Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Boxing Reach: 92"
Shoe Size: 24
Race: Human
Eye Color: Hazel
Weapons and Equipment- -His body.
-A set of thick six-kilo gilded steel bracers.
-A pair of three-kilo gilded steel gauntlets.
-A pair of two-kilo hide boots reinforced with steel.
-A tough cloak made from the pelt of an albino yak.
Appearance- Silhouetted against the burning passions of war, a figure stands tall, unmoving. His physique is as definitive as the gory victory with which his gruesome hands secure. Woven into his beard is a tapestry of blood, proclaiming the legendary tales of the countless scars adorning the sacred weapon known as Gonad, and a weapon he is, heated and hammered in the unquenchable fires of battle.
Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Gooch muscles. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chiseled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. All of his digits are tipped with rugged nails honed into calloused claws from years of gouging and climbing. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. His enormous yet supple frame moves with a primal grace, the likes of which are comparable only to the untamed beasts of the wild.
His body is riddled with the innumerable wounds left by his combative livelihood. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.
He boasts a great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes, flowing down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his piercing glare. Within his single eye resides an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.
Personality- What attributes the primal organism known as "Gonad" bears are no different than the attributes of mother nature herself. Blood-tinged Westerlies carving jagged sluices along the tepid surface of a great and mysterious ocean, whose calm demeanor belies a vast and terrible capability. The wisdom of towering snow-capped mountains, whose interminable experience has been honed over countless millennia of wear and tear. The trepid balance between predator and prey, animal and man, intermingling to form a singular amalgamation of virile life. And yet, he maintains a feature apart from nature. Self-awareness. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, forcing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. He never will engage in dishonorable practices such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight. Though he may oftentimes appear a comical fool, Gonad is truly just a simple man who very rarely premeditates an action, instead acting from the heart and without hesitation, following only the voice of his soul.
He enjoys agony and difficulty and carries upon his shoulders the full weight of his village's pride and future. To Gonad, shame and fear are emotions that no longer exist. With adversity drilled into the very core of his being, through unimaginable effort he shaped his mind into an unbreechable iron hull filled with undepletable reserves of determination.
Abilities/Skills- Revered by many as the greatest warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength and is capable of overpowering virtually any foe near his size. His base strength is roughly equivalent to that of a grizzly bear, his speed that of Bruce Lee crossed with Usain Bolt. Above all else the strength in his hands is legendary, and so far no foe, living or dead, has succeeded in breaking his grip. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. He witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom and is said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands. What's more, Gonad is the supreme master of his own body and can control its functions at will. He uses the full potential of his musculatory system, is able to constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and can transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex, along with every other kind of mind over body feat possible. If it's in 'Ripley's Believe It or Not' or 'Guinness World Records', Gonad can do it.
Gonad is a grandmaster of the berserker arts and has an effectively limitless tolerance for pain. If need be, he can, just as expected, go berserk. When he does he can generate such speed and strength that his own muscles can tear themselves from his bones, performing at nearly twice his normal abilities. When combined with the ability to create self induced hyposthenia within his body, bringing his muscles to the ultimate point of relaxation, Gonad can then contract them with the greatest amount of force that is physically possible. At the cost of having his very bones shatter from the overwhelming might of his own blows, Gonad can unleash attacks of such immensity that any entity on the receiving end of a direct hit gains an immediate and intimate understanding of what it feels like to be the fetus in a Mexican abortion. In other words, going berserk increases Gonad's offence at the cost of his defense. His blood flows much faster (hastening blood loss), he becomes considerably more aggressive (henceforth reckless), and his attacks are just as likely to inflict damage to himself as to the opponent due to the physical strain.
Background- They say when the Barbarian called Gonad Yaksplitter was born, he came into this world bearing a full and mighty beard and had the equivalent muscles of a shaved adult yak. He was born on the battlefield, his infantile but well defined body gushing forth from the womb of his mother and landing in a puddle of blood that had been pooling from the corpse of a nearby enemy. It was in this way that Gonad had first been christened with the blood of his enemies. His mother, Chukka, had broken both legs in the battle and only she and her newborn son had survived the disastrous conflict. It had been a Barbarian war party, sent out from Gonad's home village which lay fifty-five miles East.
Chukka was forced to crawl back using her hands and teeth, bearing Gonad on her back. Only by sustaining young Gonad with the meat of her placenta and the warm milk from her breasts was she able to keep him nourished during the arduous trip back. Using the prodigious length of young Gonad's beard, she was able to fashion a makeshift diaper to keep him from soiling her back. After two months, they managed to return to the village, much to the great joy of Chief Jarvi. Upon being shocked at the sight of Gonad's beard-diaper being removed, he promptly named muscular Gonad after his hefty namesake, and renamed their village after the miracle child. For many ages the Village of Gonad has been renowned for its strength, most often migrating around in the deep Wilderness. Gonad's birth was the very culmination of generations of hard-earned might, his destiny pre-determined by the selective breeding of his ancestors. Their intent? To create the ultimate physical human. And so they did.
Since before he could walk, Gonad was made to train in the berserker arts with a relentless fervor that surpassed common sense. Nearly every minute of every hour of every day of his life he endured the most excruciating physical and mental training imaginable, his talent for unarmed combat pushed well beyond the boundaries of reason. He bears as many scars from his training as he does from battle. Gonad has participated in tens of thousands of battles, ranging from one on one bouts to full scale wars, and from his experience has even created his own fighting style, which he dubbed "Hefty Fist".
From the moment Gonad was born, he was made to perform rigorous excercises in order to develop his body as soon as possible. As weakness had been beaten out of him at birth, it was not long before he became so well associated with hardship and pain that both feelings became an integral part of his personality. The full details of his training remain unknown for the most part, as the accounts of Barbarians are often muddled with myth. What is known are the basics of his regimen, from the date of his birth, to current day.
Age One: Gonad is regularly beaten with a wet strip of leather. Gonad is regularly held over stoked flames. Gonad is regularly given rodents, and encouraged to crush them in his hands. Gonad is forced to develop his upper body strength via unknown means, involving a two pound rock, a plank, a boot, and rope crafted from yak hair.
Age Five: Gonad is regularly taken several dozen miles into the wilderness before being abandoned and told to make his way back. Gonad is regularly brought into tribal wars, and claims to have had a double digit kill-count before his sixth year. Gonad is made to regularly consume the flesh of his fallen enemies. Gonad is regularly made to carry an eighty-pound rock upon his back. Gonad is regularly beaten with wooden staves whilst wrestling with his older peers in a pit full of yak dung. Gonad is regularly made to mate with older Barbarian women. Gonad is regularly made to strike rocks with his bare fists. In tribal wars, often many warriors are left mortally wounded on the battlefield, unable to recieve medical treatment. Though Gonad speaks freely of the kills he made in honorable combat, he rarely describes the many grievously wounded allies and enemies he was tasked with mercy killing. Several of his own brethren Gonad had to kill in this way, by snapping their necks.
Age Ten: Gonad habitually trains to the point of sweating blood. Gonad is regularly made to fight wild animals unarmed. Gonad is regularly beaten with iron rods. Gonad regularly splits burning logs with his crotch. Gonad is made to carry a one-hundred and eighty pound rock upon his back at all times. Gonad is branded regularly with hot irons. Gonad regularly spars with his peers in the catacombs underneath the village, where it is pitch black. Gonad is regularly made to punch yaks until they die of blunt force trauma. Gonad is regularly made to skin and disembowel said yaks with bare hands. It was at this time Gonad met Lukka, his first wife. An enduring custom of the Village of Gonad, the wife always fights her spouse tooth and nail on their wedding night during mating. The fight is no holds barred, and often severe and permanent injuries result from it. The winner of this matrimonial bout becomes the dominant partner in the relationship. To overpower your mate is known in the village as "taming" them. Gonad tamed Lukka on the first night of their marriage.
Age Fifteen: As per the requirements of the Village's manhood ritual, Gonad and his brother Testiculese were made to journey up the steep side of Musty Mountain. The hike spanning several days, the two barbarians took turns carrying eachother upon their backs so that the one being carried would have a chance for rest, and the one carrying him would make up for his lack of effort. Up sheer cliffs, and through howling wind and freezing snow did Gonad carry Testiculese, and did Testiculese carry Gonad. With naught but their own bare flesh they bore both the furies of nature and of the ravenous cannibal hobbit packs. After five days they reached the summit, and together they struck down the terrible Alpha Hobbit, an animal ten meters in height with feet that could squash a horse.
Back down again they went, the trip back to the base of the mountain taking another five days of hardship. Through these ten days in icy Hell, the bonds of brotherhood grew stronger than any metal that had ever been forged.
Age Twenty: Gonad claims to have had a triple digit kill-count and regularly strikes his face against rocks. Gonad regularly falls from twenty foot high cliffs. Gonad regularly takes mass beatings from his village as endurance training. Gonad regularly punches himself in the face. Gonad is made to tote a three-hundred and forty pound training rock at all times. Gonad regularly sets off on three-month long expeditions to seek strong opponents. It was at this time that Gonad created the "Hefty Fist" style of martial arts. By this time, Gonad had already met and tamed his second, third, and fourth wives; Chinga, Brokki, and Dronna, respectively.
Age Thirty: Gonad seeks immense physical stress by any means possible. He continues to go on three-month long expeditions from his village to seek out strong opponents. Gonad claims to have a quadruple digit kill-count. Gonad regularly carries a four-hundred and sixty-four pound training rock in his arms. Currently, Gonad has a total of eight wives, with the new additions being Thorungi, Krabbucka, Chugga, and Grukara. Over eight feet tall, and weighing nearly a quarter of a ton, Gonad's favored wife Chugga is both the strongest female and the second strongest warrior in the village. Having attended all of the tribal wars that occured in her lifetime, she herself had killed many men with her bare hands. Better known as the Seventh Wife of Gonad, she fought Gonad as viciously as any opponent Gonad had ever faced. It was by her hand that Gonad lost his left eye. Gonad was able to tame her after a bloody scrap that lasted over two hours.
Gonad now travels the land endlessly, seeking nothing more than worthy opponents to fight. He fights for fighting's sake and for honor, the honor of both himself, and for the honor of those who are unable to defend themselves against the dishonorable.
He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience.
Trivia- ◾Gonad rarely calls people by their actual names, often using their physical appearance to give them a nickname such as Hood Man, Fancy Pants Lady, Pale Man, and Funny Beard. Those who have earned his utmost respect, however, are called by their true name.
◾Gonad's body is so well trained, that with muscle memory he performs isometrics in his sleep.
◾Gonad is almost entirely incapable of learning and/or doing anything that isn't related to combat, training, hunting, and women, the subjects in which he holds enough virtuosic ability to philosophize about. It took him two weeks to learn how to first use a doorknob, and he still hasn't learned how to read even a single word. He is utterly useless outside of his few areas of expertise.
◾Gonad is ambidextrous
◾Gonad's nose has been broken so many times, that all of the cartilage in it has deteriorated. He can push it completely flat against his face. He also has four false teeth crafted from ivory.
◾Gonad rarely travels via boat or ship, opting instead to swim across great bodies of water.
