keep it won't be able to understand, because they're in a situation that makes them take what they have for granted and assume everyone has that luxury or can obtain it just as easily. I recently cut a "friend" out of my life who has this exact mind state, and it's one of the several reasons I don't talk to them anymore, and will more or less tell them to go fuck themselves if they try to communicate with me again before losing their condescending attitude.

I stand firm that you won't be able to move forward, or do any of the things people are suggesting here, until you overcome the personal doubts you have and get more self-confidence. This has a lot less to do with you not feeling sorry for yourself or not crying when you feel down (doing the latter is healthy, it prevents you from building up stress), and more to do with you understanding that all the doubts and stress you are feeling can go away the moment you realize the pressure is an illusion. As long as you're alive and healthy, you can always find a future even if things right now don't go right. No other suggestion from anyone here will mean a thing until you believe in yourself. No inspirational pep talk will help you until you personally overcome your own doubts.

On a side note, I agree that exercise is definitely a good way to help with the confidence issue, if your current life offers time for such things.

[Dinh AaronMk]

I had a hard time straight out of highschool because I didn't have the work ethic, and when I got word that I was under threat of loosing my financial aid I learned I had to shape up. I also learned I couldn't take the full work-load and needed to re-evaluate.

Community Colleges do - or should - support part-time learning. If pressure is an issue for you, or financial matters in simply surviving I would take that route. That way you get only how much you can take without loosing your mind, wallet, or financial independence to the banks because loans. The only issue here is that you become like me, trapped in eternal education. Or you're there for longer than your program was to survive when you started so they actually kill the program out from under you and you don't learn until you repair your standing enough to re-apply for financial aid.