Kousuke
“When a man is prey to his emotions, he is not his own master.”
Basic Info
Name
Shinohara Kousuke
(孝 for ko, meaning "obedience"; 介 for suke, meaning "assist")
(孝 for ko, meaning "obedience"; 介 for suke, meaning "assist")
Nickname
Unless he permits you to call him Kousuke, you will refer to him as Shinohara, nothing else
Age
23
Gender
Biologically male and presents as such, though has little care or opinion and identifies mostly as agendered; He/They
Sexuality
Has little care for the troubles of relations; Asexual and Aromantic
Relationship
Engaged by arranged marriage to Kanda Sayuri, the daughter of Kanda Nobuyuki, CEO of Sanshika Innovations, a well-known tech-giant spread worldwide, responsible for a wide variety of products ranging from speakers, televisions, and phones, to even medical equipment and systems used on the International Space Station. The relationship is purely business, as through their marriage, Sanshika will be merging with Kousuke's father's own, Usagi-Tech which made its start with personal music players and has since grown to be a tech-giant of its own accord, bringing new generations of smartphones, laptops, and more to nations all across the globe. Usagi-Tech is famous for its iconic "running rabbit" logo.
Family
His family consists of his father, mother, and two younger sisters (twins), as well as a pet harlequin rabbit belonging to Kousuke themself; all others are irrelevant and he hasn't a single care for his fiancee's family, that said...
Shinohara Family
Kanda Family
Shinohara Family
- Yoshio ─ Father; Age 54; CEO of Usagi Tech
- Akie ─ Mother; Age 41; Faithful housewife
- Tsubaki ─ Sister; Age 16; Diligent Student
- Umeko ─ Sister; Age 16; Sentō attendant
- Unmei ─ Rabbit; Age 5; Unofficial ESA
Kanda Family
- Nobuyuki ─ Future FiL; Age 57; CEO of Sanshika Innovations
- Sayuri ─ Fiancée; Age 22; Sentō attendant
Type
Heat ─ Order
Afterimage
A striking figure of pure white from head to toe, the Afterimage of Kousuke is a true marvel to behold. He stands tall and rigid, his slender form having a strong air of dominance. From the base image of an unassuming white rabbit, this Afterimage shares in the creature's stark appearance, with a mostly colorless form, right down to their skin. The only color to be found on this form lies in blood-red eyes which hold a truly piercing quality, their gaze giving off a chill so fierce, it is said to burn straight into one's soul. With closer inspection, it can be found that this Afterimage has a structure much like a doll, or a marionette, with linden limbs and a system of ball-joint connections holding it all together. These connections are notably loose, causing strange patterns in the Afterimage's movements, almost like they are being pulled in different directions. Some may describe it as awkward, others may see it as eerie, but in a way, it's almost graceful--dance-like, one could even say.
Mirror Artes
Mirror Artes
- Rising Heat - Sense subtle shifts in air and surrounding energies to predict how an enemy plans to move
- Word of Passion - Lace spoken words with an almost hypnotic element, willing the listener to comply
- Ember - When reduced to a weakened state, gain a "second wind"; state of blind rage, almost feral
Abilities & Skills
Practical
Otherwise
- Kendo Student - Kousuke has recently reached 3-dan in their kendo training
- Parkour Partakee - Having incredible balance and reflexes from their kendo training, Kousuke has a fair skill in getting around in...less conventional methods
- Minor Psycho-Analyst - As a psychology student, Kousuke has a deeper understanding of others
- Culinary Artist - While he doesn't consider it much of a skill himself, Kousuke is a marvelous cook
Otherwise
- Angelic Voice - A choir student from a young age, they have a strong grasp on how to properly use their voice
- Techincolor Hearing - Kousuke has Chromesthesia Synesthesia, which causes them to see colors and shapes when hearing certain sounds. This crossing of the senses helps them to have perfect pitch, as rather than relying solely on his hearing, Kousuke can see the notes displayed before him, and recognize a note based on its color and how that color takes shape. He has often stated that his favorite instance of this phenomenon is hearing someone introduce themselves and seeing how their voice and name take shape in his eye.
- Friend of the Feral - Though he would never call it an ability, Kousuke has a way with animals and gaining their trust
- Instant Slumber - While it may not be considered much of an ability to anyone, Kousuke has the strange ability to fall asleep instantly, and stay asleep for as long as they need; this rather peculiar ability has gone so far as to allow him to sleep standing up if it were ever needed
- Personality in Order - In addition to Chromesthesia, Kousuke also has Ordinal Linguistic Personification, another form of Synesthesia where personalities, genders, and even relationships are associated with items in a list, such as days of the week, months of the year, the alphabet, and even numbers. This strange phenomenon gives Kousuke the ability to easily memorize everything from specific groupings to basic math. One example of how this takes effect is that Kousuke knows, inherently, that seven added to eight is fifteen, and eight multiplied by seven is fifty-six, based on the "fact" that seven and eight have a vendetta against five.
Likes
- A well-cooked meal
- A good, dense novel
- Any creature that isn't human
Dislikes
- Interruptions
- Disagreements
- Arranged marriage
Strengths
- Intellect
- Perception
- Dexterity
Weaknesses
- Constitution
- Moral Standing
- Stubborn Nature
Appearance
For the most part, Kousuke is really quite the average-looking individual among society. There's really not too much that stands out in regard to his choppily-cut black hair and dark brown eyes. He has no notable markings on his skin, nor any sort identifying features, rather, their individuality comes out in their personalized style. Something of an alternative, Kousuke is prone to wearing dark and loudly-colored clothing with a considerably "gritty" aesthetic. They are known to attempt to tie their messy hair back in various ways, never really seeming to give a damn about whether or not his stylings are "traditionally appropriate" to the masculine variety. Most notably, Kousuke has several piercings and often accessorizes with various pieces of "occult" jewelry. They are of moderate size and build, standing no taller really than any of their peers, though can be noted to have a fair amount of muscular structure from their kendo training.
Personality
The best way to describe Kousuke as a person would be "distant". Kousuke has never been one to socialize very well at all, and has often stood off to the side, merely watching others while never partaking in games or other social activities himself. They are a quiet sort, and tend to use their voice very meticulously, never wasting such effort on small talk or other nonsensical blather; when they speak, it is precise, and always for a reason. This, however, isn't to say that Kousuke utterly avoids people. Quite the contrary, really. Despite their participation avoidance, Kousuke often places themself among others, making efforts to blend in to any given social circle so they may study their peers from within. Kousuke, is, after all, an analyst, and makes strides to understand everything and everyone around him. He views others as various creatures, animals to be studied, and revels in the opportunity to get close enough to anyone that he can learn each and every one of their secrets. He's not sure where the obsession came from, or why he feeds into it, but what he does know is that he's damned good at what he does. As such, Kousuke holds a great deal of pride in themself, and this pride can often get the better of them. Kousuke hates a challenge, and even more so, a threat. Like a wild animal, Kousuke will lash out at anyone who dares to stand against them, and with a ruthless resolve, they aren't above turning one's secrets against them. Kousuke has no regard for privacy or secrecy, and will gladly reveal all that someone attempts to hide should he see it as a fit punishment. So what if people dislike him, it's not like he ever liked anyone in return.
Background
Case #46
“Shinohara Kousuke”
— Dr. Cahyo
“Shinohara Kousuke”
— Dr. Cahyo
Entry 1
Entry 5
Entry 10
Entry 17
Entry 24
Entry 30
Entry 39
Entry 40
Entry 44
Entry 56
Entry 62
Entry 63
Entry 80
In one word, I would describe Shinohara Kousuke as "evasive". During our first session, he dodged most attempts to prompt him to speak about even mundane details like his morning routine. He seems intent on deflecting attention away from himself by questioning my qualifications and motives as a psychologist.
Past records note Shinohara's tendency to be uncooperative and verbally attack counselors with leading questions, though I would not label him so harshly. It is clear, however, that he appears intent on pushing me away.
The most Shinohara has opened up about is his passion for food, specifically cooking. As it stands, he has spent several sessions speaking animatedly about meals he has prepared himself. He eagerly shares ingredients used, where he obtained them, and creative “substitutions” he likes to make. I believe tapping into this interest in cooking may help young Shinohara feel more comfortable with me.
Past records note Shinohara's tendency to be uncooperative and verbally attack counselors with leading questions, though I would not label him so harshly. It is clear, however, that he appears intent on pushing me away.
The most Shinohara has opened up about is his passion for food, specifically cooking. As it stands, he has spent several sessions speaking animatedly about meals he has prepared himself. He eagerly shares ingredients used, where he obtained them, and creative “substitutions” he likes to make. I believe tapping into this interest in cooking may help young Shinohara feel more comfortable with me.
Entry 5
Shinohara's increasing willingness to open up about himself during our sessions stems from tapping into his passion for cooking. As he describes trips to the local fishermen's market and an elderly woman's garden to procure the freshest ingredients, I sense his guard lowering. He knows the names of the woman's chickens and which ones lay the biggest eggs - details that provide glimpses into a side of Shinohara not previously seen.
Cooking allows Shinohara a sense of control he finds comforting. From selecting high-quality ingredients to executing each step of a recipe precisely, he is fully in command. The kitchen is a domain solely his, free of judgment or uncertainty. In sharing these cooking anecdotes, Shinohara reveals a vulnerability and thoughtfulness not present when deflecting personal questions. His love of food preparation leads him to lower his defenses just enough to connect on a more human level. I now understand cooking provides Shinohara with the safety and confidence to open up. As we continue exploring this interest of his, I believe deeper insights into his psyche will emerge organically. Leveraging this passion for cooking appears key to establishing trust and making progress in our sessions.
Cooking allows Shinohara a sense of control he finds comforting. From selecting high-quality ingredients to executing each step of a recipe precisely, he is fully in command. The kitchen is a domain solely his, free of judgment or uncertainty. In sharing these cooking anecdotes, Shinohara reveals a vulnerability and thoughtfulness not present when deflecting personal questions. His love of food preparation leads him to lower his defenses just enough to connect on a more human level. I now understand cooking provides Shinohara with the safety and confidence to open up. As we continue exploring this interest of his, I believe deeper insights into his psyche will emerge organically. Leveraging this passion for cooking appears key to establishing trust and making progress in our sessions.
Entry 10
After several sessions bonding over Shinohara's love of cooking, he has reached a pivotal breakthrough - opening up about his inner turmoil and view of his own life. As we discussed his most recent dish, an expertly roasted chicken with lemon and herbs, Shinohara's tone shifted. He became quiet and still, a marked change from his usual animation when on this favored subject.
"Cooking lets me feel free, if only for a moment," he began. "But then I remember the truth." He went on to describe his life as "a depressing puppet show where I am but a tattered marionette, broken beyond repair, being pulled in every direction but the one I desire, all in an effort to please faces I can't even see beyond the blinding lights of the stage."
This raw admission highlights the dichotomy Shinohara feels - finding freedom in cooking yet feeling trapped and hopeless in life overall. Like a marionette with its strings cut, cooking grants him control. But the moment passes, and the puppet strings reattach, sending him spinning in misery. The "blinding lights" represent outside pressures and expectations that leave Shinohara confused and despairing about which path is truly his to choose.
By opening up in this profound way, Shinohara has shown immense courage and vulnerability. This glimpse into his inner world provides critical insight into the distress he feels concerning the lack of agency over his own life. I now better understand the root of his evasiveness and mistrust. Moving forward, I hope to help Shinohara realize the "puppet show" feeling need not define his existence if he can find self-empowerment. His passion for cooking shows he contains that power within already.
"Cooking lets me feel free, if only for a moment," he began. "But then I remember the truth." He went on to describe his life as "a depressing puppet show where I am but a tattered marionette, broken beyond repair, being pulled in every direction but the one I desire, all in an effort to please faces I can't even see beyond the blinding lights of the stage."
This raw admission highlights the dichotomy Shinohara feels - finding freedom in cooking yet feeling trapped and hopeless in life overall. Like a marionette with its strings cut, cooking grants him control. But the moment passes, and the puppet strings reattach, sending him spinning in misery. The "blinding lights" represent outside pressures and expectations that leave Shinohara confused and despairing about which path is truly his to choose.
By opening up in this profound way, Shinohara has shown immense courage and vulnerability. This glimpse into his inner world provides critical insight into the distress he feels concerning the lack of agency over his own life. I now better understand the root of his evasiveness and mistrust. Moving forward, I hope to help Shinohara realize the "puppet show" feeling need not define his existence if he can find self-empowerment. His passion for cooking shows he contains that power within already.
Entry 17
In our latest session, Shinohara hesitantly opened up about his difficult early years, shedding light on what he feels were the origins of his lifelong struggles. Born prematurely in late spring instead of mid-summer as expected, Shinohara spent his first fragile month confined to the hospital, with plenty of return visits thereafter. He recounted from his parents' stories that his earliest memory as a young child was sitting alone in the corner of a hospital playroom, silently watching other children build a block castle while he observed from the sidelines, detached. It was raining that day, he recalled, and a pair of nurses were laughing loudly nearby, which filled him with an odd mix of fear and anger, reporting that their shrill voices evoked visions of vivid yellow and green spikes bursting in the corners of his vision. I made a note about the possibility Shinohara has chromesthesia - a condition causing one to perceive sounds as colors.
Shinohara went on to explain his childhood hospital visits never felt like they were for his benefit - rather, he felt like a puppet, an object under others' control. This early lack of agency over his own care seems to have imprinted deeply, feeding into his recurring "puppet" analogies. By being confined and prodded as doctors saw fit from the very start, with no say in his treatment or environment, it is to my understanding that he internalized a sense of powerlessness that left him feeling detached from his own life.
Opening up about these formative early experiences provides critical insight into Shinohara's learned helplessness and resignation. While premature birth and medical issues were out of his control, recognizing how this bred his "puppet" outlook can empower Shinohara to take back agency where he does have choice. I will continue encouraging him to dictate his own direction, rather than succumb to the feeling of being life's marionette.
Shinohara went on to explain his childhood hospital visits never felt like they were for his benefit - rather, he felt like a puppet, an object under others' control. This early lack of agency over his own care seems to have imprinted deeply, feeding into his recurring "puppet" analogies. By being confined and prodded as doctors saw fit from the very start, with no say in his treatment or environment, it is to my understanding that he internalized a sense of powerlessness that left him feeling detached from his own life.
Opening up about these formative early experiences provides critical insight into Shinohara's learned helplessness and resignation. While premature birth and medical issues were out of his control, recognizing how this bred his "puppet" outlook can empower Shinohara to take back agency where he does have choice. I will continue encouraging him to dictate his own direction, rather than succumb to the feeling of being life's marionette.
Entry 24
In today's session, Shinohara continued opening up about his difficult childhood, shedding light on his struggles during his early school years. Despite his father enrolling him in the most prestigious of private academies straight from preschool, Shinohara explained that he faced immense academic challenges from the very start. He reported having great difficulty focusing in class and terrible trouble with reading, writing, and math - leading me to suspect he may have had undiagnosed ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning disabilities. Without proper support and accommodations, Shinohara understandably fell behind his peers, leaving him feeling inadequate and ashamed.
Socially, things were equally trying for young Shinohara. He recalled always sitting alone, quietly watching the other children play together during recess. Though he desperately longed to join in their games and fun, he was never included, and often expressly forbidden from participating when attempting to invite himself along. His schoolmates even bestowed the cruel nickname of "Mitsumeru" upon him due to his tendency to stare blankly at their activities from afar. Shinohara confessed that on the rare occasion when a kind classmate would attempt to befriend him or involve him in play, he would find himself pushing them away - either refusing their pity or worrying for their own social standing if associated with him.
These heartbreaking stories provide critical insight into how Shinohara's feelings of inadequacy and isolation took root from a very young age. Between his undiagnosed learning struggles, social rejection by peers, and inability to accept even well-meaning connections, the seeds were sown early on for his learned helplessness and resignation. However, by recognizing these origins, I hope to empower Shinohara to take back agency over his life where he does have a choice. I will continue encouraging him to shape his own direction going forward.
Socially, things were equally trying for young Shinohara. He recalled always sitting alone, quietly watching the other children play together during recess. Though he desperately longed to join in their games and fun, he was never included, and often expressly forbidden from participating when attempting to invite himself along. His schoolmates even bestowed the cruel nickname of "Mitsumeru" upon him due to his tendency to stare blankly at their activities from afar. Shinohara confessed that on the rare occasion when a kind classmate would attempt to befriend him or involve him in play, he would find himself pushing them away - either refusing their pity or worrying for their own social standing if associated with him.
These heartbreaking stories provide critical insight into how Shinohara's feelings of inadequacy and isolation took root from a very young age. Between his undiagnosed learning struggles, social rejection by peers, and inability to accept even well-meaning connections, the seeds were sown early on for his learned helplessness and resignation. However, by recognizing these origins, I hope to empower Shinohara to take back agency over his life where he does have a choice. I will continue encouraging him to shape his own direction going forward.
Entry 30
Shinohara bravely recounted his difficult middle school years, a painful time where he continued to face social isolation and struggle academically. Though these challenges had roots earlier in his life, the cruelty now escalated, with certain classmates unleashing a relentless barrage of ridicule, insults, and even physical violence. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he described instances of being shoved, tripped, and cornered after school by those who viewed his gentle nature as warranting "correction." He explained how the ongoing torment led him to take up kendo training, determined to gain enough strength to defend himself. Though incredibly difficult given his asthma, Shinohara persevered and eventually succeeded in fending off his attackers. He laughed while remembering the day they finally fled in defeat, never to bother him again. While some cruel students remained, his newfound confidence and skills prevented the daily physical and emotional battering.
I am grateful Shinohara felt comfortable opening up about these painful memories. By reflecting on the origins of his feelings of resignation, I hope to empower him to reclaim his agency and author the next chapters in his life story. My role is to provide a compassionate space for Shinohara to process this history so that past hurt does not dictate his future path. Together, we will build the tools to shape a way forward filled with possibility and connection.
I am grateful Shinohara felt comfortable opening up about these painful memories. By reflecting on the origins of his feelings of resignation, I hope to empower him to reclaim his agency and author the next chapters in his life story. My role is to provide a compassionate space for Shinohara to process this history so that past hurt does not dictate his future path. Together, we will build the tools to shape a way forward filled with possibility and connection.
Entry 39
As Kousuke continued to open up in our sessions, he bravely recounted his difficult high school years, a time where the torment from middle school had mysteriously ceased but left a deep scar on his psyche. Though the daily physical and verbal attacks ended without explanation, Kousuke reported finding little desire to socialize with classmates. The years of ridicule had worn him down, leaving him resigned to isolation. He turned his attention fully to academics, feeling the immense pressure of his father's towering expectations after securing tutors just to get Kousuke accepted to high school. Kousuke knew he had to not only pass his classes but excel in them.
Kousuke described the enormous stress of living up to these demands as feeling like a weight pressing down on his chest, "like drowning with a fire burning in my lungs," he said poetically. As Kousuke dove deeper into his studies, he lost himself for hours in textbooks and assignments. Though a gifted student, the sheer volume of work and perfectionism required led to declining mental health. He recounted spending many days of his final year visiting the rooftop during his free period, staring over the short fence and contemplating ending his inner turmoil through drastic means. "For three weeks, I went up there every day, just looking over the edge and imagining a world without me in it," he admitted painfully. Only the sound of the bell was able to pull him from the ledge, the Pavlovian response to get to class still engrained from middle school.
I am grateful for Kousuke's trust in confiding these darkest moments. By processing this history of isolation and suicidal ideation stemming from the pressures surrounding him, I hope to empower Kousuke to rediscover his inner light and reclaim authorship over his life's narrative. However, as Kousuke mentioned the bell that rang to end each period being the only thing that pulled him from the ledge during those difficult weeks, he suddenly grew very quiet. His shoulders slumped and he stared down at the floor, retreating into himself. After a long pause, he spoke softly, "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling very well. Do you mind if we end today's session a little early?" Though we still have work left to do in processing these traumatic memories, I want to honor Kousuke's request. Pushing too hard could risk shutting down the openness he has shown. I will need to tread delicately, allowing Kousuke to reveal his past at his own pace. For now, my role is simply to provide a safe space for him to experience his emotions without judgment. There will be time later to build tools for moving forward. Together we will get there.
Kousuke described the enormous stress of living up to these demands as feeling like a weight pressing down on his chest, "like drowning with a fire burning in my lungs," he said poetically. As Kousuke dove deeper into his studies, he lost himself for hours in textbooks and assignments. Though a gifted student, the sheer volume of work and perfectionism required led to declining mental health. He recounted spending many days of his final year visiting the rooftop during his free period, staring over the short fence and contemplating ending his inner turmoil through drastic means. "For three weeks, I went up there every day, just looking over the edge and imagining a world without me in it," he admitted painfully. Only the sound of the bell was able to pull him from the ledge, the Pavlovian response to get to class still engrained from middle school.
I am grateful for Kousuke's trust in confiding these darkest moments. By processing this history of isolation and suicidal ideation stemming from the pressures surrounding him, I hope to empower Kousuke to rediscover his inner light and reclaim authorship over his life's narrative. However, as Kousuke mentioned the bell that rang to end each period being the only thing that pulled him from the ledge during those difficult weeks, he suddenly grew very quiet. His shoulders slumped and he stared down at the floor, retreating into himself. After a long pause, he spoke softly, "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling very well. Do you mind if we end today's session a little early?" Though we still have work left to do in processing these traumatic memories, I want to honor Kousuke's request. Pushing too hard could risk shutting down the openness he has shown. I will need to tread delicately, allowing Kousuke to reveal his past at his own pace. For now, my role is simply to provide a safe space for him to experience his emotions without judgment. There will be time later to build tools for moving forward. Together we will get there.
Entry 40
Unfortunately, Kousuke's sudden silence at our last session seems to have lingered still. After making such heart-wrenching confessions about his suicidal ideation in high school, his abrupt shutdown left me concerned. I had hoped Kousuke felt safe enough with me to continue opening up, but it appears he may be reverting back to his shell and closing off once more.
At our session today, Kousuke arrived with his eyes downcast, responding to my questions in muted tones. He showed little interest in discussing his week or engaging in our usual dialogues. When I gently asked if he had tried any new recipes lately, his favorite topic, he just absently responded that he made tsukune for a small event his father was hosting. However, he quickly followed this up by commenting that everyone at the party was more interested in the sake than the food.
Kousuke's flat affect and withdrawal are clear signs he has retracted into himself again. I fear the vulnerability required to share his painful history has caused him to shut down as a self-protective measure. While this is an understandable response given the trauma he endured, it is worrisome nonetheless. If Kousuke is unable to fully process these memories with me in a safe, supportive environment, he may never move beyond the scars of his past.
I plan to slowly rebuild trust and psychological safety with Kousuke in our coming sessions. Perhaps revisiting some lighter topics or trying mindfulness exercises to ground him in the present moment. Above all, I will let Kousuke set the pace and not pressure him to delve deeper than he is ready. Patience and compassion are key now. I remain hopeful we can recapture the openness he demonstrated earlier, so he can continue his journey toward healing. But forcing him will only push Kousuke away. For now, my role is simply holding space without judgment or expectation. In time, when Kousuke is prepared, we will carefully unpack the darkness that still weighs him down. Together we will find the light.
At our session today, Kousuke arrived with his eyes downcast, responding to my questions in muted tones. He showed little interest in discussing his week or engaging in our usual dialogues. When I gently asked if he had tried any new recipes lately, his favorite topic, he just absently responded that he made tsukune for a small event his father was hosting. However, he quickly followed this up by commenting that everyone at the party was more interested in the sake than the food.
Kousuke's flat affect and withdrawal are clear signs he has retracted into himself again. I fear the vulnerability required to share his painful history has caused him to shut down as a self-protective measure. While this is an understandable response given the trauma he endured, it is worrisome nonetheless. If Kousuke is unable to fully process these memories with me in a safe, supportive environment, he may never move beyond the scars of his past.
I plan to slowly rebuild trust and psychological safety with Kousuke in our coming sessions. Perhaps revisiting some lighter topics or trying mindfulness exercises to ground him in the present moment. Above all, I will let Kousuke set the pace and not pressure him to delve deeper than he is ready. Patience and compassion are key now. I remain hopeful we can recapture the openness he demonstrated earlier, so he can continue his journey toward healing. But forcing him will only push Kousuke away. For now, my role is simply holding space without judgment or expectation. In time, when Kousuke is prepared, we will carefully unpack the darkness that still weighs him down. Together we will find the light.
Entry 44
Today's session with Kousuke showed that Kousuke is still reluctant to speak any further on the past subject of his suicidal ideation in high school. Rather than delving further into this, he seemed inclined to avoid the topic entirely. As it was, Kousuke began recounting a childhood memory of attending a traditional Banraku puppet show with his family. As he described the brilliant, dancing lights and music, I detected further evidence of his synesthesia. However, I kept my primary focus on the story at hand.
Kousuke recalled how he had gotten separated from his mother during intermission when the two of them had gone off to replenish their snacks after his excited sister Umeko knocked over what they already had. Lost in the crowded theater, he wandered alone for what felt like hours until finally sitting defeated amidst the shuffling shoes of strangers. Kousuke stated that he stared aimlessly as dozens of unfamiliar feet brushed past him, describing himself as disconnected and limp, much like a puppet with no master, evermore sticking to his typical analogy. He reports that it wasn't until seventy-five pairs of shoes later, a number he described as dark and looming, “up to no good,” as he told me, that his father finally found him and yanked him to his feet. Kousuke was promptly dragged outside into the stifling night air, his body shaking as his father berated him for "running off." The young Kousuke began crying, only to be chastised further for acting childish.
Clearly, this memory reveals deeper issues from Kousuke's childhood that likely contributed to his suicidal thoughts as a teenager. However, I can sense his continued reluctance to explore this painful history. Rather than press him, I will proceed with care and patience, rebuilding the trust that allows for vulnerability. My role is to hold space without judgment as Kousuke finds his way toward healing at his own pace. Although he seems to have retreated into his shell for now, in time he may feel ready to carefully unpack the darkness that still burdens him. I remain ever hopeful we can recapture the openness he has shown before. Together we will rediscover the light.
Kousuke recalled how he had gotten separated from his mother during intermission when the two of them had gone off to replenish their snacks after his excited sister Umeko knocked over what they already had. Lost in the crowded theater, he wandered alone for what felt like hours until finally sitting defeated amidst the shuffling shoes of strangers. Kousuke stated that he stared aimlessly as dozens of unfamiliar feet brushed past him, describing himself as disconnected and limp, much like a puppet with no master, evermore sticking to his typical analogy. He reports that it wasn't until seventy-five pairs of shoes later, a number he described as dark and looming, “up to no good,” as he told me, that his father finally found him and yanked him to his feet. Kousuke was promptly dragged outside into the stifling night air, his body shaking as his father berated him for "running off." The young Kousuke began crying, only to be chastised further for acting childish.
Clearly, this memory reveals deeper issues from Kousuke's childhood that likely contributed to his suicidal thoughts as a teenager. However, I can sense his continued reluctance to explore this painful history. Rather than press him, I will proceed with care and patience, rebuilding the trust that allows for vulnerability. My role is to hold space without judgment as Kousuke finds his way toward healing at his own pace. Although he seems to have retreated into his shell for now, in time he may feel ready to carefully unpack the darkness that still burdens him. I remain ever hopeful we can recapture the openness he has shown before. Together we will rediscover the light.
Entry 56
Today's session began on a somber note as Kousuke revealed the surprising news that he is now engaged. However, it quickly became clear this was not a joyous announcement. Kousuke explained that the engagement was arranged by his father as a calculated business move to merge with Sanshika Innovations, a leading tech firm even larger than his father's own company, Usagi-Tech.
Kousuke spoke with resignation about his fiancée, Sayuri, who happens to be the daughter of Sanshika's CEO. According to Kousuke, he and Sayuri are merely acquaintances through his sister Umeko, as the two women work together as assistants at a local bathhouse. When I gently pressed Kousuke to share his feelings about Sayuri, he simply sighed and shook his head, responding "Does it even matter?"
His defeated words reveal the deep sadness and powerlessness Kousuke feels over this situation. It appears he has no agency in choosing his own path in life and marriage. Rather, he is merely a pawn being used to fulfill his father's ambitions. Kousuke likely feels invisible and unvalued as a person, only worthwhile for what he can provide for the family empire.
This latest revelation builds upon my prior insights into Kousuke's childhood wounds and suicidal ideation. His father's controlling, conditional regard has clearly left deep scars. Kousuke seems resigned to obediently play whatever role is required of him, disconnecting from his own desires in the process. My heart aches for this gentle soul who remains so lost within his family's darkness.
While I maintained an outward appearance of happiness for Kousuke's engagement, inwardly I am deeply concerned. His mental health and well-being must remain my priority. I will continue providing a nonjudgmental space for Kousuke to explore his feelings about this situation and regain a sense of personal empowerment. There are clearly many complex emotional layers still left to unravel on the journey toward Kousuke's healing and wholeness. I remain committed to accompanying him, with care and compassion, for however long it takes.
Kousuke spoke with resignation about his fiancée, Sayuri, who happens to be the daughter of Sanshika's CEO. According to Kousuke, he and Sayuri are merely acquaintances through his sister Umeko, as the two women work together as assistants at a local bathhouse. When I gently pressed Kousuke to share his feelings about Sayuri, he simply sighed and shook his head, responding "Does it even matter?"
His defeated words reveal the deep sadness and powerlessness Kousuke feels over this situation. It appears he has no agency in choosing his own path in life and marriage. Rather, he is merely a pawn being used to fulfill his father's ambitions. Kousuke likely feels invisible and unvalued as a person, only worthwhile for what he can provide for the family empire.
This latest revelation builds upon my prior insights into Kousuke's childhood wounds and suicidal ideation. His father's controlling, conditional regard has clearly left deep scars. Kousuke seems resigned to obediently play whatever role is required of him, disconnecting from his own desires in the process. My heart aches for this gentle soul who remains so lost within his family's darkness.
While I maintained an outward appearance of happiness for Kousuke's engagement, inwardly I am deeply concerned. His mental health and well-being must remain my priority. I will continue providing a nonjudgmental space for Kousuke to explore his feelings about this situation and regain a sense of personal empowerment. There are clearly many complex emotional layers still left to unravel on the journey toward Kousuke's healing and wholeness. I remain committed to accompanying him, with care and compassion, for however long it takes.
Entry 62
Today's session took a concerning turn as Kousuke recounted a traumatic experience from his past. He revealed that recently, for the first time in years, he found himself standing on the rooftop of a tall building. Kousuke spoke with a distant sadness, describing how he intentionally set an alarm to ensure he would not go near the edge. Though he claimed it was merely an "experiment" to test his emotions, his haunted eyes told a different story.
As I gently probed further, Kousuke opened up about his final visit to his high school rooftop, so many years ago. He recounted seeing a young girl in a yellow cardigan, her hair in disheveled braids, standing precariously on the outer ledge. Her shoes were already far below on the pavement. Kousuke's voice grew strained as he described the darkness surrounding him, the tunnel vision focusing only on the alarming scene ahead. He spoke of the foreboding colors of his chromesthesia pounding in time with his racing heart.
Stepping forward, Kousuke had pleaded with the girl to reconsider. But her response shattered him: "I have...I'm done thinking now." At this point, Kousuke fell into an anguished silence, unable to continue. When I gently asked what happened next, he only shook his head, standing abruptly to leave despite time remaining.
Kousuke's profound pain over this trauma was palpable. Though years have passed, the vivid details still haunt him. It is clear this experience left deep scars on his psyche that continue to affect his mental health. My heart aches for Kousuke, carrying this burden silently for so long. Trauma of this magnitude does not simply fade, but rather demands processing and healing. Kousuke shows signs of survivor's guilt, questioning if he could have done more to save the girl. I will need to carefully help guide Kousuke to address these wounds, making space for the deep grief and regret that he harbors. There are complex layers of emotion still unresolved. But I remain dedicated to supporting Kousuke on his journey toward wholeness and peace. With time, care, and compassion, he can find freedom from this painful past.
As I gently probed further, Kousuke opened up about his final visit to his high school rooftop, so many years ago. He recounted seeing a young girl in a yellow cardigan, her hair in disheveled braids, standing precariously on the outer ledge. Her shoes were already far below on the pavement. Kousuke's voice grew strained as he described the darkness surrounding him, the tunnel vision focusing only on the alarming scene ahead. He spoke of the foreboding colors of his chromesthesia pounding in time with his racing heart.
Stepping forward, Kousuke had pleaded with the girl to reconsider. But her response shattered him: "I have...I'm done thinking now." At this point, Kousuke fell into an anguished silence, unable to continue. When I gently asked what happened next, he only shook his head, standing abruptly to leave despite time remaining.
Kousuke's profound pain over this trauma was palpable. Though years have passed, the vivid details still haunt him. It is clear this experience left deep scars on his psyche that continue to affect his mental health. My heart aches for Kousuke, carrying this burden silently for so long. Trauma of this magnitude does not simply fade, but rather demands processing and healing. Kousuke shows signs of survivor's guilt, questioning if he could have done more to save the girl. I will need to carefully help guide Kousuke to address these wounds, making space for the deep grief and regret that he harbors. There are complex layers of emotion still unresolved. But I remain dedicated to supporting Kousuke on his journey toward wholeness and peace. With time, care, and compassion, he can find freedom from this painful past.
Entry 63
Today's session revealed even more troubling details about the traumatic experience Kousuke first recounted last week. He continued the painful story, sharing that the girl, Moto Hisako, had jumped before Kousuke could intervene. He recalled the dreadful sounds from below - screams, shouts, a growing din of commotion. Paralyzed, he finally managed to move forward, gripping the fence tightly as he looked down at the nightmare scene unfolding. Hisako's body lay still, a yellow cardigan peeking out from the pressed crowd gathered tightly around her. Kousuke vividly described the accusatory eyes looking up, focusing on him, a lone figure above. One man pointed and shouted, drawing every gaze upward.
The next thing Kousuke knew, he was seated in the main office, bombarded by relentless questioning. The same interrogations were repeated verbatim when authorities arrived, and Kousuke recounted answering robotically, feeling detached and numb. Though eventually cleared of any wrongdoing in Hisako's death, Kousuke laughed harshly at the irony that this tragedy marked the beginning of pressures to attend therapy. He explained that the impetus came not from his family, but the school itself. His father, in fact, rejected the notion of therapy for his 'perfect son.' This long-held attitude likely fueled Kousuke's resistance to past counseling attempts.
Kousuke's profound anguish over this experience remains palpable years later. The vivid details haunt him, echoing through his psyche. This trauma inflicted deep wounds that demand processing and healing. Kousuke harbors survivor's guilt, endlessly questioning if he could have saved Hisako. Care and compassion are vital; I must gently guide Kousuke to address these complex layers of unresolved grief and regret. With time, he can find freedom from this painful past. But the road ahead will not be easy or brief. Trauma of this magnitude does not simply fade, but rather lingers as an unhealed scar on one's soul. I remain dedicated to supporting Kousuke on this difficult but necessary journey towards wholeness and peace.
The next thing Kousuke knew, he was seated in the main office, bombarded by relentless questioning. The same interrogations were repeated verbatim when authorities arrived, and Kousuke recounted answering robotically, feeling detached and numb. Though eventually cleared of any wrongdoing in Hisako's death, Kousuke laughed harshly at the irony that this tragedy marked the beginning of pressures to attend therapy. He explained that the impetus came not from his family, but the school itself. His father, in fact, rejected the notion of therapy for his 'perfect son.' This long-held attitude likely fueled Kousuke's resistance to past counseling attempts.
Kousuke's profound anguish over this experience remains palpable years later. The vivid details haunt him, echoing through his psyche. This trauma inflicted deep wounds that demand processing and healing. Kousuke harbors survivor's guilt, endlessly questioning if he could have saved Hisako. Care and compassion are vital; I must gently guide Kousuke to address these complex layers of unresolved grief and regret. With time, he can find freedom from this painful past. But the road ahead will not be easy or brief. Trauma of this magnitude does not simply fade, but rather lingers as an unhealed scar on one's soul. I remain dedicated to supporting Kousuke on this difficult but necessary journey towards wholeness and peace.
Entry 80
Today Kousuke shared promising updates regarding his acceptance to Shirubashedo Academy's prestigious business program. While this aligns with his father's vision for Kousuke's future role in the company, I detected ambivalence in Kousuke's tone. He spoke animatedly about discovering Shirubashedo's esteemed culinary arts curriculum and the guaranteed placements it provides at upscale restaurants. "After completing the hands-on training program, graduates walk straight into sous chef roles at the country's finest dining establishments," he explained, eyes alight.
Yet Kousuke's excitement soon dimmed. With a resigned sigh, he dismissed his culinary aspirations as "careless dreaming" compared to the "grounded future" promised by the business track. Though this practical path may serve him well financially, I worry pursuing his father's demands over his own passions could exacerbate Kousuke's underlying trauma. Still haunted by past tragedy, he requires room for self-discovery and healing - difficult within the rigid expectations placed upon him.
In our ongoing work, I will gently encourage Kousuke to explore his interests beyond the company. Repressing one's dreams rarely leads anywhere positive. My role remains supporting Kousuke's journey toward wholeness, wherever that may lead him. His happiness and fulfillment must come before any prescribed course others decree. Kousuke deserves the chance to shape his own life's direction. I hope in time he recognizes that too.
Yet Kousuke's excitement soon dimmed. With a resigned sigh, he dismissed his culinary aspirations as "careless dreaming" compared to the "grounded future" promised by the business track. Though this practical path may serve him well financially, I worry pursuing his father's demands over his own passions could exacerbate Kousuke's underlying trauma. Still haunted by past tragedy, he requires room for self-discovery and healing - difficult within the rigid expectations placed upon him.
In our ongoing work, I will gently encourage Kousuke to explore his interests beyond the company. Repressing one's dreams rarely leads anywhere positive. My role remains supporting Kousuke's journey toward wholeness, wherever that may lead him. His happiness and fulfillment must come before any prescribed course others decree. Kousuke deserves the chance to shape his own life's direction. I hope in time he recognizes that too.
Other
Theme Songs
Extra Information
- Kousuke's rabbit is named Unmei (運命) meaning "fate" and they often call her their "lucky coin"
- While he'll cook almost anything, his best and favorite dish to make is Tamagoyaki
- Though they rarely let it be known, Kousuke is a fan of most idol bands; one of his comforts in stressful times is to sing these songs quietly to himself
- Kousuke is 163cm, making them just over 5'4"; short, but not much shorter than his peers
- Kousuke's medical diagnoses include:
- Asthma
- Anemia
- Low immunity
- Prone to pneumonia
- Constantly getting sick
- High risk of infection
- Poor vision
- Wears contacts
- Night blind
- Kousuke diagnoses gained since starting sessions with Dr. Cahyo include:
- ADHD
- Aspergers
- Tics
- Licking lips
- Stretching mouth
- Grimacing
- Cocking head
- Harsh laugh
- “What the dog do?!”
- Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!
- “Mmm hmmm nope.”
- Tics
- Dyslexia
- Synesthesia
- Chromesthesia
- Ordinal Linguistic Personification
- Anxiety + Depression
