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Mornings were always rough for Sebastian. The sweet escape of slumber could never be taken for granted, and Sebastian valued that part of his day the most. It’s sad to say that he’d prefer to be sleeping than doing anything else. Perhaps such feelings are brought upon by the emptiness, and the fulfilment of his dreams and fantasies are what get him through the days. Sebastian would fall asleep on his stomach, but would always wake on his side, the first sight being his dog tags from the military, a necklace given to him by his father, and an array of medals, trophies, and photos from his success in high school—all displayed neatly by the large window that overlooked the dense forestry of Maine.
He blinked a few times, appreciating the fact that he never needed an alarm to wake up for work, but also annoyed that he could never be able to sleep in to enjoy just a few more moments of a different reality, or the lack of his current one. Sebastian took a deep breath, reacclimating to the truth of his life, the memories rushing in like raging rapids and coming in flashes that felt like punches to his gut—the usual way he wakes each day. He opened his eyes as the sun’s position shifted to glimmer in his deep blue eyes, signifying that it was time to get up and get ready for his long shift.
The routine of getting ready was second-nature, allowing him to think about all the things he needed to think about. This morning, it was the planned reunion with a few old classmates, that he purposefully refused to reply to for the sake of his introversion. Sebastian told himself that he would leave it up to fate to decide whether or not he would join, and this day he was scheduled as a double, so that made his decision for him. Although, he did look forward to the brief meeting he’d have with them as he, oh-so-skillfully, would help intoxicate them. In a few short moments his body was cleaned, his hair was styled, his uniform was on, and he clicked the lights off of his messy bedroom.
Sebastian still lived in the same house that his father bought when he moved from Germany. Nowadays, he had nobody to say his farewells to whenever he’d leave, since he had no nanny to care for him anymore. The seclusion was nice and Sebastian genuinely enjoyed living alone, but it was obvious that it was very negative towards his declining mental state. Regardless, he continued with his commute without thought or expression, his now-mundane personality encompassing the better of him these days.
Sebastian said his usual greetings to his coworkers, set up the bar with ease, and awaited the rush and the foreseen bitterness of the tourists. Thankfully, it was a Monday, so it wasn’t expected to be busy and he could hopefully have a chill day.
And to his surprise, the day went on simply and slow, just how Sebastian enjoyed his work shifts. He stood at his usual spot at the empty bar, right by the vodka, spinning a pen with his right hand, his chin held up by his left hand as he leaned, hunched and tired. The ambiance of the old, tavern-like building was comforting once Sebastian took the time to actually appreciate it. It added to his trendiness of being a bartender at such a unique spot in town. He wore a nicely-fitted black t-shirt with the logo on the back and his name embroidered on the front, paired with dark jeans that hugged his muscular legs nicely.
It wasn’t until the arrival of his old classmates that his monotony would break into anxiety, as he began covering up his melancholy as best he could. He was embarrassed of being on the other side of the bar; both drawn upon by not agreeing, nor disagreeing, to join the reunion and from shamefully being presented to them at his full-time job as a simple bartender. First it was Jack, that was always a pleasant surprise since he enjoyed her company at work, but Meir was the first strike to cause his mix in emotions.
Sebastian didn’t have much of a greeting for them, which wasn’t inordinary for him since he has always been stand-offish, regardless of his mental state; he always hides his emotions. He made their drinks quickly and flashy, showing off his bartending skills a little to try to feel less inferior to Meir, who clearly was doing so much better since his high school days. His stature was strong and manly, and he somehow managed to hold onto his instilled intelligence and was very clearly surpassing the low-lifes of Ritman High, that Sebastion now considers himself apart of. Sebastian handed them their drinks with a very faint smile, and a quick nod for politeness.
Zhou was next to come in, though she didn’t approach Sebastian for a drink or greeting, so he chose to ignore her for the time being, not out of spite, but out of his own awkwardness. Sebastian moved to polish some wine glasses as his shell began to close more and more, realizing that their company had only made him feel worse about himself instead of whatever it was that he thought it would make him feel.
And maybe it was because he was lost in thought that he didn’t hear her come in, but the familiarity of her voice rang deep for Sebastian as she spoke his name. He flicked his head up from the wine glass and there she was, just as beautiful as he remembered, and just as alluring. Freya—the girl that Sebastian had such a weakness for at Ritman, that still, unexpectedly, lingered as the same feelings resurfaced within the moment. Among the memories that they shared, he very clearly remembered the night that she took his virginity And he wished that he could’ve found it in him to not distance himself from her afterwards, not because she wasn’t good, because it was certainly very great and memorable for Sebastian, but because she seemed so much more than what he imagined himself as. Seeing her now, he couldn’t help but blush from the butterflies in his stomach, realizing that he never got the chance to tell her how he really felt, but then, he could never speak so freely about his feelings, so he let whatever they had wash away like the rest of his life.
Without retaining anything she said, Sebastian didn’t realize he was subconsciously still polishing the same glass, his grip becoming too tight and eventually cracking the glass in half, resulting in a small cut on his hand. The blood began to soak the rag as the sharp ting helped bring him back from his thoughts. The embarrassment couldn’t make his face anymore red than it was, and he tried to hide it with a chuckle, “Whoops—I’ll be right back.”
Sebastian rushed to the back area of the bar where he would wash away the cut and later, appropriately bandage it. But, instead, he stood there with the water running over his hand as he tried to compose himself with deep breaths.