[IC] Dreamscape Online (An MMO Comedy Rp Always accepting applicants!)

[Spirit]

The jungle was still as the sun shone bright down on the trees below, the leaves catching the rays as the chirps and croaks of the animals inhabiting the area went about their normal routine. Everything was quieter than expected, no players had been in the area for quite some time. A small village near this tranquil location was all there was for miles, only one road truly splitting any signs of the expansive jungle in any given direction. This area truly was a sight to behold. A thriving population of life filled with a feeling of mysticism that protruded out into the trees like a mist on the land. The leaves made it seem greener than usual here as the sunlight passed through them and dyed the rays. This peace seemed almost unwavering... Until very suddenly the clouds in the sky parted and down crashed a new player. A woman, with long black hair and piercing red eyes clad in standard starting armor. "Raine", the name tag said above her head for a moment before blipping out of existence along with a long green bar with a small blue bar hanging underneath it that sat eye level to her face. Once these small screens cleared out of her view, a pair of strangely placed items were noticeable sticking out of the round in front of her. An axe half buried in the dirt, rusty and worn, and a shield placed leaning on it's side. No sooner did she have the chance to observe this when a new event had occurred, another blue streak of light crashing not to far from where she had fell. Another new player like her perhaps?...

[Nerdy Reference]

SteelRaine did a few quick squats, cricked her neck, stretched her arms, and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to familiarize herself with this new body. "Okay, maybe crossplaying in a revolutionary VRMMO wasn't my smartest move," she mused as she bent down to retrieve the shoddy starter gear in front of her, "Is it a rule that noob gear has to be ugly?" she griped mentally. The shield had clearly seen better days and the axe, well, it was probably better not to think about how quickly it would shatter against anything tougher than a rotten gourd. A place to sheathe the axe appeared on her hip and the shield felt rather comfortable strapped to her left arm. With no better leads, she opted to march in the direction of what she believed was another noob. Normally, she wasn't one for parties, but this was all unfamiliar territory and having an extra body around couldn't hurt.

[HokumPocus]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

-oh wait, I'm not falling."

Walker McDonald's looked around the jungle while panting. Although the player tried to recall what had happened between being here and decomposing in an office, it was as pointless as trying to remember the "asleep" period between night and morning. Walker's body was decorated in clean, powerful muscles, but the way he stood up immediately broke the illusion. From the incessant whining to the wimpy stretching it was obvious that this human had the mind of someone who couldn't do half a sit-up and slouched like a gargoyle.

I don't remember Walker being this short. Well, whatever, that's not important right now. All I have to do is find a ton of people and be the greatest sheriff this side of, uh...

Will had spent countless hours absorbing information and trivia about Dreamscape Online even before he had been accepted. He could remember the names of the dev team behind the dirt rendering, but came up blank in the geography department. It was as if his digital rebirth had shaken out those bits of information along with clothing. Walker's white tank top and undergarments felt as appropriate in a fantasy setting as a glock taped to a fidget spinner, but it was totally normal for MMOs to pull that stunt, so Will didn't mind.

Walker's face model began to contort into a disgustingly smug grin. It was as close as a Dreamscape player model could get to being a Garry's Mod abomination. The sharp and sudden memories of his master plan of being the best cowboy there ever was, and becoming the leader of a grand city sprung up at him. Of course, there were a few setbacks. His current armor was a set of barf green pants and his weapon, a slingshot.

I didn't even start with a cowboy hat! What kind of cowboy doesn't have a cowboy hat!! Geez! That's like a clown without facepaint! Or-or a pop song without bad words!! I hate this stupid game!

Of course, a quick flash of his southern utopia calmed the frantic man down. In the end, a few days prior to today, he had settled on two possible names for his dream city. It was a tough choice between "Texas, but not racist" and "Texas II: the sequel to Texas".

While these thoughts popped like whack-a-moles Will began to recite southern slang to harmonize with his avatar.

"Uh, Ehm. Y'all? Yain't! was y'alld've one too? Yeah, it TOTALLY was. Man, I'm so good at this."

Walker equipped his beginner gear and felt more southern than a homophobic grade-schooler scarfing down fried butter. Truly, this game was amazing. Quickly, rustling noises interrupted his freeze-frame victory pose. The bargain bin cowboy cleared his throat to speak.

"Who's there! Y'alld've better show y'alls faces 'round this....

uh....

ehm......". Shit, what was the name of this place again?? Think fast think fast think fas-

"JUNGLE, and yain't gon' get a hankerin' for uh....."

Will in the real world would often enter brief periods where his bloodshot eyes would stare at nothing in particular while drooling excessively, usually when concocting stupid ideas. Walker's face began to do the same.

[Spirit]

Very suddenly and without warning, a small sphere popped in front of the silly boy's face floating right up to his eyes as close as it can without bumping into him. "HIYA!" The sphere's voice was loud, obnoxious, and full of energy as it darted around the jungle clearing in a chipper cutesy feminine voice. OH BOY isn't this just exciting!~ Where do you think we started out?OOOOOoooooooooooooooooo a jungle? Do you think there are any dire panthers around? OOO I HOPE THERE ARE GIANT PANTHERS!" The ball zipped around bobbing up and down in the air as it did with a vaguely robotic sounding effect to it's voice, yet still maintained a close effect of being human. It was small, the size of a baseball, and metal with three shades of silver that changed as it spin clockwise passively in the sun. This all must have been very confusing to the new player with this random spectacle while the other beginner had been approaching their location.

[Nerdy Reference]

A disgustingly chipper voice rang in Raine's ears as she approached (what she guessed was) the other player's landing spot. "By the Nine, the Maker, and even the Lady, I really hope that isn't the other noob," she thought, "but, that begs the question: Who else would it be?" She pushed past some more brush and got a glimpse of a small clearing where a muscle-bound man was being accosting by a tiny, and rather energetic, flying metal ball. He had a look on his face that Raine more often associated with the mentally-ill or terminally stupid.

Already working hard on behaving in character now that there was an audience, she briskly strode out of the brush and into the clearing with her eyes straight ahead. She spared the ball of cheer a disinterested glance and then turned her gaze on the drooling oaf. She placed one armored hand over her breast in salute. "Greetings," she began in a quietly dignified, if slightly icy, tone, "I am Raine. I am new to this world as, I gather, are you." She lowered her hand, which came to rest on the head of her axe.

[HokumPocus]

Walker's eyes clicked back into place like a fancy camera. A strange orb with a hyperactive attitude whizzed around him, making Will a bit more defensive. He teetered a bit, never being sure where it would zip off to. He tried to regain composure, right before confidently plucking a blade of grass and placing it in his mouth.

"Dire panthers? Don't worry about that partner, I'll-

Wait what the fuck? Was that a floating sphere??

"So cowboys aren't a thing in this stupid world but fushigi are a playable race?" Walker's hands twitched madly and his teeth ground against eachother, breaking character for a moment. "Er, I mean, don't worry partner, I'm a rootin' tootin' cowboy, and not even the slickest of bad folk escape my quickdraw." Walker grabbed his slingshot incorrectly and stuck it out in macho defiance, surpressing his psychotic behavior.

Walker's eyes focused for a bit before coming to the conclusion that since that spray painted tennis ball hovered, something else must have been making noise. Sure enough, a raven haired player approached and spoke to him in the way that a teacher speaks to a child who's been eating glue in the corner. He tipped an imaginary cowboy hat in recognition.

"Howdy ma'am. I am also of this..... jungle." He attempted to maintain a steady tone of voice, but faltered a bit as he continued. "S-so ma'am, in your character creation screen, did you receive the option to uh-, be that?" He glared venomously at the sprightly metal orb.

[Nerdy Reference]

Raine glanced at the orb again, but only for a moment. If she had to guess, it was an NPC of some kind. A quest giver? Tutorial? Infodump? She wasn't sure, so she opted to ignore it until it proved either hostile or useful. "This guy, though," she thought with some amusement mixed with irritation, "to each his own, but either go with something you're confident in or don't bother RP-ing. Though, I suppose we all have to start somewhere," she finished with a mental shrug.

"I am who I am," Raine said dismissively, "And you, sir, are a rude man." she added flatly. "I courteously introduce myself, and you don't even deign to give your name in return before asking a lady personal questions." she said icily, and then turned her head to the side, pointedly not looking at him. She crossed her arms while continuing to focus on the foliage in the distance, an expression of irritated boredom on her face. "If even common courtesy eludes you," she said to the trees, "I'm beginning to doubt that you would be a worthwhile traveling companion."

As much fun as it was playing the noble-born ice queen, Raine recognized that she was be being a bit of a jerk to a noob. Sure, she was new to this game too, but this was hardly her first rodeo. She suppressed a smirk at her own private joke at the guy's expense. It's not that she wasn't sympathetic, but seeing someone fumble at something that she had since gotten down brought up embarrassing memories of bad builds and half-formed characters which, in turn, sorta brought the jerk out in her. "It's not you, guy, it's me," she thought apologetically, "and this is the direction I've chosen to go in with this toon."

[Spirit]

The tiny orb flew up into her face. "OH! OH! I haven't introduced myself have I? I'm Tutoriai, the tutorial AI!" The little orb giggle to itself, it's little blue dot slivering into an upward bent line. "See? Get it? Cause I'm a bot? And I tutorial people? Tutoriai? Get it?" The tiny sphere pestered the feminine knight with her little antics. "Well I guess I should do my job huh? Try walking like normal to walk! Just like in real life! Isn't technology GREAT!?" She shouted in the clearing.

[HokumPocus]

Gradually, Walker's spine began to slouch forwards due to force of habit, tinging his body movements a malicious shade. The cowboy's fingers began to spasm again at being scolded from the warrior woman. Shit, that was so cool. How am I gonna found Texas: the squeakquel up against guys like this? Will's mental list of town names had expanded again. The overstimulation of the environment and things had caused the inspiration molecules in his brain to fire up. Texas: the squeakquel was No. 37, followed by Elevennesse and placed before Texas but with bubonic plague.

"Ah yes, introductions. You must pardon me for my rudeness earlier ma'am. My name is Walker McDonald's and I'm capable of long distance damage. A pair of muddy brown eyes darted to the left as more inspiration struck his brain. Shit, do cowboys give out their names like that? Whatever, whatever I got this. I'll just follow it up with a nickname and it'll be Gucci.

"I've come to these rootin' tootin' lands with the sole purpose of recreating the southern experience. Some call me Walker, Texas ranger."

---

The bleak, crushing weight of that joke had the power punch and potential to make the entirety of humanity enter a neverending catatonic state. God himself heard the joke, sighed, and wearily eyed a button labeled "rocks fall, everybody dies" before hesitating and letting Will live out his pathetic, miserable life.

Tutoriai as it was called revealed itself to not be a player but a guide NPC. Walker expressed dissapointment in his face, but later perked up at the idea of receiving help. Being around such strange characters had put him on edge, and the powergamer in him needed to know everything that the Dreamscape wiki and subreddits couldn't give. "Do we need to eat and drink here? If I die here will you guys straight up murder me in real life? Where's civilization? And most importantly," Walker spoke the last question with tears softly lining his eyes, "Are there cowboy hats in the game?"

[Nerdy Reference]

It took all of Raine's willpower to keep her amusement from showing on her face, "So bad that he managed to speed right past funny and wind up right back where he started." That said, she noted that, aside from the bits about dying and cowboy hats, he asked a couple smart questions. Personally, she would have preferred to ask regular NPCs about little things like where the major settlements were, "But, hey, if the info's just lying there, not taking advantage would just be stupid," she thought with a mental shrug.

Keeping her face aimed away from Walker, Raine looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "If you understand, Sir Walker, I'm willing to forgive your trespass," she paused and blinked once, slowly, to emphasize the moment, "this time. And you," she addressed the perky orb floating in front of her, "I am less than pleased to meet. I have little need for something so," she paused as she hunted for the right word, "enthusiastic," she finished, saying the word like it tasted foul as it left her mouth.

"Your manners aside, Sir Walker," Raine began and finally faced him again. She looked him up and down, taking his measure, and continued, "you seem capable, if not competent," she said, the slight smile that flitted across her face betraying her amusement, "and, even with the strength of my sword arm, it would be foolhardy of me to wander this foreign land alone." She let out a sigh, as if what she was about to say in no way pleased her, "Allow me to state my intentions plainly, I believe it may well be to our mutual benefit to travel together, at least until we learn the lay of the land."

[Spirit]

The little ball tilted up and hummed, "Hmmmmmm" Before abruptly moving with every word it spoke. "Yes, no, that way maybe, and probably?" The little ball swished in the air as it answered his rapid questions as fast as he did with his own. After hearing the suggestion of partying up she let out a loud audible gasp "Gaaaaaaasp! Your first party! If you access your menu, you can send a party request from the screen." After a few moments of awkward silence, "Oh right um, swipe your finger in the air sharply to the left to bring up the menu." She had utterly disregarded the insulting comment that the female knight had spat before not hearing it in the slightest.

[HokumPocus]

"Well shucks golly gosh, a party?" Walker knew absolutely nothing about cowboys, but remembered a few things here and there from his forty minutes of studying them. He tried to subtly scratch his clean shaven face so as to downplay the aura of desperation trailing him and set his gaze on a tree near Raine's frame.

"It only makes sense for a cowboy such as myself to be in a rootin' tootin' party if ya ask me." He stuck out one finger, counting a bit. "I mean, cowboys need to take on different roles and such to be useful. Like if you're a wrangler you look after the horses and shit, and uh.."

Walker stuck a second and third finger with hesitation. "And if you're old and stuff you're the cook but they call you the chuck wagon so you don't feel bad, and if you're on the receiving end but give most of the output, then you're a powerbottom."

"Wait no, that first one ain't right."

Ain't. Will was proud of using ain't so naturally, he truly felt like Walker and him had become one. I am SO good at this, holy shit!!!

The passion in Will's chest was revived again at Tutoriai's rapid-fire answers that teased cowboy hats existing. They heartily stoked the campfire in the cowboy's lonesome trail heart. This immersion was doused the second it flared however, thanks to the little robot's reveal of menus. The archer made a finger gun with his right hand and sharply swung it to the left in response to it's instructions. It was like seeing an overexcited child trace the disney logo through the air.

After playing around a bit he finally found out how to formally send an invite. A small rectangle formed from his dramatic gestures and the screen was placed a bit farther in front of him for everyone to see.

Walker McDonald's, [e-mail] has sent SteelRaine a party invitation. Two heads are better than one! :)

[Nerdy Reference]

Raine pressed the "Accept" button on the popup and it winked out of existence. Technically, being the one asked to join put Walker in the position of Party Leader, but, mechanically, it didn't mean much aside from being able to set loot privileges and invite more people. From a roleplaying perspective, it only seemed right that he should be the one asking. If she asked, that implied that she actively desired his company instead of merely considered him worth her time. With this in mind, she had only stated her intentions rather than make a proper request even after the resident infodump had offered up the procedure, and, true to her expectations, he had jumped on the chance. "Besides, she thought with amusement, "after coming down on him for being rude, I couldn't imagine he'd make the lady ask."

"Well then," Raine said in thoughtful tone, "we would best be off. If that... creature is right, then the nearest town is that way," she indicated the direction with a nod of her head. "Finding an inn would be a good first step, I think. I refuse to sleep on the ground, and, for that matter, a town is likely the best place to find work," she ran her hand over the head of her axe, distaste clear on her face as she glared down at the rusted weapon, "and proper equipment." She turned in the supposed direction of the town and then looked back at Walker, "Shall we, Sir Walker?"

[HokumPocus]

Walker attempted to quietly spit out the blade of grass that was in his mouth and replace it, in order to maintain his facade. The soggy blade fell and got stuck to his tank top, but that wasn't important. Immediately the man's face began to contort again at the mention of a town. It wrinkled and twisted, a 50/50 split between psychotic obsession and erotic bliss. Both his hands shook as they caressed his face, once again showing that whoever was in control of this muscular character had no actual experience with the concept. His heavy panting overwhelmed his words.

"Could it be?! THE town? According to a 2015 pcgamer interview the starting town had to be scrapped eight times just to get the architecture right! And that's not even counting all the countless patches made just to get the particle effects running smoothly!!" Walker immediately got on all fours and began to sniff at the ground like a demented pig. "God, this is just GOOD stuff. Dirt type A7, hexadecimal code six b four thousand nine hundred and forty." Walker's panting slowed, as well as his speaking. He craned his neck at the trees nearby, as if they were the silhouettes of enemies. His voice went from being loud to a soft murmur that steadily rose in volume and intensity.

"You know, in later interviews they started lying about the codes they'd use or just omit them completely, but they're wrong. I know they're wrong. Walker's bloodshot eyes almost looked reptilian. His right arm rose and began to softly trace a circle on the earth with a single finger. "Phil Warbler, the Dreamscape Online spokesman, was caught lying once at E3. He told the reporter that their weather system was fully functional at the time. But you wanna know what he did? He scratched his nose while speaking, subconsciously trying to cover his face. You know what that means right? He. LIED. LIED!!!! Phil Warbler is a LIAR!!!!" His fist formed a tight coil and began to bang at the dirt repeatedly, ruining the circle.

Walker groaned and retched like an animal before standing up in a contorted position. The archer let out a casual sigh while stretching his body a bit. His face showed a soft smile. "Anyways, I can kind of see a trail over there, we better hit it quick, partner!"

[Nerdy Reference]

"Okay, wow," Raine thought, stunned, "Stupid, I can deal with. Inexperienced, I can work around. That Guy, I can ignore. Crazy, though, what do I even?" She had absolutely no response to Walker's outburst. She felt that the Raine that she had established in her mind would drop this guy like a bad habit, but leaving him alone in the wilderness, even if it was virtual, felt like murder-by-proxy.

Raine opted to shelve this particular concern until it became a problem, so she started down the trail without looking at Walker.

[Spirit]

The little floating Ai ball looked at his general direction as he had his little episode. Pausing very silently before the high pitched optimistic tone smashed all tension that it had created within it's own existence in that moment, "I'm gonna walk over there with her!~" The little ball floated optimistically over to the female knight and followed beside her right next to her ear, as they walked away from the wanna-be cowboy her chipper voice began to slowly fade into the distance from him. "Haha! That was craaaaaaaaazy!~ We might just get murdered! Hahahaha-aaaaaaah." Her annoying habits did not fail to let up through the situations, following her overly enthusiastic optimism as she traveled with the party tank.

[HokumPocus]

Walker's small smile gently morphed into a frown. "Guys! I mean, uh, partners! I wanna go to the town too!"

Will was a little sad that his teammates, or at least teammate and tennis ball, had opted to ignore his fun trivia about the game. He was a little on edge after murder was mentioned, and couldn't fathom what they meant by that. There's a murderer here? Did we already start a quest without realizing it? Walker let out an impressed chuckle, a single hand dreamily placed on his face. Man, I can't believe the devs would switch things up like that! This game is the best! He took another look at the patch of dirt he brutalized earlier. These particle effects are so amazing, I just can't get over that.

The ranger began to try to catch up to the duo, before announcing something that had been on his chest. "Uhhh, so, I still have a lot to learn from the cowboy way of doing things, so I thought it'd be Gucci if I just talk like normal around you guys." Walker's slightly nervous body posture melted and was replaced by one of an arrogant idiot. "But when we get to town, that's when I'm gonna start really getting into character!"

All the cowboy bits and pieces that were attached to Walker's speech and mannerisms were now completely gone, replaced by those of an overly enthusiastic shut-in. He spread his arms far and wide before creating a rectangle with his index fingers and thumbs, like a dodgy porn director eyeing up a black couch at a thrift store.

"Also, do any of you guys know like, cool stuff cowboys say? I say partner a lot but I wanna be spicy, y'know? Now, for my character arc I was planning on being super racist and uh, learning to be a better person through love but I think I should instead just be heroic and get fame that way." He swiveled his head to Tutoriai. "There is a fame system in this game, right?"

[Nerdy Reference]

"Gucci? Is that a thing people say?" Raine wondered; she'd never heard it before, at least. "Come to think of it, I'm surprised we haven't stumbled on some kind of mob, yet." Sure, this was likely a starter zone or something, but you'd think that something would be hanging around a jungle.

Raine absentmindedly swatted at the energetic orb as she followed the trail. She wasn't a fan of perky people or tutorials, and Tutoriai fit neatly into both categories. "Do you intend to say that you've been deceiving me from the beginning, Sir Walker?" she asked while continuing to stare straight ahead. Her tone was one of dismissive accusation, as if she found the idea that he could put one over on her ridiculous. "If so, I must say that revealing your scheme is hardly the cleverest tactic," despite her tone, her hand came to rest on the head of her axe; threat implied.

[HokumPocus]

A small tremor pulsed through Walker's elbows and fizzled around his fingertips. Shit, I'm already being threatened! That's so fucking COOL! While Will had assumed the woman was another player like him, her consistent behavior had blurred the lines in his spacious mind. Walker began to explain himself.

"No- it's totally a part of my character development." His voice artificially deepened somewhat. "The mysterious cowboy Walker McDonald's, showing his true self only to his closest friends, surrounded in shadows and doubt." The last word was spoken with the last bits of psychotic bliss that were in his system, before they travelled from his mouth to a pair of starry earthy eyes. "Only to reveal that yes- he's a stranger to this world, a messenger from the unknown, here to right wrongs and found a huge city. A city that's more of a southern renaissance, a utopia, with blackjack and hookers and gay marriage." He pronounced renaissance incorrectly.

Walker interlocked his fingers and gingerly placed them on his cheek. He vividly imagined himself handing out buttons and stickers with his name on them, kissing babies on their foreheads and singing "Same Love" by Macklemore. I'll be the leader everyone wants, the one who will lead Texas 2: Electric Boogaloo.

The player's presidency montage was derailed completely by a blue streak of light and a crash. Walker gave Raine a thumbs up and a wink, desperately trying to pretend that the woman hadn't implied stabbing the shit out of him earlier. "Well then partner, it's time to saddle up 'n see just what the cow dragged in!" He chuckled smugly and began to think. Cowboys are called cowboys because they love cows, so obviously I just gotta take sayings with animals and replace them with cow! "But be careful of course, 'cause it looks like it's raining cows and cows, y'all'dve."

[Spirit]

"Oh look! A new player just entered the game for the first time! What an eventful day!" The little robot swished around the swatting as she gleefully watched the streak. "It seems to have fallen exactly 1.341346 kilometers south west of our current location. HOW EXCITING! Though we should probably do something first about that big cat." Suddenly a sharp roar cut the conversation in twain, a large black furred cat creature had appeared before them, threatening to rip them to shreds for it's dinner. "OH BOY IS THAT A DIRE PANTHER?!"