The tension in Percy's chest kept him silent up to the point he sat down, and he rested his head in one of his hands. He was physically exhausted, but he was so mentally worked up over this. He'd never gone to an event as seemingly important as this, and he was driving himself up a wall with nonsensical and anxiety-ridden thoughts that he could barely comprehend. The fact he'd been having problems sleeping, both from his own anxieties and his daughter's, didn't make it any easier to stay rational and calm. On top of his daughter waking up at least twice a night and having to be soothed back to sleep, he was having severe insomnia. He'd want to sleep, but he just couldn't. His brain was flooded with disturbing images and uncomfortable thoughts, and he was physically restless. He ended up using any breaks in between the scheduled routine to try and sleep, but he always woke up at the exact same amount of exhaustion.
When he felt Graham's eyes on him, he glanced up momentarily, and then involuntarily yawned. He covered his mouth, cursing under his breath before he focused on the crowd.
There sure are a lot of people here.Percy grimaced slightly at the thought, resting his head again and gently rubbing his temples - he could feel a headache coming on due to lack of sleep. He shuts his eyes tight in an attempt to make the head pain go away.
“Welcome," came Celina Jackspar's voice. Percy looked up and gave as much attention to her as he was able to with the dull headache. It was only polite to do so.
"We’ve a lot to address tonight, but we’re going to begin things a bit unorthodox—” Unorthodox? That doesn't sound good.The pilot was barely able to keep his face from revealing both the tension and the pain he was feeling. Barely. Percy pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose before he actually takes them off, using his shirt to clean them - damn smears.
“—Our pilots, the dutiful men and women, and even children who have and will risk their lives to protect this settlement-" As he put his glasses back on, the pilot frowned at the mention of children. Even if it was true there were children that
will risk their lives, it shouldn't be that way. Just another nagging little thing that makes him wonder why he continues to stay.
"-and see it into a prosperous future. They have so graciously joined me this evening, and so I think it’s only fair that the people they defend hear from them. The floor is now open.” Wait, what?Percy looked to his fellow pilots in disbelief, and then had to do a bit of a double-take when he saw that Ryn was going up first. He very nearly tried to grab her before he realized he was about to punch the person beside him right in the face - Percy quickly retracted his hand and hid his mouth behind his fist, completely unable to hide the concern in his eyes. On the plus side, he was wide awake now. Even if he personally found Ryn to be a bad influence on Ana, he didn't want her to get eaten alive by people asking her questions.
"How did you become a pilot?“I became a pilot ‘cuz someone died that wasn’t supposed to."Someone died that wasn't supposed to? He frowned just slightly once again, keeping his face covered by his fist. Percy yawned once again, not because this was boring him, but because he couldn't help it. Even if he felt completely alert now, his body was still very much sleep depraved. Despite the fact he did want to pay attention, he ended up zoning out before being drawn back into it via another interesting question.
“Where are your parents?”“Not in the picture,” Ryn states bluntly.
That explains a lot.Percy felt pity for the girl, even if she would be so pissed that he does. Either her parents are dead, or they're neglectful. Both cases are horrible for a child to deal with, and his personal unknowing distaste for her faded immediately. He felt a little bit like a prick for disliking her. She couldn't help her situation. She was a lost and helpless
child, even if she didn't admit it. It broke his heart.
“What does it feel like knowing that you've killed people at such a young age?” Seriously?“What do you mean? Like, do you mean the act of, or in general? In or out of suit?”“You’ve killed out of your NC?”With a nod, Ryn replied,
“Yep. Sometimes people think they can beat up and rob you because you’re a kid, so sometimes you have to draw a knife into their throat and kill them before they kill you. Dog eat dog world and all.”Percy's mouth was now agape and his heart had skipped at least two beats.
Definitely never mind Ryn being
helpless, good
God... The pilot rubs his throat, swallowing nervously. Hopefully he never has to deal with that side of Ryn.
“Thank you, Miss Drahdt, that will be all. Next.”As Ryn took her seat once again, Celina looked to Percy as if to say
That means you, Moore. Once again, Percy's heart skipped a beat. He looked down the table, then back at the Elect before he finally got the hint. He stood up and walked to the podium. He barely had a moment to get mentally comfortable before Celina spoke,
"How did you become a pilot, Moore?"A rush of anxiety hit Percy like a high-speed tram, right in the chest. Public speaking has always been a difficult thing for him, and it's exponentially worse due to just how many eyes are on him. He can't help but fidget nervously with his ring, trying not to puke on the spot. He swallows down the tension as much as he can, but when he goes to speak, he blanks. He cannot get his words out. Hell, he can't even remember the question. You can practically hear the pleas for help just from his facial expression as he continues to attempt words, but getting out nothing.
"Mr. Moore, you seem nervous," Celina observed,
"Please, relax. Your daughter is here, I believe," she pointed directly to the table Ana Moore, and by default, Zach Young, were sitting at without having to search.
"Perhaps you'd like her to join you on stage?""No!" Percy blurt out -
there's his voice. Shaky, nervous, everything you didn't want your voice to be while you spoke publicly.
"No, no, hahaha, no, please- That's not necessary at all, I-I- Thank you, but, uh, n-no!" He cleared his throat again, looking to where Celina pointed. Ana was beaming, standing up on the chair, and giving her father a big thumbs up. Percy smiled just for a moment, his confidence boosted enough to be able to even speak.
"I, uh.. I blanked, Ms. Jackspar, I apologize," Percy kept his voice a bit low so the shakiness both from hacking and his nerves was less noticeable.
"Could you repeat the question, please?""How did you become a pilot?"He blanked. He understood every word, comprehended every word, and it stuck in his head more than it previously had, but he still blanked. He looked over the crowd eyeing him expectantly, taking note of a few people that seemed to be suspicious of him due to his silence. Speak, damn it,
speak!"Uh-uhm, well," Percy fidgeted with the rings on his hand, glancing down momentarily at the two silver bands as he twisted them around his fingers. His jaw tensed, his heart was racing, his face was redder than a tomato could ever dream of being - he just looked all kinds of uncomfortable up there.
"I, uh.. I did it because.." He looked over the eyes of the crowd once again, making eye contact with Ana. Ana, of course, was still trying to cheer him on in such a way that wouldn't make a spectacle of herself.
"Her."A momentary confused silence from the audience. Percy nodded a bit, satisfied with his own answer before realizing that what he said sounded absolutely nonsensical to everyone else.
"I mean, uh, I-I did it- It was for my daughter. Uh, d-don't get me wrong, I love New Anchorage too, but, I- Ana is my first priority."It didn't take even a moment before another question popped up.
"Are you loyal to New Anchorage, sir?""Of course," Percy stated with a little shrug,
"Why wouldn't I be?""You just said that your daughter is your first priority?"Percy's heart skipped a beat. How is that a bad thing? This guy's tone is implying that she shouldn't be. He spoke a bit softer,
"She.. She is my first pri-"The man didn't allow Percy to finish,
"If it came to a choice between New Anchorage and your daughter, who would you chose?"The pilot's eyes widened as he realized he got verbally trapped. He stuttered incoherently for a moment before he was able to form a sentence,
"That i-is an excellent question, b-but I'll, uh, I-""Mr. Moore will make the correct choice if and when the time comes," Celina said calmly, the mere authority of her voice calming the room to order.
"Next question." Didn't take long.
"How hard is it raising Ana?""Uhm.. It depends, honestly," Percy said softly,
"Most of the time it's.. I mean, it's as hard as you'd imagine it is, but it's rewarding. Um, o-of course I have days where it's.. painful, for both her and myself, because she's been through a lot. I do my best to make sure she feels safe and secure, though." Percy looks at his daughter again, who's smiling at him. He smiles back,
"Based on the fact she's comfortable enough to be out here today, I think I did ok, at the very least.""But is it difficult?""..Well, I mean, yes, it's difficult," Percy replies,
"But I love her too much to quit trying. She's the reason I'm fighting so hard."Silence.
Tense silence. Percy fidgets again with his ring - did he say something wrong? Why does the quiet feel like it's.. off, somehow? It feels like an hour but was, in reality, only a few moments before the pilot set the microphone back on the stand. He stepped back to breathe in his hands and rub them together without it being picked up on the microphone. After his nagging at Zach over the phone to make sure Ana was dressed warm, he didn't put on any gloves himself. He puts his hands in his pockets after stepping back up to the microphone.
"Do you have help with Ana? Like.. I dunno, the guy sitting with her?"Percy glances, thinking for whatever reason that maybe it was someone other than Zach sitting with her, based purely on the tone of that woman's voice.
"Oh, yes. That's, uh.. That's Zach, and he's a, uh.. A friend. Family friend.""Do you really trust him with her? He's kinda..."Murmurings of agreement. Percy squints a little bit - sure, Zach looks intimidating, but he loves Ana to bits. Not as much as Percy loves her, but.. It's a pretty intensely familial love.
"He'd never do anything to hurt her," Percy responds,
"Ever. He'd ring the neck of anyone that dared to try, too. Seriously, I mean.. I wouldn't f- Uh, mess. I wouldn't mess with him. He's built like a brick house! He'd crush me. I mean, you see me, right? I'm not exactly the strongest guy up here."A couple of people actually laugh. Whether it was at or with is a little hard to tell. Percy hoped it was with, not at. Obviously.
"Anyway, I mean.. I trust Zach with her, a hundred percent. Barely trust anyone else with her. I mean.. he and I disagree on.. a lot, to be honest. But.. We, we agree that Ana is an amazing little girl, and she'll grow up to be even more amazing. We're doing our best to raise her to be the best she can be, even will all the obstacles in our way.. and all the disagreements."That barely had time to sink in before the next question was asked.
"Have you killed anyone?" What?"Uh.. Pardon?""Have you ever killed anyone?" What the fuck-?"No," Percy replied firmly,
"I haven't. The only times I ever killed anything was when I hunted. Hell, even that was kinda.. Eugh, sometimes. And, uh, hey, guy, kinda poor timi-""Bullshit-" someone else piped up,
"if the kid's had to kill people, then you have too!""Except no, I haven't," Percy responds. He checked his tone before continuing,
"I mean, I've been in a few fights, obviously, but I've never killed anyone. The worst I've ever done to a person is pull a gun and threaten them with it - I-I didn't shoot them, though. Never. I.. I don't think I'd be able to do that.""What about in the NC? Have you-""-Haven't killed anyone.""Alright, that's a lie! How do you manage to NOT kill anyone in a giant war machine!?"Percy stops, trying to grasp all this. It's not easy to, though. One second he was talking about family and now literally murder? What in the hell?
"No," Percy said again,
"I, I haven't killed anyone. What reason do I have to kill anyone? I.." Percy actually scoffs.
"No. Never. And I don't plan on it. What right do I have to.. to take another person's life? They have thoughts, and.. feelings, dreams and families, why would I-""Noble, Mr. Moore," Celina interjected,
"Very noble, and your daughter, I'm sure, is as proud of you as we all are."A meager volley of almost
confused applause shuffled across the crowd, except for Ana, who clapped the loudest. However, Celina was not finished. She calmed the applause with no more than a look, then continued.
"Many people see pilots as simple batteries, machines themselves. You're a reminder, Mr. Moore, that we all come from similar shores, with similar burdens. A notable pilot, yes, but also a single parent. You once had a wife here too, did you not?" She paused, making solid eye contact with the red-headed pilot.
"I'm sorry if the memory is raw, but I'm sure she too would be proud of what you've done not only for all of us, but for your family as well.""I.. I would hope so," Percy's voice was soft again. He could feel some anxiety coming back. On top of having the mood shift back and forth, he despised it when his wife was brought up.
Despised it. Even after 6 years, the death of Laura was something he had yet to truly come to terms with.
A new life burst through the crowd - sympathy and empathy were very powerful emotions, after all. Murmurs, questions muffled over each other, and then multiple people suddenly eyeing his daughter in surprise and concern. Percy instinctively went to grab everyone's attention to keep their eyes off his daughter, but Celina beat him to the punch. She tapped the microphone and order was restored.
"Let's keep this civil and organized," Ms. Jackspar said,
"One at a time, please."Even with that said, it didn't take even a second before a question was asked.
"How long were you married?"Even if he wasn't entirely comfortable answering, he did anyway.
"Uh, i-it was a little after Ana was born, actually. Figure we might as well - not that we didn't love each other, we did, I just, I mean..." He trailed off, not sure how he could try to explain it better. There was an awkward silence for a solid five seconds before another question finally got asked.
"Did Ana know her mother?""Uh.. Sadly, no," Percy said, messing with the microphone a bit,
"Ana was too young to have any.. particularly vivid memories of Laura. I.. I wish that Laura did get to watch her grow up. I, uh.. I'm sure that they'd get along very well. I mean, Ana is basically a little clone of her! Ana's intelligent, resilient, stubborn - good lord, is Ana stubborn. It took me for-ev-er to get her to wear shoes when she was a baby. She absolutely refused... until I found light-up shoes that fit her. She wore those, but never any other ones. It was adorable." Percy unintentionally paused, thinking of what else to say.
The pilot messed with the microphone a bit before he got an idea of what to say next.
"Anyway, I mean.. I wish that they could've had a relationship. I still wish Laura was here, even after so long. I.. Ana needs her mom, and, and I need her to have her mom. There's things that Laura could've taught her that I'm just not able to. I mean.. I, I'm sure that Laura would be proud of how I've raised her, what I've taught her, but.. I.. I dunno. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough. It feels like I'm not enough.""How did Laura die?""...Pardon?""How did your wife die?"Percy froze. They're not
seriously asking that. Seriously? It's not that hard to figure out what in the hell happened - it's simple math. Why the hell would they ask that? He looks at Zach and Ana, who look exceptionally nervous and morbidly curious, respectively. Percy grits his teeth, fumbling with the rings on his finger.
"How did-""I heard you the first time," Percy snapped,
"Stop."He hasn't even told
Ana yet, why the
fuck would he tell some nobody? What the
hell does this person care? Is this just some shit to get him to break down in front of everyone? If that's the case.. it's.. working. Sort of. He's getting
pissed."Then answer the question, Percy.""You can't make me," The pilot knew that defense was childish, but he didn't know how else to respond - he was getting worked up and logic was being thrown out the window, bit by bit. How long was this bullshit supposed to last again?
"I'm not answering you."The asker went to speak once again, but Celina tapped the microphone,
"Mr. Moore has no obligations to answer questions that he doesn't feel comfortable with. Next question.""Are you worried about Ana dying?"Percy's heart stopped for a beat. Jesus fucking Christ, what is with these people?!
"Why would you even make me think about something like that?!" He wasn't able to control the volume of his voice then.
"Well, are you worried about it?""Of course!" Percy snapped,
"Of course! YES, I'm worried about that- I-I'm worried about it EVERY. DAMN. DAY! Why the FUCK-""-Mr. Moore-""-Why WOULDN'T the idea of my daughter DYING scare me?! Yes, she's in the safest place in New Anchorage, but-""-Mr. Moore-""-Don't Mr. Moore me, bitch!" Percy screamed, whipping his head around to Celina. Wild-eyed and looking like he could tear Celina into shreds for just that moment. At the same time he made eye contact with her, though, he realized his error. He immediately covered his mouth, eyes wide, not with anger, but horror. Percy's face flushed tomato red and he stuttered almost incomprehensibly. "
I.. I'm.. I'm so-so-so-sor- sorry, I-Really, Oh God, G-God, I-I'm so sorry, I didn't- Oh.. God.. I.."Silence.
Absolutely horrifying silence. Every second felt like a year, and his heart was racing. Percy was jacked up on adrenaline and he could barely focus. He smoothed his hair back at least three times and his jaw was tense. Why is he still up there? He was just barely able to comprehend what was even going on. Someone was talking to him but he couldn't hone in on the words. He's losing it. Lost it, even. He could tell. He's either losing it or has lost it. The room's getting smaller, feels like everything's fading in and out. He's breathing entirely too quickly. He wasn't sure if he was about to scream, cry, or
attack-
"Mr. Moore," Celina said, a bit harshly. Percy jumped and looked at Celina. Celina then spoke with the same professionalism she had the entire time - maybe even a
hint of concern? Maybe he was imagining it. He was imagining it. He had to have been imagining it - he's losing it, of course he is.
"Thank you for answering what you were able to."Percy nodded just slightly, walking off the stage, trying to locate a way out. Away from the crowd. Away from all the eyes on him. He was shaking and everyone was entirely too close.
Invasive. Just like this damn interview. Invasive, draining.
Vipers.